Why do I even bother with anything anymore?

Because obviously it upsets you and you dont like that you do this. So... start one by one fixing things. You paid off your debts, that is awesome. Now youve learned, and hopefully wont get stuck with something like that again. Start taking classes slowly, it's better to go forward slowly than to stand still for the rest of your life.

Most people have a crappy dad, dont worry about it.

Somes schools, like through the student government, or the women's studies club, etc, have small grants to help students with books and such.. and some outside, private entities do as well. If you spend some free time in your evenings looking for these things, eventually you could end up with some help along the way.

Maybe eventually you could get an office job at the school youre going to... theyre more understanding about having to manage classes and do school work...

and most universities, after a year of working there (some are 6 months), they'll pay your tuition. You still have to pays for books and small fees.

dr. know it all whocan'tspel

i know exaclly what wrong with you.
you were never taught disappline.
so now you are paying for all those things that you thougt you got away with.
its not your fault., but now you are gonna have to teach yourself how to disaplin yourself.

whocj78

I'm not trying to be mean... However, after reading your question, I'd have to say that "even bothering" hasn't been a really big problem for you.

If you were a "Klepto", then obviously you weren't very keen on EARNING stuff for yourself.

If you were a bad student, even being a special ed student, then it's also apparent that you don't seem to have put much effort into learning/studying/etc.

If you went to college and then didn't bother going to classes, there again, you have a lack of effort.

It sounds like your Dad "hates" you (which I don't believe parents ever do really hate their children, they may be frustrated or disappointed in you, but I doubt they actually hate you) because you're constantly "speaking your mind" (which actually translates into "breaking his balls") about leaving your Mom when you were 5, which it shounds like was nearly 2 Decades Ago. How long does he have to sit there and be beaten up (by you) about it?

Finally, your boyfriend, well if you continue this apparent lack of effort that you've applied to the rest of your life with him, undoubtedly that will end badly too.

My advice is to stop having a "Pity Party" and start taking some responsibiliy for your life by putting some effort into the things that you do.

I hope this helps.

Good luck to you.

sarah

Sounds like you need to go talk to someone. You are depressed. There is a lot of good things out there, you have to get passed this hard part first.

Sara

well to me you sound like a negative person. if you're just goin to be negative keep that to yourself or a shrink. nobody wants to hear someone talk negative all the time and mope around about stupid stuff. you're the dumb one that got yourself into the mess. why would you get 5 freaking credit cards. thats asking for trouble. and i feel you on the whole thing about your dad leaving your mom but if you say it over and over then i think he has got the point and isnt goin to get back with her no matter what you say. so leave it alone and accept it already. sorry to be mean but maybe thats what you need. the hard truth. you made all the choices you did especially being bad in school. if you want to move on then move on in life. quit living in the past. today is a new day and tomorrow may never come so be thankful to what you DO have and appreciate it. and saying you will prolly screw up your relationship...well ya it probably will happen since you think it will. be positive. and remember that someone always has it worse than you do.

beebopopop

Depression. its a serious thing.. sounds like you have alot to be angry about in your life, but the real question is when are you going to take responsibility and make your life better? i know its easier to say then do, so take baby steps.

Just Me

I think the reason is because you are not happy with your life now. The best way to move away from this life and into one you want is with school. Yeah, it's going to be work and at times not much fun...but, it's not going to be worse than it is now, and it can get you away from everything you don't like about the here and now. How I would look at school is that each day you go there is one less day you will have to be involved in all the things you don't like. My advice is make up a list of what your goals are in 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 6 months and 1 month (than write down what you need to do to accomplish those things). It's easier to move ahead if you can see a list of what you want and what you need to do to get it (as you do each thing you can cross it off the list). Also, you have had a real hard time and at school you could talk to a counselor at no charge.

School is your way out of this life into the one you want. If you don't do it not much can change.

Al B

You are the result of the divorce between your mom and dad and the feeling from that are felt by millions of others in a similar situation. The best thing to do at the moment is to try to find a better job, first of all and perhaps talk to someone about your feelings. Feeling the way you do, the boyfriend may be someone you picked that you might not pick if you didn't feel the way you do. The way you feel may also have a medical reason you are not aware of. Do you eat good? That makes a difference. There are natural herbs that will help your mood so try to go to a health food store, tell them how you feel, and see what they suggest. There are several I think which will turn your world around but I can't think of any at the time. Try to reach out to people to talk to, whether friends or people you enjoy being with, or perhaps people on here - my email is listed for example and I am a good listener. Remember, it sounds trite but this is the first day in the rest of your life and what you do with it is up to you.
Get the movie "homeless to Harvard" if you can and it will inspire you but it was a tv movie so you may not be able to. Don't let the world grind you down but live one moment, one day at a time, and the problems seem smaller and easier to overcome. Good Luck to you!!!

Clementine

maybe you can start doing the opposite of what you have been doing, and see how that goes. good luck!

Complicated

I am completely in love with whocj78's answer. Brilliant. You should read it over and over again.

Quasimodo

So every decent opportunity you've ever had you've failed miserably at due to your own doings.

Ever think to look at yourself and ask 'why'?
How come someone who seems to have an opportunity to improve herself at every turn effs it all up? So if you continue you'll be either a welfare pig, hooking to make ends meet and turn to a life of crime, drugs and desperation or end up dead.

Not really many good choices there, is there? So my question is why can't you get some discipline and go after what you want instead of being like King Midas in reverse and everything you touch turns to sh*t?

I mean you sure don't come across as stupid. In fact only lazy and stupid people fail miserably. I would hope you'd prefer not to be in that catagory.

cjmessy

What's the question? Why bother? What is the alternative, are you suggesting suicide? See a counselor, take out some school loans and leave the drama behind.

Vanessa

theres a lot more people out there that have it a lot worse than you!! grow up!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: