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What should I do about my boyfriend's debt?
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What should I do about my boyfriend's debt?

I am very much in love with my boyfriend and we have been discussing moving in together, marriage, etc. However, he is over 7,000 in debt that has been accumulating from 7 years ago! He understands the consequences but gets frustrated when I talk about it with him. As a girlfriend who wants a future with him, what can I do? It makes me so angry to think that his debt becomes my debt when we are together- I dont want to ruin my credit but a future seems so far away...I want to break up with him just so he realizes how important it is to clear this up but I love him too much. HELP


    




ronidl76
You don't do anything about HIS debt. And really, now a days, $7,000 is not much. Why can't he pay that off? Is he just irresponsible with money? If so, that's the issue you should be concerned about.


Hi its me again
I once had a b-friend with tax problems and he didn't even want to help himself. Break up with him now or you'll regret it later when your paying and he's charging things under a new credit card with YOUR name on it.


Marriedtothearmy 2
Well you have heads up on his financial situation...so whatever choice you make you will have made it informed. It is ultimately up to you. You are smart to be concerned about it for sure. I would take a break and tell him to get it cleared up beforehand if you do not want the responsibility or the burden of it in a marriage.


Peggy r
Rating
You are gonna hate this answer but I am telling you from PERSONAL experience........do not get involved until he cleans up his act. MY boyfriend ended up declaring bankrupcy and the motorhome we HAD own together but he wanted after we split has been re-poed and he never took my name off it. Now I have a 57000.00 lein on my house. I thought he loved me but I guess he just loved the money. Sorry, but my problem has changed my life forever. I have consulted a lawyer but fact remains, I have money, he doesn't, I'm screwed. Don't make the same mistake I did. If he loved you, he would take care of the problem.


willy w
One of the BIGGEST reasons many couples do not work out is money and debt. If your bf hasn't changed his ways in 7 years, and becomes upset when you bring it up, nor does he appreciate your concerns. I think you should take the high road and leave him behind. You future enjoyment depends on it. As Man-Cow would say. Surround yourself with those who bring you up, not take you down, and remove those from your life that hold you back. Financially he'll hold you back. But, before telling him it's over. Buy him a book by Dave Ramsey. It's a great resource on how to live debt free. You can find it on line at DaveRamsey.com

The seven year statute of limitations is only if the creditor does not refile the claim. If the creditor refiles the claim it seven years from the latest refile.


nursecracker
Rating
first of all, if you plan to marry this man, you need to make it clear that his bills are NOT your bills, and he is expected to pay his own debts...

divvy up the household bills if you like, but don't pay his bills! they are not your responsiblity!

keep separate accounts, which will ensure that he has to use his own funds to pay his personal bills...

YOU can't do anything about your boyfriend's debts. It's not your problem.

I'll tell you, i had a boyfriend whose house was going into foreclosure because he happened to neglect h is house payments a few times in the row... well, i came to find out that the year before, he was threatened with foreclosure because he neglected payments, and two years before that his MOTHER bailed him out of foreclosure. he is irresponsible, has no integrity when it comes to his debt agreements, and that was not something i could live with. he won't change, i'm sure...

look out for number ONE -- YOU!!!


rooney
Rating
He's your boyfriend and a grown man, let him take care of his own problems. If he doesn't then who knows what he'll neglect when you are married, with a mortgage, children, etc.

Don't be an enabler, if he wants a future with you as much as you want with him then he will do something to be rid of the debt. Maybe he feels like he has you, what'sthe difference whether you are married or not. So maybe you DO need to teach him a lesson.


trivia buff
DO NOT attempt to clear up his debt for him. If he can't take the responsibilty for his own actions, he is definitely not mature enough to get married. Love him or not, he will use you until you are in debt up to your ears! I have been there, done that....took me years to pull out of it. Find yourself a responsible man and let this loser go


cherokee squaw
Rating
girlfriend, if he has not paid it in 7 years, HE'S NOT PLANNING TOO... AND HE WILL RUIN YOUR CREDIT TOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE......


Kitty Kat
Rating
I think the fact he is avoiding the issue says a lot more than the amount of debt.

Be prepared, this is how this boy deals with lifes' downs....


Jcontrols
You're absolutely correct on this one. Finances are the leading cause of divorce! Some people cannot say NO to themselves and many of those folks are losing everything these days(our economy stinks). Best of luck turning him around, but I remain doubtful. ;-(=


Amy
You may love him, but he doesn't love you. It's clear by the way he's not taking drastic steps to clear up his debt. This kind of behavior will continue in marriage, as it's part of his personality and character....believe me, I've been there and done this SEVERAL times.


pookster4262
Gurl you better wake up and recognize. There is nothing you can do about his debt. IT IS HIS DEBT AND NOT YOURS. If you pay off his debt, he will dump you, and you will not see a penny of your money. If he is in debt he doesn't need to be married, that creates more debt and frustration, the only thing you can do is be patient with him. I don't care how much you love him you would be making a HUGE MISTAKE PAYING OFF HIS DEBT. Because again he is not going to pay you back, and you will find yourself in a civil court suing him. I would rather have a future that seems far away then to get myself in debt and have ruined credit. I don't love anyone that much to be with him when he doesn't want to clear up his debt. He doesn't need help you are the one who needs the help, read the other responses as well. DITCH HIM.


Carl
Rating
Newer start a relationship with debt!! It will be a disaster. If he is a man he will pay it off and have some money in reserve before you move in together. If in the past 7 years he was not able to live debt free your decision to leave him is the best or you will wind up supporting him. You can't live on love alone. Good Luck


yahooer
Rating
He should take care of his debt. If he's so irresponsible with finances doesn't this show a bit of a discipline problem? Don't walk away RUN.


doclakewrite
Rating
Let him get his finanaces stable before you do anything rash.
If he has a problem now with money, it probably will continue and will become a headache for you.
I would sit back and see how he corrects the situation, mature and responsible or immature and careless...
this will give you a glimpse of what your future will be with him.....
you will not change his behaviour, he will have to.....


lzc5wh
Rating
There is a great place to go with this. I was in a very similar situation.

This is getting help from real people without the use of banks or credit card companies. Good Luck!

http://www.prosper.com/join/Lzc5wh


lourdess777
there are lot of good answers here

good luck


kitakits.com
Rating
Well, set the mood... make sure that the mood is correct.. because it makes him upset w/ the issue if you mention it. Your credit rating shouldn't be affected by this. You can help him pay it off but that would only make him lazy.

It seems like that I am in the same situation you guys are in but I don't get frustrate I actually mention it to her everyday on working out as to how to get this resolved. But breaking up with him will only probably make things worst.

If you really love him so much, then the only way is for him to learn how to face how much stress this is putting on the relationship. He has to know... he has to grow up.. has to face this... and the only thing you should help him with is MORAL SUPPORT... if you help him even financially he will never learn from his mistakes...


Cam1051Sec
Rating
This is an irresponsible individual. Marry him , you'll have NO credit rating. Not to mention you'll lose your assets when the bank/credit company moves in on you. Are you willing to lose what you've worked for, everything?


Andrea
$7000 is a piss in the bucket you can't really call it debt..lol.. My tuition for one semester was higher than that...!


vincepac601
nothing, he needs to pay it off before you move in or get married. you may be right to cut the relationship off, the guy is irresponsible


jd
Rating
Well now if the shoe was on the other foot would you want him to break up with you over it. My god girl it is money you can't take it with you! well maybe you should have more support about this matter this is a very serious matter. If you love him like you say you wont let this get in the way 7,000 is not much and yes needs to be taking care of. even if it is 10.00 a month just work with him not against him


Hope it works
Don't give him a dime! You might end paying for everything and he will keep spending everything. Men like that are manipulative, if he lets his debt for accumulate for 7 years do you think he will give you an economic stable life toghether? I think he wants you to pay for everything. Get another boyfriend who is capable of paying his debts or to deal with them.


Aryan
Rating
Figure out how he got into such a debt. If he is @ spending money,then try to reduce his expenditure.Alternately you can look out for a small job that will slowly help in paying off the debt.
Do not worry about the consequences , Instead figure out ways to earn money so that this small debt can be paid off n You two can live happily ever after.
I believe u must talk to him on finding ways to earn more money.
Stop worrying & start working
Njoy!


Raingirl
This is a very tough decision, but you may have to separate from him even if just for a short period of time. It isn't fair that you should inherit his financial problems and it also isn't a good sign about your future with him. If he's financially irresponsible with himself, think about what things will be like if you marry him; if you have children with him. He's really got to get himself together or you're gonna pay and not just with money!


jumpingrightin
Rating
Be strong, dump him. He doesn't know how to handle money. A real man knows how to handle money. A real woman does too, and you sound like a real woman. A real woman needs a real man. This guy is a loser and you will forever have worry about if the bills are getting paid and what else has he spent money on. By the mere fact that he doesn't like talking about it just shows he has a huge problem. If he only admitted to $7k of debt, chances are great he has even more debt you don't know about!
You are smart that you found this out now and are deeply concerned as you should be. You don't need to take on his problems, you don't need to fix him, you don't need to put up with this, you need to move on and find someone who is worthy of you being a real woman! Because he isn't a real man!


Red Apple Martini
Well you know, these are a couple of questions to ask yourself. # 1 question is do you really love him? # 2 Are you working? If you answered yes to both questions then I believe you have a solution. If he's not making enough to cover his debt then, that's where you can step in and help. Have him to call all of his creditors and make monthly payment arrangements. You can help him with this. Help him set up a budget plan for you two so you can save money for the future, and be happily married without worrying about the struggle. I think that's the best possible solution. Now if he's unwilling to save money and stay out of debt, then I wouldn't be quick to jump into the marriage. Give him time to realize his problems with money before you get in the marriage and become financially frustrated. Good luck! And an early congratulations to you and him.


kathyw
Rating
Tell him that either he lets you handle the finances - you pay the bills and you each get an allowance and the rest goes to savings. Or you live separately and look at other options, dating, etc.
If he squawks at that, tell him a counselor can help educate him about good financial habits but you're not going forward as things are. He may have some mild form of ADD or hate math or just think money grows on trees. Doesn't matter which, the problem is not going to go away.


sara
i understand where your coming from except it wasnt that much for my fiance! ... you should do this to him, not to offend you but if you leave him he will stress even more. for now i advise you to be there for him and support him!.. have some pacience and it will all come together! if possible help him financially (alittle) just show him that your trying to help him! he will appreciated! thats what i did and he never forgot it and appreciated it very much!





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