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When does the heartache stop? My husband wants to separate, I love him dearly.?
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When does the heartache stop? My husband wants to separate, I love him dearly.?

Together 9 years. Married less than a year. 2 young kids. Things been bad for months. My husband says he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and wants to separate. Things were bad and we were both miserable and he doesn't want to go back to that. I dont want a life without him. I love him dearly. I cant sleep, eat, or function properly. He sleeps on the sofa for past month. Will be moving out shortly. When will this heartache stop. Feels like torture. He knows how I feel. We barely talk. I miss him.


You have spent the last nine years with your husband and have two beautiful children with him.You sound like a dutiful and loyal wife and hence it is understandable and natural for you to be thinking and acting the way you are.It's a very challenging time to say the least and I can totally identify with how you must feel. The symptom's you mention (sleepless,loss of appetite etc) are unfortunately quite common with this type of situation but knowing that will probably be of no comfort to you,sorry.

"when does the heartache stop? " Sorry to say but there is no easy answer to this.Since different people react in different ways to the same situation the heartache time varies.If you're anything like me (and I hope you're not) then the pain or heartache could last at least months.

As difficult as it may be you need to try and block the negative thoughts from your mind and hence gain a bit of sanity.Only when you are in a good or reasonable frame of mind will you be able to make them crucial decisions/choices you need to make for yourself and your children.I know it's easier said than done.

I do sincerely hope and pray that your husband comes to his senses and realises his responsibilities and does the right thing morally and ethically.If he doesn't realise how lucky and blessed he is to have you and the children then he needs his head testing.Wishing you all the best,take care.

*Crush* Thankyou for your extremely polite and kind comments.I wish I could say or do more to help.Wishing you (and Teresa) all the best for the future,take care.

Sadly there isn't much you can do. Let him leave, and that will be the real test of how he really feels about you.
Yes, it's hard. Believe me I know. How do you go on? You'd do anything for him to stay. But honestly, do you want him there out of pity? Wouldn't you rather him be there because he wanted to be there?
My suggestion to you is, Surround yourself with a lot of supportive people while he's gone. Start doing more for yourself. And keep a journal.

I'm sorry :(
And good luck


At least he seems to have made this decision on his own. My husband has just left our family for another woman he has been with for 3 months so we are now unable to talk through any problems as his mind has been made up and anything I say is falling on deaf ears. I like you am unable to eat or sleep but am trying to keep it together for the childrens sake. I really to empathise with you and know we have to be strong for it has to get better - it couldn't get any worse at the moment.
The only comfort, if thats what you call it, is that you cannot make someone love you no matter what you do but someday there will be someone out there for you to share your life with again and you will come out of this a much stronger person. If later he does come to his senses you may even think he has done you a favour and then it will be up to him to see how horrible it is to feel like this.

I feel for you but you really need to talk to him and find out what's gone wrong he must have loved you before. Just talk and remind him of the old times. Personally I wouldn’t give up till I’ve tried everything. So I would advise you to do the same.

He might be having other problems and he might think by ending the marriage he can start a new life. A lot of men just want to run away when problems arise.

Good luck.

I know this sounds harsh but you have to let him go. It sounds as though he has moved on good luck!

If you are one big hurting person all the time, he's less likely to even WANT to talk to you after he move out.
He needs to still be a good dad to his kids. You need to stop depending on him for your emotional needs.
As hard as I know it must be, the best way to get through the heartache is to realize that the stronger you are as a person, the more you can stand back and see that you are both adults who didn't make a winning combination, for whatever reason, the more you can be a good mother to your kids and respected, even if not loved, by your ex.

Hi Hun, all i can say is if he really wanted out he would have gone. Me and my hubby in similar situation. Took me a while to realise that i have been suffocating him by endless questions such as where why and who with when he goes out and accusations, (no reason for and totally unfounded), just me and my insecurities not caused by him though. Just wondered if you were the same and so there lies the problem. Funny thing we have been together 22 years and married for nearly 2 when problems came to a head.

I hope that people will learn from this. You have been with a man for 9 years, had two children by him, and now he wants out. It sounds like all was fine as long as he wasn't married to you, but he can't stand the thought of being tied down, and uses the excuse he doesn't know if he loves you. You may not want a life without him, but I think it would be better for you and your children to get out from under the tension and move on to a better live. If you can't talk about this, then you have nothing.

you guys have to talk.. and plan out ur life.... and assure him that nothing will be like the old sad days.. that were before... talk to him.......

jackie m
It hurts for a long time but before you start will you stop to consider the consequences - is the house mortgaged? if so will he still pay the mortgage and let you live in it, can he afford to pay it and rent somewhere else to live? Can he afford to pay 25% of his salary to child maintenance and pay the mortgage and rent property? At this moment he will say no problem he will do that for you and the kids? there is a lot to do if he leaves and several months down the line he will realise he cant afford it all and will then want to sell, where would you and the kids go? - Back to the pain you have, when he moves out it will be 10 times worse than what you are feeling at present and will be like that for a year or two, could you cope? in the end it will be up to you to get on with your life and move on, I went through it after 20 years of marriage and I lost my business and my home and moved to homeless property with my daughter and her 1 year old child, 12 years later I am just starting to get back to normal financially and have a new partner for the past 8 years but that is going stale. several people are telling you to try again, I wouldnt waste my time, he has made his mind uop and as you say things are bad, if you couldnt work them out before he decided to leave how can you work it out now? Good luck

Alice W
The pain will last for some time but he is just prolonging it by sleeping on the couch. Tell him to leave now because you need to heal so that you can function as a mother and a human being. Also tell him that you will not tell him that you can't live without him because you but you do not want to, but it would be better that he leaves now.

craig b
Let's face the facts.........
You have no control over another's WORDS, ACTIONS or BEHAVIOR; only your own!
If he leaves, it will prove the liar that he is! For he PROMISED that he would never do that and .............?

I have something for you. It's called DivorceCare and it's not just for divorced people. It's for all people to come to understand WHO they are in this world; inside or outside of marriage. This 13 week program will bring you tremendous understanding of relationship. Google it up and find out where it is near you and GO!
You will find out things that you have never known before. If he comes back - you will find a new way to do marriage. If he doesn't come back - you will find a new way to do marriage.
Your tears of sorrow will turn to tears of joy!
(I've seen it many, many, MANY times!)

honest girl!
You need to get it together. Its a sad situation but once you can accept the fact that he doesn't want to be with you anymore the easier it will be to move on. No man is worth losing sleep and stress over. Its clearly obvious that he has already checked out of the relationship and will go on coping a hell of alot better than you.

Is there any option for counseling?? Divorce is an ugly beast that can destroy everyone involved, it is best to prevent it when you can.

If there is no reconciliation, do not let your emotions get the better of you. Set up a shared parenting plan for the best interests of the children. Go about it by their needs, work on it positively before it become a "battle".

Children suffer the most in these situations, the benefit from parents who can be ADULTS about the divorce.

I do hope counseling is an option that can help.....

♡❤♥ℓİv€ İn Łø۷ℓ♥ღ♥♡❤
awww im sorry thats so sad [=

Super Star
You should probably confront him before he moves out and say why he feels this way. Tell him that you love him and that you will do whatever it takes to stop you from leaving.

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