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fanella
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money cant buy love and as long as you give your child plenty of that you wont go far wrong |
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JF
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I'm not a parent, but I would suggest not trying to compete with other relatives with those types of things- kids will probably see right though them. You should give your child the most important thing- time and education- they will respect you much more than if you just try to buy their love. |
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lucyshines49
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I have been there and back. I want you to know that your "little tea Party" will stay with her forever and she'll hold them for her own daughter. Who knows they even invite you. Never worry that you are failing your child in any way, you are her Mother and she loves you, turns to you for comfort, nursing, and oodles of love. When your daughter comes home with fancy presents hug her and tell her that that was nice of Nan. You sound like a lady with class so hold your head high and be proud of who you are and all that you will install in your child to ready her to face the world. Luck to you and a happy birthday to your daughter. |
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Stevie
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Your the childs mother. A child will always treasure his mothers love no matter what. The nan will always be 'the nan'. You are the mother. Have fun with her, make her laugh, play with her - give her good memories cos memroeis last - not expensive gifts.
Your the childs mother and its natural for a child to love its mother
Good luck |
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Mike R
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Get out of your monetary evalution system. Kids know the difference. Maybe not at 3 but I'm sure this will not be the last time. Your love is the best. |
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LEE G
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Don,t worry money will never take the place of love and your daughter will always know who loves her, And a Mother is always a girls best friend, So your daughter will grow up knowing how much you love her so please don,t ever worry about that. |
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Just me
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She is their grandmother. She is meant to spoil your daughter. Grandmother's use their last penny to make sure that their grandchildren have the best.
You will never be replaced by the grandmother. Your children will ALWAYS love you more. No one is putting you down because you don't spend every penny on your daughter, it is all in your head.
What is a tea party anyway? Why didn't you simply invite your daughters friends round and get the children to sing and dance and play games like pass the parcel. You don't have to have much money to give children a good time.
Your problem is you didn't put a lot of effort into a party and this is why you feel guilty. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and don't deprive your daughter of a loving caring grandmother. No one is competing with you to be the best, get your life in perspective and get a grip! |
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nenndre
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It is OK that you have less money than your husband's parents or your parents or anybody else...
Your little girl is YOUR little girl and she will never ever forget who is her MOMMY no matter how much money other people have. You did what you could and one day she will understand if she doesn't already. The tea party was a great idea ! and i am sure she loved it !
I used to have an aunt that every time she would come to visit me and my brothers, she would give candy, we used to love her (we still do), and mom confessed recently when she remember it that she used to feel very upset and she will always felt down and she thought that we love our aunt more than her. But it is not true... we love our mom and dad. And nobody can change that even the candy or even the money.
So, don't worry... Your little girl will be always Yours. |
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madame_emperess
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It sounds to me like nan puts a lot of her self worth in how much $ she has to spend and you're letting yourself get pulled into her game. She can't compete! You're always gonna be mommy and she's always just gonna be nan.Are you able to provide the necessities? If not, maybe you need to go back to school & look for a better job or take a look at cutting some expenses.If you are, give yourself an attitude adjustment. How lucky is your kid that they get two birthday parties? A special one with mommy and a fancy one with nan. You just need to focus on what's important & remember that if you're allowing yourself to feel inferior because you can't buy "the best" things, your child will pick up on that & carry those same misconceptions regardless of what you tell her. Your child needs stability (food, shelter & clothing...need not be name brands or even brand new), attention, support,protection,support & loving care to live. The rest is just fluff. |
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forktonguebush
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The only one making you feel bad is YOU. Be happy for your child. She's enjoying some gifts you can not provide. Not everyone is in a position to provide everything. Your daughter knows you LOVE doesn't she? DON'T COME BETWEEN THEM & HER. You may not like the results. Be happy for her and tell them thank you. Remember you are not their daughter. If they ARE putting anyone down it is THEIR SON. I can't give my kids everything. If they could get it from relatives I'd say go for it. |
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Lee-Lee
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dont worry bout it. your daughter is only 3years old. And your the one who gave birth 2 her. There is stil her whole life to be her mother. and if this is really bothering you, you should have a little chat with her grandmother. she is proberly jus doin all this coz she loves ur little girl.
and remember...ur her mother. ther will always be a connection btween mother and daughter. |
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ceribootylicious
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please dont feel bad....i went through it many years ago... but fear not... you are MUM and no-one can change that......children dont forget who's there for them on a day to day basis... it's not always about the money...x |
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Raven
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Money isn't everything, and the thing you have to think about, more importantly by the sounds of it remind yourself is that money doesn't buy love, your little girl will probably love the party at her nans but she would of also loved the one you gave her, the most precious thing you can give to your daughter is your love and respect, presents are nice and all children think they are the best things ever and while shes young she might only seem like she is interested in those gifts but isn't it her mommy that she wants to see before she goes to sleep and when she wakes up in the morning?? Love is unconditional and priceless, which is why it is the best present your daughter could ever have.
Oh and one last thing, don't let your mother in law put you down in any way what so ever, have you ever asked yourself why she lavishes your daughter with gifts? probably to make up for some kind of mistakes she made with her own kids as they were growing up or simply she is trying to buy her own grand daughters affections. Just let your daughter know that you love her and that is all she will need. |
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Dolly Blue
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I am a nan, and in a similar position. When the grandchildren have birthday parties I give their mum some money without the children knowing. A party is then arranged and I attend with their gift. Sometimes we have parties at MC Donald's or somewhere of that type of thing.
Could you not tell your mother-in law that next time you will go halves to the costs of ONE joint party ??.
If you tell her how you feel surely she will understand.
Your child is VERY young, you cannot let this go on for years upsetting you.
However please believe me your child will love whatever you can afford much more than she will appreciate her nan throwing money at her.
Hope this helps !!!!!! |
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done it
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make friends for ur own reasons lol |
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shebae
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MONEY ISNT WHAT IS IMPORTANT,BUT BEING THE BEST MOM YOU CAN BE IS. A CHILD REMEMBERS THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF A MOTHER AND THE FUN THINGS YOU DO TOGEATHER NO MATTER WHAT THAT MIGHT BE. |
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curious george
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Please remember you cannot buy her love. A hug and kiss every night when tucking her into bed before you read her her favorite story will buy her more wonderful memories than anything from nans. Keep having tea parties for her for the next few years. She is actually not going to remember much at 3 years old yet. When she's 6 or 7 start having a couple of friends over for the party. When she is older take her to a museum or a children's theme park, those will certainly be better memories than nans, although you shouldn't discourage her nan, as she is part of the family and maybe she can contribute to the party as a guest when your daughter is older. |
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dixi
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I really don't know how to answer this. Do you hear yourself? Who cares, there are alot of people who only wish they could throw any party for their kids. Yours is getting two parties, and you only had to pay for one! Your MIL sounds like a dip, just go and enjoy the party at her expense, your daughter loves you, so dont even doubt that! ~ |
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Jane Marple
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Does Nans sit on the floor and play barbie with her for hours...does nans take her to the water park and run, jump and sing along under the sprinkler....I don`t think so. When your daughter comes home with big presents or large amount of money say to her 'oh it`s nice of grandma' but don`t give it anymore importance then it deserves. Everything you share with your daughter will never be replaced by toys nans is giving away. My daughter is grown up now and she never remembers the big presents or the big buck her grand parents gave her but she remembers all those times her and I baked cookies together and all those pick-nicks we had in the backyard. Don`t worry about anyting, no body can replace you in her little heart. |
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libenyo
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the best thing she has is u nomatter wat the others give her they can neva replace u.
She is only 3 let her enjoy her child hood but rememba she'l always luk up to u anytime make sure ul b thea 4 her |
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Amber
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I'm going through the same thing right now with my ex mother-in-law. And it makes us feel bad, because we know better than to let it make us feel bad:)
But everyone pretty much nailed on the head what we already know deep down. I'm sure that you are raising your child to value the things that money can't buy. And one day, like you, your child will see "nans" true colors. Money can't buy integrity. Hang in there and keep your head up! You could always just let nan buy the things that she wants to buy your child, and spend your time concentrating on raising a well-adjusted little kid. Also, everyone knows the real fun is in baking cookies, going to the park, and bedtime stories! And luckily (for me anyhow), those things are free. |
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mark s
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Ignore it all if you can, your 3yr old loves you 1000 times more than the next closest. Concentrate on giving her a happy life and the love will keep on flowing.
you are giving the best anyone can give -mums love |
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Bela
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Done feel bad.
You give your daughter much much more than ANYONE ever could.
YOU are her Mum and you
LOVE HER UNCONDITIONALLY.
thats Priceless!!!! |
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Rach
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ok, you're her mom, right? you feed, clothe, bathe, heal, and everything else in between. you're the one your little one runs to when she's scared, happy, excited, or puzzled. that's irreplaceable. so unless some tragic accident happens to you, nan is never going to take your place and your daughter (especially at this age) is not going to think she is better than you.
so what if the party is better? that doesn't make her think that her nan is better than you. it would be like if you had the birthday at your house or at Chuck E. Cheese. of course your girl will want to go to Chuck E. Cheese over your house. she's a little kid. if she wants to go to nan's house, it won't be for the reasons you're insecure about.
good luck. |
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ENIGMA VS MYTH
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NEVERMIND IT'S O.K! NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY DO, NEVERMIND LET THEM DO. HOWEVER YOU ARE THE ONE AND THE ONLY OWN MOTHER FOR YOUR DAUGHTER, NO ONE CAN CHANGE THAT. BE AS USUAL AND DO THE BEST AS YOU CAN FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. |
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ginnyjade11
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all she is trying to do is overpower you. don't let her do it. alls it does is bring you down. And besides your her mom and you are doing the best you can. All moms get that way for there kids because it is there child. They feel bad because they think they are doing bad and not getting what there kid(s)
want. Besides she is only 3 years old, you don't have to throw a birthday bash or anything, i think the nan just wants to spoil her. don't let it bring you down remember you are her mom the nan isn't! the nan just likes to think so :) :) |
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**Diana**
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I'm sure you're great mum and ur little girl love you.Yes,all children love birthday parties but life isn't about parties and they will grow up one day..When i was a little girl,my father often wasn't at home and we didnt have so much money.So..my mum couldn't afford expensive things.But I didn't mind at all as my mom was great mum,my best friend and I love her so much!!!!I could not have a better mum!!Don't worry!Enjoy your life with your precious little girl!!be happy,life isn't just about money! |
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♥**•.¸¸verbalkint♥**•.¸¸
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your little girl knows your her mam, and you do your best, im a nan and i spoil my grandson not to get back at his parents but to spoil him give him the best, and if its any consolation I was a single mother and couldnt give my son everything but hes a well balanced man now, who doesnt seem deprived of anything while growing up, and hes a wonderful dad, |
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pikachu
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there is nothing you can do except ignore the woman. your daughter may not understand now, but one day, she will. you were doing the best you could with the resources you had at the time. everyone understands this (finally) when they become a parent. my sister is like this with my grandmother(on my dad's side, he's my stepfather and she's my half sister) right now, and my parents have money. it's not about that, it's about her getting spoiled and my mother has 4 kids that she treats equally. my grandmother doesn't. (we have different last names, us three older kids and her). and i KNOW it makes my mother sick, because we have talked about it. but there is nothing she can do about it besides what my parents did a couple years ago, which was stop talking to my grandparents altogether until they realized that we are all their grandkids. but you know what? the first time my sister's heart gets broken, who is she going to run to for comfort? who does she see every morning when she wakes up and every night before she goes to bed? one day she will realize that material objects given to her will not give her a good mother figure, as your daughter will realize the same about money. |
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Koosher
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it may seem that way, but really, you are mom- no one can replace you. just shrug the woman off as the rude witch she seems to be. |
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Angela S
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I get the feeling that you are the only person that will end up feeling that nan's party is better. Your little girl is 3 years old. The memories your children hang on to and those of sentimental value not of material. Your child isn't going to remember the banner that says Happy 3rd Birthday. I doubt she will even remembers her 3rd birthday. Don't beat yourself up. The thing that is most important to our children is that we give the best of ourselves not of what we can get. I must say a tea party is pretty cleaver. What this tells me? This little girl has a mother who allows her child to have an imagination. This is far more important than balloons and gifts to the ceiling. We as parents always beat ourselves up for our short comings. But we really have to get behind the minds of our children and ask what they would really value. Remember when your child was smaller and regardless of how many new toys you bought her, she was still facinated with the wrapping paper more. This is proof that children are much simplier than we are. They value different things than we do. Who cares if nan has more money than you. What matters is that "mom was there and she had a special party for me because I am important". I spent many years with my first child (about 5 years to be exact) telling myself what a bad parent I must be. If you need some support email me. angsmith816@yahoo.com. I've been there before. |
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