Why does my husband mistreat me?

proffalken1975

Leave...and dont look back. Abuse is abuse if he has been in the military or not he needs to control himself.

srymybad

run, run fast, he needs help badly. seriously, go home to your parents, go to a friends house get out now. Contact his unit chaplin, he needs help and so do you to get away.

Ontheotherhand

Get a divorce. NOW. Stress MIGHT make him nervous, and irritable. BUT, chojking, bruising, Etc should NEVER be allowed, or overlooked. Or, just do nothing, and you might end up dead, rather than divorced.

cheery

look, you are both young and am sure the reason why you guys married was because of the daughter you where expecting.its like you guys where not even ready for marriage.honey,you are still young. . .move on wiht your life.marriage is not everything!dont think that by leaving you will be unfair to the little one its actually the opposite..seeing her mother being beaten to the point of death will do her more harm.it will distroy her person.she might even have a negative view on marriage

consigliere

Either he gets ASAP and changes his behavior, or you need to leave and protect your child and yourself.

know it all

that's a tough one you have to leave him for you and your child's sake and counseling for him and you as well war is a terrible thing cost money,lives,loves and who knows what else part of the untold cost of war

sexy_snow_bunny35

honey i am a victim of domestic violence, please if u love your child and yourself leave him. once it starts it does not stop. get out while u still can.

notyours

please leave and take your baby. your husband has seen or been forced to do some terrible things in Iraq. my son is about to leave on his second tour there. when he left the first time he was a good kid, 19,.. always had a bible in his pocket. he came home and he was totally different. he cursed, drank, dipped, smoked and yelled allot. he's been home a year now and things have gotten somewhat back to normal but I'm afraid of what this 2nd time around will do. with your love, support and some counseling your husband came come back to being who you fell in love with. until then, he is a danger to you, your baby and himself. for every ones sake go and stay with someone for a while. I'll be praying for you and your family. what our troops are seeing and doing is affecting them all.

jrml

Get out!They never change trust me I know.Find ya a man that knows how to treat a girl!

msthinkpositive

You need to get out of this marriage, and keep you & your baby safe. He's probably stressed & changed from what he's delt with in war, but it may take time and more than councelling for him to get better. You won't be safe in this type of enviroment, so think about getting out.

hahaha

get out now..if he has laid his hands on you in a way that hurts it is too late..you do not want your daughter to grow up around crap like that..he has issues and does need counseling..only take him back when and if you feel he has truly changed.

whutas

I'm sorry to hear your situation. It could be a few things, one - He may still be stressed out from where he just came from, (Iraq), and worried about his fellow troops in his squad. Two, he may feel trapped down, both of you being so young, and altering your life's and career dreams is a hard thing when you get a chance to look at things. Three, he may have meant some one else, or listening to his fellow soldiers stories about their girls/wife's, that sometimes makes a guy do dumb things. Or it could be you, if you don't look the way you did before, (maybe because you are busy being a mother). He may want to see that same girl he meant a while a go.

Counseling, is a good start, remember, the baby comes first, but don't argue with him, listen to him, he has needs, see what they are, and try to help him/you through them. Last but not least PRAY about the situation, God can do wondrous things.

YES he needs therapy. He could be dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder and he could have a lot of issues with being SO YOUNG and being a father, a husband, and a soldier and he has too much stress and doesn't know how to cope with it.

I WOULD SUGGEST FINDING SOMEPLACE SAFE TO LIVE UNTIL HE IS DONE WITH THERAPY. He COULD kill you, and you deserve to be safe until he gets treatment.

RACHAEL R

He sounds very angry with himself-he must not be happy with things he did in iraq or is suffuring from depression or post traumatic stress. In any sense it sounds like he feels like **** and doesn't care if you do to. His feelings for you make him so vulnerable that you are the easiest one to lash out at. He's redirecting his anger towards himself and what he was victimized to in the war at you. Sweety, think about your daughter and what a wholesome life you want her to live, and you deserve that to. Please look for the domestic abuse hotline in your phone book. They will advise you and give you resources on what to do. It seems like your okay when he is gone-but i'm sure you wouldn't want to experience another attack when he comes home. I'm quite sure you want to be around to see your child grow up, I'm sure you don't want her to be without a mommy. Its okay that you still love him, there are alot of women out there who are experienceing the same things-there are abuse support groups. Susan B. Anthony along with my therapist got me help and supported me to leave an abusive relationship-they even found me shelter for the following day, plus i attended their domestic violence support group every week. He probably will need more than counseling-He might need medication or anger management. You might want to talk about everything to a trusted adult.

junebug

there is something broken in him now. leave him. before he attacks your baby too. get as far away from him as you can and get a restraining order if you must. if he gets some intense counseling and you really think he's healed, you could consider taking him back then. if you love him this much, let him focus on fixing himself.

Elana

Well, this is abuse, plain and simple. You need to
protect yourself first. If that means moving out,
then move out.

Now, that being said, that doesn't mean you should
just forget him. He may be the way he is as a
consequence of post traumatic stress disorder or
some other effect of having seen action.

If he commits assault, he needs treatment as
soon as possible - but while that's going on,
you should not remain around as a punching bag.

Remember, you can still love somebody and
not spend any time in the same room with them.
Also remember that as a result of PTSD, he
may hurt himself (e.g. suicide).

Find out if this is as a result of seeing action.
Do not abandon him - but don't let yourself
be a target either.

If it really comes down to a choice between
making sure he gets help and making sure
you are safe - make sure you are safe.
Your daughter trumps all of the above.

chris

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hey there...

now this is marriage, you cant jus run out of it, i can see how much commited you are.

well you people are so young and i belive its teh PARENTHOOD that is causing this little problem you are having now. Having a kid at this age leaves him with less time for himself.

any problem can be solved. now running away or breaking. marriage is not a solution

well it is in your actions that you have to show him how much you love him. express your love more .. the more he hurts u...his harsh behaviour will all subside.....trust me...have hope...its your life ...your love...your kid's father. save him for a lifetime...you people being so young...if you adjust a lil now...your going to save your marriage for a beautiful future...

i can see hundreds of advise pouring in....i want you to spend a lil time reading the following article and you could always message me for more advice.....i want you help your marriage....there is the creator up above who is seeing this...and he isnt happy abt u being sad..

http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/1/8/article_02.htm

pls be patient to read the article to give you help in dealing with your problems.

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â™¥ â˜† StarLiteGrl~98â˜¼1 â˜† â™¥

You need to leave him immediately!!

Then, he can seek counseling and anger management classes on his own. Perhaps he can change---but don't stay and wait for it. Leave and let him focus on his own problems.....and don't let him be alone with your daughter. He could get frustrated and hurt her as well. Let him get his life straightened out (if he really wants to), then see what's left for your relationship.

Best of luck to you!

marianlaughs

You got married too young and so did he. He is seeing all kinds of horrible stuff and he is insensitive to it, which doesn't excuse him for abusing you. GET OUT NOW, RUN DON'T WALK TO THE NEAREST EXIT! Do you have relatives you can go to? Get some counseling and think about life without him, get back to school, get an education and move on.

He needs help too but that is his issue not yours. Help yourself.

ganja_claus

Just get out of there while you can and put as much room between you and him as possible.
If you stay then at least be strapped and if necessary pop two to the body and a single to his head!

But like most stupid chicks you will stay and get hospitalized and then even have the nerve to sew him for beating you up.
Just LEAVE!

butterfliesRfree

I think the R & R he needed when he came home was really for a hospital. He probably went through a lot and that is no excuse for hurting you physically. I know you love him but you need to get out of there --- go to a shelter or something. He could end up killing you. You know yourself what type of person he really is (we don't) -- if he changed that much since going to Iraq, someone needs to get him in a hospital under a court order or something. Is this what is coming home from Iraq now? Young/angry men who are going to have to suffer while living after others died? Wow.

Q~T

Baby let me tell you. You can make him take counseling. You can file a protection order, and you have the choice to have him removed from you home, or a court order for counseling. This can be done. Just call your local court house. They will tell you the steps to be taken. He is not well right now. When my husband was in the military he killed people for a living. He didn't know who they were, and why he had to do it. He was told what to do it and he did it with no questions. The training they put those guys through is serious stuff. It's like they are being brain washed. When my husband came home the first time he attacked a man in a restaurant because he was being an a hole to the waitress. He beat him pretty badly. People not just a person had to pry him off the guy. Something in their mind clicks and they become this killing machine. Counseling and lots of it will help over time. It's not going to change over night.

leaves_of_autumn171311

I don't see how u could live someone who strangles you idiot. im sorry your dumb *** is blind. he wont stop they never do. hope he dosnt kill you.

styx_fan05

Being over in Iraq could have something to do with the way he's been acting. All the stress from being over there may be coming home with him. He could also be doing that stuff to you because he has no self confidence and that makes him feel better about himself beating up on you. Talk to him about it and if you don't like what he's doing, tell him that if he does it one more time, you're out of the relationship and it would be better for your daughter if you got out before he starts mistreating her.

Pratik

He's in shell shock. Seek counseling immediately. If he won't go, call the cops on him and make them force him to go.

live forever

it seems to me this guy's mind has been messed up with the war over there, too much trauma to the head. you should tell him if he doesnt stop you will leave him. tell him this when your family is around so he wont try to hurt you again.

WellTraveledProg

He mistreats you because:
-- he's an idiot
-- he's just come from a war zone, and is probably emotionally troubled and scared but won't admit it
-- you let him

You should walk out the door, NOW. Go live with your parents (and DO take your child!). Tell your husband you're not coming back until AFTER he's had counseling, then the two of you have had counseling together, and you're absolutely sure he'll never harm you or your child again. If he does anything violent to you in any way, call the police, file charges, and see it through to the end. It's only in him facing the consequences of his actions that he'll really learn how serious they are and that he has to do something about them, or he'll lose you and his daughter.
You don't have to put up with being beaten or abused in any way. Leave until he gets help.
Best of luck to you.

niffer's mom

You are the mother of an 8 month old.
You are no longer living for yourself, you are living for your child.
You need to ditch the dude.
He may have been under a lot of pressure, and he may have been stressed but his beating you is unacceptable. There is no excuse for him not being able to control his anger.
He needs help, but he threatened you and he beat you, so your problem is not that he needs help, your problem is that you, and your daughter need help.
Get out now, and by the way, next time somebody hits you, call the cops, they need to go to jail, you can't allow them to think that they can get away with hitting you. You can't let them not suffer the consequences of their actions as in "gee, I didn't want to get him in trouble". He got himself into trouble. You can't hang around and hope it doesn't happen again. There is no "going to get counseling" he either is in counseling or he's not. Until he is in counseling you, and the baby don't need to be anywhere near him.

hutmikttmuk

You should get somewhere safe. Tell someone about it, parents, pastor, someone you trust and demand that he get help. You won't be loving him or your child by allowing him to continue. He needs to be held accountable and know there will be real consequences to his actions. It doesn't matter what a person has gone through, there is no excuse for that.

bubbles

Try to get him help fast. and take your daughter and leave until he gets the help he needs. He could end up hurting you or the baby. Please don't wait another day

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