What to do when "I'm sorry" becomes meaningless?

pink9364

I say take that adorable orange kitty in your picture and cuddle with it. That will make you feel better

shynomore

Then it's time to move on. When you no longer matter, it's time to find someone who appreciates you for the person you truly are. You deserve much more than this.

IWasWondering

A lot depends upon the kind of relationship you have. If it is a non-binding relationship (like a boyfriend), you might as well drop him and go on.
If it is a more serious relationship, then you've got some work to do.

First: You must be honest - do you prattle on mindlessly about things of no importance to him? Even if you do no more than 1/2 the time, he's going to stay in this routine of ignoring you. If you are highly dependent on him, start becoming more independent.

Second: There is a point (say after the second "Sorry"), where "Sorry " just isn't good enough. Its just a put-off at that point. You need to wait for the next "Sorry" and then cut him off, telling him that that is an unacceptable response. If he cares, he'll probably come back with "what do you want me to do?!!" At this point, you've got to tell him what you expect.

Third: Even after the second step above, he'll probably slip back into ignoring you at some point. At this point, you can do things like telling him critically important things when he isn't listening to you. "I'm going to be out of town for three weeks." or "Honey, I'm picking up our new car tomorrow." Then do what you need to do, regardless of him.

Lastly: If all else fails you need to decide whether this relationship is important enough for you to maintain it. If it is not, break it off. If it is, get more friends and get THEM to listen to you.

deby k

shock him by not being availible for a couple of days, let him come looking and while you got his full attention tell him how you feel.

It doesn't sound like a loving relationship I'm not a therapist so i don't feel comfortable telling you what to do ,If it were me I would move on and find someone who appreciates me

SexeyMom

follow your heart............and Pray to God for him to give you the answers your looking for...........Good Luck

ms_unholier_than_thou

Lifes too short to spend a moment sacrificing what you need. If he hasnt got it yet, I doubt he will. It may be sad and heartbreaking to leave him but itd be even more tragic to stay in a relationship where youre not heard. Two way communication is VITAL to have a strong ,healthy, satisfying relationship.

Kitty

Why are you even with this person to begin with? Are there any redeeming qualities? If so, you have not listed them. Obviously, there's gotta be a good reason for you to hang on - and without knowing what it can be, I'm not in the position to tell you to leave. But seriously, if you don't want to be treated like this for the rest of your life, you need to find another man. This one's not going to change.

Heather b

Start talking to someone that will listen!! If he is not changing his ways the I'm sorries are just to keep you happy beleive me I have played that game..A true I'm sorry is a mistake someone TRYS NOT to make again!!

â™¥monamarieâ™¥

Sounds like you already answered your own question...... listen to your self, you dont need justification or approval for your own feelings.

Conejita

I know exactly how you feel and can sympathize. I don't believe that there is anything you can do about it, but move forward and leave him behind. I'm sure you care deeply for this man, but you deserve so much more. You should have someone in your life who can love and appreciate you for the person you are and the things you do. Good luck. Letting go is the hardest thing to do, but once you do - you'll find that it's easier to do.

starmoishe

Thus far, you've been given some good answers. And I agree that if this is a non-marital relationship with no kids then it may be time to walk. If you want to try something different, try waiting until he willing gives you his attention. When he is focused on you, then its time to talk. Give him three chances to change. If he doesn't then you may be looking at a lifetime of this. Now, as the single mother of a nine year old boy, let me tell you something. I've noticed as he gets older he listens differently. Its like he just listens to key words or something even if this makes his own life harder. "Son will you go in the garage and get me some bleach"? He comes back with dryer sheets. It may take him three tries because his internal focus is on something different. So if he just got off work and is just trying to relax, this is not the time to discuss anything important.

Daniel E

There are many good answers here. I'm sure this won't be the best one you read. Just ask your self this question.

What's got his attention? Is he on the computer? Watching TV? Is it possible he has a hearing problem he might not be telling you about?

I was ashamed to tell my (now ex)girlfriend I had a hearing problem, In part because I was in denial myself. We almost broke up over it. But then she noticed that I kept ignoring her while watching TV, but would pay attention to her when the volume is muted. She forced me to go to a doctor and have it looked at.

Now I wear a hearing aid. And she is still a good friend. Only we live on opposite sides of the country

Mark ABC

He is just being a Male.We are all like it,to a degree.
If its really important to talk to him about something.Take him out of his native enviroment.
Maybe a restaurant or quiet pub.
Men can not multi task !So if he is doing anything other then talking to you.You got no chance.
Another approach would be to unzip his flys then he will be all ears lol.
So we all know thats not going to happen so when you get him out to a quiet pub.Dont let him bring his cell phone or any gadgets he can play with.When you are out make a one day a week an our time day.

Good Luck.

love_my_4x4

I just ended a 4 year relationship that was almost a carbon copy of what you describe. It was the most painful thing for me to let him go. But it was more painful to be with him. If you see the "signs" already as what you describe and the one that stuck out the most to me was when you wrote, "disregards what's important to you (because it's unimportant to him), That says a great deal of where you stand in this persons life. Please do not sell yourself short for the sake of having someone in your life. You don't deserve the crumbs he might throw your way. You are entitled to be treated with dignity and respect. I learned the hard way to finally let my someone go, because he showed me time and time again how very "un" important that I was to him. Life is too short to spend it jumping through hoops to please someone who is obviously not in tune with you on any level. I have had those same apologies and time and time again, the same behavior would occur. You write very well, come across as a highly sensitive and caring person and you deserve a hell of alot more than you are getting. Go for it.. Have the courage to move on. You can do it. It just takes that first step. Move on and don't look back. Good luck!!!!

drshorty

I recommend relationship counseling. My guess is that he realizes that you're upset, but not what you're upset for.

adamsjrcn

He was like this before you married him. Perhaps you ignored it or hoped it would change. Now he has not changed. Guess it can't be fixed. Time to consider moving on.

vim

Hi McGuffey,
It is the pits, isn't it?
But to everything there is
a solution, so don't despair.

Not knowing all the details,
it makes it harder to share
advise, but it seems to me
you need to take drastic
measures here.

If you are ready to leave,
then do, move along and
start 'your' life.

If you are not ready to
leave, then, start doing
things on your own, with
friends, and concentrate
on yourself.

I suggest the first option.
It seems if you have already
made him aware of how much
this hurts you , and he does
nothing to change, sorry
doesn't begin to cover territory.

He is not worthy of you,
you deserve better, even
if it entails drastic measures.

Please look after yourself,
and be well!

Healthnut

When answering a question, I try to look at all sides and this is what I've come up with:

1. You haven't mentioned your partner's age. If he's elderly, it may be that he's suffering from dementia. If he's young and truly seems genuine about these episodes of "not hearing" you, he could be suffering from a form of epilepsy or seizures. In either case, he needs to see a doctor immediately.

2. Is he like this with others or just with you? If this happens only with you, then you without a doubt you have a problem that needs to be addressed with a marriage counselor. Discuss the facts with him and give him an ultimatum... either he goes to counseling with you or he leaves. Relationships can't exist without being nurtured nor can they continue with one person doing all the work. One way or another this can't continue, so find out now what your future is going hold, (life with him or without him).

By the way... if #2 is the problem, just remember, you deserve so much more than he is giving you right now.

rztvy1

Walk out. What else can I say. Women should be cherished. Find someone who is worthy of you.

Raven HoodÂ®

I just want to tell you your picture of that cat really really really looks like my cat.

Lisha

I would say you really need to stand up to him, and do something drastic to let him know how unacceptable his behavior has become. For example not calling or talking to him for a few days, let him wonder where you are and what you are up to, and not answering the phone when he calls. This will make him think and wonder if you have found someone else, and will make him appreciate you more.

caramel_beauty2007

Maybe u should write a letter explaining how u feel r just take sometime for both of u to be alone and have some self-time.

If he doesnt listen to you don't listen to him. If he can't respect your opinions don't listen to his.

Well it seems that you have exhausted any options that you yourself can do. The next step to someone who is so unresponsive would be to go to couples counseling or marriage counseling if this is in fact your husband or bf which I think he is.

That is the only option left - find someone, make an appt and take him with you - if need be don't tell him where you are going. If he is totally not willing to this may be the end of your relationship. He is not giving you what you need at all and relationships are based on communication, trust, and respect and it sounds like maybe all or at least 2 of those are not present in this relationship.

It sounds like you have been patient and I feel for you - I am sure you are hurting. You have to give yourself credit for trying so hard over and over again. Things will get better but you have to find some way to get through to him or give him some space and maybe he will realize it himself if you stop mentioning it -

Gâ™¥â™¥Gâ™¥â™¥áƒ¦

Perhaps you can find out what is bothering him. He may be taking out on you things that are happening to him at work.
He could be at his max with dealing with everything and needs help to deal with it. He obviously has a problem and it needs help... Maybe he is to afraid to discuss it with you. You could seek a friend to talk to him and find out what is going on with him. what do you think?
take care

give em the
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--------

Life is too short to be unhappy. Only you can decide what to do, but it is better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable!!!!!!

Attaboyslim

Hello Macguffin.I am sorry to hear about your delima. I think we all have , at times , felt as though we were being ignored and chances are , we we right. I'd like to add that there are people , and many more than you'd believe , that are mentally multi-tasked . Where as , most people have difficulty talking and chewing gum , these folk can accomplish numerous tasks as they prepare dinner. First off , Is Mr. Macguffin , one of those people ? I mean is he abled to accomplish much more that you thought he'd be abled to do in most situations. I don't mean , his organizational skills. Anyone , with some managerial skills can deligate and appear as though they are a genius. What I'm asking is about an extended period of time. For instance , over a month or so , as daily conversations continue into many subjects and some involving chores...etc that must be accomplished , do they suddenly happen ? Again , I'm not speaking about simplistics , like the garbage or the garage. Important issues that will impact some lasting endeavor ? Is he somehow abled to pull these things together in an almost miraculous fashion ? Please understand that I am in no way attempting to discount your concern nor am I trying to make excuses for his behavior. I believe that an apology ought represent ones sincere desire to verbally guarantee that every attempt will be made to assure that this apology won't have to be repeated. If it is encountered again then those efforts will be greately increased to make certain they never become problematic. For a problem to become a habit , means that no effort has been given and the meaning of the apology becomes useless. The worst case senario into this catagory are the people that blatantly offend you with an apology that goes something like this :" Hey Mrs. Macguffin , I am really sorry for my actions. I normally don't act that way but when you ......ect." Heard it before ? As if you had somehow had the power over that person to cause them to act irrationally . So , to answer your question ,If he is not the mental genius I spoke of in the beginning then he must be without feelings. This is especially true if you have told him about the way you feel and it has fallen upon deaf ears. I'm sorry to say that the recommendation is not good but chances are that he is not willing to change for you or the relationship. Unfortunately , this is probably the way he has been for a long time and until he faces up to it , then nothing you can do , or say , will matter. You need to seperate yourself from this behavior before you are emotionally scarred. The world is full of cold , callosed and uncaring people but we aren't required to become one of them. Good Luck. I hope this has helped.

jenko5169

Being a minister and a husband who is sadly familiar with this extremely common issue I would like to say this.
The source of this issue is usually when one person feels nagged by his / her partner all the time, that feeling leads to tuning out because of the negative reenforcement of verbal interaction always being him / her thinking that no matter what they say in response to you will always bring about a negative response from you.
My wife practiced a great amount of long suffering here because I tuned her out quite often without even realizing it. This continued for a long time until we came up with an amicable solution.
We decided to find certain times in the day to communicate with one another while no other distractions were around ( I.E. TV, Kids, etc. ), and agreed to listen without thinking of anything else at the moment.
The more we practiced this the more I learned to like my wife again, and communicating with her, and vice versa. Now we no longer need scheduled communication sessions, we are extremely interested in what each other has to say.
Both parties have to realize its not about just themselves here, both hold responsability and these things don't happen overnight. These are learned behaviors and built up walls of self defense and must be unlearned and torn down. GOOD LUCK

Rob Gedcke

Is it legal for a native Canadian,white skinned Native Canadian, to buy from a Reservation? I need to know the legalities of this. Thank you, Rob Gedcke

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