When would it be smart to move back in with my alcoholic husband?
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When would it be smart to move back in with my alcoholic husband?
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Brief history. He's been a drinker all along. I have been mostly unhappy for our 8 years of marriage. I left about 2 years ago and went back after promises of no more drinking. He started drinking again within weeks. He is verbally abusive and has left me feeling empty and alone. I have begged, pleaded, offered anything I can think of over the last 8 yrs to help. No bites. Marriage counseling, church counseling, AA, and threatened to move out. He finally called my bluff on moving out about 5 weeks ago and I left.
I was clear that I don't want a divorce. I just want him to get help and get sober. He's been in AA for about a week now and he was doing great.
The problem is he is pushing me to move back in, which I don't think is smart yet. He keeps asking when and I tell him when I'm sure he's going to stay sober and attending AA. He got very angry with me today about it and tossed out all sorts of criticisms of me. He says that I left because I don't want to take care of my homemaking responsibilities. It's more fun and easy to live with my Mom. Now i can be lazy. I've got it too good to move back. I tried to talk to him about it, but he told me I wasn't allowed to defend myself since he couldn't defend himself. He called my parents 'enablers' for allowing me to "have it so easy".
When do you think i should move back in? How should I gauge that? What should I tell him about when I'll come home. So far, all I've said is that I will move back in when I'm 150% sure he's sober and committed to it. Any other thoughts that I could tell him?
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Nancy P
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this is my life over I was married to my husband for 22 years, he was always getting DUI spending time in jail, he also was abusive, and in front of my kids, I left and yes I went back a couple of time the first time was when he call to tell me he had liver problems, that didn't last long, so I went thur with the divorce, once he found out he had to pay alimony, he called weeks later to let me know that he loved me and wanted to get together, the divorce had not been filed as yet, so I cancel it and as soon as he got the letter in the mail stating that the divorce was cancel he starting drinking again, this time I did not ever go back to be with him and this year in Jan. he passed away a very painful death, I was there for my children. so I am saying they usually have a plan to get you back and then when they do he will go back to drinking, and you will have to do it all over again, if you are out just keep going forward, if you think he will quit drinking and abusing you wait for awile along . be safe |
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white
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You say he has been abusive, he doesn't desire to have you back at all. Give him a chance (you have done it many times in the past and it doesn't work) hes being abusive to you again, trying to say its your fault hes a bum, drunk. I would tell him no more bull, I am fed up with it, no more excuses either, get straightened out and in 3 months if your still sober and not abusive anymore thats when I WILL decide weather I am coming back or not.. If it doesn't work get a divorce and move on hes not worth wasting your time with. |
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M S
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He has too many anger issues for you to go back yet. You need to find an Al-anon meeting and talk to others in your shoes. Al-anon is for families of alcoholics. I think it is way too soon for you
to move back in with him. And he needs to know how serious you are, but you need to give him something to work for. How often is he going to meetings? If he stays sober X number of days, or attends X number of meetings, and stays sober. Something along those lines. And no more verbal abuse, which includes saying how easy you have it at Mom's. and no pigsty for you to come home to either! |
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Louie
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most of the time AA says no realionsips for a year but when your married and have moved out i am not sure how that works, maybe you could attend a alnon meeting and meet others who have been where your at and get a better understanding of things..i will not lie and tell you this is going to be easy but i do agree with you, you should wait awhile before you move back in with him..sounds like he just wants his house keeper and cook back, because do not kid your self the bottle is his wife until he fully divorces it |
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silly lady
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He obviously needs help and you can't give it to him. The only person that can help him is him. You've tried and from what you said he doesn't seem to be getting better or even attempting to go down the path towards sober. So the rate he is going at you'll never move back in and he needs to accept that and you need to have a happy and healthy life without him. |
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crazy8eddie
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I believe 90 days minimum. It is easy to fall off the wagon even after a year or two. |
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Jessica
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NEVER |
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Mr O
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as soon as you have beer money |
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