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Why does he want to hurt me so bad?
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Why does he want to hurt me so bad?

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 5 year old girl , 7 year old girl and I just had twins that are 5 months old boy and girl. He has always mentally abused me and put me down. We have went to doctors and he never does what they say he says they are stupid.... We have seperated and he got a girlfriend while we were seperated. ALOT has happened over time and recently he tells me that he doens't love me if I don't change and Im nothing to him and that I need to go find someone else.. he calls me stupid if I do't say he right thing... he puts me down all the time. He constantly hangs up on me when we talk on the phone and when I ask why he says I don't want to hear your mouth you make me sick.... I can actually say that I am num. Why do I still love this man? Why do I let him treat me this way? Why does he want to hurt me so bad? He says he says these things to make me a better person. He says he loves me and wants to protect me ... What is wrong with him? Help me.


well if you believe it's to make you a better person then your wrong ,no one deserves to be treated like that and i would move on with my life,if you stay he will keep bring you down and you will never feel good about yourself trust me get away now I'm speaking for experience.I have been out of mine for a long time and still tring to work on my self worth that he took away ,and when you do fine someone new make sure you dont fall into the same kinda relationship.just remember your worth more then that !

LEAVE HIM!!! It's not worth all that, you can find someone else ten times better. He sounds like he has macho issues. He needs to be in control. It's an abusive relationship and you and your kids do not need to be in that situation. Let me put it to you this way, when your girls grow up would you want them in that situation? Get out and do it quick! Good Luck

Xander Crews
What you describe is classic co-dependence syndrome. His personality has a need to abuse someone who won't fight back, and your personality is distorted into subconsciously thinking that he's doing it because he loves you--even if you know otherwise.

You can obtain free counseling and therapy for this. Search for your local battered womens' services office. They can also assist you with obtaining temporary financial support if you need it, and a restraining order if he reacts violently to your unexpected actions.

In addition to staying away from him, the real clincher will be forcing yourself to honestly evaluate any future prospective men so you don't get another one just like him.

You need to GET OUT! He will have to pay support for the kids. Hopefully your family will help you also. But this man is hurting you and it will have lasting effects. Maybe if he sees you leave, he'll realize what he has done. Perhaps he'll even change.

everything is wrong w/ him..it sounds like he grew up w/ an abusive father and thinks the only way to make someone "strong" is to berate them...please, get over him, move on to s/o else, or put your kids first, and please don't allow them to be around him when he treats you like this or they will have r/s problems...i know u may still love him, but why? he treats you like dirt...and you deserve so much better!

If he ever hit you, you should call the cops and have him put in jail for spousal abuse. Also, you should find a friend you and your children can stay with to get away from him. There's nothing you can do to get over him than to move on.

are you guys still seperated..put that divorce to action and move on miss lady..you deserve better then that....going threw the same thing.cant wait til its final in november.....it was the best decsion i ever did..dont make him feel like you cant/wont find another ..cuz you will
dont let him take your joy away... cuz GOD is your strength/joy
Let him go.. get that divorce proceedings in actions...please dont go back..

he is mentally defected !!

and maybe he loves u but he has to do such behaviors to prove himself as a man..!!

many males do that !! but u must aware of him..he may hurt u BAD

He is a very sick man.You will leave when you are ready though.At least try to think about getting out for the kids if you are not ready to leave for yourself.

Frank L
He is obviously someone that needs to get help and not for you, for himself and his kids he likes to make. You are ina horrible relationship and he should be sent to the curb or at elast sent away until he learns how to become somethign he has not yet been - a real man - He must think you are something he owns and not something he should be working all the time on keeping and even more appreciative that you gave him a life and beautiful children.

Its normal to feel this way because in reality he has made you believe that no one else would ever have or want you but him. But girl he is wrong!! Go out and find you someone to treat you like the princess you are, b/c no woman deserves to be talked down upon!!

♥≈Safi≈♥ ☼Atheati☼
Do you want your children to grow up thinking that it's okay for a man to treat a woman this way??

Get out of there. Stop telling yourself that you love him. Think with your head and do what's best for your KIDS, if you can't figure out what's best for you. You KNOW this is a toxic environment for the kids. Get them out of there.

Honey, I am sorry , but you need to go for counseling for yourself to find out why you would accept this type of behavior from your husband. There is something definitely wrong with this man and for you to stay with him or even care what happens to him is beyond me. You have children that you have to care for - your mental health is much more important than a relationship with this type of man. He tells you he does this to make YOU a better person...please..... why don't they ever look in the mirror and see what they are. Let him GO, don't waste another minute on him. Do you want your kids to grow uplike him???? Do you want your son's treating their wives like that? He is out of his mind. Get out before you end up feeling so bad about yourself that you never will never be able to recover. You've got to respect yourself. You will make it without him and feel much better. Good luck.

Bite me

Loris Ann
Obviously you have been letting him get away with all this negative behavior. He is now used to putting you down, it makes him feel more like a man, it's all about control. You are letting him control you. Please know, he will never change! Nobody changes! He didnt change even when you separated, for God's sake, he was seeing someone else.
This situation is very bad for the children, if not for your sake, leave and stay left for their sake.
Also, consult a lawyer first, get you ducks in a row, he sounds like a real ***, someone who will try to take everything from you.

I change my name72
OK! I don't want to be mean about things.It's going to be heard at first when you two are not married to each other.I would not call him anymore,I'd would let him call you.Plus I would get a lawyer after him.One for child support,And for Mentally abuses you.Good luck I hope you can find a man that treats you more better then him.

yes something is wrong with him, do you know his family, sounds like he learned this behavior from his parents, you are better off without him, he will tell you the protect and love stuff cuz he can use that against you, he is mentally abusing you,,

get your tubes tied, and take care of your kids, take him to court for child support and enjoy life for once,

Bad habits are hard to break. He is not a good man. Get a divorce, apply for child support. Get emotional help from your friends and family...Good Luck!!

What's wrong with him? What's wrong with you is the better question. Why on earth are you trying to stay with this man???? He makes you feel like crap. He beats you down in every way. Do you want your children brought up like that? With a man that has absolutely NO respect for their mother????
GET OUT! LEAVE! SAY BUH BYE! Come on woman! Get your self together and stop crying about it on a question and answer web site. REALLY! You know what you need to do. You Know! Free yourself and if you must have a man in your life, find one who treats you like the queen you are. In the mean time, treat yourself like a queen and get the hell out!

The question you MUST focus on is - why do you allow him to hurt you so badly. You need help. Go to a battered women's shelter and see if you can get into therapy to allow you to see how much better off your life will be without this abusive monster in your life.
Do you want your children to grow up in this type of environment, with this sort of treatment? Do you want your children to see you as some sort of door-mat?
Don't worry about what i wrong with HIM -- worry about how to fix the situation YOU and your children are in.
Stay away from him, and seek help for yourself.

Why do you still love this man. If he truly loved you he wouldn't say bad things to you ha wouldn't have got a girlfriend. He controls you through making you feel bad about yourself this is a sad thing. You deserve so much more. He isn't willing to listen to a counselor because he knows they are right not wrong. You need to go to counseling for yourself to learn you can be a strong woman and, do better for yourself. Don't let him teach your children that it is OK to treat their gf/bf the way you are being treated. Don't think you can change him either because you can't after all of these years he hasn't changed he isn't going to now.

I know it's hard to leave but you really don't deserve being treated like that. Your kids shouldn't have to see him treating you that way. That really isn't a good example for their future relationships. I know how you feel loving him and wanting him to want you. I am in the same situation although the man I am involved with doesn't put me down and we were never married just seeing one another. It may be hard on you for a while but you deserve to have someone love you and respect you and PLEASE don't have anymore children with this guy. Good luck.....

Do your children and yourself a favor. You deserve to be loved and respected and more important you want your children to see that you are loved. How can they learn to love if they are seeing and hearing abusive behavior. You will find a better life out there without him. Your selfesteem will grow by not hearing these put downs all the time. Dottie

he has a serious problem never I say never let any one talk to you like that you deserve better i would leave him for good there are so many nice guys keep looking one who will be an awesome father for your kids good luck and don't listen to him he is nuts he may love you but you don't want that kind because that kind of love never stops hurting you good luck

Bo Remmington . American !
I think your lucky it's over, ..you and your children do not need to be exposed to this kind of abuse. Let me assure you as a MAN (a real one) No woman should ever go through this and you will find another who will accept you and your children as you are

Joyann R
He has serious issues and we women love too hard sometimes. I think you should seek councelling for your sanity's sake. But I really think that despite your love for him that there comes a point where you cant take crap anymore and you either leave or do something drastice to show the person that play time ofr them is over. Stand up for yourself!

Bad bus driving wolf
I don't know if you are a Christian, but the Bible has a definition of love that explains how your "loving" husband should behave: "Love is patient, love is kind, love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the truth," (1st Letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 13, verses 4 to 6).
Looking at the list of things he has done, I can't see a single loving attribute in his character. Whether you love him or not isn't the point, the plain and simple fact is he doesn't love you. Actions speak louder than words. His actions state plainly that he doesn't want you or love you as his wife, otherwise he would treat you in the way described above.

wish I were
The question is what's wrong with YOU? Why would you continue having children with a man you know abuses you? Why would you want your children to grow up like that? The only help to give you is to tell you to WAKE UP!! See what you choosing to stay with an abuser is teaching your children!!! Only YOU can change this situation...

You don't like yourself or your children. When you like yourself you don't let people tell you that you are stupid. I know I'll be damned if I allow someone tell me I'm stupid or just because I don't agree with you means something is wrong with me. He hurts you because you allow him too. You take it and he knows it. When you build a backbone miss lady then and only then will your hurt stop and you need to take responsibilty for actions in taking abuse. Love yourself and kids enough to LEAVE he told you he don't want you what more do you need?

oh my dear i ried while reading your story you deserve a million time somebody better this is not loving or caring this is a slow torture to the death of your soul and mind before your body gives up .i advise you of 1 thing[ better to be on your own than with a hurtful campanion]for your sake and the sake of your chidren leave him they wont grow in a disturbed relashionship ,they wont die from hunger, and he has no love to give them if he dont love the woman who gave him 4 marvellous children ,for you you wont die from loneliness you have your kids to give you all the joy youdeserve and i am sure you wil find somebody else who will love and protect you .in my religion the coran says that the man should provide for his family give them affection and respect and the prophete mohammad [salla lahu alayhi wasallam]says ;on the day of judgement that he will stand agains the man who mistreated his wife or the orfan please sister get help go to domstic violence ask for your family and friend to help you and most af all help yourself before you sink god bless and protect you and your ofsprings.

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