What to do when he crosses the line?

willzz

oh Clare, the first thing you have to do is get an injunction against him, not to be nasty but to stop him from abusing you and your son, the wounds from the physical abuse will heal quickly, the wounds from mental abuse take a lot longer, both for you and your son. once he is away from you and you are both relatively safe you can calmly rationalize everything, you can sort out exactly what you want, probably more importantly your husband will have time to sort out what he wants, clearly if he is constantly moving in and out then he is confused as to what he wants. it is so hurtful, not just for a woman but also for us men to have put in the effort to lose weight and then have it thrown back at you, the name calling is done for effect, he wants to hurt and upset you, the only reason he has used your weight against you is because he knows how hard you tried to lose that weight, he knows it is your weak spot, therefore he will use it against you, don't let him see that it hurts you, try not to react, i know that he will then try to find something else but at least he will be giving you some respite. Clare, the first step has to be an injuction. take care and be safe, good luck.

tooblessed2doubt

Immediately move out (to a friend's home or your family...) and take your kid with you. Go to the police and report the abuse and get a restraining order.

keet

find a lawyer. take back your son. and get some counseling.

DTott

He is abusive. I would suggest you talk to your lawyer about getting a restraining order against him. He his emotionally and now physically abusive toward you. I would not trust my son with him. .

Insomniac

You can have a restraining order against him.

Michael H

Get a restraining order for a start, then file for divorce. His issue isn't that he's unhappy with you, it's that he knows he can control you. Don't let him anymore.

luz2loz

I am sure the solicitor will give you the best advice, but whatever you do, do not move out of the house, he should move out and you MUST tell the solicitor that he has manhandled you this will help to get him out of the house and keep him out.

I moved out with my two kids late at night because my ex had become violent and I didn't report him to the police and left it too long to see a solicitor and he refused to move out and he ended up with the house and me and the kids lived with my parents in a two bedroom bungalow for 10 months.

Ex had to buy my share of house off me, but I wish I had reported him to police etc as I would still be in house until kids leave school if I had.

Mars

sorry to hear about your problems claire. unfortunately it is such a common occurance.

Men like this are intrinsically inadequate and because of their own deepseated insecurities they have to reinforce their own sense of self importance.

Some might call such men bullies, but it is more than that he is a control freak, it is all about power and so he must dominate you physically and mentally.

It is almost certain he felt unloved and unappreciated by his mother as a child and you have become that mother figure for him and so his anger towards her is directed at you.

As long as everything is okay he was okay, but when he doesn't get what he wants the emotionally stunted child re-emerges with the adult equivalent of temper tantrums.

From a practical point of view, change the locks and refuse him entry into the house, but discuss it with your solicitor as I am sure you will and if necessary social services.

You can also report him to the police for common assault, but you must see your doctor if you have any kind of bruises, it will help if you have corroberating evidence. the police could charge him, or even just caution him, but by doing that they can order him to stay away from the house.

I hope this helps a little

fire_inur_eyes

Sorry for all your stress and troubles--what a miserable condition at this time. He has some deep seated resentment--or disappointment--or hatred--and he is taking it out on you. well abuse is NEVER acceptable--and violence is NEVER acceptable--Call the police and ask to talk about it with them--just a nice talk about what you can do and what they will help with. There are laws designed to work for you and your son when this man gets enraged and causes problems. You have to stick with the law--so call and discuss it all with them. Is this irrational behavior sudden?? Like, is he sick or a brain tumor?? Drugs--alcohol??? What caused it all?? protect your rights and your home--get out if you have to. No law says you have to stay--got family or friends?? Good luck--be safe.

Blondie Bear

Report it to the police and speak to your lawyer about getting a restraining order.

angel

arr honey been there too, my hubby has a short fuse and i left our marital home in Feb. the shouting and arguing was getting to much i could not seem to do anything right. he would come in from work ignore me shout at the kids, and there was no need.
i left home to get married my dad lay down the rules in our house and when i left i left to be me, but i was still being told what to do.
you are a person in your own right do what you feel is right for you and your son.
i personally did not want my kids growing up thinking that is acceptable to shout and hurl abuse at a woman, and now my home life is so much happier. i hear my children laugh more and we enjoy each others company more.

please follow your head, not your heart on this one its a tough one-good luck in whatever you decide x x x

You need to leave him now if not for your self for your son, you don't want your son to grow up the same way he has, thinking it is ok to insult women (especially his own mother)

robert x

Sounds to me like your Hubby is the one with the mental problems..moving out and in several times is an obvious sign that he is under stress and See's bullying you has a release of his tension.

I know its difficult but don't take any notice of his name calling- turn the other cheek and ignore the jibes.. Your two year old may seem smart but his grasp of language wont be sufficient enough to cause harm during his development!.

You should talk to your solicitor who may advise you apply for a restraining order which will protect you!.

B79

for one that was wrong of him to do that and if he really did care he would of had respect for you and not do that period. plain and clare just when it comes down to your kid he always comes first always! just think of your son and it will all fall in place but be strong to take care

starrrrgazer

Get a TRO IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... It gives you possession of the family home and custody of your child.

teeth hoover

Go to the police - you don't have to suffer this or put up with this @sshole treating you like this. He sounds a nutcase. See a lawyer as soon as possible too. Good luck.

asmoothrider

You are beeing abused and he is mentally abusing your son by telling him such stuff about his mum.
Never in all my time have called my children`s mother to my kids,that is not right.
You need to get a back bone and sort it out for both of your sakes and hopefully you get one as soon as you see where you stand and what rights you have from your solicitor.

Hitman

no woman should EVER be treated like that.

lmerrittaz

Go now while the bruises are still visible. They'll be used as evidence later.

Show the bruises to your solicitor. He'll file for a restraining order as well as start the documentation for your divorce.

File an assult charge with the police from your solicitor's office. The solicitor will know exactly what to do. He'll likely send you to the doctor's office to document the abuse.

The police can have him removed before you get back.

Speaking of abuse.... Those comments about your weight are his way of verbally bullying you. He's managing to push your buttons. He is just hurting you in a way he'll know he's succeeding. Ditto his telling your son what an awful person you are. He's yanking your chain, mentally breaking you down.

He's a mean spirited coward. If he breaks your will, he's back in control of you again, isn't he?

Your two year old will recover just fine. He'll recover much faster when he's out of the toxic environment he's in at the moment.

Take your son to the solicitor's office with you, by the way. Your soon-to-be-ex-husband doesn't need to know anything more than you're headed to the market for milk.

Go now, dear. Your future is waiting for you.

Tacit Rainbow

He's unstable, and near violent. His other plans are not working out. He was dumped. You should beware.
Change the locks, put drop bars across doors. Reinforce the easier windows. Put an ax handle near your bed, out of sight. Practice with it, at a martial arts school, or have a good time wearing out a heavy bag. Get competent with some kind of blunt instrument weapon.
Take out a personal ad to meet a Rugby player, and have the man, sorta hang around when hubby is expected.
Tape record every conversation you have with him, on the phone or face to face.
Have no contact with him in between. If the kid gets surgery , don't tell his dad, get my drift.
If worse comes to worse, get a crossbow, and get good with it. Aim low, tell him, 'you'll live'.
Leave town abruptly, and leave no clue to your wear abouts. Then get a small room, cross the street, find out who your friends really are. video is great stuff.

Nicki

You have to find a way to leave him alone. You can't change him, he has to change himself. You are gonna keep the cycle going if you stay. He knows you aren't going anywhere and that's why he treats you the way he does. He has no respect for you. Getting out is the only solution.

pwwatson8888

File for divorce and an exclusion order. The man is a bully and a brute.

Top Contributor

Sounds like you haven't lost anything with him leaving you. I think you should get some proper advice from human services etc about what to do, reling on a forum like this for advice could be dangerous, especially if he is violent and especially if a young child is involved. You should call a crisis line or lifeline etc. They should be able to at least give you contact points for others equiped to deal with what you need to do. You may have to get the law involved too.

RAINBOW

Don't move out of your home,go see a solicitor or citizens advice,change the locks,get child access sorted so you know exactly when he is going to see your child.

Fahad "KSA"

(*`^`*) WoW!!! WoW!!! How you are patient with the knavish husband, anyway I am not going to write long lecture to answer you question so I prefer if you go with ( lmerrittaz ) answer. she wrote a very nice answer.......!

mywhat_69

Tell him to go piss up a rope and divorce him. Don't just seperate. Make darn sure he pays for child.

john b

He's plainly going through a lot of stress over your divorce, and like most men does not have emotional coping skills, and is using aggression/intimidation to try and control you. You need to calmly let him know that you won't stand for it and that he is only making things worse for himself.

The weight jibes are uncalled for, and probably not even a reflection of his reall attitude. He just wants to hurt you.

Your solicitor needs to know about him moving in and out - I'm pretty sure that once he's moved out, you have a right to keep him out.

He's plainly stepped over the line saying "mum's got a mental problem" to your child. You need to tell your solicitor about this, too.

This guy probably thinks he's a "real man", but he's a coward and a bully. Any man with some decency and self-respect would have moved out, atayed out and wouldn't be treating you like this. Take the b******d to the cleaners, love.

PEGGY S

In addition to what they are saying, if he ever puts his hands on you again, do not hesitate to call the police immediately and have him arrested. This will help you when you file for custody of your son. They will know that he has an anger management problem.

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