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Why verbal abusive men abuse their wife?
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Why verbal abusive men abuse their wife?

My husband constantly use verbal abuse me towards.me He constantly call me dumb and stupid @** I ask him over and over again to please stop because it hurts. I had the heartfelt talk with him several time. He'll stop doing it for like a week then he starts doing it again. When we have disagreements and argument the name calling gets worst it goes from me being called stupid to dumb, ugly b!***. We get along really well until he get in these name calling moods. I just don't understand why he talks to me like that. I do everything for him. He told me the other day he only talk to me like that and no one else.


    




voiceofreason
Rating
He might just be frustrated because you are illiterate. Either way, its not okay and you need to leave him.


jpc0480
pack your bags and hit the road. he will never change. on your way out be sure to call him a fat bald piece of sh**


Apple
Rating
marriage counseling or divorce


GoodGuy
Rating
he does it coz you let him. he is like most abusive men a very coward who only act like a brave guy in front of someone they know cares for them.
He does it coz he takes you for granted. next time he calls you a bad name tell him unless he makes it up to you and quits calling you names you won;t do a damn thing for him.
tell him if he thinks you are that dumb then he can do everything himself. That will straighten him. You have to be firm though coz if you offer an inch of leniency he will take a mile and things will be back to square one ... hope it helps. Good luck.


keith s
Rating
Leave him he does not deserve you


Mommy2Hunter
Rating
Leave him! He is the stupid @ss and u deserve way way better!


Pam
We hurt the ones we love. Verbal abuse is actually worse than physical abuse (which is really bad)...because the words stay with you and chip away at yourself esteem.

Try couple therapy....that might help. He needs to "want to" change for this situation to get better. If he doesn't want to change then you really need to do some soul searching...do you want to stay and deal with this.

Life is too short and this isn't a trial run or dress rehearsal...this is the real thing.


Toto
Rating
Tell him if he doesn't stop you live him.


rachie
you dont deserve it tell him to buck his ideas up or leave him, how abou reversing it see how he likes it? i cant believe any man would want to, verbally abuse a woman


Munya Says: DUH!
Ok. He's a creep and will never change. He obviously is spoiled rotten and I truly believe that his verbal abuse will one day escalate into PHYSICAL abuse.

You need to get out now. If he wont seek anger management counselling, you will NEVER go back to him, you hear me?

NO man is worth your tears. Say that 10x, take a deep breath, clean out the bank account and call a divorce lawyer on your cell phone as you drive very far away.


Michelle J
Rating
Sounds like he has an issue with women. Does he talk to his mother like that. My ex-husband demoralized me with his lashing as well "hence ex-husband" I could not take it anymore, it starts to wear on your self esteem and confidence of what kind of person you really are. If you love him and want to stay married try counseling if he refuses give him the ultimatum and if that does not work leave. No one needs to be treated that way or talked to that way. I now have a wonderful husband who I consider my best friend and he would never think of saying those hurtful things to me nor I to him. We do argue but it never gets that far. You should really think about that.

Good Luck to you
Michelle


Blondie
I really wished I knew why also! If you find out why, pleaseeee let me know!! :o(


General Custer
stop doing things for him until 3 days after he apologizes. tell him you will continue to do this until he learns.


♥♥TinaThat...ME♥♥
Many people grow up with people that did it to them so they just inhabit doing it


billy
Rating
wow.. sum husband u have.... sit him down an tell him that those words hurt an ask him how he wud feel if sum1 talked 2 his mother or daughter like that an see how he feels.. maybe he is stressed out an needs u


buxomkity
Did you say "Thank you" when he told you that he only talks to you that way. He needs counseling, quickly.


Bev
Rating
You teach people how to treat you. Don't tolerate it anymore. Either leave or tell him to leave. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. He probably feels badly about himself, and it makes him seem stronger or some such crap. It doesn't matter WHY he does it, it needs to stop. If you have children with this man, do you think he will treat them any better? Trust me...he will not.


sheloves_dablues
Verbal abusers, whether they are men or women, do it because they are insecure. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to allow him to take his insecurities out on you forever. Think long and hard about the answer, Coco. Domestic violence ususally starts with verbal abuse. Stay strong for you.


Ontheotherhand
Why does he talk to you that way? Easy. He does it because because you allow it. Are you some pitiful twit? "Boo Hoo, please don't talk to me that way." Waa Waaa. Lady, if you deserve nothing better, by all means stay, and get used to being called names. Only you know what you are worth, so you decide.


sasmallworld
instead of worrying WHY he does it, u have to realize that he Shouldn't do that. it doesn't matter WHY... who cares? he is wrong! and u asked him to stop! and he never talks to anyone else that way??

here's my thing: i think this is all about CONTROL. he feels he can treat u any which way because u are his "wife", his "possession". already that is a bad sign..

in the bible, it says "Women must obey husband" right? well guess what else it says: "Man must HONOR wife".

a woman cannot dutifully obey a husband who is not honorable... therefore, he is not doing his job. and so, if he thinks he's the husband and can do wahtever he wants, he's mistaken. u can be treated better, and u deserve to be. he needs to change, or you're GONE. let him know that.. if he becomes more abusive, or even physically, it gives u even more reason to leave!!! just know that when u try to work it out w/ him, it is thru YOUR MERCY that u are staying with him, not his. if he wont' change, or gets worse, that's HIS fault because he wouldn't work it out with you. u have to have that attitude: I am your WIFE. u have to treat me with Love, Honor and Respect in order for me to Love, Honor and Obey him. if he doesn't change, you have to find a husband that WILL.

good luck~


Miloree
Rating
My hubby used to do the same thing to me.... One night after he was screaming at me...I just looked at him...and I said "Did you get yelled at alot as a child?".. It took him back for a second...and he said "yeah".... I then turned to him and said... "Everytime you start yelling....remember how it felt to be yelled AT".... he hasn't yelled or called me a name since. Sometimes they just don't realize that they are doing it. Next time he starts screaming and cursing at you....try what I said...it may help.


aubreytaegan
Rating
Stop acting like a "dumb ***" and he will probably stop calling you one. I am sure its not all his fault. You probably bring out the worst in him at times. What are you doing to get him so worked up that he loses his temper?


Lonely Eyes
Honey, I've been in a physically and verbally abusive relationship for sometime now and am just now coming up out of it. The only thing you can do is recognize that it will continue and either accept that you will feel hurt like this being with him or leave him alone. From my experience, that's where it starts, then it leads to other types of abuse. It's like the "Gateway Abuse." See, mines was backwards. He started beating me, then...when he stopped beating me with his fists, he started beating me down with words. It was very harsh. With your situation, he may stop bashing you with these hurtful words, but then, he'll need to find other ways to hurt you. He may start destroying materials in your home or more than likely, begin hitting you. He has an abusive mentality. And, don't just think about yourself, think about children you may have with him and pets too. If he abuses you this way, he will do the same to them. And, don't take that crap about "I only do it to you." That's an abusers way of making you take the blame and look at yourself like, "Why me?" What it will also do is start making you act the same way, then you both will be hurting eachother with words. Recognize that you are worth so much more than that. The sad part is, you've already let him know that it's okay to do this to you. That's why it will NEVER stop from this point on. He already knows that the most that will happen is an argument. Because of this, he won't change. And, don't go thinking that if he gets with someone else, his behavior will be more polite. He's going to do it to every woman he's with until that woman leaves him. Sorry to know you're going through this. Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse 'cause those wounds never heal. They're only covered up and closed up inside until they start tearing you down. To sum this up, just remember that it's NOT you, okay!?! HE is the one with the problem. You are not causing him to act this way, he is CHOOSING to act this way. Much love :o)


free_angel
Tell him those days of him talking to you like that are over. When that door slams in his face he'll know you aren't playing around about this. Either he knocks it off for good or he can stay gone for good. And there is no debating this.


babygirl
Rating
I think that you should leave him as soon as posible. You deserve better than that and he does not deserve you. He continues to talk to you like that cause you don't do nothin. Tell him that if he doesn't stop treating you like this then your going to leave him because you don't deserve to be treated like that and then the next time he disrespects you like that again then pack up your stuff and go somewhere else and leave him to think about what an a** he has been tword you and let him think how stupid he was to loose you. He deserves it if you leave him I know that it will be hard, but you don't want to spend your whole life being put down by the guy that says he loves you or does he tell you that he loves you. If he does he doesn't really mean it because if he did he wouldn't treat you like that. He's an a** and you don't deserve to be treated like that and he doesn't deserve to have something so good in his life. Maybe he will learn his lesson now. Good Luck!


Rosie
Rating
Talking obviously isn't working. Give him an ultimatum, tell him he either stops treating you like this or it's over! See how much your marriage is worth to him


Baby Dolls
Rating
He has control issues and has no respect for you. You keep taking it, so why should he stop for good?
My guess is that this will progress into physical abuse, GET OUT!

Good luck.


ambr95012
Rating
I was once in an abusive relationship very similar to yours and it was also "only me" who got that kind of attention and no one else. You don't mention anything that he might do, for example, does he drink? Either way part of the reason that he does this is because he has to have some sense of control in his life and he has directed it as you because he feels that you are a) weaker than him and b) easily manipulated. Another thing that might be contributing is what kind of relationship, and I don't mean personal, do you have? For example, do you make more money or have a closer family or do you have more education than him? All those things might also contribute. My relationship was five and a half years long and I do speak from experience. One thing I can tell you is that it will not change unless he gets and wants help and talks to someone outside the relationship (like a coucilor).


Kate T.
Rating
you need to get out because verbal abuse usually turns into physical abuse and when that starts there is no ending . Please go to a women shelter and let them help you . of course he does not talk to anybody else but you like this because he would get told off or hit by someone else . Please just get out and get to a woman's shelter. please. good luck and god bless and happy thanksgiving.


Darlene
I have been married for 7 years. When we dated things was great, than after we got married everything changed. He hit me in 2004 at Christmas. He was drunk and hit me in the face. The police came and arrested him. He went to classes and stated he would stop drinking. He stopped drinking for 6 months. Than everything changed back to the way it was. There is no hitting from him. The verbal abuse, he calls me names, puts me down, threatens me all the time. He threatens me if I do not do what he wants. He never states he is sorry for anything. He calls B word the f word. He puts me down and states I am stupid. He can't stand if I know an answer to something or how to do something. I have sent him articles on abusive husband and fits him to a T. Now he is not talking to me, to punish me for what?? I do not know... I get the silent treatment from him as long as I gives it. Hell of a life.





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