Why is he doing this?
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Why is he doing this?
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My ex husband left me for another woman. We had been having troubles for a while and he couldn't decide if the life we had was what he wanted anymore. We had just had a daughter and we were both unhappy (I suffered Post Pardum pretty badly) and he felt like he was trapped and that me and him were just not right for each other anymore. I gave him the option for us to get counselling and work things out or he could leave. He choose to leave and start dating a co-worker right away. I was devestated but did not let it show ... I got professional counselling for myself and began to do things that I enjoyed. I joined a gym, got some contacts, bought some things to make me feel better yada yada ... and lavished all the love I felt for him on top of the love I already give my daughter. We have been civil and chit chat and such. He called me one night after his new girlfriend did something even I concider disrespectful and rude. But then again his family and friends no longer do much with him because they dislike his new lady so much and find her mean and rude. He was away for more than three weeks and hadn't come and seen his daughter so I got mad and called him. He came and held her and looked at me and started crying ... he wouldn't tell me what was wrong and made excuses and left. He came a week later (tonight) and told me he was jealous that I was dating again and that he still cared about me. I guess things are not that great if he is jealous and thinking of my relationships while he is in his own new one. Like I am tickled pink that he has a beautiful new girl either! He said he can't keep doing this ... not knowing what he wants and changing his mind all the time. I love this man with all my heart and I want him to be happy ... but not at mine and my daughter's expense. Any men know what he is doing? Why would he sit and cry and then run off? I would like to think he realizes he loves me and misses his family and wants to fix things but then he just runs off. I did tell him at the end of our relationship that it was the last time we would ever do this again ... but if we can start straight from scratch and not hold anything from our past against the other I am willing to try. I want my family back together, I want the love of my life home where he belongs. What is he doing? Playing with me? Please advice!
Additional Details
We officially seperated in Jan but he was already seeing the new lady on the side I guess. So we have been apart for 4 months or so.
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Vek
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He still wants his old life before marriage and kids but at the same time he feels guilty for not taking responsibility as a husband and father. If you're willing to be patient and try to works things out with him, by all means but it will not be easy. Otherwise move on, there are men out there who will be happy to take on the that role. |
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Katie W
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It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it, too. He probably feels guilty, so wants to avoid it (and thus you, since you remind him how he hurt you); and, if he's getting to deal with the reality of another person, not just a fantasy as you usually have in the early stages of a relationship, then he may try to keep you around as a known quantity in case it doesn't work out.
You do seem to realize that if he really wanted to try to work it out, then he would be trying. Not looking for sympathy from someone he's wronged, or crying and then running from his guilt. I don't think he's playing with you; I doubt you're all that much on his mind (again, if he thinks about you, he probably feels guilty, so he probably tries not to think about you). That doesn't mean he's not messing with you, just that he's probably not TRYING to. |
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toy
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you are already healed and got it going on so leave him alone. its one thing to cheat but to actually leave? you would be a fool to get back with him. how come it took her to cheat on him in order for him to realize he wanted his family back? he is on the rebound and he knows you still love him and is therefor venerable. its not worth it sweetie. and what kind of father doesn't come to see his daughter in weeks other then the fact that they are incredibly busy doing important things (not doing their girlfriend). its a game, don't get played. he hurt you already...don't let him hurt you and your baby again. besides you gave him a choice to make it work but he chose her. he already was either cheating on you with her or already had his eye on the ball. what a manipulator. dont fall for it, its a trap. or either revenge against her. |
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Brunette wife
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Things are probably not working out with his girlfriend so he's crawling back to you in hopes of getting back together.
If i was you i wouldn't get back together with him because he could do the same thing again leave you for another woman when he feels like he doesn't want to live the same life again. |
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mewma
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sounds like he still hasn't grown up. maybe he's had some realizations, but if he had manned up enough to be a proper father, he wouldn't have acted that way. he's not settled and it shows in his indecisiveness. I think you deserve not the man who cries and spills his guts but more the man you can rely on, who can consistently care for his daughter and be a good safety net for her instead of one who comes when it works for him. he is not that man. not yet at least, don't settle until he is, or until someone can take his place. you owe you and your daughter that much and more. good luck. |
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Bobsmith
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ok first off, you said at the top that you were both unhappy right? What changed for you? A gym and some shopping? And what about him, a bit of cold heartedness from another woman to remind him how good he had it before? The same thing will eventually happen again and I find it impossible to believe that the both of you will start from "scratch"? Not likely. The first time he gets sick of something or you get pissed at him the claws will come out and the past will come up. And as for the crying... it is a purely natural chemical biological response in a man. When a man holds an infant, their testosterone levels plummet! This sudden change in hormonal levels is the more likely culprit for the tears. That or he is one hellofa manipulator. Just what the world needs, another actor! |
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