Will my wife ever look at me the same?

Captain Obvious

I think you are putting way too much pressure on yourself.

YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING... not a phucking robot who does everything perfect, is always happy, never has a bad day, never needs help, never feels sad. COME ON man.... no one expects the level of perfection from you that you expect from yourself. People have their own sh*t going on and are not looking at you THAT hard. Trust me.

You need a change in perspective. You're wife will see you as a stronger man for doing the right thing and trying to get better for your family. If you take your life she will see you as a pathetic coward.

Seek help ASAP. You can get through this.

Don't give up.

Here's your change

Suicide may seem like the answer to you, but how do you think it will impact your family?

Your wife will be left with raising 2 small kids, all the bills (because insurance policies won't pay out for suicide), and will be incredibly angry at you for not trying to help yourself (with therapy and medication).
Plus your kids are at such a young age, they won't even remember you.
Memories will fade with the 5 year old regarding you and the pictures won't make up for the father they needed.

And then when your kids get older, feel life's pressures are getting too much, they'll think of the way you dropped out of the picture, and may even take their own lives as the easy way out.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
If you're feeling suicidal, then go get some therapy.
You're an adult and supposed to be a role model.

What exactly do you think your kids will feel when told later on in life you committed suicide?
They'll think it was their fault.

spookerguy

Get a hold of yourself, man. Material success is worthless and evaporates away like a puddle on a hot day. Your kids and your wife would be devastated if you checked out early. A second husband, a step-dad, etc. would not and could not replace you. You are unique and special - you have a purpose in this world. You are just letting anxiety, fear, and depression take control of you. Don't let them!

Also, understand me well here, friend. There are some dark impulses, some dark voices that should NEVER be listened to or acted on. It's easy to chock these impulses up to mere depression but I honestly believe there are spiritual forces at work here. I totally think you are under attack. As crazy as it sounds, something evil is out to get you and it will do everything in its power to destroy you. You think you can check out and your wife and kids will be better. You're wrong. Once you're gone, there will be no one left to stand up for your wife and kids. And the same thing that is attacking you will turn its attention to them.

Hit your knees and beg for help from God. Don't give a second-thought to suicide. When depression starts to sink in, declare war against it. When feelings of inadequacy creep in, turn your thoughts to something else - the promises of God. Go talk to a Bible-believing minister or counselor. Above the static and the noise, there is a voice of truth and clarity. You must listen to it. But, you have to get your head above the crowd and the smoke so that you can hear it. Seriously, call out to God and he will hear you.

If you find that nothing is helping you, go see a psychiatrist. There are medications for serious depression and you may need them. Don't let depression make an otherwise promising life miserable. Spiritual issues aside, depression can be and often is a medical issue. You are not weak for being depressed anymore than a person is weak for getting stung by a bee, Medication could help you. But no matter what you do, DON'T GIVE UP. You matter immensely and your absence would be a profound loss for everyone involved.

Be free.

in the wind

Captain Obvious & Spookerguy are SPOT ON about how to view this thing. please, just reading what you've wrote shows that you have a lot going for yourself. material wealth doesnt define you, does it? i never believed so.

i wish i could say so much more to give you optimism but im not good with words. i want to tell you this and its that

''Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.". Please dont give up. you dont love yourself, but do you realize how many love you? hang in there. you WILL pull through this. suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary problem.

also ''Most people achieved their greatest success one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.''

man

oh ya killing yourself is going to do the kids good-they will turn to drugs when they get older or kill them self to-man its about being the best dad you can be-right?
so get off your pity pot and go spend some time with them-they grow fast ya know
kids dont care if dads messed up they just want dad

urbangirl

Please seek professional counseling. You have so much to live for. You have 2 children to think of. I think your just overwhelmed with everyday life. We all have our days, no one is perfect. When you go to counseling maybe the therapist can prescribe medication to help you deal with the stresses of everyday life. Also try to relax.

Robin

If you were my husband I would want to know all of this.
I would do what ever I could to help you.

Now tell her and get some help.....please.

Missy Moo

Please go and see your doctor and ask him to put you on Anti Depressants.

I felt just like you do a few weeks ago, I am now on my third week of Anti Depressants and am feeling so much better, I did not realise that I could feel this way again, I thought my life was over I did not want to live anymore but did not want to leave my family.

I could not see a way past my pain, it had been going on for years, but here I am today feeling alot better and looking forward to it getting even better as I keep going.

Please seek help this can be fixed.

ms.native pride

Well obviously you are very depressed.Not to mention feeling sorry for yourself.We all feel the way you feel at one or hell 3-5 times in our life.You need to pick yourself up(again)brush yourself off and keep going.Start with sitting down with your wife and telling her how you feel and everything else that is making you feel the way you do.She is your wife and married you for better or worse.You talk about how much you love your kids and how you want them to see you as a happy strong man.Then be one!.If you just take the easy way out they are going to remember you as a weak,miserable man who only thought of himself and didn't even care to stick it out and show them how great of a dad you really can be.You make your life the way it is.If it you don't like it then change it.It's all up to you.

RuthAnn

Lots of good answers here --- pay attention.
Do not be so selfish!
Believe in the power of one, and be a positive force in the world.
Do U have any idea of how many millions of humans are depressed besides U ???
What gives U the right to take the easy way out?

Walter M- Barbara

I could tell you a million things to pick you up with, but frankly you need to see your family doctor before this goes much further. Sometimes life just changes for us and we need a little medicine to pick our feelings up. But, that is something your doctor and you should discuss, he or she will know best. There is nothing to be ashamed about in feeling blue. I am surprised your wife hasn't already discovered this problem. You must be a good actor. Don't put it off make an appointment today!
This should help you look over the problem and do something about it. Your wife would probably be disappointed that you haven't confided in her. Depression happens to the best of us. Give yourself credit though, you did construct this questionnaire which means you are on the road of recovery just by recognizing you have this problem. Good luck mister, I wish you the best and God Bless You

bonnieboobabe

First of all, believe me when I say I understand. Depression and bi-polar disorder both run in my family thick.
It does not have to go on this way and you are not a loser and why can't your wife have a happy and strong husband? You need to see a psychiatrist to be treated and once you get your meds adjusted you can have the life you think you can't have. Your wife may never see you the same if you give up, this is true. But if you seek the help you need, you can actually be the strong and happy man you only pretend to be now.
It's obvious, your family is successful to this point. Why let it become a tragedy or even think of letting them suffer such a huge loss?
I am here to tell you that it not only is possible, but that if you will be honest, seek the help and have a little patience while they get your meds adjusted, it can be a sure thing.
I am slightly offended by your use of the phrase "mental case." You see depression, bi-polar, etc. are caused by a medical problem, (it is a simple chemical imbalance,) so it is actually a medical issue with symptoms affecting the mental state.
Trust me, go get help. You won't believe what a difference it can make!

Willa

Depression makes us someone we aren't. It makes us look at everything in a negative light. You know that is true because you have described a loving family and yet find some advantage to not only you but your wife and children to have you absent from that life with them. Your children haven't a clue about anything greater than their love and dependence on you. There's no upside to you killing yourself. There really isn't. You need to make an appointment with your doctor and talk to him or her. Your doc can prescribe an antidepressant and make a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist so that you can get this depression under control. It's a physical entity and can be treated like any other ailment. If you sprained your ankle or broke your wrist you'd go to a doc. So, go to a doc. I did not get any sense from your post that you are weak in any way or that you are in any way a loser. You can deal with this. Give it a try. Your life is worth a doctor's visit.

Marie

You are depressed and it is treatable. Please talk to your doctor and continue to try medications until you find the right one, these are the miracles of modern medicine. Your body has an imbalance that can be corrected and once it has you will be able to be happy again. And please do tell your wife. If she is any kind of decent person she will want to be your support and help you through this difficult time in your life, just like you would be there for her if she was having these problems. You would not want her to take her life, you would want her to talk to you so you could figure it out together. You don't have to do anything alone, and you don't have to stay depressed. There is help and hope for you, please talk to her now, show her your question, and call your doctor asap.

autumn

Im sorry you are feeling that way, you have a wonderful life! you have a wife that loves you, kids that adore you, look around you. im sure you have a place to live you have food on the table everyday, you dont have to be a millionaire for your wife to look at you like you are the only man on earth that makes her happy, she married YOU because she wanted you, she loves you, she doesn't want another man. your children will never look at you as a failure. even if you try and don't succeed try again, your children will say my dad was such a strong man, he taught me that even when we dont succeed the first time to keep trying. I dont know what you do for work, but if you love your wife, and love your children, which it sounds like you love them with your life, then already I think you have accomplished an amazing selfless thing. dont take your life, you are 30 you have so much to give and so much to receive. money, and material things can vanish in the blink of an eye, but what lasts is the love that you give. Pray about what you are going through to God and I promise you wont be alone in this, pour your worries and your sorrows on him and he will get you through this.

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