When found guilty why does he try to find something wrong with me?

Jack K

You want a divorce over a few emails .... Maggie ... there has to be more that you're not telling us??? ... and that's ok it's none of our business .... but .... to ask for advice and expect an informed answer with so little of the whole picture here is difficult

jon h

That's a defense mechanism problem in Men. I have a hard time admitting my faults too. Then I pick at my wifes problems and inconsistencies to make my problem cancel hers out. I've learned from it and now I'm upfront and honest. I wouldn't email ex girlfriends though. Unless he's broken up with them friendly . . .

I don't believe it!

Because he can't accept responsibility for his actions. He should apologize and work things out with you.

Bean

Go to a therapist, no I'm not kidding. You two need to talk things out. A therapist will help you work things out and Score! He or she will say whos wrong about what and how to fix things. You both need to talk things out with a professional.

ilovecats

what a dork. he is just trying to make himself feel better about what he did. Kick his butt to the curb! you deserve better

Archie P

...There's nothing to discuss here.....It's obvious...forget that loser..get your divorce and move on...

Prodigal Son

It's a way of making him feel better and less guilty,
I'm sure that you're a very sweet and beautiful lady.

Thank you :)
Don't let him do this to you xx

sdavila42

Its easier to turn the blame onto someone else so they see themselves.

Billy B

"Maybe" because it was your fault? There is certainly more to this story as it seem just by how you describe it. People, no matter who it is, do not get up one day and start cheating or emailing other people for instance. It's "Why" you go and email and talk to other people that is the issue. That is because you are not getting what you need at home. What I can't stand is when people say ...."It's a two way street and it takes more than one person to break up". This is nonsense, it's because some people have anti-social behaviour, they have addictions, they have depressiona and many times it is only 'One' of those people who are killing the other. So although I cannot say for sure who was at fault. I can safely say it started before the email and to let you know to 'consider' the fact that you possibly just might be the issue as there is not enough information from your question to find out the entire details...

linz_b

because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions and is trying to pin it on you. you did the right thing by kicking this loser to the curb. happy new year!

EDIT: WHOEVER GAVE US ALL THUMBS-DOWN, I CAN TELL YOU ARE ONE SUCH LOSER THAT DOES THIS TO HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER

merrymary09

Ego problems.

NiqGirl

It's called reverse psychology - men are good for deferring the blame. If he can't see that this was his fault and not because of anything that you have done - then there is a deepr issue. He will always continue to blame you as he has. Cut your losses and move on if you don't feel you can trust him again. If you forgive him, it normally only reinforces the bad lying, deceitful behavior.

fizz4eva_uk

its a typical male response ive found. You prove theres something wrong ith them, and they cant stand it. Have to find some reason to be better than you. Id just ignore everything he says about you. He obviously has ego problems.

Xanadu

Because rarely does a marriage happen without two people. Same for infidelity and same for divorce.

If he gave you what you need, then you'd give him what he needs. He's 'supposed' to be the leader, head of house, the man- so he's the one who should be taking responsibility. He sounds like he's mentally slow.

SimReality

It sounds as though as he is insecure. He doesn't want to take the blame and he wants to place it on you so that you feel worse. No relationship should be like that. Good luck with your decision of staying or leaving. If you do divorce him, I hope you can find someone who will treat you better.

MikeD2

Well, to me anyway, it sounds a bit irrational to divorce over a few emails, even if they were to old girlfriends.
There is obviously a lot that you have omitted in the question, and for that reason I cannot comment further, other than to say that everything gets nasty when relationships break down.
If you are a controlling person, you will be disliked even more by him, though he will doubtless apologise many times along your painful journey ahead.

Autumn's Mommy

This is such a man thing!! They can never admit that they are the one to blame...because God forbid their ego get hurt.

And pride...

Sad, but true.

Good luck to you, I know what you are going through, trust me.

rosiejo

He's a man. Makes them feel better to blame you for their wrong doing.

~<3~autumn~<3~

well because hes a man duh!!! i mean hed probably rather lie then loose his pride. but in the long run that lie will come back and bite him!! i am no love expert but youd probably be better either to forgive and forget it as a mitake or get the divorce un less you truelly love him!! thats my advice.

may love find you in your own way!! happy new year gurl! lol

James

bacause your husband is being unreasonable

Snipergurl S

It's because he is trying to justify his behavior by insinuating things about you...

He sounds like real trouble to me, but on the same hand one can't help but wonder why he was emailing his old gf's? Some people just like to keep tabs on their old partners to see how their life has been since they were together... Unless there is concrete evidence to prove anything other than this was his intention, why not give him the opportunity to explain what he was doing. This way, you can watch him try to lie his way out of any guilt he has or, like he has previously done... he will blame you.........

Either way, he is up to no good and should take responsibility for his actions.

Katie W

Likely because he wants to share the blame -- lessen the load of guilt, a very natural reaction, though not at all helpful. It's possible there's a grain of truth to his accusations -- or not! -- but even if there is, justifying one's own bad behavior this way does NOTHING to fix the problems, it's just rationalization of why it was "okay", when he knows deep inside that it's not.

jeff w

Men, like all men, Have to be right. And when they do something wrong, and they know it, they try to reverse blame. Him trying to save the marriage tells me he does love you, but he knows that you are serious about it. So know he is resorting to make you think that you did something wrong, and that you would feel guilty if you went through with the divorce.

diquarry

sorry, but that's typical behaviour of a lot of people, men especially. they're too immature to accept responsibility for their bad behaviour. diane.

he see's your lack of marital skills as the reason for his contacting previous ex's ... if you was the perfect wife he wouldnt contact them.. silly really .. its as much his fault as your s for a guess

he should really have addressed the issues with you before it got this far

billieray

The best means of defence is ATTACK. That is what he is doing.....

potato

You are going to divorce someone because they emailed an old girlfriend?

My wife has not only emailed but spoken to one of my old girlfriends. Speaking for myself I have nothing to hide, as chit-chatting with someone in an appropriate manner, One has to assume when you get married you are an adult in a casual conversation between two adults there is nothing to worry about.

It simply sounds like there is more to the story than what you had said in your question, which makes answering a question like this almost impossible.

grandparay00

noone wants to accept totally blame when a one on one goes bad nor should they most problems are lack of communation,commitment,consern ank most of all knowledge what the other party wants from you.

mic

Man are like that, i just broke up with my bf and well his like why are you breaking up now, there must be something that your trying to cover up. I feel that people who blame things on others have not mature enough so your better off without him.

amt

because if he can blame you then he wont feel so bad about what he did

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