When do I tell my new guy I'm divorced?

I met a great guy and we are going on our forth date on Sunday. We had our first kiss on our second date, we made out a lot on our third date. We get along really well, and I really like him. My problem is, this is my first relationship since my divorce.

I've gone on a few first dates, and nothing came of them. I am trying to figure out when is the appropriate time to tell guys that I am divorced. I find that if I tell them up front before the first date, some say no big deal, others call it off.

I do believe in honesty, and I don't want to betray that so early on. However, this is also something I don't define myself by, and don't feel like it's any more important than any other old relationship (no kids involved).

My new guy and I haven't talked directly about any old relationships. When any questions he asks require mention of my ex husband, I answer honestly, however, the few times when it has come up, I find myself just called him an ex, not an ex husband.

Any advice or help on how to tell him, when to tell him, and if it is even important to tell him would be appreciated. I'm so lost with this one!

Thanks!

It was me- I had taco bell.

If there aren't kids involved, chances are he won't care anyway.

*Mommy Bimbo*

Honestly I think the sooner you tell him the better because if you wait too long he will think you were hiding the fact about the ex husband

cowboydoc

Never offer anything that isn't asked, why would you. If he doesn't care enough to ask than why should you offer.

Kari

Just tell him the next time you go out that the ex that you mention is really your ex husband. He deserves to know before the relationship goes farther. I know plenty of guys that don't want to marry anyone that has been divorced and plenty that don't care. Find out which guy he is before either one of you gets hurt.

Random Questions!

I don't think it's lying if you don't tell him. Your ex husband is nothing more than an ex boyfriend with a fancier title. He's no longer in your life so why bother bringing it up? If he asks, tell him, but no need to tell him out of guilt...Someone else suggested telling him as soon as you become intimate...that's stupid. It's not like having an ex husband is an STD

SAM

Ooooh tricky! I can imagine how hard this is for you. My initial thought was no, why should you have to tell him â€“ divorce is hell. People that haven't been through it (or had someone close to you go through it), may have a odd perspective. So why should you give someone the right to be a "judge" and risk having them taking the high moral ground or a stereotypical view on something they did not live through. You are right in that your divorce doesnâ€™t define you, but remember, it has made you who you are and taught you invaluable lessons!

Having said that, I did change my mind by the end of your answer because you really do seem to have a connection with this guy. I believe you should tell him before you sleep with him (when ever that is but I think you should consider taking it slower than usual).

Please know that my answer to your question is for YOUR sake and feelings way before his and this is how you should be thinking too.

When you do tell him, tell him exactly like you've said here - it's perfect!

Good luck! I really hope it works out for you!

vanitykillz

Tell him once it gets serious. Honestly, you don't owe it to him to even mention that you were married before, as you said, you don't define yourself from being divorced, so it really doesn't matter that much at this point.

Once it gets serious and probably after you make love a few times, lay in bed and say, 'you know, this isnt a big deal to me but I just want to mention it. I was previously married and am happily divorced. I just thought you might want to know and dont want to make it seem like I am keeping anything from you. I really like you a lot and like where this is headed....' and pause to let him speak. if he doesn't right away, start talking about something else, plans for that weekend or whatever.

anyone that is worth yr time wont care that you were previously married. Good luck. :)

David

Its ok to let him know you are divorced. As long as your not currently with your ex boyfriend it is totally ok.

Debbie B

For one thing keep on referring as to your X. If he really has good intentions as your relationship with him progresses, it shouldn't make much of a difference to him.

Missy

You are acting like you have a disease or something!! lol it's not that big of a deal...really.

Unless you are dating someone who is totally religious and won't consider marrying someone who has already been married, then you might have an issue, but times have changed and you have every right to be honest about your situation and not be judged.

Sounds like you are afraid of what other people are going to think of you...time to stop that cycle. You are a grown *** woman and have alot going for you. You moved on for a reason, and have every right to be happy and not wondering what other people think if you were married and it didn't work out.

Tell him honestly, the next time he does something super sweet or romantic or something you've actually never had done to you before, use that moment to say "hey, even when I was married my ex never did that to me...or whatever". And that's when the conversation will start.

Mr Doesright

Now. It doesn't make you a bad person because you have a divorce under your belt. It could be something a lot worse. Look at Elizabeth Taylor.... she's had more husbands than many women put together would have in a lifetime!! SO WHAT. Be honest like you said.
Good Luck... If it helps.

nonameblonde

It's hard to start dating after a divorce. On so many levels. That's for sure. Just be honest with him. On your next date, tell him you've really been enjoying this time with him, you really would like to continue to see him, and you just want to clarify that you were married before. And you wanted to make sure that he understood that because you weren't sure and you didn't want to look like you were keeping something from him. You don't need to go into tons of detail yet. It's still new. You can (if you want or if he asks) say you were married for X amount of years and it didn't work out. There's no kids and no need for you to elaborate until that time is right for the both of you. Good luck!

mimzy

If he really likes you, it shouldn't matter. I think I would tell him that I was married for a brief time and leave it at that. I don't imagine he wants to hear the gorey details.

sunbun

I don't think this is important enough to worry about day to day; however, if the relationship should move forward and ya'll start to sleep together, IMO, he should know before ya'll sleep together

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