Wife & Half truths?

sadie_oyes

Sounds like she figured you would be upset with the $1100 cost.
If she told you ahead of time, I'm getting injections and it's going to cost about a grand, that would be alright with you?
My husband would never go for that, and if I didn't talk to him about it first and just went and did it, he would be really pissed.
So yes, you have a right to be pissed.

gloria b

Hell no...she's a liar honey....what don't you know??

getmymackon

It doesn't matter whether it's 20 years of marriage or 2 she should have told you the truth to begin with.

AdultMale

There are liars. Some people just can't tell the whole truth. They may be afraid to tell the truth. No matter what, your wife will go on telling you lies and half truths. You better get used to it.. or leave her

tell her how you feel... are you totally honest with her???

porkchop

Funny, I just did that with my husband for the first time ever!! I felt so guilty about it that I am planning on going to work to pay it off. I am getting porcelein veneers on my two front teeth and it costs $2900. He knew I was going to do it but we didn't know how much it would cost. When I went for a consultation I just made the decision without consulting him. I guess it's a feeling of "you can't tell me how much money I can spend because you aren't my boss" and "I know you make the money but I work around here too". Anyway, just tell her how you feel about it and find out why she can't tell you the truth. If you want for those money decisions over $1000 or so to be mutual, let her know or try to come to some agreement about when the money decisions should be mutual. I wouldn't want him to go spend several thousand dollars without consulting me.

Wolfithius

Seems like a lot of the responses deal with money and that is interesting. In marriage, I think that decisions need to be made by both partners. If $1,100 is a lot of money to you then, you need to work out a system for sitting down and if both parties say yes, then move forward. One can say no and you don't do it. And of course through communication and bargaining you both can get things you want (and afford).

What works for my wife and I is that each paycheck we each get a set amount of cash that we can spend anyway we want, period. So if I want something that is not in the budget, I can save and get it.

As far as the honest thing, you do need to tell her that his is hurting your trust with her and that because you love her, you will be able to talk about these things sensibly. If you think these things bleed into other areas than money, such as telling you she's going to see her family, but then she does a little of that plus a bunch of other things...then the problem goes even deeper. Anyway, money is a big item of contention in a marriage and the best way to settle it is communication and a budget.

dawnUSA

First off, congrats on the 20 years! (Me, too!) After also dealing with just plain withholding information, that way it's not a lie, I've come up with he just does not want to be totally 'open' and like this is some part of his life he wants to keep for himself. I don't agree because I tell him everything. But your wife is not telling you because you get mad, even if you have told her you get more upset when you find out she lied? I hope you confront her each time? Maybe she is one of those compulsive spenders that needs counseling and/or just a limited amount of 'allowance' each week. Do you reveal all your expenditures to her? If you do, ask how she would like it if you started withholding impt. info from her? I could never understand why people can't be honest with each other! It always makes me want to have a big secret from him and let him 'find out' and see how he feels, but I'm not made that way. Too honest? Good luck.

sophia

I wonder why she feels like she needs to lie to you. Do you give her a hard time about the money she spends? Or maybe she has always been like this. Can she trust you? Let her know that she can and that it it is always okay to tell you the truth. If she lies about money she may be lying about other things as well. Call her on it for sure...

red&sassy

because she's been doing it for 20 years and gotten away with it. perhaps it all started when she told u the truth and she got a bad reaction from u. maybe u've changed over the years. get counseling. it can only help. if u can afford beauty treatments, u can afford the counseling.

bummer. wife needs to understand that telling half-truths is the same as lying. people pay attention to that. if i had a friend that was doing that to her husband, i wouldn't trust her. i've learned that how someone treats others, is how they are going to treat me. your wife is someone i would stay away from. she needs help.

guesswho

No you are not wrong. You have every right to expect your partner to be honest with you in all matters. If she cant tell the truth in small matters then how can you trust anything she says. JMHO

brkshandilya

Two decades and one could get used to anything.Next time you have an answer,just multiply by a number( from experience ie 2 or3 or 4 or whatever).It's a kind of compulsive habit and a person with it,can't help but means no harm including attempt to lies.If everybody understood women just like that ,the world shall be boring place to live.Relax and have a drink on me.All the best.

matty60

whew expensive laugh lines// i dont blame you its the principle

nana_14

You are so not wrong to be pissed! She's probably keeping something from you. If your money starts to blow out the window or something she's probably doing drugs behind your back or something. That's why this whole half *** thing on the truth is goin on.

M G

You've put up with it for much too long. Don't be passive about it, get good and angry and make sure she knows it. (not condoning physical abuse by the way) I'm sure you've probably just shrugged much of it off in the past, or she figures you'll just drop it in a few days. Start questioning everything she does, hold her accountable. It's not likely she stop entirely, but she'll start thinking twice about it.

mikeehr

My ex was great at half truths, finally I started asking more questions and more direct questions which pissed her off needless to say we are divorced now after 18 years. You can only hear half truths for so long before you wonder what else she is half truthing about. Good Luck!

gowri j

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happygolcky75

WOW... i was in that situation... and it was way to hard for me to stay in a relationship like that.... i was married for 9 years....

have you express to her how that makes you feel??? sounds like it was not really about the money just that she didnt tell you the entire truth... maybe that how you should handle it...

undone

Youre not wrong. She must have thought that telling the truth would start an argument over $$$$. Maybe there is a communication problem in general. Try talking to her about it and see what she says.

outspokenchick2004

She isn't going to know it bothers you if you don't tell her it does. I would sit her down and tell her you found the receipt and get to the bottom of WHY she tells you half truths. Perhaps she is afraid of what you will say? OR, perhaps she feels guilty because the half truths are about things she knows are wrong or that you would think are wrong. It's all about communication. A word of advice, I would let her know that you are happy she isn't doing something completely dishonest (like cheating).....but that you need her to know that you trust her to tell you the truth. If her half truths are about money, she could just be guilty......let her know you're okay with the costs when it is appropriate and when it isn't...be honest about that too.

One question for you...if her half truths are often about money, maybe she hears you gripe about money a lot and she is trying to spare your feelings. Just a thought from a wife who is married to el-cheapo.

Meichelle

No, you're not wrong at all. The way you feel is totally understandable. You need to sit her down and have a serious talk with her about it.

Paula D

no, you are not wrong in my opinion. If she keeps this up you will end up building a lot of animosity towards here, hence, causing problems in your marriage. Is she afraid to tell you the whole story because you react harshly to them? Sit her down and tell her how you are feeling and what her half truths are doing to you and eventually your marriage. There has to be trust and honesty or the marriage will fail. If it continues with her, she may need some sort of counciling.

tayhay

Pilot - I hear you. My missus does the exact same thing and then wonders why I don't trust her with money issues!

I don't think there is a damn thing we can do about it.

vixen312

For some reason she feels compelled to withhold information from you. Maybe something has happened in the past between the two of you, in another relationship, or as a child that makes her feel that she has to do this.
I completely understand why you would be upset. You should have a talk with her, even consider counseling. Trust is one of the building blocks of a relationship foundation and you don't won't it to wear away for any reason.

misskitty

I totally understand how you feel, My husband does the same thing. It like it's OK, If it doesn't cost as much. I don't know how you can change the pattern, I'm dealing with it for 27 years. Good Luck, P.S. If you find a way to change it, let me know, and i'll try it.

stixntwigs

She doesn't tell you a "half lie", she tells you a lie. After 20 years, you can either do something about it or accept it.

Antony

Well this happens in a lot of relationships . The reason is not very simple. You will need to sit down with her and talk it out and find out what is the reason behind all this. One reason could be that she feels you might not approve of it . This leads the other person not to confide in you and do things which you may not approve with out your knowledge. Try to come to a compromise on things . Ask her if she expects you to be truth full and it would be right on your part to be truth full.

The absolute truth is very important for any good relationship.

pussycat

Perhaps she feels afraid of your reaction to the large amount of money she spent; or she felt guilty about spending so much. Show her the receipt and find out why she felt the need to lie about the cost. Clear the air!

Mrs. House

For some reason, she feels like she can't tell you the whole truth. Talk to her about it, and tell her there is no reason for it. Did she really think that you would never find out how much it really cost?

Tell her that she needs to start telling the truth, even about little things. It sounds like she is a compulsive liar, since she lies about such dumb things. If you tell her that lying about meaningless things makes you wonder what else she's lying about, she should understand. It's a trust issue, and I'm sure she wouldn't like it if you were lying to her!

hunting4u

Lack of communication! Obviously she is afraid to confront you when it comes to finical situations. I think both of you need to seek some marriage counseling to resolve the communication problem. It work for me my friend.

blondy

By the sounds of it, she is just worried about your reaction if she was to tell you the whole truth. She probably doesn't even realize that it is starting to put mistrust into your relationship.

If you haven't already sat down and talked to her about this then I would do this. I would help her understand just what it does to you when she only tells half truths. Find out why she feels she can't talk to you about what she is going to do or why she only tells you half the story. Try not to put the blame on her, and make sure you use words like......... when you do that , it makes me feel.......

If you don't work this out now it will continue. I know from a personal experience and the trust issues will become big ones.

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