Why is marriage so damn difficult?

Dhara

I've only been married for 5 1/2 months BUT, what I have learned so far is this...

I'm no longer "on my own" and free to do whatever I want. Then again, neither is my husband. It's not that from now until death do us part we can longer do things that we like to do.

Instead of making single decisions we make couple decisions. It's about compromise, learning to listen instead of waiting your turn to talk and being as responsible and concerned for each other as we would our individual selves.

My husband is 24 and I'll be 32 in a couple of months. The adjustment is harder for me than him. He's barely used to being on his own whereas I've been doing my own thing for the better part of fourteen years or so.

It isn't easy, it takes time and work. But that's what committment is I suppose.

Another thing I've found is that it isn't really "BIG" issues that couples disagree on. It's the little things that set you off. One person doesn't like tomatoes in a macaroni salad and the other one can't imagine a macaroni salad without them. One person hangs the toilet paper roll with the roll facing over and the other person prefers having it face under.

Then your families have a hard time over it. The main thing seems to be a debate over who gets more time, as in weekly visits, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, family vacations. Everyone starts demanding complete and total equality and then it gets to be a huge mess.

Here's what I've found out. You CAN'T have total equality all of the time. All you can do is make it a priority to consider your needs as a couple first, and the needs of everyone else second. As long as you try to consider everyone fairly regardless of who you like more, then you've done the best that you can do.

Learn to say you're sorry, be the first to make up. That doesn't mean that you're conceding on a disagreement it means that you wish you hadn't lost your temper and you are sorry for that. Don't go back to the argument until you've both cooled down and are committed to a fair fight.

Hope this helps advice wise as well as a composite of why marriage of "so damn difficult". I agree, it most certainly is. But, I don't regret signing on for it!!!

bois

denger

Bearable

50 percent of marriages fail and many that do survive limp onward but are not always happy ...unless your desperate to shackle yourself to someone else why bother

its 2006 there are many alternatives to just marriage

hello w

becouse its your own dissicion..!!!

lolitakali

Because Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

steelers #1 fan

men are difficult

Eagle wing

because people dont agree

bc its two different people with different personalities tryin to live as one and at first it may be hard bc sometymes people change into someone else when they get married but everythang should calm down if it doesnt maybe you should seek marriage counselin

because the best rewards come from hard work. Marriages are not supposed to be easy - what makes them rewarding is the effort you put into it.

if you are having too much trouble to handle together, you may consider counseling.

a good marriage takes a lot of work, from both parties. it requires communication, mutual respect, mutual and unconditional love - and PATIENCE. You are two individual very different people, and you can't assume anything in a marriage. he has unique thoughts and ideas, and so do you. You can't read each other's minds and you can't assume he knows how you feel about things. throw kids into the mix and the whole thing gets so much more complicated - but also even more rewarding. Take a deep breath... then talk to your spouse, not us!!

kenshiro

marriage commonly ends up in divorce in america because many people do not understand the complexity it will inevitably create in the household of living with another person they can stand in small amounts at one time and the possibility of children the problem is many people think of the feeling of lust or passion that they get when around the person to be love the problem is love is not a feeling it is more an action to be able to show that they care for the person and their well being and express to others how happy they are that they are with the other person the first question to ask yourself is not how do i feel about this person but does this person have the same life goals in mind as i do? do they have parents? if so how do they treat their parents? and if they treat their parents in a wrongfull maner will this manifest in the marriage toward you as a spouse marriage doesnt have to be confusing its todays pop culture that makes it that way by bringing passion into the minds of the youth of america

SWEETBABYRAY2002

BECAUSE WE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY ANYMONE.... DIVORCE IS TO EASY TO GET

Tiamat

Because it takes two imperfect people and blends them -- you really do kind of become one person -- which is challenging. What I've found really works is if you both are honest about what you want and need, make time together and for your separate interests, and make a concerted effort to make each other happy.

Good luck in the marriage adventure,
~Tia~
Live from the big, purple brain
http://advision.webevents.yahoo.com/asktheplanet/brain.html
ASK YOUR QUESTIONS, CALL THE BRAIN - 212-382-3592

MiMi

Think you need to talk together and see what is eating at you. If you get no response from him, that will give you an idea of what your future will always be like with this person...it will only get worse over time, do not let things that bother you go unanswered, talk, talk, talk, share your feelings and you will get along better. If you truly love each other you will work through all your good and bad times together, that's what it's all about. Hang in there, but also do not be a doormat!

ericalsmith2004

Any relationship is hard and takes effort. Marriage is a little more complicated because it's not as easy to break up. If you're dating someone and you don't want to be with them anymore, you leave plain and simple. If you divorce you have to go through court battles and fights and custody battles if there's any kids. There's also a lot of pressure on you once you're married to have kids and have this picture perfect life that you see on TV or in movies and real relationships are not like that!

sarah

i know marriage is not the dream we always think it will be in the begining. i have been married for three years. not a long time, i know, but still long enough to feel the effects. if you ever need someone to talk to about it, feel free to im me.

amace020

Make it simple.

D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

Life's too short to be miserable.

Take your half and go towards the light....

smplyme132

Marriage is so difficult because you are building a life together for a life time! Two people trying to blend as one, coming together and learning so much more about the other person, than they ever thought possible. Trying to create a harmonious relationship, with your new spouse who regardless of what you thought you knew is still very different from you because of their family conditioning. Plus learning that you are making decisions based on a lot more important things than, what movie will go to, or where do you want to have dinner tonight? Also, now you have a whole other set of family member who are in your life, that sometimes thinks they should tell you what to do because of who they are. Just trying to love in the in-laws is hard enough without all the criticizing that comes from them. Just keep in mind, "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Everyone starts out the same way. Those marriages out their that seem so perfect, is do to a lot of work based on both the husband and wife. In time you can eventually get to a level where things are some what easier. Of course, just like the weather, you have to be flexiable for change in a moments notice. Keep fighting threw what ever it is, because if you quit now, someday, with someone new, you will be here again. If you didn't hurdle the problem the first time, what makes you think you can hurdle the problem the next time. At the end of each day, give thanks to god for getting you thru it and ask for strength for tomorrow. Then pour yourself a drink, and kick back. Its going to get better and better all the time.

Tatsbabe

Because nothing that is truly worthwhile is ever easy!

yourdoneandover

Because men are so damn difficult, dense and selfish.

missy

Don't ask me mine failed

SLOWTHINKER

THE HONEYMOON MUST BE OVER. DIG DUG GOT IT RIGHT. WHEN BOTH PARTIES WANT TO BE BOSS,THEN THEIR WILL BE PROBLEMS. ALSO, THERE ARE MONEY ISSUES, THAT WILL CAUSE COMPLICATIONS. NOTE>"IF IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL, YOU DON'T NEED IT!" THE BOTH OF YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND REALLY TALK ABOUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF ONE ANOTHER. COMMON GROUND MUST BE FOUND. ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE IS BABY OR TWO INVOLVED.

~2Sxy4u!~

Because a lot of people go into it with hidden agendas. People say "well it should be 50/50 in a marriage!" Then here you have to 1/2 people trying to have a 'whole' marriage. Each partner has to be 100% within there own being, then when you come together you will have 200% backing you and your marriage. Each person has to be whole (not half) complete, self supporting, mature, responsible and provisional in their own skin before coming together with someone else. Make sure (s)he is 100% and you are too!

T Burr 22

Not only marriage is difficult but life in-general is. No one has it easy

refots02

Because 2 people have to co-exist with each other, and sometimes they just don't. One wants one thing and the other wants another.

Because people change. It's difficult enough with men and women being very different by their nature. Add in that with the passage of time each person chooses their own path. Now you have two people struggling to be themself individually, yet having to find a middle ground instead because their life path has to follow with their spouses' life path in order for them to move on successfully together. People aren't kidding when they say marriage is hard work. Loving someone is easy. Growing older with someone for the rest of your life along a life path both of you can agree on and will help both of you is hard.

party_2_hearty

whats difficult about it? if you like to chat email me and i can help you more.

jennymustafa

We as people make it harder than it has to be. Don't make things so complicated. Think to yourself "What can I do for my spouse?" instead of "What can my spouse do for me?"

effy

Marriage is only difficult when you make it difficult.Marriage was supposed to be easy cos you got a better half to be with you and will help you in all ways.sometimes there are fighting,arguments etc....but that's a part of marriage a spice to test how close and strong both of you will hold.

DigDug

because no one is willing to compromise. it's all about balance.

oddbutterfly1

Marriage doesn't have to be difficult, but it does require some work, that is for sure. If you find that it is difficult, there must be a problem in the relationship. You should find out how to fix it. Start with communicating with you partner.

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