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His mommy
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As hard as it would be for my kids, if it were me I'd be dead inside pretending like I was happy when I KNEW my husband was cheating. I don't know how I'd make it day to day.
Your 16 year old doesn't want to see his/her family broken either, but the truth is in this situation you shouldn't be taking advice from your child.
Would your husband be interested in marital counseling? If you know that he's going to cheat again, I think you know in your heart what's best. The other question I'd be asking myself is: When my child gets married, would I want them to stay with a cheating spouse because they know I put up with it? I d want my kids to have more respect for themselves. |
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xXvilleXvaloXisXmyXbitchXx
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explain to them what is happening
tell them you could get a disease and die and its all his fault cuz you really could get an STD
see what they say then and if they say leave than leave
i know it sounds harsh but its the truth
besides the 16 year old is young he wouldnt know what it is like to be cheated on
and there doesnt need to be a daddy around cuz my mom left her hubby when i was 7 and my little sister was 2 (by the way this is her real dad i dont know mine)
we were sad but then she explained what was happening (it was the same situation-go figure-well he also did illegal drugs too so yeah) and it turned out we were waaaaaaaaaay happier with no dad than a dad makin our mom upset
and there is still visitation as long as your ex acts right and if he doesnt get some stuff on him and record phone convos and everything cuz where my sis dad did the drugs an dealing them we caught it and he gave her up completely and my step dad adopted her so know she is legally our step dads and hes a good guy but i didnt want to be adopted so yeah
its for the best im 14 now and my sister is 9
but truthfully we were happier with out a dad during those 4 years than we ever been its just that men have screwed us over but im not like ahhh no men i ust ont like my step dad |
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Nikita -x-
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im a bit young, so what i say might be bollocks....but
i truthfully think ur in a VERY awkard position.... mayb u shud split up for a while n sort summit out . |
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The Wife
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It's great that you'd make such a sacrifice for your kids but in the end its what you want and how you feel that matters. If you are miserable, the kids will pick up on that. And your 16 year old shouldn't even be involved in this. It's the parent's business only. |
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jemmamomma
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Your 16 year old has no idea what it feels like to be cheated on by a spouse. You need to do what makes you happy--the kids will be worse off if they live with unhappy parents and grow to learn that cheating on your spouse is ok. |
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Amy W
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Never, ever stay for the kids' sake. You will be miserable the whole time, and your children will lose out because of it. If you aren't able to give it your all, it's the children who will suffer. They will be upset about you leaving your husband, but when they are old enough to understand, they will agree that you did the right thing. You have to come first in this situation. He may never stop cheating, and he may bring home a disease.....or even another baby. |
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Deena D
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Wow! That's a difficult situation. I say follow your heart. Don't listen to anyone but yourself. You do what feels right for you and your family! |
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becca
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Your 16 year old has most likely never been in your situation and therefore doesn't know how you really feel. I would divorce him, if I were in your position. You should kick him out and live a great, happy life with your children. Do what makes you feel comfortable and happy. If your miserable, the kids are also. And a home with no arguing or fighting is more healthy for the children rather than you and your husband arguing and fighting all the time. Good luck & I wish you the best. |
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Alexa's mommy ♥
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I agree with 'jemmamom' |
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dakotarose
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Sometimes we have to make choices. How good of a mom can you be if you are forever unhappy? Do you want your children to see marriage as something they have to put up with and that its ok to have one or the other person in the relationship cheating and not keeping up their end of the vows. It goes against everything when you look at it....marriage- to love and to cherish (if he cheated he doesnt) . Think about what message it sends your children. AND they are just that....children...they might not understand it but you have to save yourself before you can save anyone else. If you think they will be a mess if you get divorced and you think you need to be divorced ( I do he broke rule #1) seek counseling before for you and the kids and continue it during and after for as long as they need it. Staying in it for the children isnt always the answer...it will b e hard but hopefully you have family and friends you can trust to talk to and everything. (if not email me....) Good luck and God Bless!! |
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♥ĢŕÄħăm´ŠĢîŕĻ♥
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One day the kids will be grown and go out on their own.... and there you'll sit - either alone, or miserable in a marriage with a cheating spouse you can't trust. Life is short, my friend. Leave now and find some happiness. The kids will adjust and in time will grow to understand that mom deserved a life too. Take care. |
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* from the Great White North*
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it is hard on the kids, but you need to think of yourself too.. one day your kids will be grown and you will be stuck in a bad relationship. You should not feel guilty about this mess... it was you husband who did this to you and the kids by cheating! Even if you decide to stay I suggest counselling for you and the kids, the fact that your 16 year old knows about her / his dads affair will be hard on them. My opion is that it is better for kids to be from a broken home than be in a broken home... because if he cheats again ( and chances are he will) he will keep hurting your kids too. |
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♥mushroom♥
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ALWAYS think of your kids. Do you really want your 3 children around a lire, a cheater. It will be a mess, of course. but once your kids are old enough , explain what there dad did.
they will soon understand.
always have your kids first. |
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winona e
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You say that he has cheated on you how many times??? How many more times are you waiting for??? He'll be doing it again, again and again. Till you drop him. You both should get some counselling if you want this to work. All the best. |
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rebecca s
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i am a child of a spilt home. i wouldnt be who i am today if my mom and dad wouldnt have left each other. i know it is hard for you to decide but your childern will never be as happy as they could unless you are happy as well. Because i remember all the stress that use to be in the home it seemed to also stress me out. Im only 19 now but i realize that my family did what they did for all of us. if you were to leave in time your family would grow to understand. it took me a little while as well. but you have to ask yourself do you want to stay there. something i have learned in time is that we all know the right answer but doing it is the hardest. i wish you the best of wishes to you. dont forget which im sure you havent try to talk to your pastor at church. |
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MrsMitchell
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A divorced home is better for children than a home with both parents that is very unstable. If you think you and your hubby can work it out, then go for it. But if you think the relationship is lost and the problems between you will affect your children then get out. |
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Chulis
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. He has cheated a FEW times. Do you really think he will not do it again. Are you going to be able to trust him? |
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kyukyu99
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My grandmother always told me that you have to follow your own heart even if you have kids. Staying in a miserable relationship is only going to effect them negatively. You may want to take your 16 year old aside and explain why you feel you need to leave, and reassure your child that their dad and mom still love them very much and he/she will not be kept from seeing the other parent. I know it must be hard, but you can't keep going in a marriage that is hurting YOU. |
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konni#1
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my mum wanted to leave my dad they r still together coz my siblings were broken hearted i saw wat she went threw cos im her only daughter and i wanted them to separate coz it would teach my dad a lesson!! they took a break and now my dads a perfect husband/father! explain to ur children y? and they'll understand |
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model.girl03
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obviously your husband doesn't share the same respect and love you do for him. if he loved you, i mean really loved you, he would not have to find love somewhere else.
dump his a$$. |
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Love
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I'm a 16 year old daughter with a 14 year old sister of a single mother. She's been married twice and i was there to witness both, and in the end I'm very glad she left. My father cheated on her multiple times and was a bad person overall and her second husband was very abusive mentally and physically and i encouraged her to leave both to make her happier. My mother is the one that gave birth to me and has devoted her life to me and she knows that staying in a dysfunctional house would have just made my life worse and taught me wrong things affecting my future relationships. I truly believe my mother did the right thing, even my younger sister agrees. |
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SLIM in 2008
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you should not sacrifice for OWN hapiness for ANYONE even your children bcuz if you are not happy the kids will know that and be miserable anyway |
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thevoice
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Well you can't be miserable just to make your kids happy. Do you want to catch aids next time from your husband? probably not. He doesn't care about you and who knows if he is protecting himself with those women out there. It only takes for him to cheat on you one more time to catch aids and pass it on to you. Then your kids are not going to have a mother to take care of them, and then will be broken hearted FOR REAL!. You have to be an independent woman and move out with your kids! They will have to understand, and they will in the long run. Just because you are separating doesn't mean they have to lose their daddy. You and your husband can arrange for visitations. Be smart! Doesn't it gross you out that you are getting slappy seconds from woman you don't even know? |
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Jennifer M
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I know what you are going through, because I was the kid whos dad cheated on my mom and they got a divorce. All I can tell you is do NOT stay for the kids. They are probably going to get upset either way, either at seeing you upset when he cheats on you again, or if you leave. Just because you leave him doesnt mean you are leaving your kids... Im sure that they will understand eventually. You have to look after yourself emotionally, otherwise, how can you take care of your kids?
I hope everything works out for you. |
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Sandy Ego
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Ideally, your kids come first. But if you are miserable, the kids too will be miserable. So you kinda have to balance. |
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Stuck in Neutral
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If it is either of the two above, I say the children. .But it doesn't have to be like that.
If your husband isn't being sincere, you are probably fighting and the children can feel that tension in the home even if you aren't displaying it. He's not a good role model for the children and he's definately not being a good daddy. It may be in the best interest of both you and the children to get out of there. The children may not understand now but later in life they will. I know it takes a lot but you can do it! Good luck! :D |
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cope_acetic
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You should make HIM leave. Staying and forgiving sends a message to your kids that cheating is acceptable. Ending the relationship teaches them that cheating is not to be tolerated, and they'll be less likely to do it/put up ith it when they are adults.
They won't be a mess- kids survive splitting up every day. But I do think you should be the one keeping the house & kids. |
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futureknight
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Well... depends really. In ANY case I would say KIDS ALL THE WAY, but if this becomes a regular thing, its gonna get bad. |
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OhKatie!
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First off, your 16 year old shouldn't be a part of your decision-making here. This is between you and your husband. Your children need to have positive role models and there's nothing positive about seeing their father disrespect their mother and seeing her stand for it. In the end, they'll be better off knowing that you stood up for what was right for yourself and them, and eventually, they'll grow up respecting the sanctity of marriage and themselves.
Having said that, this isn't a black and white issue. It sounds like you and your husband could benefit from some counseling. |
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Butch R
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get out if he cheated once he'll cheat again put your in counseling and get some for you to. the kids will grow up thinking that its OK to cheat on your spouse if you do nothing |
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