Why do husbands stop?

n2mama

Well, I am speaking from the perspective of a wife of almost 8 years with two small children. I still am greeted with smooches and a hug, except every time he hugs me our daughter runs over to get into it too. Kind of cute, but not really romantic. My husband wears a beard, so shaving has not really been an issue, but I will admit that I shave my legs less often than I did before we had kids. My showers have to be shorter, and there's not always hot water left for a shave! As far as picking up after himself, that was never his strong suit, but he will help me pick up the kids stuff, so go figure that one out. He is still willing to get takeout if we want it, but I don't remember him ever cooking for me in our married life. On the other hand, since I work 3 nights a week, I'm happy he feeds the children. There is no doubt that our focus has shifted from each other to the children, which is not a bad thing, but certainly does change the dynamic between us. And I will admit, one of my resolutions this year was to have more bedroom time with him because that had kind of fallen to the wayside and I wanted to work on it. He thinks it's the best resolution ever. And honestly, before marriage and kids (mostly before kids) I worked really hard to look good for him, but now, I don't really care if my hair's in a ponytail and I'm in sweats all day since I'm cleaning house and chasing children. So for us, at least, it goes both ways.

rightnow

we all are guilty of that not just men

Luvlee

He's not the only one changing... you are too. You don't realize it, but everything is more exciting at the beginning, it cools off with time. You change too, everyone does, it's normal.

jk1967

but my dear have u changed also?

Mike

the pursuit is over for your man...he seems to think he has conquered you, but not all men are like this...especially the ones who want to maintain a good marriage.

The XYZ Affair

Its fun to date and do that stuff. But when you're married and have kids, its harder to be romantic. Maybe leave the kids at the grandparents once in a while and go on a date.

schecterspina

Awe. This makes me want to cry. My only question for you is. Are you doing the same to him?

ferosh

have you tried talking to him about this? sometimes the stress of life takes over and he starts to take you for granted...

Nikita

hes prolly saying the same.... "they always shave, greet you with smooches...sometimes cook..." haha

i dunno. kids change a lot of things i guess.

T$$

well that happens to alot of marriages, and im a married guy for 8 years with 2 children, and i still bring home the flowers and we make love at least 4 times a week still. making her happy is what i live for. i dont get y some guys do that, all i can think of is that its a lack of effort. i dont think its that he doesnt love u the same, i think he just got tired of going out of his way for u

Bette D

Are you putting some time aside for the two of you to be alone? Maybe a surprise night alone without the kiddies around would spark him up. Let him know you do miss the romance. Don't be shy about asking for what you need.

Kat

because they don't need to impress you anymore... they already have you

~~*Paradise Dreams*~~

LOL, I can identify, only I don't have kids! You are asking the question every married woman wants to know the answer to!

Bilinda G

Well are you doing the same things you use to do before the kids arrived. It can go both ways on this one. Sometimes they need to be reminded but most of the time they stop b/c their is more important responsibilities that they have now and you have been put on the back burner. Talk and communicate. Let him know you will be willing to do some stuff if he will romance you a little. A little compromise is in order b/c I can gurantee you aren't the same as you were during the courting part.

mzartistic

Woman are emotional beings, and therefore we tend to like to feel loved, but men are more physical (not that they aren't thoughtful and all) but some men get bored, it not that they love you any less, then just need constant excitement. so try and shake things up, maybe not have a routine all the time.

mybootyisthatbig79

The same reason why some women stop giving head after marriage-they feel that you ain't going nowhere so they no longer have to do those things. LOL---Chris Rock's words-not mine...LOL!!!

Answerer

Instead of something you have together voluntarily, it's now your life setup - an obligation. Just like people don't go to work skipping everyday with donuts for everyone. Some people do. But for most everyone else, it's obligation.

foreverhappilysingle

They get comfy, and just assume you know...Also to a guy having kids is like the ultimate GUY killer...It signifies that they are not longer available, but rather very much TIED down, and it freaks them out...So they fall into the same comfy level everyone does when a relationship is out of the HONEYMOON stage...Its normal..It doesnt mean he doesnt still feel the same way..It simply means he know you know how he feels about you, and he doesnt think your gonna fly the coupe so he doesnt feel the need to pound it into you like before....Why dont you take the first step to get that back. Send the kids to granny's house and go out on a date...So many moms lose theirselves in motherhood..They lose their identies to their kids...every other day ....take the step to make yourself look awesome...Ill bet youll get those complements and sweet stuff back...

Cupcake

LOL They put their best foot forward. Now they have what they shaved and coddled and cuddled for and they don't have to do all that work anymore. I've seen this alot and many women complain that their husbands have let themselves go. I've seen women do the same thing. But it doesn't happen in every case, my husband is still the same man I was dating a while back. It's just that most men are naturally lazy creatures.

Anna F

t a l k
t o
h i m
o k
b y e

Bossy_Pig

we get bored easily

Little Paul

Of course, I assume you realize that this is a generalization.

Given that, I have seen it occur fairly often as well.

My theory is that men (and women) have animal instincts, and the (animal part of) a man is like a cougar who does his part in reproduction and then moves on. (I think one male cougar will typically impregnate multiple females in one season.)

HOWEVER, humans are civilized, which means that we have ways to overcome our animal instincts. For example, if someone ticks us off, we don't just go smash their heads in!

I think that if men genuinely make the effort to truly love their wife, they will be rewarded by finding deep love and romance in her.

My wife left me, and I appreciated her more *after* she left. :( :( :( :( sad lesson to learn.

God bless,
Paul

sapphire

Didnt happen to me...My husband and i have been happily married 17 yrs and he is still the same sweet,loving,caring and affectionate man i married...He still buys me flowers,still loves to cuddle,still tells me to him im the most beautiful woman in the world to him and still says he could never live without me..

bahbdorje

And you expect me to believ you have not changed how you react? Have you stopped being responsive to the compliments? Do you nagg? Nagging is real turn off.

Women always dump on men about relationship things. But Never look at how they have changed in the relationship.

Courtship is hard work. Should it have to last forever?

shebs

I am going to ask you a question to which only you know the truth: Do you think romance is all about him giving and you taking? That is how I have read your bit here.

This seems to involve communication issues too. If you are speaking to him in demanding language, nagging or constantly seeking attention, then he will probably withdraw, and for a number of reasons. The main one is that we know that there are certain battles we cannot win.

He needs encouragement too, and all I have read here is that he should constantly be head over heels about you and all you are is some sort of precious gift to him. Truth is, that you are a gift to him, but you do not seem to be giving him more than your presence in his life. Your references to him are not positive either!

Marriage is sacrifice, and you will have to sacrifice pride and effort to show him that he is the man of your dreams. You have to do this because YOU have seen it as an issue. He is NOT a mind reader, and he may also take time to re-stimulate.

Complacency in marriage is very common. You are not alone, and neither is he in this situation. Often those who complain about the complacency of others are guilty of it too. Do not feel too bad about this (or blame him either), but recognise that it is an issue that you both need to work at.

Work tires a man out, and women too( whether it is dometic or outside work), and you both have to make sacrifices.

I hope this helps

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: