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Why does my boyfriend always say things to hurt me intentionally? i know he does love me.?
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Why does my boyfriend always say things to hurt me intentionally? i know he does love me.?

me and my boyfriend have been together for a few years already. lots of things have happened that showed how much he cares for me and how much he loves me. the answer is alot..
but i just dont know why he always says things with intentions trying to hurt me and make me angry, e.g. he always start to talk about his only ex-girlfriend whereas he is my first love; or things like other girls are trying to ask her out although later i would discover that its not true etc etc (i really dont understand why)
i dont often get mad, but when i do, he would always blame me for ruining his weekend since he always says: 'when we are happy, we are really just so happy, but when we are sad, we just feels ho sad and ho down'. (FYI we only see each other at weekends and we dont argue much, whenever we are not ok, we just dont talk, which makes the atmosphere so 'abnormal' if you know what i mean)
i always talk to him about this, he always says he would change, but he never changes...

what shal i do?thx


you are wrong - he does not love you.

just because he is capable of the occasional romantic event or whatever, does not count as love.

if he loved you like i love my wife then the last thing he would ever want to do would be to hurt you either physically or emotionally. love is to protect and cherish, at all costs, at any time, he would put your feelings first and his second.

he sounds very immature. challenge him about it, if he can not be adult enough to have a constructive discussion (not an argument) then you should question whether you want to be with him long term. challenge him and tell him you are feeling hurt by his actions. if he really loves you he will apologise and ask you what it is he can do to change and actually do something about it.

if he does not change you should seriously think about moving on. Marrying someone that hurts you will end up in a sad partnership and probably divorce. Remember what I said, love is to protect and to cherish, at all costs, all the time.

i no its sounds strange leave him not for ever but tell him it is for good it will give him a jump start thats what my girl did and i changed cause i love her that much i dont ever want to be apart again

He sounds insecure about himself and trying to see how much you want/need him. He surely loves you (I think) but this isn't a healthy relationship. Consider taking a break for a couple of weeks and see if his attitude changes - and tell him why you want it.

Lady Penelope
He's probably very insecure. He might even be a bit depressed especially if he has mood swings which can be damaging for you and your self-esteem.

It seems that by saying such things, he is showing his insecurity to you. He obviously does love you,but feels he is not good enough for you. It seems that way to me. Just reassure him that you love him, and the next time he says something to hurt you ignore it, but don't ignore him.

Fellas are sometimes just as complicated and sensitive as we girls.

well sometimes i feel this way with my parents. I know they care about me and love me but theyre constantly telling me about how i need to lose weight, how my sisters so smart, how i never do anything right. When i confront them about it, they say they apologize and won't do it again. but they do. Long distance relationships are hard enough, but he cant expect you to entertain him everytime you guys see each other. it is a relationship and come relationship comes conflict. So i suggest sitting down with him and telling him that the things he say hurt you whether or not he says it out of kindness. it doesnt matter how much he says he'll change, you don't see it happening. Do not allow him to blame you. You are not a victim. Try the 'thigns i love you' routine in which when you two have a problem say something you like about each other. Hope all goes well

well,i guess you justneed to be form and discuss the same with himagaina dntell him how it hurts and pains you when he says such things and he gotta stop....

if he doesn't change just get him out of your way,cos you cant be living with someone hurting n trust me if he truly loves u he will never hurt u!!

He's trying to get a reaction out of you to see how you feel about him, plain and simple. He wants to see if you'll get jealous and angry. It's a very immature attitude, if you ask me. He could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he just came out and asked you straight-away. You need to tell him that his mind games bother you and that he needs to change this attitude or else, you will never have a good time with him when you're together.

He must not really love you if he treats you this way.....

you both sound insecure to me,,he makes up stories to make you jealous,and you bite,,and you keep putting up with it. talk to him about being more open with each other,,your relationship cannot move on like this,,you will be stuck in this rut until one of you ends it and i do believe the other one will have no understanding as to why. spell it out,,if one of you has something to say,spit it out,dont make up things,,if he knows it upsets you then that is the emotion he is trying to get,,you upset and leaning more on him,,gives him a certain amount of power over you and for him to want this he is insecure and needs you hankering after him.not good.next time he does it tell him you love him but at the moment he is a pig and you do not like him very much,,he needs to know the difference between pushing you and pushing you too far.

Colleen O
If he is intentionally hurting you he doesn't love you.

swetheart!i feel you!i know you think or know that he loves you!maybe he does and maybe he jus has a low self esteem and wants to show you that he is still hot and women want him!maybe he jus aint sure if you do love him and so he tells you all this so that you can show your lov openly!like if you hia women want him,you would always be the best around him and you would want to impress him and make him love you even more!maybe he is jus trying to talk to you indirectly!both of you should jus open up and talk!tell him it annoys you!!if he loves you,then he will understand you!if you both love each other,you will both understand each other!thats all love is about!

play him at his own game, start telling him that when you were out you were getting attention from lads,they were asking for your number etc etc. this mite make him jealous and stop messing with your hed.if not dump him.u prob deserve better.good.luck

Sorry, but this relationship just isn't right. Why don't you see him during the week? If he is deliberately winding you up to hurt you, then he doesn't love you. You cannot be happy if you only see him at weekends and a lot of that time is spent not talking and in an atmosphere. You are worth much more than that and don't deserve this treatment. My ex was like this, but he was a weak and insecure man who had to put me down to boost his own ego. I would say yours is doing this too. Value yourself and move on because you owe it to yourself to get out of this emotionally and psychologically abusing relationship.

it sounds like he has got some deep rooted issues of insecurity, and that he does love you but is pushing you away cause maybe he feels he dosent derserve you. maybe he is the sort of guy that needs alot af attention, do you give him lots of cuddles and reassurance. but you have to get to it and sort it.. maybe you need to put your foot down and say enough is enough, he will do what you allow him to get away with. maybe he needs you to be assertive with him and set your boundaries. men are like kids they need boundaries or they will either go off the handle, be unfaithful, or turn into a control freak!

michelle b
get rid of him thats not love! you deserve better

If he loves you, he wouldn't deliberately hurt you.

he doesnt love you , love is a behavior

He suffers from Schizophrenia

kick him to the kerb

You need to move on to someone else. If he truly does love you, then why would he say tings like that to intentionally hurt you. I'm sure you can find another guy, who treats YOU how YOU wanna be treated. Not like a piece of trash layin on the side of the road.

yeah well
Its a learnt behaviour, and difficult to change, the problem is you have nurtured it by inaction, and when you do try to change it you will only be insulted more.

1. tell his mother, ask her to have a quick word with him.
2. try his father
3, if he eg calls you a fat pig, cry and cry and cry and cry, say nothing, wait till he says hes sorry
4. make him appologise, every single time

get rid of him. he is insecure and will hurt you over and over. fine someone better, you deserve it.

it's very natural for boys to irritate a girl like this. this can b intentional or unintentional also. like if,he is doing the things intentionally, then he is trying to test you, how much comfortable u r when he says things like, this. how much do u trust him, still?
he will judge in that way, since both of u r living with each other, it is quite obvious, that both of u know each other. so, whenever he says things like this , he just sees ur reaction to it.and if it's negative, like u got irritated, or scolded, something that sort of, then he will surely get annoyed, and expected result would b same as that of ur que,?

its his own insecurities!!!! nothing to do with his feelings for you.hurting you makes him feel powerful or in control or something like that.its not you hunni,but at the same time this behaviour is unacceptable as it is at the expense of your feelings.you need to tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to stop,if he doesn't them I'm afraid you have to put up with it or leave.good luck to you hunni hope it works out for you xxxxxxxxx

well sometimes its not that they do it intentionally they just don't think before they speak babe and of course at times the truth or there honesty is not what we want to hear .I wouldn't worry too much about it brush it off and be Happy and another thing you cant change a man you can only compromise ...lol

leave life is too short

qn beda
Maybe sometyms he thinks yo not the kind of woman he desired or wished to be with in future.And to get over his disturbing thoughts,he decides to intentionally hurt u as the only way to console himself.
But anyway i think he does love u.Though its difficult for him to come to terms wit it.

no i think he loves you.he wants to knw how much u lv him,,he really needs you...

Leave him! It will only get worse but this is your decision you can learn the hard way like I did and ignore the warning signs or listen to your inner strength and move on. Yes it will be hard but you deserve to be loved and treated right. If he loved and cared for you he would treat you like a princess!

Miss giggles
My partner tells me he loves me. One day he is fine, the next day he isn't . He is moody and has a temper. He plays with my feelings and my head. He keeps telling me he will change. I keep going back, time and again. He makes me feel like I am to blame. He will say to me I couldn't tell you how I was feeling or my doubts because I find it hard to talk to you. I feel this is a poor excuse. One day he is all hot or cold with me. I don't know what to do. I love him but know deep down he is not going to change. When I leave he will send me lovely texts telling me how much I mean to him and he is sorry. We are suppose to be getting married this year, and when I asked him if he wanted to go through with it, he said don't know. Then said of course I do. Then says we want different things in life. Then says he didn't mean what he said. My head is totally messed up with all of this. I have took time out from our relationship. I feel he does know what he wants. I get the blame for everything, his moods, temper etc. then he tells me he loves me. I know I should walk away but it hard when you love someone I thought this could work. But I realise I'm hoping for something that is never going to happen:(

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