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bjwill72961
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I agree yes I am married not happily, but no place else to go. Yes we have had rocky times and everytime I ask a question on hear for help of what to do its the same answer Don't talk to him just take everything you can and leave him. Maybe that is not the best answer maybe I have no place else to go. Why leave why not try to work things out we been together 26 years why not listen to the other side. Maybe we can't all have great marriages but not everyone's marriage is perfect. I bet those that are so smug if you were to be a fly on the wall would have more skeletons in the closet they just don't let it come outside for us to see. My husband mother is one of those big hipocrites She has a perfect marriage until I got an email from my husbands step father one night and found out that what she says is so perfect is a BIG JOKE. She treats his Step Father like crap just like she does me. Boy was I shocked So was My husband. |
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daljack -a girl
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I hope I don't come across that way.....I tell how long I've been married because I certainly don't know everything about being married......but I do have some experience.
It's like asking a mother with 5 children how she does it.....she doesn't have all the answers but she has some. |
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oldknowitall
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Probably right. We chose well, we did the work to keep the relationship going and fresh, and we forgave and forgot when it was necessary. I am very proud of that, but don't think I am smug, because I realize anything could have gone wrong at any stage of the game. We were very lucky also! |
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chaosinmotion
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I don't think it's meant as a rub, but they are confident and happy with their lives and want to share what they feel are the pearls of wisdom that have led to this success. Sometimes people don't know how to be tactful with what they say, and come off more offensive than they mean to be. Give the benefit of the doubt, but I totally get where you are coming from. |
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I39
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I'm probably one of those happily married folks that gets on your nerves. But just so you know, most happily married people are that way because they have been through some tough times along the way. They are just appreciative now because they are the better for the experience they went through and made it.
I don't think it is possible to have a marriage without any challenges at all. Those who are happy are the ones who have taken what they are dealt and chose to make the best of it. Hope things start looking up for you soon. |
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Buffet4life
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Your wrong. Here is my problem with people
when they ask about adultry, or giving up so easily
or any other lame reason they come up with!
VOWS! Marriage is work not a picnic all the time
Dont get me started about bailing out on your marriage when kids are involved |
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Hilary P
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Good times come and good times go, some people are merely enjoying their current happiness, and are willing to share it. Gives the less fortunate light at the end of the tunnel. I guess it is all in the perspective of how you take it. |
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flyygirlvirgo
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some of them yes some of them have a lot of problems too |
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Bella
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if i have ever come off that way, i really do apologize. i don't mean to ever come off that way. but i will say this, everyone is entitled to be as happy as i am. i didn't find my husband immediately. i wasted a lot of time in my life with the wrong person. it does frustrate me when someone is with someone who isn't being loved as much as they derserve and they insist on sticking it out based on pride. |
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skypilot5973
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No, sorry, you're wrong. I wish every guy could find someone as beautiful as my wife. The world would be a lot happier. |
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Tennessee
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I for one don't mean to come off that way and if I do I appologize. Myself, alot of things you all ask on here I've been though and am trying to answer as best I can. Trust me when I say that everyone has martial problems and allot to work through. But for the ones who have been married for years, like myself, we've over come allot of the stuff the younger couples are going through now. So again I appologize if I do come off like that. Just trying to help by using my own past experiences. |
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lifeisbeautiful
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It may seem that way because things aren't going the way you may want them to. I would hope that people who are looking for help aren't being mad to feel as if the aren't doing something right. No married couple is perfect. Everyone will go through tough times but its how you react to those tough time that make your marriage work. It's alot of work and never should be taken lightly. |
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John Doe 1st
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In all honesty and candor, it's really not so much a matter of "rubbing your noses" in it as just being confident that we know what works and what doesn't.
It's that simple.
Here's our recipe for a successful relationship:
1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.
2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.
3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.
4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship. |
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MANGOMIATA has awesome thighs!
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I am very happily married and only want to share what keeps us happy so that maybe others can try our recipe for success and FIND success.
There's nothing wrong with being happy with your spouse. I don't think we hear enough from happy people.
SAndy :O) |
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sueb3
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I'm sorry you feel negative feedback from married people.
Marriage is so different for everyone. Some people love being married some hate it, some marry too young and have too much growing up to do, while others have made their mistakes and gone through divorce and are now happily married.
I've been married 19 yrs to my 2nd husband, 11 yrs to the first. My husband is the best thing that ever happened to me. We were in our early 30's when we got married. We both came from big families (he is oldest of 8 kids, me oldest of 5 kids).
We both respect each other, and I find that when I'm getting really ready to say something biting, if I just smile and make it a joke, I can take the sting out of my words for both of us.
Being married is watching TV and then you both look at each other at the same time and you know you're both thinking the same thing about what you're watching.
It's only hard work if you are thinking about what you are getting out of it rather than what WE are getting out of being married.
Good luck in your life and relationships. |
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David J
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Being divorced, I know how hard it is to keep things going. I think the smugness comes from the fact that people who have been married along time credit their hard for their happiness. I also feel the relationship everyone is in is the one they choose. Bad relationships go bad the same way good ones go good. It's only by the actions of the participants. If your relationship is bad, first thing you need to do is take along hard look in the mirror. You can't change the other person so it all starts with you. Good Luck |
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Lindsey S
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I am quite proud about my relationship, if I come off smug it's because (no offense) some of these questions are either very easy to answer if someone would get over themselves and look at it from a view other than their own or they really aren't that important...sorry...Maybe I miss the days when all I had to worry about was "does he like me?" Anyway...I am old...Ilove my hubby and my kids, I have something really great, and I think I have insight into parts of life that many unmarried people don't have the benefit of being privy to just yet...I just say to myself..."if they only knew" |
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pookster4262
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I don't think that we are being smug, it's just that we are just that "Happily Married" It's hard to sad and smug. Sorry if the answers on hear offend you, but I speak on behalf of those who are happily married like myself, there is no shame in being happily married, marriage is something we work hard to have and to maintain, also we value our marriages, there is no price you put on being happily married. I recommend marriage to everyone, but you first must have a positive attitude about marriage and being willing to work your butt off to maintain it you are only going to get out of it what you put in it. Again sorry if the answers from married couples offend you, you sound very angry, and if we are smug, we have a right be, if you are angry then you have a right to be angry, you are entitled to how you feel and so are those of us who are happily married |
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imkrsts
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Some may be smug about it . However, for me I just am proud that I got lucky enough to find my soul mate. |
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blue_dragon
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I don't think they are all trying to sound smug. A lot of us are just very proud of our marriages. Not a lot of people are happily married. Some of us are just so happy that ours actually is working. I hope you find the love of your life that will answer this question for you. |
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Rudi A
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Thank you for your opinion. Oh by the way I have
been happily married going on over 20yrs now. |
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LITTLE_JOHN
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hey ......why do you allow typed words to get under your skin? and if you're not married why be concern?
i have been married for 31yrs and no I'm not being smug about it or anything else..i would like to tell you that in our 31yrs we have had no problems.....that would be a lie.....
it is a struggle to build anything much less a marriage..but I'm glad that I seen it through when times got tough....today it seems like men has faded away from being men...they're [some of them] are lazy and put sports and their buddies above their own families.....I've seen married men that was like a weak piece of lumber....with the less little pressure they break and run away.....come crawling back later when the bum has no other place to go......does this upset me.....you're damn right cause i see the kids that these bums father and isn't around to help them.......I'll stop right there before i really get going......man you know as well as I that us as men are felling bad......not saying you personal but in general..
if you have any doubt of what I typed.....look around ya.....
men ought to step up to the plate and reclaim their responsibilities.to themselves and their families....and yes I think you're wrong......enough said |
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ranunculusviridis
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From Merriam Webster:
SMUG: (#3 meaning, other 2 N/A)...highly self-satisfied.....the answer is yes, but I do apologize if I offended you, sir. DH and I are not braggarts and mean no harm. ; )
HAPPY: several meanings...I will mark the ones I think may apply.
1: favored by luck or fortune : fortunate <a happy coincidence>.....NOTE: A happy coincidence? Yes, indeed. He came from a place 3500 miles away and, before me, he was engaged to a girl *that I knew and played with in the 1940s.
2: notably fitting, effective, or well adapted : felicitous <a happy choice>.....NOTE: We are not two peas in a pod, but two pods on one branch (*equal* pods*.)
3 a: enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment <is the happiest person I know> <a happy childhood>
NOTE: We have gone through many hard times in our 36 years. It has been difficult financially, we have two diabetic sons, we lost a car to a repo man and drove a non A/C junker for years, both of our mothers died and, just recently, my beloved BIL, whom I met when I was 6, died of lung cancer. (He and my sister were married 55 years.)
b: expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness <a happy ending> .....YES
c: glad, pleased <I'm happy to meet you> .....YES
d: having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship : friendly <a happy office>.....YES
4 a: characterized by a dazed irresponsible state <a punch-happy boxer> NOTE: A 17 day courtship does rather leave one's head spinning, eh?
b: impulsively or obsessively quick to use or do something <trigger-happy> NOTE: Ummm...I guess so..."Will you marry me next weekend *is* rather impulsive, I'd say.
c: enthusiastic about something to the point of obsession : obsessed NO!!! No obsession...that, to me, sounds like possession, having to account for every minute, every penny, being watched over like a fledgling in a nest. From the very beginning we chose each to be "co-boss".
The one thing we have always practiced is NOT to work on our marriage. We PLAY at our marriage and have much fun. WORK at it? Who needs/wants a second or third job? |
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Brooke M
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Not all the married people on here are as happy as they would like to think they are. You dont have to be married to be happy anyway! Dont let them bother you. |
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stupid_not_cupid
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believe me I have been there and back. It's not that anyone is trying to rub noses, it's only a feeling that comes over a person when they find something new. it happened to me more than once now I just go with the flow. Just wait until they start trying to hook you up or start giving you EXPERT advise.
That's when it really gets annoying. |
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flgalinms
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I get where you are coming from... maybe it's not that they're trying to rub it in the faces of those less "fortunate", only that they are happy and want to world to know. also, some people don't realize that not everyone wants to be where they are. I am happily divorced with two children. I am in a fulfilling relationship with a man I truly love. and that is what is good for me. my best friend is 35, she has never been married, and she has no kids. some days she begrudges me for being so happy in my life, raising my kids the way I want, and having a wonderful mate who I love and want to build a life with, and if it were guaranteed her life would turn out like mine, she would go for it. other days, she tells me she is so glad that she isn't in my situation, she doesn't have the patience to give herself fully to another adult plus two kids. she also says she doesn't want to date a man with kids because she would be responsible for someone else's life. the "smug" people on here don't realize that we can all be happy where we are without a partner to share it with. friends can be happy for us and share in our glory without us having to go home and look at them all the time. I can say this because I walked away from two unfulfilling marriages to be alone. and I enjoyed being myself, not having to answer to someone, and raising my kids the way I liked. but now, I know that I enjoy being with someone who shares the same goals I have for my life and our kids (his and mine). overlook those who seem snooty and snotty. they don't realize that not everyone has it in them to be where they are, or that we might not want to be where they are. |
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joemolens
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If you fell you unfortunate then you are if feel your not then you don't. it all sums up on who you really are don't blame anyone for your actions and feelings. If you have a problem then say it and ask humbly for advice if you want one if not then don't. If something is troubling you lets discuss it. We may be able to help, people ASSUME your married because you don't tell them exactly who you are. I think that people in yahoo answers do care for you and for us you are important and deserve some attention. We are all here in this place simply with one reason we have problems and we need answers in some point in our life we are beaten and needs some help and our experiences at times by sharing it to another could somehow ease up the burden not necessary to solve the problem but knowing that somewhere out there, there is a person who felt what I feel and sympathize with me. God bless you and use your life to help others in need. :-) |
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~ ♥ ~
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some people are just happy and yes some can be smug...but trust me even in the happioest of marriages there is friction so not everything is always roses.....keep that in mind and don't drive yourself nutts. This is virtual reality..anyone can make it seem as if their life is perfect...and it isn't! |
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Billie
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Married people live in a different world. They try very hard to hold a relationship together, especially in hard times. As a result, we have an understanding that we'll handle our own issues and not hand it out for all to see. We like to keep our skirts clean.
So figure out your issue, seek the help and compassion of close friends who will listen. Go to counseling if necessary. But don't expect a high level of sympathy from the rest of the married population. We've got our own fish to fry. |
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