Why am I Scum?

NH Baritone

Buddy, if you want to have your wife, then get off the f***ing computer and go be with her. Now is not the time to be engaging in idle conversation with strangers. Take her to dinner. Take her to a movie. Apologize.

Disconnect your internet service at home.

If your marriage is important to you, and you really love your wife, make a simple sacrifice and go be with her, if possible, RIGHT NOW.

^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^

Aura

You are human, and you had a need. You need to stay away form this person or quit your job and find another. Apologize to your wife and ask wat you can do to make it up to her,Show her your good intentions and tell her you love her, if it is meant to be it is meant to be. The rest is in the lords hands.

michael d

You can't serve to master at the same time, you have to let go the other, otherwise you will loose both.

therapyphd

I sounds like you are in a horrible place in your life right now. Overall, its important to address the problems in your marriage before making a decision about whether or not it will work. I strongly suggest going to a marriage and family therapist, especially since this may show her that you are truly sorry and willing to make the effort to get help. There you will discuss whats lacking in your marriage, and if she feels she can ever forgive you and move on. Good luck. Dr. Max S.

o0o_fenix_o0o

it was a kiss....you didnt sleep with her, and you were both drunk when you kissed....yes, it was a horrible mistake, but it was just a kiss....yes, its going to take some time for your wife to trust you again, but it could be a lot worse. Fight for the one you love. We all fall down once in a while....

meredith

very tough question and at this point since you admitted your shortcoming it is your wife that has the prerogative. let her take her time to decide. with regards to change, yes people change, especially they change their minds,but whether ir not they stick to the change is another matter. having a change of heart is better.

peaches6

Sounds like you're looking for an excuse to separate from your wife. Kissing another woman was wrong, but it's not unforgivable. You and your wife can work it out without you being too hasty about throwing in the towel. Both of you should seek counseling and work on your marriage. It's not the end of the world. Good Luck!

dede

She still loves you and you are not scum. I know you must feel bad and you know that you were wrong and NOW you realize how much you have hurt her. If you are serious about making things work then do it and dont talk about it. Fight for what you believe in and if you believe in your marriage then fight for it

Kwazey

ALCHOHOL

Cool Chic

your not scum. Your just an idiot.

Jem

What you did was wrong, but your feelings are not wrong. Your marriage is obviously not doing it for you right now and in which case other things are looking / sounding good to you. In the end, their not....trust me. You need to create some excitement with your wife, the one you love, and the one you want to be with. Go do something spontaneous and fun. Like a quick trip somewhere - or take a bottle of wine to the beach for the sunset (if your close to the beach).

Don't talk to the other girl again - unless you want to end your marriage - and in which case, DO THAT FIRST. You don't want to be a cheater.......

nancy m

Admitting guilt is the first step. Make sure your wife know how much you love her and that you want to work things out. You will need to give her time to come to terms with your disloyalty and if both of you are willing you can get thru this. It will take time to heal the wounds and rebuild the trust. Best of Luck

pollbee

You should not have told this woman that you would be with her if you wer,nt married,don,t let your wife go if you love her that much,YOUR just feeling guilty because of a stupid mistake on behalf of a drinking session that got out of hand,Tell your wife that you love her and keep telling her that.good luck to ye both.

city girl

Heres a saying If it doesn't fit, don't force it just relax and let it go! If it's not working even after you fought hard to make things right then let love go but love may come back to you and her!

mafiosu

Yes, people can change if they really want to. But it takes work. You haven't really cheated. Get into marriage counseling with your wife, and fix things now! What happened with this other girl is just a wake up call--not grounds for divorce. There is tons of hope for you because you aren't trying to justify your behavior and you accept the fact that it was wrong. That you made a mistake doesn't make you scum, it makes you human.

piercedtrailerparkdiva

Unfortunately you are one of those guys where you have to have your cake and eat it too which is very unfortunate. I suggest giving your wife some space for awhile and let her gather her thoughts and have some time to breathe and keep in touch with her and in the mean time work I mean WORK on changing your ways and prove to her that you CAN change and maybe just maybe she will want to give things another try..Do not think divorce just yet but a legal separation is a good idea because you both need some soul searching and you NEED to change if you love her...ask yourself WHY? Like WHY do other women turn you on,WHY do you feel the need to cheat,WHY do you hurt those who love you,etc adressing those questions are a good start. I think a cheater can change if their heart and mind is ONE HUNDRED percent set on changing and nothing else. A trial seperation or legal separation I feel would be a good thing for the both of you...for her to vent,cry and get her feelings out and decide how she wants to deal and for you to work on changing and the meaning of marriage and commitment. Remember when you married her you took those vows and she gave herself to you and expected you to be faithful.I think you can turn things around if you are totally committed and she needs to have some time alone for now and you need some time to change.

â™¥â™¦Connoisseurâ™£â™

First of all, you knew better, and you did it anyways... You obviously recognize that you did something VERY wrong, and you regret it. This is something you have to learn from... Remember how this feels, remember your fear of loosing her! It isn't your decision, whether she stays or goes. If she decides to forgive you, then you are starting again, only she's going to be on the defence. You have to live and breath her... You no-longer matter. You are the one, who tossed your relationship into the ultimate challenge, and now you must pay. She is forever forgiven for any mistake she makes, because you made the worst one of all... The two of you will need help getting past this... a counciler, mediator... something... I wish the both of you luck, 'cause you'll need it.

xcutsiex

yes why did you kiss this other woman? was it to feel that you can still attract someone? no matter what the reason was you shouldn`t of done it, you should of told this woman to back off before it got that far and why did she come to yours on new years eve? is that not just asking for trouble, were you wanting here there knowing she would of kissed you at midnight? its your wife who is the victim here, she does`nt deserve this, im sure you are remorseful and ashamed of your actions but you have alot of talking to do with your wife, you ask should you let her go, when they question should be `can I be the man she needs`!!!!! talk to your wife, i have a question for you, why did you tell this girl you would be with her if you weren`t married, do you wish you weren`t married? you need to do some long hard thinking

hiswife04

if you love your wife to no end it shouldn't have mattered how much you had to drink- and why is that always the excuse?- you wouldn't have kissed anyone other than your wife. you're not the only one that's scum- your participant is! she knew you were married. repent and ask your wife for forgiveness and mean it. good luck.

Artful Owl

I have a friend at work who last year did something very like what you have done, his wife chucked HIM out,then took him back,beat him up and then forgave him to an extent ( he is still on a curfew a year later ) all i can say to you is try to ride out the storm that you have made, show your wife you love her and GROVEL.
Good luck and i hope everything works out for you both x

kmkagreen

If you love something let it go (ie give her space), if it comes back to you it is yours,
if it doesn't,
then it never was...this is the hardest thing in the world but it is true. If your marriage was strained to begin with maybe you both need space...I do not recommend starting any other relationships during this time, use it to find out where your heart and hers really lie...and if you no longer want to feel like scum, please visit this site and see what my family is going through...www.myspace.com/seventhousands...

tony-n-skys_mama

WELL... looks like you've got yourself some issues!! Have you talked to her? and how is she feeling? What made you stray? could she ever fully forgive you and not think about you being with another woman everytime you guys are together?

You should really think about all this. and i wish you the best!

Sweet Suzy 777!

No, you aren't scum, you are a sinner. You gave into the temptation of lust, because you did not turn away from it. The solution is to stay with your wife, let her alone intoxicate you. Turn away from all other women who tempt you.

Dr_Speed

The question isn't "can I change". The question is "Do you want to?" Any one can change. Do you want to remain "scum" or become a man and stop thinking only about yourself. If you want to stay with your wife don't tell other women you would be with them if...
And don't use alcohol as an excuse for something you have already thought about doing.

robert2011@sbcglobal.net

DUDE!!!!
Sometimes a crisis like this came actually strengthen a marriage, with some help.
Maybe counseling can help you two work out how to work out the "problems" in the marriage.
One bit of advise. Real life marriage ain't like "TV marriage, or even "movie marriage" (Don't ya know?!)
Takes work.
Get busy!!!
And remember: few women want to be married to "scum" so drop the title.

Kablam Kiddo

Well it all depends on what she wants. Its not your decision to make. I'm afraid to say that you don't deserve her, but she should be the one to decide if she leaves, not you. You should tell her everything even if it hurts her because if you dont its not fair for her. You seem like a decent guy whose made terrible decisions and you owe it to her to lett her know and give her the option of leaving. You can turn this around. be supportive of whatever decision she makes, whether it be staying, leaving, or counseling.

Good luck

D.S.M

Its not true that once a cheater always a cheater, i know that personally. If youve admitted to your wife that you had a emotional realationship with someone and kissed someone the next step is to talk about it do better and let her find a way to let it go, this is not huge enough to end a marriage and everyone makes mistakes, divorce or seperation are just not always the answer and ppl had to realize that and put in the work. Good luck to you and your wife.

carlg340

OMG ! grow up ! you only kissed a girl, what would you have done if you'd ****** her!!! you marriage isn't over because of a kiss, grab your lovely wife ,strip her naked with your teeth , lay her over the coffee table and make love to her like you mean it, not for her ,for you, just take her like you want to, (don't try and regard her feels that pu*sy be a man)then if she still wants to leave let her , but she won't , works every time! but also do you think you wife is making such a big deal about this because
a. you are!
or
b. she wants out and this is an excuse?

good luck

Isa

If your wife ever truly loved you, she still does and she always will, whatever you do. But of course it was not okay that you kissed another woman. Everybody hurts other peoples feelings - if she forgives you or not that is totally up to her

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