Why doesn't he understand my need to talk about it?

after 24 yrs married he had a 8 or 9 mo. affair, I found out on Easter night, he said he is sorry, but he doesn't understand my need to discuss it anymore. She's in another country. I will probably divorce him, I can't decide. Anyone who says I keep talking about this in my post yes it it devestates me to know he could do that, while I was caring 24/7 for our special needs son & never was unfaithful]. I KNOW women cheat too, but how could he do that, and possibly say he loves me? I want to hurt him [but not commit adultery.]
Additional Details
it happened around March 2008 -Nov 2008, but i saw her [Sept] email to him when he walked away and left his acct open, i got on my OWN p.c. at night to email my friend a happy Easter and i was flabbergasted.

Lily 2

I know your pain. My husband of four anf a half years cheated on me, but refuses to discuss it. I have tried to make him understand my need to hear about this from his mouth. We were trying to make the mariage work, but I found out he has cheated again. i think that maybe if he had talked to me and i had found out why he cheated to begin with things may have been different. Try to get him to talk to you and at least let you know if he wants to work it out or give it up. If he still refuses to answer any questions that may be your sign that he doesnt want to make your marriage work.

Sasha's Mommy

Buy the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It deals with infidelity and it also discusses the NEED to talk about the affair and why you need to do that. Can't begin to tell you how much this book helped me after my husband's 4 month long affair.

Katie M

It happened 2 weeks ago and he doesn't understand why you still have questions about it? HE blew it. He destroyed 24 yrs. of trust. It's up to him to make things right and if you are through with him it's 100% understandable. I wish you the best.

caretaker

he is emotionall absent already
you have been focusing your care on your child and already seperated emotionally from him is what he is thinking
it isnt either of your fault he is just the one who gave up first
he was looking for feelings again
he prob feels there isnt any point in talking
since it is obvious that he was wrong
good luck in your new life
forgive
divorce
move on

charles c

Candy with the way you are feeling is just being revengeful and judging by what you said this is not even in your character so I suggest that you just think this out and if you feel if divorce is the option then do so and move on.

Avenging Valkyrie

Tell him that he's the one who had the affair and destroyed the trust. He owes it to you to be completely honest and to let you vent about what happened all you want.

kitkat

He just doesn't want to be reminded of his major mistake. If he loves you and his marriage he has a few years of listening to it. I would leave his sorry a@#@# if he can't man up and face the consequence.

Storm

hes probly trying very hard to aviod admiting he is wrong.

****IM IN THE PLAYPEN WITH SWEET MILDRED****

something fishy

he doesn't love you he cheated....and this is a danielle steel novel ...really...and the lady stayed for like 25 years and the husband cheated the whole time while the lady cared for the special needs boy and when he dies....then ...she thought that they could move on with their life together and he ended up with the mistress...telling the wife to pack it up and move out...so move on now...don't end up like the novel......Lil

several possibilities,

1) optimist view: he's feeling very guilty and just wants to put it behind him

2) pessimist view: he's doesn't care to hear your pain.

3) somewhere in the middle: he's in denial about your pain that he caused, and doesn't want to be reminded of it, doesn't want to acknowledge he caused it.

You know him best, where is his head? make up a 4) that is probably closer to the truth if you like from pieces of the above.

The big question is why did he do it? I simply couldn't do that to my wife. Somehow he felt it was OK to cross that line.

craig b

Ready?
Why does anyone have an affair?
Because their most intimate needs are not being met so they go outside the marriage looking for anything or anyone that can satisfy those needs. Why did you not satisfy those needs? (all your fault!)
Why did he not bring those desires and needs to you? (all his fault!)
So now that you are both 100% at fault here - what are you going to do to fix it?
And now YOU want to hurt him as he has hurt you. You forget that it was you that hurt him enough to start this whole thing in the first place.
Go ahead and find your fancy revenge. Make sure you have your attorney all ready to go for he/she will be surely needed.

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