Why do we always blame the cheaters?

Mary K

I think people are so quick to judge when they really don't understand someone elses situation. I try not to judge anyone.
Why most ppl blame the cheater is because they chose to look for whatever was missing in their marriage with someone outside their marriage, instead of trying to work with their spouse to improve their marriage. They broke their commitment, betrayed trust and took the weak way out.

I agree with you, though, I think the other party should take some responsibility a lot of the time.
I don't think anyone needs to be denied love, affection, understanding, listening, nice treatment, whatever....on a regular basis. Some spouses do, and then wonder why their husband/wife cheats. Should the cheater have gone out on them to get their needs met? I have been that unhappy before, and although I never cheated, I can't judge someone else for trying to be happy. I totally get why they would.

On a separate note, what is also funny to me is how if a man cheats on his wife the other woman gets more blame by other ppl than the man does. Like the man is helpless once the blood runs away from his brain to his other parts. What a joke! He is STILL the most responsible for his actions.
Even if she did try to seduce him, he can always say no.

I have been married 18 years, and I have not cheated. If I were ever unhappy enough, I would probably just leave. If I had kids, though, maybe I would feel different. Maybe that is why some people cheat, they are unhappy but they don't feel like they can leave? I don't know :-)

Anyway, God bless and thanks for the interesting question!

Lisa E

I think you should take care of your problems at hand...not create new ones in the middle. If you have marital issues...deal with them. If they can't be worked out...take the proper steps. Cheating NEVER makes it better. It only prolongs the agony and adds to the stress and problems.

Cassie T

If you are in a relationship, the assumption is that you are somewhat mature and in control of yourself.

By placing blame on the partner of the cheater for not "being there" you're basically saying that the cheater is a child who is not capable of higher thought, and needs to be watched, like a toddler, by their partner.

It is ALWAYS the cheater's fault. They chose to do the action. No one pushed them to it. They could have talked to their partner. They could have gone to counseling. They could have, worst comes to worst, broken up. But they didn't. They chose to break the fundamental trust of the relationship.

I have cheated (a very long time ago, and have never done it since) and been cheated on. Every time, it is the cheaters fault.

If I wanted a baby, I'd have one. But I don't. I want a mature adult partner.

paganmom

There is never a reason to cheat, you can ALWAYS get out.

On the other side, it may be that the other person is not aware that they are not giving enough affection to their partner...it comes down to communication. You don't always know that the other person needs more then you can give. Not everyone needs the same amount of affection.

Christina V

if the marriage was falling apart and people were not happy, they should either work it out or divorce. cheating is wrong! it is not the other person's fault.

Judge Judy of Y/A

A cheater is simply someone who chooses to satisfy their own selfish "wants" (not needs) at the expense of someone else. A person who cheats does it because they are weak and selfish, it doesn't have anything to do with their spouse or significant other. There's NEVER any excuse for cheating, it can be prevented 100% by simply not doing it. It's a choice that people make.

RedRabbit

They cheat because they are weak. If they wanted out of the relationship, they should have done it. Cheating just gets them in trouble and they will have bad relationships afterwards because no one will trust them. They need to grow up and solve the problem.

xoman

I don't see why you don't seem to understand its not the matter of who is at fault. What matters is that the person that is cheating should at least gotten out off their current relationship. Its a feeling that you prob. never experince, but if you ever do you will understand. Cheating is like a spit in the face, like you never cared about that person to begin with. Cheating on someone is worse than braking up a relationship. At least brake up with the person to soften the blow ok. Its just not right.

â™¥Sweetâ™¥

I have been married for 13 years and have never cheated, and neither has my husband.

The cheater SHOULD be the one to blame when they go outside of the marriage regardless of the other partners lack of physical and emotional availability.

The ramifications of cheating can involve passing on a social disease that may not be curable and can kill you, and can bring an innocent and possibly unwanted child into the world.

Obviously the consequences of that weigh more heavily than being unavailable to your partner.

It is the ultimate betrayal of trust and humiliation for the other spouse. That is why cheating is frowned upon!

Goodspeed

because cheaters are quiters...they choose to betray their partners trust in them and/or not deal with issues that are making the relationship attractive..they choose to put their time and effort into someone else...among other things....sure both have some responsibility to what is wrong in their relationship but a cheater would be the person who quit on the possibility of correcting those problems.

daljack -a girl

There is absolutely no reason to cheat in a relationship.

If you're not happy get counseling or have the decency to leave.

It is disrespectful to the marriage, your partner and yourself.

( Kelly )

Look okay. I put so much into my last relationship... I put up with over a year with the guy. He did a lot of things that always stirred me up, and never really thought about the way he was acting and never really listened to me when I told him how I felt.

I was never clingy, always trusting of him, gave him his space whenever he needed it, loved him for who he was, etc. JUST like a good girlfriend. Everyone (my family and friends) all knew how wonderful I treated him and said they wouldn't put up with the crap that I put up with. Well, I loved him...

HE was the one who stopped talking to me for like a week or two... HE was the one who cheated on me. He filled my head with lies and betrays me... stabs me. I was NOT responsible for what he did to me. NO ONE deserves to be treated the way I was treated.

I DO blame him for what he did to me. I don't blame myself ONE BIT. I gave him everything, my heart, my love... and this is what he does to me in return. I am NOT taking responsibility for the crap he put me through. So it is in NO WAY my fault in the least bit.

If someone wants out in a relationship, they need to END IT. They DO NOT need to be snooping around finding someone else in the mean time. They should be a MAN about it and not keep leading the other person on like that. It is absolutely wrong to be dragging two people along. They need to stop being such a damn coward about it and end the relationship if they are truly not happy.... THEN they can go and find someone else.

It is really not fair to be taking the blame for someone else's actions. That's cruel and unjust... and you know it.

~leaving traces~

I agree with you somewhat that sometimes it does stem from neglect at home. BUT, I've been on both sides of this coin. The cheater, and the cheated, and I can tell you that it does not matter WHAT you feel you are lacking at home or so on and so forth, you can blame no one but YOURSELF for your final decision. At the very moment you decide to do it, you could decide not to. That's the truth of the matter. It comes down to, "Am I going to think of myselfish wants and desires, or do right by my partner" when it comes time for the 'for worse' part. That's just my two cents.

wc2ketey

Try being cheated on. Then tell us left behind to lick our wounds not to blame the cheater. You have no idea what you're talking about. If you haven't been there, you have no right to talk about it. I was married 25 years when my husband cheated on me. So don't think you're immune just because of the length of your marriage. I was far from the perfect wife. But I loved him with all my heart. I find your comments offensive. I also never cheated on my husband. And never thought about it. Count yourself as blessed if your husband is faithful. But never say never. I did. And now my heart is broken.

scaredeycat

Because they are not only cheaters, they are big liars. Sometimes the other person doesn't know they are married until they are in love with them. Then they lie more & say they will leave their spouse... The spouse is seldom to blame. When a person finds out that the other person is married, they SHOULD break it off immediately.

Barb Outhere

Why? Because the cheater has a choice - always. As you said, they could seek counceling, they could talk it out with their spouse, or they could go. Most choose not to do any of that. They don't want to put the effort into their relationship, they don't want to "move on", they want to have more, without giving up anything that they have. Cheating is a purely selfish act - the cheater wants something that makes THEM feel better.
So why do we blame the cheater more? Because they lie, in order to cheat. They will often run their partner down, in order to justify the cheating. They endanger their partners, by not letting them know that they are being unfaithful. And they are the ones who broke their promises to be faithful.
In a relationship, there are always ups and downs, but surely if you profess to love your partner, then you should be willing to work through it with them, and not seek out a distraction, which appears at least, to benefit only the one partner?

***Interesting to note that most of those here who have said its both partners' fault, also admit to having cheated themselves.

Jane Marple

If your mate is not invested into your relationship...yes you do get out of it before finding someone else.

It's My Final Answer

The cheater who gets the blame is usually the one who is part of the relationship that's damaged. Mainly because the other who was involved in the cheating is often unknown. Very few cheating partners associate with a neighbor or best friend or someone close to the injured party, unless the relationship has become so weak that it wouldn't matter. FYI: It's nice to know that you'll never cheat on your hubby. Hope he feels the same.

~Mother Of Angels~

My opinion is that cheating is wrong no matter WHAT the issues are. If you are that bold to cheat no matter what your reasons then you have to accept the consequences.

There are several options to consider before resorting to something like that. If you not happy in a marriage or relationship then get out of it. Then there wouldn't be the issue or cheating, or any others for hat matter.

â™¥ Lil love lady â™¥

We don't blame them on purpose... it's usually really their fault... we sometimes do the impossible to fight for the relationship but they still want to have someone on the side, either because they are "better looking" has "better tricks in bed" or they make up any other excuse, but in the end... who is the one they still want? The one they were with in the first lace,the one they cheated on

vtjames33

Absolutely not. Why would you blame the victim? If you are not happy in a relationship, you open your mouth and say so and then leave if need be. Being a liar is no one elses fault.

jude

i believe that before u decide to cheat one needs to do everything possible to save the relationship they are in, but most of the time its due to the presence of someone else in the relationship that is the real cause of the divorce, not that they have some problems, because every marriage has its ups and downs, but it seems that as soon as there is another love interest, that divorce soon follows. the person cheating is the one who is responsible for the breakup because most any problem can be worked out, with the exception of cheating.

Roc

well, adultery does break one of the commandments.

people cheat for many reasons and it isn't always b/c there is something wrong with their spouse or partner. and even if there is something wrong with the partner it should be addressed or the marriage/relationship should be dissolved before cheating.

i understand why cheating may happen, but the emotional pain and sometimes physical danger (disease) that it can bring is devastating. if a person responds to a bad situation by cheating they have allowed another persons action to cause them to do something awful.

Shauna

And we could ask why are you defending them? Regardless of what goes on in a relationship doesnt mean the cheater should go out and spread their "love" to everyone else. It is always the cheaters fault.. have a little more respect for your partner and say.. I am not happy, and this is why... if your that unhappy leave that person.. have some f**in respect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Renee

Cheating is a big violation of marriage, and really any relationship if your not happy then leave its as simple as that...the other person may be staying faithful and trying to cope while the other one is just out there finding other people its wrong... you marry someone that person should be your one and only concern

lost2day

Cheating is a symptom of a problem in the relationship... A SYMPTOM!!

Sir Richard

That's the defense gun manufacturers put up: guns don't kill people, people kill people. Don't everybody should have a gun at home!! Cheaters, killers, liars, don't matter. They are all victims of society, bad parents and bad genes. It's all somebody's fault.

willplayrequests

Because they went one step farther.

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