Why is love life so difficult!!!?

Dee Dee A

Hi there, honey you sound sad and I am so sorry that you are.

OK my friend, you asked for comments, so here goes:

First I want to say that the wonderful thing is you say the two of you are still in love. So knowing that, this marriage can be saved and it can really end up being a happy one too. The thing is you both have got to want for it to turn out that way. Since the love is still there you got that already covered so you two can work on the other stuff and I will tell you how, but of course like I said you both have got to want to and it will take work. But only you guys can decide if it is worth it. I happen to think love and marriage and being happy is worth the fight.

Now right off I have to say, DO NOT make anymore excuses for your husband. I say this because you are saying things like, "it also is my fault as I want things to be like I want them to be." Well yea honey you do, but that is not a fault. Not when the things you want is just to have a husband that is not drinking all the time, running around with his buddies and all you want is a family home life with him. Don't sound like you are asking for too much to me.

Your husband probably has a drinking problem. This is an illness. He is really probably sick. I am not saying that in a mean way either. It is probably something he might not even know or maybe he does and does not want to admit it. Most people that do have this problem don't want to admit it. But if his drinking is causing problems, then chances are he is in "too deep."

He are some signs but of course he does not have to have all of these.

1. Does he miss work from drinking?
2. Does he spend too much money on drinking?
3. Does he ever hid the fact that he drinks as much as he does?
4. Has he messed up relationships from drinking? (I know this one.)
5. Does he sometimes can't pay his bills because he spent the money on drinking?
6. Does he drive and drink?
7. Has he ever been in trouble with the law from drinking?
8. Does he ever get mean, or into fights, mad, anything negative comes from his drinking?

These are just some of the things that people do, that drink too much.

Now rather he will be willing to admit this, I don't know. And honey he will only stop drinking if he wants to. But until he does, his marriage will probably not work, because he is willing to take too much time away from you and working on his relationship with you. (Which is just a sign that he can't stop. Why would anyone want to drink and make someone they love unhappy if that person really could stop drinking?) Oh don't get me wrong when I say he can't stop drinking, of course he can, but it would not be easy.

Honey here is what I would say to him. Tell him that you love him so much and you want your marriage to work. But tell him that you would like the two of you to attend AA to get some help. They will teach him so many things, if he would just keep his mind and heart open. They also have help for you to go to on your own, They are for people like you so you won't be enable him in his drinking.

I know how hard it would be to trust him again. See honey when he promises you that he will stop drinking, he really means it. He is not just telling you that to lied to you. Why he breaks his promises and starts drinking again is because he does have a DRINKING PROBLEM. No other way around that. But, there is help out there for him. This could happen to anyone. It is not a thing to be shamed by. It is an illness and he is sick, but at least with this illness he can make himself better, but he has got to want to. As far as his buddies, he just needs to grow up there and put you first....always. That is because those are the ones that support him in his drinking ways, probably because they are in the same boat. They would not really want to see him get "better" because that would "show them up" and it would give them one less buddy to hang with.

I hope that he will be willing to do what it is going to take to save his marriage. If he don't honey, move on. Someone else out there will be happy to have a wife to settle down with and make a family and a home. I know that is not what you want, but your husband has got to understand that is what is going to end up happening if he don't choose to get well. He would not want you to have cancer and watch it kill you and yet you just sit around and not go get help for yourself. That would be so wrong of you to do that to yourself and to him. Well his illness is a selfish one and he needs to think about getting the help he so needs to make the two of you a happy couple. Please be strong and explain all of this in detail to him. Good luck gal, Aunt DeeDee.

GunsNRoses

How long married?

ogkmqueen

It's not your fault and you're not expecting too much. If you want a family life that doesn't have drinking in it then don't settle for less than that. If you settle for something that you don't really want in your life then you'll NEVER be happy. Tell him that you love him very much and want him to be able to stop drinking and that you'll support him 100% while he tries to stop, but if he doesn't stop then you can't be with him. He'll respect you for standing your ground and if he truly loves you, then he'll do whatever he can to stop drinking.

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