What would you do in this situation?
Find answers to your legal question.
What would you do in this situation?
|
I have lived with my (now) husband for 4.5 years. We've had our ups and downs from the beginning, always with promises that things will get better.
He lies about really stupid things and has a really bad temper, especially if he's in the wrong. He's never hit me or my son, but has thrown things like plates of hot food, glasses, shoes, basically anything in his hands, in front of us.
A few months ago he cursed me out in a very crowded hardware store, telling me to F off, calling me a ***** and even left flipping me off the entire way out of the store. My son was sitting in the cart. After that episode I kinda became numb towards him. I feel like someone just waiting for the last shoe to drop, so to speak. I do love him, but it's changed. I guess it's because my trust in him has been terribly damaged, and perhaps that's the only thing that has really changed.
I really don't want our son growing up thinking this is ok. I love my husband, but when is enough enough? Additional Details Just for those who wanted to know what provokes his outbursts:
He threw a plate of hot food across the room when some of the sauce dripped over the plate and onto the floor. I was on the other side of the room putting food on my own plate. There was no exchange of words. When he cursed me out at the hardware store it was because I wanted to build my son a toddler bed using the directions I had drawn up, and he didn't agree with them. When he said I was dense and he knew more about building than I did, I told him to stop and forget about it. That's what started that.
Another time, he called me a an F-ing b*tch in front of my family, then proceeded to walk to the place I was going because I backed into a small plastic trashcan in his car. It didn't even have anything in it. So there you go. There's what I did to bring down the wrath. Judge for yourself.
|
|

sinned
 |
I would have left already. He is sick. Your child does not need to be around this unhealthy situation. One day you will be hit, or your child. Why are you waiting? |
|

Greg S
|
That thing he did at the store is enough for you to leave him. |
|

Mr. Badwrench
|
Enough is enough right now! |
|

ramjet
 |
enough is RIGHT NOW
you need to contact your local women's distress centre and get help now. Please don't wait.
It will only get worse from here dear.
per your additional details
I stand by my original post - you need to call a distress centre now and talk to someone who's been there done that.
No one has any right to disrespect you in this manner. This is not something small that will go away - he's trying to control you and once he realizes that this is difficult (ie he's not getting his own way) he'll begin to use other means of gaining control. Get help before it's too late and he hits you or worse. |
|

searious
|
Enough is enough now. Either get counseling or take your son and leave because his behavior will only escalate. He has humiliated you in front of your son and in public with no consequence; believe me from experience, it is only a matter of time until the physical abuse does start. There are agencies and places you can go stay if you do not have family. Ask him to get counseling with you, but be prepared that this could set off a violent argument with him telling you his only problem is you and that you are the one who needs counseling because you are crazy. It took a Catholic priest to tell me that I should leave and that if my husband changed then that could be the wake up call he would need, and if he didn't change then I would be well rid of him. You do not want your son growing up thinking that his mother and all women deserve to be treated in this manner.
Be brave and good luck! You do not deserve to be treated this way. |
|

Rachel
|
Get away from this man - he doesn't love or respect you; don't waste anymore precious time with him. |
|

amazingly intelligent
 |
Enough was enough yesterday. Your husband is a terrorist. It is only a matter of time before he gets physical. Throwing plates and glasses? That's a very dangerous temper tantrum! Get out, honey. Contact the Salvation Army. They have shelter for you and classes that will teach you why you are in an abusive relationship, which you are.
Get out now with just the clothes on your back! They will help you get settled, provide daycare, legal assistance referrals, ect. This is serious. Get out with your life and your child's life while you can, don't become another statistic. GET OUT TONIGHT! |
|

billc4u
 |
if he can do this to you now and is throwing things around you as you say then you should either get him some help to deal with his anger or you need to leave, no mother should have to suffer such things in front of their children and if your son grows up around such behaviour then he will feel that the only way to treat women is the way he has seen his father do. You can love someone and never be with them I have gone through that and I am still standing you would also. |
|

Guernica
|
He's verbally abusive and about five seconds away from physical violence.
After the episode in the hardware store, I don't see any reason not to file for divorce. The man sounds like he might have some kind of bipolar disorder to behave this erratically, especially in public. |
|

T Time
|
He has an anger management problem, and if he doesn't take control of it, you will become physically abused. My advice would be to separate from him, give him the option to get some professional help for his problems, and then you will decide if you want to continue with the marriage. For your safety, and your son's, get out of his way until he gets help. |
|

El Tigre
|
Looks like it is only getting worse...how much longer are you going to wait for it to? Maybe when he hits you or your kid? |
|

ron k
|
Only you can answer this question since it is your life, but don't forget your son's life counts as well. Your husband sounds like maybe he needs a wake-up call and one other thing: What do you do if he beats you or your son or both of you? Were I you, I would start to plan an exit strategy NOW instead of later. If you don't use it, no harm done if you need it however, it's there and ready to put into action. Good luck! |
|

Sonora M
|
Time for that doggie to go bye byes. |
|

Red
|
It's like that song goes: "Sometimes love just ain't enough". If that's all that's keeping you there, please know that you can love someone from a distance-- in this case, a SAFE distance. Just because he hasn't actually hit you or your son doesn't mean the situation isn't harmful. And there's no guarantee he isn't going to someday cross that line anyway... sounds like all the other ones have been nicely breached.
How much do you love yourself? How much do you love your son? You're right, that isn't a good example for a child-- and he may or may not say so, but I'll bet anything he doesn't feel very safe in your husband's presence.
If there's anywhere you can go or someone you can talk to, please do so... just get yourself physically separated from this man. Once the dust settles, begin to learn how to develop a healthy dose of self-respect so you don't end up in another situation like it, or go back to him when he starts with the inevitable "I've changed, really" sweetness-and-light routine. Because honey, he WILL. It may truly be all good if you go back-- for like, a week or a month or so. Then get ready to start dodging hot food and F-bombs again when something rubs him the wrong way, i.e. the sun coming up.
Don't bother calling the cops. They'll either do nothing, or arrest him for one night, or take away your son permanently. There are plenty of women's shelters and hotlines out there-- look in your phone book or ask at your local employment center, for two examples.
There are many people out there-- some men, but mostly women-- in the same situation you are. Reach out to them and get ready for some growth! Best of luck to you. |
|

Bert
|
Heavenly Father, I ask that you would break her husband's anger, and soften his heart.....in Jesus mighty name....amen |
|

momathome
|
This sounds like a relationship I was in about 7 years ago, except the guy hid these things from the public eye. He is also the father of my son. Like you, there were promises of change but it never happened. When I finally got the nerve and left him for good he got worse for awhile but pleaded with me to come back. Since then he is a different person. We still talk because of our child but that is it.
I don't regret my decision one bit because I eventually found a man who treats me the way I should be treated.
NO ONE should ever treat you that way. It means he has no respect for you or your child. Leaving him would probably help him see what he has done. But don't give in to repeated broken promises, you need some standards. Don't waste your life on someone like that. |
|

jonesy634
 |
He obviously has no respect for you... which is sad. I'm not going to tell you to stay with him or leave him, but just to point out the fact that it sounds like he has zero respect for you and I can't imagine that your son would benefit from growing up around him (not sure if he is the father of your son or not?). He either needs some help... like anger management... , or you have a big decision to make. |
|

dr.pepper106
|
If he won't agree and attend counseling for his temper then enough is enough. |
|

gracy808
 |
I have never been in a relationship where i have been curserd at or called anything. and speaking personally, i can't imagine going through something like that, especially my husband. he has greatly disrespected you in front of anyone, especially in front of his kids too. not only that but has performed violent acts. one day he is going to direct that hit towards you, then when he realizes you are tired of him and not afraid. guess who he's going to turn on? the kids. and yes children imitate what they see, i'm sure you have heard many stories, the home is the foundation to a kids future. it should touch your heart to know in what situation you have your kids living in you know, and i'm sure it hurts you. i'm a mother and i will sacrifice anything for my son, even my own happiness. Enough has been long over due in your situation, i understand you love your husband, but it's time to start loving you and your son alot more than that* my mother once told me " it doesn't get better, it gets worse." all 5 times she was completely right. i know love, and i know pain. and i know now that they don't go together. |
|

carbonatedcolor
 |
obviously your husband is very violent towards you, which could prove dangerous later on down the road. if you have not already had enough and and are willing to save your marriage i would seriously look into counseling of some kind. but if you chose counseling, be tactful in the way you address it to your husband because it could set him off into the deep end.
if a man ever tries to harm you (and it sounds like he has by throwing things at you), i don't honestly think he is worth your time. |
|

rtanys
 |
It's already too much. This man is abusive and your son will grow up thinking it's okay to treat people like this. Your willingness to enable this behavior only reinforces this message to your son. Do not tolerate this any more. Get out now or this cycle of abuse and rage will continue into the next generation and beyond. It's up to you to break it now. Do not wait. Leave tonight! Right now! Save yourself and your boy. |
|

snickers
 |
Power and control is what he is doing...
He has to see for himself..... he's got a problem, you can't do that for him, you risk your safety so I'd leave and let him work on it..if he loves you he will understand, also if he's that volatile you may want some friends around when you tell him, he might really go ballistic....
good luck! |
|

hazzy
|
it was enough the first time he had a temper tantrum... he might not be abusing you physically but hes doing a number on your mentally (trust me, I went through that years ago) you might love your husband , but you've got to love yourself and your son more.
Don't wait for the other shoe to fall.. put your shoes on, and walk away from the drama |
|

jane h
 |
YOUR son is next on the list of his anger God bless you and what you are going through go to the churchs they are so nice. there is so much I want to tell you right now because I am separated from my husband too the only thing I can is Domestic violence I wish you lived next door we could visit. I am going tomorrow to a pace called weave they help with all sorts of things it stands for women experiencing a Violante enviorment |
|

shane s
 |
Listen sounds like he acts like this is an elementary school relationship. You have every right to be concerned for your son. Please do not let him grow up thinking this is what love is all about. Find out if your husband is truly happy with your relationship, sounds to me he is not, no one would treat a person they love in this manner. GET OUT NOW!!! do not settle for this kind of life. |
|

Seldom Seen
 |
He is showing the classic signs of an abusive husband. It is only a matter of time before he physically hurts you and/or your son.
It is not going to get any better. In fact it will only get worse. His explosive temper will lead him to harm you and/or your son.
Your son is learning from your husband how to treat women. Children learn by observing the actions of their parents, and right now your son is learning how to disrespect women. He is also learning that the way you deal with problems is to throw things and have a bad temper.
It's only a matter of time before your son learns how to hit the one you supposedly love.
You are in a very dangerous situation, and you need to get some help to deal with this problem. Be very careful how you deal with this problem because you don't want to set your husband off. Apparently it does not take much to set him off.
I've seen too many times where women have been beaten or even killed by a lunatic husband. I'm not trying to scare you, but I also don't want to see you or your son become a statistic.
Take care. Be safe. You and your son's safety comes first. |
|

average_guy_1271970
|
You may love him, but he obviously doesn't, or probably more accurately, doesn't know how to love you.
Love is patient and kind and uplifting. A love between a husband and a wife should be a lifelong bond based on trust and acceptance.
Your husband doesn't sound like anyone I'd want around either of my sons. And it sounds like you have a very tough decision. The best thing you can do for your husband is to set boundaries and consequenses for him. Like - if you lay a finger on me or our son I will go to the police and make sure you go to jail. Do not raise your voice to me infront of our son or you will need to move out. I think you should also force him to the best of your ability to get some kind of anger management counselling. It sounds like he's a ticking time bomb that could go off at any time. You sure don't your son around that.
Good luck. |
|

Green-eyed Nikki
|
sounds like enough is enough to me. he may not have hit you or your son yet, but he probably will eventually. even if he doesn't, what he has done is still abusing you and your son emotionally and that is not fair. as a mother your first responsibility is to your son, and you have to protect him from any existing or potentially harmful situation. so basically I am saying that you need to get out of this marriage because it is not healthy for either one of you. it may be hard, but you'll be thankful from preventing any physical abuse that will come later. good luck and be careful :) |
|

monetspicasso
 |
maybe he has a problem that you do not know about
get him to go to family therapy
if he refuses to improve make your plans & do what you have to do... |
|

Just me.
|
You have to be the strong one here and really put him in his place. Why should you have to tolerate such behavior ? Are you going to wait until he hits you or your child ?
He needs some anger management therapy.
I would take steps in leaving him, if he pulls that cr*P again, just leave him to an empty house.., if he fights tell him that you can't out up with such behavior. |
|

notnew2U
|
Enough was enough, when you had to type this, asking for an answer. Throw his sorry *ss out! Insist he gets counseling for at least a year before you consider taking him back. You shouldn't see this and definately not your kid. Stand up for something or you will settle for anything! |
|

|
|
|
|
Last name issue? |
| I've just filed for divorce on my husband of 10 years. We have no assets together (thank god) and I will have Full Custody of our 2 kids because he is unable and unwilling to support himself ... |
|
I cant forgive my cheating husband, but we have a baby? |
He was sending dirty texts and ringing one of my best friends they didnt do anything because she said no, she told me and I cant forgive him.
Its made me really insecure, I was feeling like ... |
|
I have been happily married for 6 years. I want a threesome, do you think it will hurt my marriage? |
Additional Details If it's gonna hurt my marriage maybe I should go be with another woman without him being involved.... |
|
How old were you when you met / got together with the person you married or plan to marry? |
I’m interested to see how young or how old people were when they first met the ‘right one’
Has anyone waited until they’re 35-40 or even older? Has anyone married as a teenager & never ... |
|
Should I let my hubby have his fantasy???? |
Should I get another girl for a threesome? I don't think I'd hate it, I just don't want it to become a habit. Additional Details these answers were really great, from both ... |
|
Why do ifeel so bad? |
| my little girl 3rd birthday was yesterday and i had a little tea party for her but today she whent to her nans (on dads side)and she is going to get a birthday party there i no its going to be better ... |
|
I want to marry someone famous dont you? |
its my secret desire!
and it will happen one day! Additional Details this was a poll for my school work, thank you for putting the ideas together. =]... |
|
Help settle an ongoing feud between wife and I!? |
This is a messy subject but frustrating none the less:
Husband thinks: "Flushing female products down the toilet causes it to back up"
Wife thinks: "The city ... |
|
I want a divorce, but how do I tell my husband and kids? |
| My reasoning is he has cheated on me. It may not be physical yet but it is defintly emotional. He is texting another woman and he wants to spend more time with her and her husband more than with his ... |
|
Do I look Asian? Thanks!? |
Or maybe half Asian? Additional Details http://i118.photobucket.... |
|
Why do husbands stop? |
| They are so sweet and inocent at the begginig. They always shave and greet you with smooches. Pick up after themselves and order flowers, takeout and sometimes cook! Leave sweet notes, let you choose,... |
|
I work in Target and i have a little funny problem, can you help? |
| well iam a guy, i got hired in Target as a cashier. i have to ring up many items for customers, one of these items are women underwear and other women related items. i get very embarrassed especially ... |
|
Draining boyfriend!? |
| Hi i have been with my current bf for around 11 mths now,in that 11 mths he has lost his gran lost his car and his job all with the space of 3mths, as you can imagine this has resulted in him going ... |
|
How do i tell him i dont want to marry him? |
| How do i tell the man that i live with and share a home with that i dont want to marry him. I dont know why i just feel it in my gut. I have tried to ignore my feelings and he knows i had ... |
|
What can a husband do to help his wife with depression after having a baby? |
| She takes good care of the baby, but as soon as I get home she gives me the baby and locks herself in the bedroom and cries. She has to take a medicine, but she hates taking it because she says it ... |
|
Am I right or wrong..? |
| My husband is the only one working. I'm Canadian and my Permanent Status is being processed so at the moment.. I can't legally work. I'm at home all day while he works a 40 hour week ... |
|
How can i make my husband happy in this marriage? |
| My husband says that he will always be unhappy in this marriage because I did not turn out to be the wife he thought I would be.He told his brother that he wants to be with a certain other woman ... |
|
Why cant it be legal to marry yourself??? |
I mean we agree to all different kinds of marriages...why not to self? Additional Details wow!!! There are some funny answers!!!!..... i WASNT talking about myself...i'm happily ... |
|
|