What would you do if you were in this situation?

Patrick

First, don't stress out, that doesn't fix anything. Being a father of kids in their twenties, the comment that would really ring my bell would be "Dad, I'm very dissappointed in you, you really let me down". That would crush me........

Friends don't treat each other that way, and you guys are family. Wimps cheat, that's easy. Working through problems and facing up to people takes character and commitment. If your Dad was an honorable man, he would have tried to work things out with your mom if he was unhappy, then after effort if things weren't working for him he should of had the balls to say its over. Then he could have soiled all the oats that he wanted to.

Your Dad displayed his character, his ethics, his morals, and the amount of his trust. I wouldn't surround myself with those kind of people, you'll only deal with more disappointment. Until he shows some sincere remorse, I would probably just leave him alone.

The best of Luck to you and your mom, true happiness comes from having inner peace and knowing that you've done your best with no regrets. Despite what you may think, your dad will have many restless nights knowing that he hurt the both of you.

<Raised on Promises>

What your Dad does to your Mom has nothing to do with you, especially if you are a grown adult and out of the house.
Don't cut ties with your Dad, you'll regret it.

sarah B

I know this is hard for you but stop stressing and accept that your dad is cheating on your mum and he is going to divorce her... you need to decided weather you want to be apart of his life in the future seeing as he has done the wrong thing by your mum and family... If i was in your shoes I probably wouldn't talk to him for a few years and then later maybe contact him... But what he did to your mum is unforgivible... good luck..SB

semoangel70

First while you might not like what he is doing or how he is doing it he is still your dad and loves you the sme as he did before. I wouldn't shut him out of my life but I would make it clear that I didn't approve of what he did and that for your own health and sanity you were not going to be put in the middle of it all, if he wants to be a part of yours and his grandchilds life that is fine but his problems are his own.

Shibi

You are an adult. Deal with this as an adult would deal with peers: speak with both of them, hear them out and help them heal but avoid taking sides and becoming emotionally entangled in their relationship.

blessed

My Dad did the same thing, after 25 years of marriage he decided to be with a woman 2 years older then me.He also wanted a new family so we left him alone (that was 25 years ago) since then she left him and he is alone. i have since talked to him and he said "i wasn't thin ken with my brain. His new family even his son has nothing to do with him. i would live your life take care of your self and that baby. things will come around and you wont regret saying something down the road.

jtease

Theres nothing you can do because it's their business not yours, its their marriage & personal problems not yours. The same if your marriage didn't work out. Stay out of it. They're still your parents mom & dad no matter what happens just be there for EACH of them. He's still your dad no matter what he does in his personal life. You are an adult & married you should be worring about your own marriage & unborn baby. Your dad & mom personal life is their business not yours. I would still talk to them.

ALPHA!

well, even though i'm a guy and i shouldnt be answering this i think you really need to sit down with him and talk about it. Its affecting you, your mother, and also your unborn child because of the stress you are going through.
It's not good for you to have that much stress when you are 7 months pregnant. talking will let him know what you think about this whole problem and it will help you out also by releasing your worries. just tell him how you feel and that you really need him to talk to you about this.
~Good luck~

Kyle

No... you have your own troubles to worry about, and your baby is much more precious at this point than your father and his lack of morals or concern for ANY of you. Let him come to you. When he does, tell him what I just told you. He needs to grow up and learn to be a man of honor. He's not in 8th grade anymore, even though he might still think he is. Just take care of you and let your parents worry about their problems. It sounds like your mother has been in this mess for years. She needs to work through it and make things right for herself again. Poor thing.

Wise Old Witch

Talk to him you, should not cut him out of your life.
People we love sometimes hurt others we love this is a difficult time you should be supportive to both parents with out taking sides. I know it is a hard place for you but you have your own life to manage, focus on that and let your parents solve their problems, being happy for yourself and the new grandchild. You'll have a child your age some day and that child will have expectations of you. At that time you will begin to understand how your father and mother are feeling.

so what do you think?

wow.. that does sound difficult...
but not completely unmanagable.

....sorry.. i had to edit this several times....
i'm trying to paint my new apartment in between thoughts..
i'm rebuilding my life.. as your mom will be too.

1st thing i suggest... is that you keep on loving both parents..
no matter what they decide to do. Love your dad and your mom unconditionally.

I know it hurts.. but if either one of your parents would have disowned you when you made a mistake... you woulda been disowned as soon as one of them disagreed with any choice you made.

it isn't a respectable choice your dad made..
and I know your mom is hurtin big time..
you gotta be there for her too..while giving her some space to grieve.. it's a normal process.. (im grieving too...but not for the same reason) (you can read my questions to see what im going thru..) but grieving is letting go of yesterday and what you thought tomorrow was going to be.
it's changed for her and i... we grieve then we learn to accept our situations.. and im between those places now.. more accepting my situation than i am grieving.. but some days are worse than others.. (writing helps)

so encourage your mom to do something that makes her happy.. she's going to be changing.. and her hobbies may even change... but encourage her all you can..
tears are welling up in my eyes as i think of the pain she must be feeling...

But it is certain your dad will learn from his mistake..
keep loving him. and don't expect perfection..
However, expect and hope that he will come to grips with his own life.. it's different... for sure than you ever thought it would be... but he's been being told a lie.. and he's been believing that lie...
that the grass is greener on the other side..
it's not. its not it's not.
he won't want to hear that from you...
he NEEDs to hear that you love him.....even tho you obviously don't agree with his decision...and im sure thats no secret to him.. and he wont be surprised that you are hurt, annoyed, frustrated, and/or discouraged..... becuz he knows you didn't ever want to see your mom experience that kind of pain...
it may take him a little while for reality to hit him....
but don't give up hope..

as you give grace to others..
it'll keep the hope alive in your own life..
no matter what anyone else decides to do with their own life..
grace and mercy.

every body makes mistakes ....
and sometimes those mistakes have us believing that they will make us happier.. he will learn from it.. he will. no matter how obstinate or how stubborn he is...

there will come a time that he sees your mother and all of his daughters in a new light and his own faults for what they are.

I've made my share of mistakes.. and was stubborn...
but eventually learned from all that..
so have faith..

Bitterness can separate you from your dad for years...
don't let him abandon ship altogether..
keep him close with your love and acceptance...

this time in all of your lives is temporary.. it is.
don't allow this to hurt your baby..

relax.. and give this problem to the Lord...
God can communicate with your father better than anyone...
no matter where your dad is..
no matter what your dad believes...
no matter how stubborn he is..
no matter how long he's been lying to everyone (including himself)

don't believe the lie for a minute..

your dad can change his mind in a heart beat.

Lisa

Why isn't it your job to yell at him? He is pushing you and your sisters away,not to mention his soon to be grandchild! I would yell as loud as I could! BUT...if you are so stressed out over it all(and I cant blame)and you still can not heal the pain without expressing yourself...sit down and write a letter.Or you could go back and remember how you felt when you found out about it,about how you felt when your sisters told you that he was moving on and didn't want anything to do with you...write it like a journal..and when you feel that you have expressed all the pain and heartache well enough to let him know how many lives that he has turned upside down and how he has hurt everyone involved,maybe you will feel better.And dont forget to mention how much he will be missing out on because of his stupid choices not only with your mom,but with his children and grandchildren.He had no right to hurt so many people! One day he will regret being so greedy and self consumed,hopefully it will be before he is in tears on his death bed wanting his kids to care again...Good luck,with your Dad and your new baby.Your not missing out on anything...he is. Best wishes.

lydia t

Your dad still cares about you and your mom, he just didn't know how to step up and tell your mom he wanted out, So, he went out the best way he thought he could. Don't stress it will be alright.

Pat

If my dad told me he didn't want to talk to me because he was "starting a new family" with someone else ... I'd be flipping PO'd!!! That's just not right, what the heck??!!

I guess you should take the high road like others are suggesting, but if you are angry (and you have every right to be) then you can't just sweep it under the rug and pretend like it never happened either.

I guess you should wait for a bit in order to cool down. Tell him you feel betrayed that he doesn't want to see you and your sisters and take it from there.

Best of luck to you! You have my sympathies.

Honesty

If it were me...I would wait for him to approach me.

He made his bed, so I'd let him sleep in it.

If he did contact me, then I'd be honest with my feelings. No attacking...no sugar coating either.
.

Michael XD

He doesnt have to play a big role in your childs life but hes still your father, your childs grandfather.

lia sophia

Cut!

Let your mom deal with this and let him know you have lost a lot of respect for him and you hope by the time you give birth you are calmed enought to allow him to be a grandpa.

How devious!

Frank F

you about to be a mom this is your time for you to focus on you, your baby and what you need to do as mother should come first. idk... do you really need him in your life and does he what to be in your life that is the question.

lmreyes21

well its hard because its your dad but no mattwer what he does to your mom you still have to love him because he was there in your life and respect that he stuck around until you became an adult. Of course you can be upset because he did that to your mom but dont hold it against him good luck!

srbyn1

I would stay OUT of it all. People changes, over the years, & how do you know that your Mother hasn't considered doing the same thing? I've seen a lot of marriages in which I never could understand why the 2 stayed together. You DON"T cut him out of your life, but you may prefer him to keep his OTHER women out of your Home, too.

Wisdom

no matter what thats still ur dad...the same thing happen to my mom but it will never change the relationship between u and ur dad...just be there for ur mom and dad because u dont know what and how long the marriage was in trouble...ur dad will come to u eventually and explain why he did what he did...my parents have been friends for years after all of that..my mom is remarried and happy..and yes i too was angry at my dad but i too have been married and divorce and i know that its something that happens if the marriage is not strong and not meant it will not last..and its never the kids fault it just didnt work out. stay strong and be there for your mom she is going to need ur support..and dont get so mad u r pregnant missy... keep me posted

guzoo72

confront you father, tell him how torn you are & give him a time limit to tell your mom or you will. emotions are to import and fragile to let someone toy with. also tell him you are the daughter what happens between them should stat between tem. you now have your own family to raise and your state of mind has to be clear, and healthy for you to be happy. good luck and take care of yourself.

cholly

well no matter what he has done he is still your father and I think that you should not cut him out of your life, but if you wanted you might feel better to tell him what you feel. Otherwise he is divorcing your mom not you so remember your child wants to know their grandpa so don't be the cause of them not knowing him. You do not have to except what he did to your mom but you love him so maybe you should ask him his side of the story. Also be there for your mom she might not want to be alone right now. I hope you make the right decision.

trust me

You are an adult so you should be able to handle this situation maturely and let matters be. Just be by your mom's side when the poop hits the fan. She'll need plenty of support. Your dad isn't doing what he's doing to hurt you. I'm not saying it's right, but you obviously don't know the full story. Don't cut ties. good luck

kim h

I would stay out of it. You cannot fix it and you do not need this stress right now. It is not good for you or your baby. Be there for your mother and help her through as much as you can but take care of yourself first. If your father wants to walk away from his life, I would let him.

notmuchofacook

Take yourself out of the middle of the situation. Your relationship with your mom is one thing, your relationship with your dad is another. The relationship between the two of them is none of your business, and you need to keep it that way.

Right now this is all too new for you to try to talk to your dad. If he contacts you, say "Dad, this has all come out of the blue and I need time to think about things. I don't like what you did or the way you did it but I am trying to be fair, so just leave me alone and when I am ready, I'll call you".

You have to remember that he is still your kids grandpa and you may want him in their life in the future, so don't burn any bridges. Be supportive to your mom, but don't take sides.
It's not an easy thing to do, good luck.

J *

Just because your dad is being mean does not stop him from being your dad.

Give it some time and give yourself some space.

Don't cut contact.

Good luck.

This really isn't yours to be asking questions about. Yes, you are involved, but you shouldn't put yourself at risk by sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. Leave it up to your parents to talk to each other. Your mother will still have to sign papers; he can't divorce her without her signature. If you want to help, help your mom get a good lawyer.

mum to be!!!

this all happened to me when i was 16.... same story except so much more drama was involved.
i stopped speaking to my dad but my sisters didnt.
eventually, they felt weird around him after all the stuff he was doing to us and they stopped speaking to him too although it wasnt formally said etc.

if i was in your position, i would support your mum and sisters, they are obviously very upset etc but at the same time, you need to focus on your health and your unborn baby.

im due in april so i can imagine what that kind of stress would do to you.

i wouldnt advise that you cut ties with your dad yet as it will obviously cause stress on you so just let it go.
as for regretting cutting ties, i havent spoken to my dad since i was 16. im 24 now.
it was hard when i got married as i had no one to walk me down the aisle or to do the father/daughter dance and now that im pregnant, i wish if i had a loving father to share this with but i never had that kind of relationship so its nothing that i regret, i just wish if it had all been different.
just focus on being a good mum and wife.
you have your own family to deal with now.
your mum and sisters are old enough to make their own decisions and fight their own battles.
i know its hard and depressing but dont stress yourself out worrying about them.
be there for them but try not to get too invovled emotionally.

im sorry all this is happening and if you need to get things off your chest, feel free to email me....im sure what i went through would put things more in perspective for you!!!
good luck and i wish you and your little angel all the best.

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