What would you do if you were me?

Ûž â˜‚Ã¸naÅ¦han Ûž

If I was in your shoes.. I would start seeking after God.. I would go and talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. You need to get the message across to him, that you can't live like that any more. If you feel you could still go back to him, if he would change, then make your judgement on if you feel any changes have been made. If not I would leave the realtionship, and possibly look for another mate. I would take my time, and look for a man, that could help raise your daughter.. Not the kind of man you wanted back in your teens.. A confident, caring, but self controlled man..That would be me,, but then again, I go more by logic, then feelings,, so it prbly doesn't help you..

Femme

I think you owe it to yourself and your daughter to be honest with yourself and your husband. If he is in jail he doesn't sound like a good role model for your daughter. He needs to clean up his act. If you know that you wouldn't be with him if he was home why should you put your life on hold for a total loser?? I would take things slowly with this other guy and try to remain friends. His wife probably left him for a good reason! Be careful!

Lil mama

too long to read, tired

pamspraises

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire....

Say good-bye to your friend, and divorce your husband.
You need to focus on your child, and being the best mom you can be.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you chose these "winners". Now, choose to be done with them.

You are obviously not good at picking men, honey. I'm not telling you to switch teams, but you need to give it a rest for a year or so.

Try Al-anon.

Baby

That's a complicated situation. I think that if he had you and your daughter's feelings and desires in mind he would have never made the same mistake twice. You probably should still be there for him morally and all that because you committed to be by his side. But ultimately the ball is in your court. Hang out with the guy friend, maybe more, life is short. Get through life how you need to. When he gets out he will have had YEARS to work through his problems and to realize what he has been missing, and to most likely feel a ton of guilt. He is not going to jump you for needing companionship in his absence, he shouldn't anyway. When he gets out, see where you are, where he is and if there's anything left to salvage. Just don't forget the most important thing-your child. It's more important I think, that you are a stable, loving parent. And that her father loves her too. She will eventually understand if you separate-she doesn't need to see you crying everyday and she will sense your grieving. Honestly, when he gets out do you see things being hunky dorey? You two won't mysteriously heal over the sentence, maybe his incarceration was a blessing-letting you know the next chapter is ready to begin. Just make yourself and your daughter happy.

horseknickers

you really do need help.first get a lawyer,dump the bum and move on with your life.

foxxyy44u

Well if I were you, I'd say you were in a tough situation. More than likely you will develop feelings for the new guy. Read my posts. The man I had an affair with was just a good friend at work for a year and a half. We too talked and shared our similiar "unhappy marriage" stories. Then one day we just took off into a passionate, chemistry filled relationship. The end results were not good for me, because in the long run he chose his wife, But in your case, if his wife has left, then thats a start. You shouldnt feel bad for having a friend regardless of gender. But I do advise ending the marriage that sounds as if is already been over. And do this before you end up in a relationship with someone, or you could become me, and I dont wish that on anyone.

Dominika

You are not a B if you are thinking of yourself for a change...you may be a co-dependent and you need to break out of this unhealthy relationship.

Please go to this web site to see if you are in a co-dependent relationship:

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm

Also:
Talk to a lawyer if you divorce him now you may have to pay alimony since you have been supporting him. Of coarse this may be a totally different world if he is in jail. I think you need to cut lose from your husband. Ask your lawyer what your obligations are legally and do nothing more. I would then get a divorce at the right time your lawyer suggest to. (so you will not have to pay alimony)

Also:
It may in your best interest to get a divorce now for your child's sake. You may be able to get full custody so you can protect your daughter from a reckless, careless individual that may put her in danger.

Jewells

Listen girl you are in a destructive relationship with your husband. He has many problems. I think you have every right in the world to divorce him. He is a looser. Get rid of him and move on with your life.

ijaodola

This is my advice:

If your husband is the irresponsibe type, you know there are some men that border not about their immediate family, you can quit the relationship, but provided you are not legally married. Else he will sue you for bigamy when he comes out of prison.

Furthermore, you need to study the next person whom you will
like to marry. To me, I dont find it ideal to marry your old friend whose marriage had crashed, bcos you never can tell the cause of the breakage.

Another thing worthy of note is that, your old friend has two kids, and you are having one. Let's assume you eventually marry him and you hv a kid for him. If this kid you hv for him fights the kid you had for your old husband. Your old kid is regarded as your own kid, while the one you have for him is jointly owned by both of you. As I was saying, if these two children take to fighting, then yr husband will say that your child is beating our child. Whose side will you take to? Definitelyly your husband will not support the attitude of the old marriage' child.

My dear sister, if not bcos you said your husband will be in jail for ten years, I wud hv suggested you tolerate him, try to talk sense into him, or you go for marriage counsel, bcos there is no relationship that is perfect. We hv got to tolerate each other in this world.

Finally, I know it is not easy for one to be lonely for ten years, I will suggest you get someone who will be of help without serious relationship, letting him know your situation till your husband comes out prison. Or if it is possible in your country to file a divorce notice on someone in prison, then go ahead and divorce him. This shud be the last resort after which you have made up your mind that you are not ready to live the rest of your life with him.

Mr X

First of all if you wanna share your problems with that guy who has the same problems with you, thats fine continue on hanging out with him. But if you want your relationship to survive dont EVER think on cheating on your husband, or extend your relationship with that guy, even if he force you to open a deeper relationship with him.
I know you feeling lonely, but try to be closer to your daugther because she needs you and you need her more than anyone else.
Dont even think of escaping to another place, That is not the solution. You cannot escape from your life.

Think
Hope that helps.

transplanted

life is short get on with your life, tell him you have friends now to keep you company and wont be visiting anymore but will call, i'm sure he has compny in jail ytoo if you know what i mean

you know what if you weren't happy before your not going to be happy after.move on now while you can when he gets out it would be so much harder!you can still go see him for your daughters sake but i would move on and start by finding friends take it slow don't rush into anything!i feel for you need someone to talk to you can email me!

purplewings123

First of all it is not your responsibility to wait for your husband. He put himself in jail - you didn't. Now he needs to get himself sober....that doesn't just mean to stop drinking, it means a whole new attitude that can only be gotten through interaction with people in AA. They will guide him through his disease and help him to find a better way to live his life. That is not your job.

Your job is to find yourself a meaningful life and be happy with it. As adults we are only responsible for our minor children and our own self. Your husband is an adult even though his thinking is a child's. He will not remain sober until he reaches his bottom. Everyone has a different bottom and some never reach it. You aren't helping him by making his life easy. He needs to experience the rough stuff so he can decide to go for a better way.

Make yourself a life starting now. Find some hobbies that interest you and get a nice group of friends for yourself to talk to and enjoy.

You might want to try taking some courses in night school to give yourself a better career, join a church and find some new friends there........there really is a lot to do in this world and life passes by quickly. We are only here once (as far as we know), so don't waste it.

I think this is the time for you to separate from your husband and be free to live your life in a positive way without guilt.
Get your life the way you want it and when he's free if you want to try it together, go for it. If not, he will be fine on his own.

Goodspeed

Hanging out with another guy is only going to make your situation more confusing...you don't need another guy in the picture...especially if his wife walked out then something points to him as at least part of the problem in their marriage...I can hear in your words your already looking for an excuse to have what your husband can not and has not provided...if you do not care to continue in the marriage then file for divorce, don't make a mistake that makes you the bad person in this relationship...I know you mean well but your getting weaker by the moment if you continue to have such a social relationship your headed for disaster and it won't end there...eventually your daughter will ask why daddy calls you such names, which can only hurt if they were to be true...its up to you.

atrabel

You seem to be in a pretty complicated situation. I understand that you are sad, and that you want to get over this bad situation.
I don't think there is anything wrong if you hang out with this guy, as far as you two do not cross the line.
Things would be different if your husband was not in jail, cause if you don't love your husband anymore any stay with him just for your daughter, this is wrong.
But, for the moment being he is in jail and he needs you. So better help and support your husband now. Don't cut off the relations with your guy friend. Talking to him will help you feel better.
If when your husband comes out of jail, you still don't love him, and think that life with him is unbearable, then ask his the divorce.
As regards your friend, there is nothing wrong with having a good friend, and yo don't have to push him away.

Wish you get over this situation very soon.
The best of luck!

Gentlehero

I read your question but I dont think I really understand it. Based on what I infered from it. Your husband is in jail and ur chillin with one of your old guyz. My opinion is that chilling with that guy my not be the best solution since You said your husband won't like it.If you love your husband and still want to be with him, try and be with him and assist him as much as you can. But if you think you don't love him anymore and cant wait for him to get out of prison you can seek for a divorce. Personally I prefer you go with the 1st option...........but of course, the choice is yours.

gingerdrop2005

Honestly, I would file for divorce if you're not happy and he's going to be in jail for a long time. He's never been there for you or your daughter and if you're sleeping separately anyway, how is that a marriage? He left you long before he went to jail.
Sometimes, God puts two broken hearts together for a reason. I'm not saying it's OK to have an affair. I am simply saying, your husband has made his choice and doesn't see the value of marriage. He doesn't care how he lives his life and doesn't seem to think that he should settle down and be responsible.
So why should you feel responsible for him? He did this to himself. You have to move forward and if anything, this could be a blessing in disguise.

baby_luv

If i were you i would get a divorce cause i dont care how bad a marriage is, you should never stay for the kids, in you head it is a good idea, but things will just go down the drain. And you said that your husband will be in jail for 5-10 years, you might has well end the marriage and move on with your life cause it dont make any sense being with someone who is in jail and your relationship is sour. Just tell him that things are different now and even if he wasnt in jail you would have done the same thing. And if he gets mad that you are talking to a guy friend then so what, he isnt there and you need some support.

organic gardener

Here's my opinion, for what it's worth. You know that you were unhappy before your husband went to jail. You are still unhappy. I think you should divorce your husband and move on with your life. If possible, move to another area and make some new friends. I wish you all the best. I hope this helps.

dixie_gurl872005

if you dont love him anymore then you shouldnt wait..because your not doin ur daughter any good by staying with him and not bein happy...u should be happy for your daughter but just dont bring all kinds of guys around her of course cuz that wont do any good..but u should deffinatly hang out with ur friends and get along with life and maybe meet sum1 who is right for you..but good luck!

kuki

if you have feeling for your freind you should go for it and still help your now to be ex husband while he is in jail i'm sure your friend will understand the responsibilty you have. don't hold back in life

bigred

You are not being fair to yourself or to your daughter! If you are not wanting to be with your husband anymore, and you had been feeling this way before he was even arrested, then why are you torturing yourself now when he is in jail?!!!!! In stead of thinking of his feelings,(which he surely was not thinking of his daughters or your feelings when he got himself arrested),You should be the one thinking of your daughters and your own feelings & life! You should not want to make the two of you live in agony!
Good Luck!!!!

master_der_man

It's not your fault he's in jail but you should wait till he gets out before you divorce him unless you still love him enough to stick by his side.As for hanging out with other men I'll let you answer this one by yourself with this question : would you like it if you were in his shoes right now? Tell me what would you want him to do in this case? Hope this helps you decide,Good luck.

sidney

Divorce him he is just being with you for a home?
alright well i dont exactly know how old your daughter is but if she is younger go to ur local library for books on divorce them have them for younger kids
but if your daughter is older we all know that she has friends thats parents are divorced.......and she prolly knew it was gonna happen at somepoint if she is older

eric l

Move on with your life. Staying together in an unhappy relationship is not healthy for your daughter. When he gets out of jail, things are not going to be better in the long run, in fact, they will most likely become worse; once the "honeymoon" is over.

jeanette98070

i think it is very important to resolve your problems with one relationship before creating a new one.if you are just meeting because of common reasons then it will just lead eventually to something else, you should be up-front and honest with your husband(just cause he was stupid doesn't mean he doesn't deserve honesty) if you're not happy in your marriage, then ,either fix it or end it, but don't start a new one until you finish up the old one.Relationships come with enough problems without bringing any more excess baggage then you have to.

yogesh

divorse and save my future

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