Wife wants to leave, but says I'm the best husband...What do I do?

mic m

u know what to do... follow your heart

rider

YES I HAVE A NICKEL'S WORTH OF FREE ADVICE

let her take care of and wipe the *** of retarded people

and you take your succesful *** and find some smokin hot christian chick in church,tell her your story, and get you some sympathy punanny
over

and over

and over

you hear what im sayin

mullikencc

Dude, this is easy.

You're right, your wife isn't making any sense. When that happens it's foolish to try and use logic to understand what is happening.

Your wife made an Oath to stay with you until death, not until she finds someone who needs her. You should do what you can to save the relationship, but it takes two to tango, if she isn't game then you've got to let her go.

You musn't let this change you as a person, there is no way you could have done anything differently. If I were you I'd start gatherinng evidence against her in the event of a divorce, but keep divorce as a last option.

If it does end in divorce you can feel confident you did your best and be grateful that it's just life, you get a chance to do it over and find someone new. Do NOT let this event jade you, instead what you can from it and move on.

CindyLu

You wife has let her maternal instinct run out of control. she needs help if your marriage is going to be saved.

tlla

Brother, let me tell you something...

You ask...what's the point of being a good guy if this is what happens?

Don't even go there!!! You and I know that with all people come some disappointment. We only have the man upstairs that will never fail us. You shouldn't be asking what the point is in being a good guy! You don't change who you are because of what the enemy throws at you. It sounds like you are a strong man. Rise above it and seek him on it. Whatever happens don't lose your faith... that is exactly what the devil wants. Keep the faith!

God Bless!

veg_hel

You poor thing. Your wife has it good and unfortunately still thinks the grass is greener. Try counselling and if you are ready, accept her back, however you need to be prepared in the case she wants to divorce. Make sure you have family and friends for support. I would be very angry with her as well, but then I would wonder why she needs to look outside her marriage for something. Perhaps you may not provide enough stimulation for her if she is needing to be a "nurturer". It may just be a phase she is going through and I do feel sad that she would give up a happy home life for a difficult one. Good luck with the counselling.

Alley Cat

Oh wow...I really don't know what to say. But all that was going through my head when I was reading your story, before I got to the part about the case, was: "what a wonderful love these two have, I wish I could find love like that." First of all don't you dare say "what's the point of being a good guy if this is what happens?" Don't be selfish. You and her are only human, the point is, everyone makes mistakes. But are you man enough to keep yourself from giving up on her?

Ok heres how I see it...you were trying to stay positive for you wife but you let her slip through your fingers out of her pity. She pities this man, but can you actually believe she will fall for someone so soon after all you too have been through? It just means she has temporally forgotten why she married you in the first place. Do you see where I'm going with this? Show that woman why she married you, why you guys are in love and why you are raising kids together. Make her remember all the good times again. Also think about it, this case has to end sometime right? Then she will never be with him again. I think what you don't understand is the difference between loyalty and love. She loves you, she certainly does. You know why??? She as been nothing but honest to you throughout this entire time. She told you she kissed him, she told you she knows it hurts you but she also feels so sorry for this man who she is trying her best to bring one small morsel of happiness too. I know, with out a doubt she is coming to come right back to you.

So in a nut shell: show her WHY she picked you and only you, learn the difference between loyalty and love and most importantly, keep faith in yourself and your wife.

I believe in you

Dee

maybe she is attracted to this guy because he is needy...maybe she feels she isn't needed your family life?...everyone needs some drama in thier life to feel alive...perfect wouldnt do it for me...it becomes boring...i love my partner...we fight...but he's my best friend and i couldnt see myself with anyone else...but if we didnt have some excitment in our lives like a fight here and there...well...its pretty boring...
some advice...
maybe you could just tell her to leave...start a fight...pick on things she doesnt help you with...dont say everythings perfect before this happened....because thats boring news for her....she's bored and has found something in this guy that she's needed...and if she is wanting to be with this guy then why do you want her?!?!?!?...if my man had kissed some girl and didnt know if he wanted to be with me or not...then he would be out on his *** on the street asap...

she could also be going thru some stress and depression after having the baby...if you really love her then fight but if you think she isnt going to be there for you anymore then leave...you'll find someone....and yer sometimes good guys come last so maybe you could be nasty for a while hehe...just joking...i think you should try but then if she doesnt try and wants to be with this other guy then...there isnt much you can do but ask her to leave...or you leave with the little one...good luck...i hope you are ok...

mandi3939

Go to the counselor. Any advice you get here is likely to be tainted by pranksters and idiots. My guess would be that you married young, and she doesn't have much experience with men beyond you. She may be curious and having a professional who can guide you through these feelings and issues is the best bet.

fihn1

Wow that is a tough one but realistically it seems she has fallen for him-truth hurts hate to say it it but maybe you should turn your eyes from God and into the bedroom-something is happening there friend that isn't at home and i would bet money on that

Tu Locote, lol

i don't really know what to say, just try to keep the relationship, in my last relationship my ex girlfriend was been a bi#@% and even thought the fight was her fault i always said Im sorry, this mean i know it has to be pretty hard for you. The only think i can tell you is to try to keep loving her, but i will worry about the kiss

Asked why the f%$ did she kissed that guy, tell her you are her husband and not him, if he asked the kiss, how that happen, make her to said something, if the idea of the kiss was the guy idea i would go if i were you and talk to him, i don't care if he have mental problems, but he must respect a relationship.

So do what you think is the best, but for real, ask her, make her confess all what happen the day of the kiss

Pamela F

I thought I asked tough questions...you're wife is obviously very confused and unfortunately you are left to deal with the consequences. I believe individual counseling would be very beneficial for her because obviously she is not thinking with her right mind. Also, you should try couples counseling as well, which would hopefully in the very least help you to get a better understanding of why this is happening.

opetke

Bro,

I'm afraid you're a victim of a continuing melodrama society that we're fostering in this country. The idea of life being an emotional 30 minute rollercoaster just seems to be too entrenched these days...especially among women.

Now, how to make this better.

1. You've already done the right thing by forbidding communication. But you can't just forbid your wife (who sounds emotionally and morally....temptable).

You've got to see this kid and forbid him.

If he is connected to your wife's occupation, then she needs to quit. No sacrifice is worth the pain and loss of this marriage (which is an affront to God). So whatever needs to be done, especially on her part, shall be done.

And there is no moral danger to you whatsoever. A man may defend his family, through intimidation, force, or whatever means necessary.

I'd do my best to not break the law however.

2. You lost your marriage because, frankly, your wife doesn't NEED you.

This is common in our culture. A bread winner NEEDS a homemaker. A home maker NEEDS a breadwinner.

Two people doing both jobs....don't NEED a spouse. They've got it covered (or so they think).

Without this delination of duties, your marriage was built on sand rather than stone. I'm sorry if this conflicts with your values system, but you're living with the results. And I'm very sorry to hear it.

I'm also very glad to hear you're willing to forgive (as our Savior forgives).

3. Time to become THE MAN.

You've been too nice. Too accomidating. Too safe.

You "waged peace". You "tried to be equal". You're the guy people invite over because he always cleans up the party.

In other words, you feel guilty about TAKING from this woman.

This other clown....he TAKES. That forces her to GIVE. That makes her feel special, unique, and effeminate.

Remember what I said about NEEDS. He makes her feel like he NEEDS her.

Far from being the white knight....he's the rogue, the rascal, the punk with the motorcycle.

And it's causing the white knight trouble. Guess what white knights did most of the time?

They cut people's head clean off and stomped their bodies with their warhorses!!

THATS THE WHITE KNIGHT YOU NEED TO BE!!

Remember, we call Christ the Lamb of God....but we're just as correct calling him the LION OF GOD!!!

Be a fricken LION you LAMB!!!

Here are some ideas:

1. Put your hurt away. Men don't don't feel pain and they certainly don't express it when the sh*t hits the fan.

2. You've already made the right move by forbidding her contact with this guy. Now take the fight to him and tell him that if he contacts you, he'll be lucky to see a police officer rather than waking up in traction.

3. Man up! That means dressing masculine. Talking masculine. You lift weights? You do now! Chop some firewood! Fix everything in YOUR house. Not to please her, but because it's YOUR house and a MAN lives in it! Got a punching bag? Get one! Hit it 500x a day. Get your aggression back up there. Learn to howl again. Hand wash your car. Wax it. Don't know how to do these things? LEARN!

4. Start throwing your weight around a little. Don't be a bully and don't be an ******. But don't be a wilting lily either. When something is important, make a decision. Don't ask for opinions. Always do the right thing. Make your family do the right thing.

5. Lastly, treat your wife like a girlfriend. We may not realize it, but a lot of romance is tied up in actually teasing, pushing, or mock struggling with a girl. We're also much more demanding of our girlfriends (because our commitment is much less). Again, there is moderation in everything. But by being that rougher, less tameable boyfriend, rather than compliant hubby, you'll challenger her to work for this relationship a little.

6. Lastly, you need to force her to make a choice. And you'll want to do this ASAP....that might not be the best idea.

But when you are certain she'll choose you (this is not a movie with dramatic music...you want your marriage to survive), she has to verbally submit to the marriage. In other words, she has to think "I chose him...it was MY decision".

Otherwise, the continuing emotional struggle she's going through will be endless (Should I have....should he have....should we have...).

No. Don't let your wife torture herself like this. Again, you must pick the right time. But she needs to VERBALLY choose you! And after that choice, you must accept it verbally and make any decision necessary to the survival of the marriage.

Good luck bro. This is NOT GOING TO BE EASY.

But others have done this and survived...and it's what the Lord expects from you.

You are being tested. Make the grade!

Good Luck!

vsquared

I think (and it seem like you've figured out) that your wife has taken the love of her profession a little too far. If she's a social worker, student, lawyer, nurse or is hired to assist this person she is overstepping her boundaries and her actions may very well be illegal. Especially since the the recipient may not want to receive the advances. Also, think about other elements in your marriage. Had you noticed a change in the flow of your relationship? Physical intimacy? A person who is happy in a marriage doesn't just get up and leave because she has met someone else especially someone who has the ailments this person seems to have. Also, could she have postpartum depression or a chemical imbalance from the pregnancy and her body bouncing back from the pregnancy? this could be a reason for such sudden behavior. I think therapy with a psychologist or psychatrist is a good first step. In the mean time her supervisor or boss should be notified of this relationship if she is in any medical or legal type of profession.

tomaswifey

wow , very sad because it sounds like you guys have a beautiful relationship. i personally think that sometimes woman take advantage of a nice man and its wrong but it happens. it took me until finding my husband that is to really appreciate a good man. i also think u do way too much, even though your wife and u are very independent people it seems as though you guys are also leading two separate lives. a woman's job too and it also states in the bible is to take care of her home. therefore it means she needs to see that her your guys child with one another needs her if not 10 times more than this other guy. she needs to wake up and smell the Coffee and stop being so selfish and see that she has the world in front of her and she would be silly to let it all go and slip away over what ? a kiss with someone she feels a slight connection with ? a connection that should have never been there in the first place. u need to now demand respect within your home. thats your duty as a man of the household. its should be no longer an option for her to talk with this man. either she repects you and does the things she needs to do again to build your trust or she needs to do her dirty deeds some place else. im not a supporter on divorce so i feel like you should take charge and not give her an option . tell her u demand her to be strong for your guys family. its easy to walk away its tough to stay and work things out. tell her you love her and you need her to be there for your family

Tessa

Get your clergy involved. What she is doing is a sin. Her own family is her responsibility, not this young man.

Im just answering your question!

See how the counselling goes...for the both of you, I think you will find that the counselling will also help you to try and understand why she has done this and heading this way.
Maybe she doesnt even know why she has done this and is feeling this way.
At the end of the day though, only she can decide what is right for her, so the best thing you can do for now is to hope and pray that she will come around and realise that she needs to stay where she is.

J K

wow i'm sorry to hear this is happening to you. Have you asked her how your son would feel that his parents aren't together just because of this guy. I know he's young and doesn't know what's going on but when he's older (if you happened to separate but i hope you don't) he's going to hate deaf deformed people 'cuz it took his mom away from his dad. She's apparently just thinking about herself and that guy. I know she should make it work out with you but i would put my son first and try to make it work out with you for the sake of him. Isn't there a way you can tell this guy how its messing your marriage up? Good luck with everything and I hope she realizes she's making the biggest mistake in her life.

Lady Bug

Im sorry to hear about your struggle. It must be difficult loving someone so openly and having this happen to you. You are right it is not fair.
If you are indeed a christian, then you have faith. You must pray for wisdom and wait for God to tell you how to move.
We don't have the answers to all the why's in our life. But, God does. Whatever He reveals to you, accept it and know that, all thing work together for the good and to them that are called according to His purpose.
I'll be praying for you.

xohxoh29

woahhh.well i hope things work out thats all i can say. Pray to God, ask for his help. Your wife says that she still wants to be with you but wants to help this other man, just doesnt make sense. You seem like a really good man, and husband, so if she ends up leaving its obviously going to be her loss, and then she'll come to her senses and want you back.but lets just hope that that wont happen.
best of luck to you.

Jeff S

You and your wife need to run not walk to a counselor now!
She is not thinking with her head and is about to make a very poor decision. One that will split your family unit forever.

She should have removed herself from the situation at once it is unprofessional at best.
Not to jump the gun, but If she does end up leaving you -with her judgement skills being what they are I would seek out a good attorney and go for full custody.

mimzy

This is so sad that she would turn against her family for a young man that she probably can't help, anyway. If she comes back to you, will you ever be able to trust her again? You sound too good for her - why not move on and find someone that will appreciate you for the kind person that you are.

As someone who has been through something similar, I would counsel you to get out now. The hurt you feel now will only continue to fester and grow. Added to these feelings is the broken trust that will hang over your marriage like a bag of garbage.

I found that selfish behavior like this is just the tip of the iceberg. The more you explore in talking and counseling, the more skeletons you will find. Her faulty decision making process will hurt you again and again. I have been trying to make my 16-year marriage work for the past 5 years after my wife's indiscretion, and it has been nothing but sacrifice and heartbreak. The closeness, trust, and joy is gone. I regret not ending it the moment it happened, instead of dragging it out for years. Things have gotten much worse.

Keep in mind this is not a one night fling in the heat of the moment, but a thought-out, continual decision. Like my wife, her moral compass is askew. Like you, I tried counseling, taking care of the house, giving flowers, notes, going on vacations, leaving notes, reading books, etc. and she continues to hurt me and justify her actions with rationalizations and lies. To ease her conscience, she constantly tears me down to others saying I am neglectful and abusive. When I confront her with what she has said and all that I have done, she tells me that I do those things because I have to, not that I want to.

I just ain't right. You can see it, but the wife can't. Don't be miserably married like me. Your kid is still young enough not to effect him/her. I stay in the marriage because I worry about my children. It is not too late for you to find someone who you can be happily married to.

isabella cullen

it's all up to you. make good decisions. good luck

â„“ovÎµgÎ±sm

I think it's absolutely beautiful that after 8 years, you're still madly in love with her and want to be with her more than anything.
I can't even begin to imagine why she would risk your marriage to be with a mentally inferior person that can't provide her with the things a normal relationship could.
I would suggest going to a counselor with this.. it's a very disturbing problem.

Seek Christian marriage counseling. Get your pastor, priest, or someone from your church involved to talk to her. Don't lose hope, keep praying

jesusfckinchrist

Tell her that she needs to do what will make her happy. She needs to think about who she can spend the rest of er life with. Let her know that She may feel guilty about hurting the other guy, but she will be giving up a happy life just to avoid a little bit of guilt. then trust her to make the best decision.

child of God

Gently remind her that there is only one Savior and that is Christ. It sounds like she's viewing herself in a savior role and placing this young man in the victim role. She needs a reality check (I don't mean to sound harsh, I just don't know how else to say that.) She's become somewhat delusional about her role in this young man's life and even more confused about her role in God's kingdom. Sit down and pray with her and for her. My prayers are with you tonight.

Blessings

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