When you search through your partner things, is it an invasion or privacy or unforgivable trust issues? Well?

Valerie X Account #20! At Last!

After we married, it was no longer "his Things'" and "her things"...it all became "Our Things"..........

Oh, and that was My Husband's idea, and a good one at that!

Angie

Dating couples shouldn't snoop. That is just creepy.

Once you're married there is nothing to hide, so it shouldn't matter. I already know my husband in a very personal way, if I can do the things I do to him, then I would hope I'd be trusted enough to know everything about him. It would never occur to me to "snoop" in my husband's things unless he was acting defensive or as though he were hiding something.

There seem to be a lot of people on here that are defensive and very "closed" in what they share with their spouses. Seems kind of odd.

TRIXIE

i go through everything. prisoners do not have rights.

Future Mrs Zigler

If you don't have anything to hide, it shouldn't matter if they look through your stuff.

I've lived with my fiance for two years and I don't care what he looks at and he doesn't care what I look at. I don't think it's any different for married or dating or engaged or anything.

Trust is trust. If you have a need to hide something from the person that you are with, then you shouldn't be trusted.

Lucy

If you are married, there shouldn't be a problem with looking. The only reason someone wouldn't want their spouse to look through their things is if they were hiding something. Dating is different.

My hubby has all my passwords and what not. I have his. Do we use them? No. Don't need to.

EDIT: I just saw you wrote "Other women". Can't get your own man or what? C'mon! Get off this site, go to Ebay and buy yourself some self esteem.

KimBaby

"Snooping" is always inappropriate. Communication is KEY to a successful relationship (be it dating or marriage.)
If you have questions of your partners fidelity, then ASK.

And yes, to me, it is that simple.

Eyes

You shouldn't do it but we all have done a time or two in our lives. But it's more a trust issue than anything. If you trust him you would not snoop

dukemack

If you feel the need to snoop - you dont have a partner.

Rey

Snooping isn't appropriate, an open line of communication works...if you feel like you can't trust what they are telling you, then that's a big red flag...

willn2pleaze

I think it is completely inappropriate! if you want to know something ask the other person. why would you need to doubt their answer? you should look at yourself and your motives.

iheartamericaneagle07

I am the type of woman who feels that if you have nothing to hide then why not let me go through your things? I am completely open with all of my things as well, leave my cell laying around, he knows my passwords, etc.

For a couple who is only dating, I think both parties have a say in whether or not the other should be able to go through their things. You are not entitled to know every detail of the other person.

However, when you are married, I think everything needs to be in the open, no questions asked. It then becomes your right to know.

As for when it crosses the lines, I will say that when my husband and I were only dating, one night I came across something that made me change his passwords to an online account so I could read his messages. That was crossing the line, and I should have waited. BUT in all honesty, he had given me many many reasons not to trust him, but Love will make you do crazy things, like stay with someone you dont trust.

Sweet Cheeks

Of course its an invasion of privacy! Just because you are married or in a relationship does not mean that you are one person. Both people in ANY relationship are still entitled to their own lives and some personal space! What makes any relationship work is the individuality of each person and the way in which they coexist - not the complete melding of two individuals. By not respecting each others privacy and personal space, you are in essence, saying that the other person doesn't have the right to be an individual!

Now if you are truly "The Other Woman" - then shame on you, but mostly shame on him. I would really have to doubt your judgment in men. Obviously he doesn't have a good character and why you would waste your time on him in the first place is completely beyond me.

(When I was speaking of the right to your own life and personal space - that does not mean that you have the right to do whatever you want. You still have an obligation to the person you are in a committed relationship with.)

I'm a Riot.

I'm a secure woman. The sole time I've been suspicious of my husband, he was talking to a coworker about me when we were going through a difficult time. 30 seconds of looking at his text messages confirmed it. To me, invasion of privacy is far less egregious if the other party is up to no good. We thrashed it out and I never looked again.

kwflamingo

I don't know - I've never snooped into any of my guy's things and he's never snooped into mine.

Katrina D

both dont do that

ah-ight

dunno about rights, but it's certainly not respectful to search through anyone's belongings. married, single, or whatever. unless you are a parent searching through your child's things (as I feel that's only acceptable because you're SUPPOSED to be looking out for your child's best interest) , it's not cool.

Happy-2

This is going to sound strange, I think, but both my wife and I simply tend to be people who feel insecure sometimes. It's not that we're particularly thinking the other one is not trustworthy, it's just a bad personality trait we share. So, if she invades my email, but finds nothing bad (of course), and feels better and less insecure as a result, I think that's a good thing. And if I invade her phone and go through her call history and find nothing suspicious whatsoever, and then I feel better, I believe she also thinks that's a good thing.

I don't mean to give the impression this happens frequently, because it is actually pretty rare. But in our marriage, we don't ultimately consider it inappropriate to invade each other's privacy sometimes.

Princess

i just went thru my fiance's email..now im stuck wit info i dnt knw wat to do with..i have trust issues..he knws that..he's not helping me feel assured..so...go thru them to make u feel better..i did it made me worse instead of me knowing i was the only one

kim h

I do not snoop through my husbands things. If I had a reason to and was suspicious I would but not until then.

Complicated

It is both an invasion of privacy, and difficult to forgive (can't go as far as unforgivable) trust issues.

This is such a major sore spot for me! I almost see red when talking/thinking about this one. Snooping is deceitful. How does one justify deceit to uncover suspected deceit?

Two problems with this thinking: 1. fruits from the poisonous tree. 2. Ends don't always justify the means--especially when they employ the very methods they profess are wrong! Grrrrrr.

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