Why is wanting to have kids such a "dealbreaker" in a relationship?

Jub B

I am glad you know what you want. We need more people on this planet that are not going to breed and every child should be born to a mother who wants to be a mom (or give it up for adoption to a loving want to be a parent adult(s))

That being said if you are wanting kids its nice to know someone else wants them too other wise you spend years trying to conform or change the other persons mind just to end up leaving and finding Mr or Mrs right now to have kids with. Its best to know off the bat and not "waste" time. If you don't want kids dinner may just be dinner but if you want children it takes time to find the right partner and get to know them so there is no time to "waste" (I am sure a dinner with you would be wonderful) on those you are definitely not a match for.

Their mommy!

If a man told me before I even met him that he didn't want kids, I wouldn't have wasted my time on a first date either.

I'm not going to spend time convincing a future spouse to hold the same values and opinions as me. It has to be there from day one, or don't waste my time.

mrs g3

Why would YOU want a date with some who clearly DOES want kids? You are pulling a double standard here. If they don't want to date you for your reasons, you shouldn't date them for yours.

Dinner or not, he knows it will go nowhere, so what would be the point?

BabeHart

I'm 45, have never wanted kids, and never had a problem finding men to date...and I've been married twice...for a lot of guys, it's really not an issue...whatever your reasons, there will be people that question your choice (until you hit middle age) but I've not found it a problem with men I dated, but moreso with people my Mom's generation (or above), married couples I knew, etc...

...a lot of guys dig the idea of a woman who doesn't want kids...kids are expensive!!!

Heraclius

As I'm sure you can understand, both parties have to be in agreement on what they want in their lives in order for a relationship to go anywhere
He won't have dinner with you as it would be totally pointless for him
He wants children, you don't. It doesn't get any simpler than that
Why would he waste any of his time with you as it wouldn't lead to anything for him?
To most people having children is THE thing to do in life, although for some sadly it comes about through selfishness, carelessness or by accident
Having children is a basic survival instinct of all species on this planet
You just happen to be in the minority so that's why people will question your judgement
But there are plenty of men out there who don't want kids

cppdummy

The fact that you don't want children because it would ruin your figure, tells me that you are hung up on yourself. There are plenty of ladies in the world that have children and a wonderful figure. It takes a little more work after birth, but it can be accomplished, and has been accomplished many times. Patience would come with the child. That is something you learn. Be that as it may...

There are plenty of men out there that don't want children. Maybe your personal ad should start out,
"If you want kids, move on to the next ad"... That's kind of blunt. It's funny though, single moms always cry that having kids is the deal breaker. Men want to procreate. They want to produce kids to insure their blood line. That's natural. I wish you luck.

Grandma's Wisdom

it's just a way to keep track of someone and lock them into a situation

~Ang~

Well you would probably understand it more if the shoe were on the other foot. If you wanted kids and a man didnâ€™t then why bother? Kids is a BIG issue, for instance if you donâ€™t want kids cause you hate them or whatever, so would you date someone with a kid? Especially knowing you donâ€™t like them, theyâ€™re loud and annoying to you, youâ€™re not a good mother figure? So why would you want to date someone that has a kid right? Or why would you want them to adopt or have a surrogate? You donâ€™t like them/want them? So if you donâ€™t want kids, and the guy does, thatâ€™s obviously a deal breaker. I would never date someone that didnâ€™t want kids, because being a mom is a big part of my life, and I wouldnâ€™t want to live my life not knowing what itâ€™s like to have given birth and raise children. And a guy wanting kids doesnâ€™t mean he wants you barefoot and pregnant, it means he wants to procreate, he wants to know what being a father is, thereâ€™s nothing wrong with that. Just like thereâ€™s nothing wrong with you not wanting kids, itâ€™s your choice. But I think you do need to realize the seriousness of it, children are a big issue for people, itâ€™s a matter of someone not feeling whole. I think if this is your choice, then you need to make sure to meet someone that has the same choice, if not it could break you up in the future.

Add: and even thought it's "just dinner" all dates are potential to turn into something more, so I wouldn't want to waste my time either. You don't want the same things, then you don't want the same things... Obviously there's no future.

rpoker

from that minute on your stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get er done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Axiom

I am glad you are "getting fixed" because I would hate for your genes to be propagated into the gene pool.
Children and procreation through reproduction is one of the most basic desires of the human existence. It is ingrained into us to ensure the continuation of our species. Don't blame the guys for ditching you for your odd sense of existence...you are in the minority and your desires not to reproduce goes against the most basic instincts we possess. Also, I would argue that you can't fully reach your true humanly potential without experiencing the joys and pains of having children. You will lead a life that is only partially complete...never experiencing the most basic and important reason for our existence.
You are the one one that needs a good smack. Only I hope you never come to the realization that you are the one that is totally misguided to keep your bizarre genes from contaminating the future human genome. Just keep believing you are enlightened instead.

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