Women who choose to be housewives...Does waiting on your man make you feel like a servant?

Crypt

I know there are other women in the same situation, my wife is one of them. We've talked about it, it gets better for a while, then it reverts back to "normal".

In my own defense, the same is typically happening to the guy. We're expected to go to work, earn a living, get promotions, work overtime, and all that sort of thing and the typical "thanks" is about the same as you're getting.

Try understanding your husband's point of view, and talk to each other. Asking here isn't going to improve anything, and without some degree of respect and communication between the 2 of you, you're doomed to continue on the path you're already on.

I'm not always the most supportive husband, my wife is not always the most supportive of me. But we both recognize the problem and continually work to improve ourselves.

Valerie X

Welcome to WOMANHOOD!

Alisha C

I am a stay at home mom of 3 and I have a husband. I also started going to an online college. I feel that same way! I work as much as my husband, just differently. I am also tired of feeling like a servant. In his eyes I will never do as much as him. Men are pigs. They mostly think women are her to serve them. I do not sit on my butt all day and do nothing. I would love to have a day like that! Three kids I pushed out, and he complains of a kidney stone! Ok you hurt for an hour. Try 12 hours in labor, not to mention the 9 months it took to get to that point. I have no sympathy! If I was treated better, I might have some, but right now, I do not!

Zaferus

Same planet, different worlds.

When I walk in the door I have 2 kids all over me and a wife who now thinks it's ok to go sit on the couch and let me take over. Normally the first words out of her mouth after she flops on the couch is "So, what's for supper?". Then after I make supper (during supper, she never asks me how my day but she prattles on for an hour about hers) then I get the kids bathed, in pj's, stories read, to bed then I clean up the kitchen.

Tell your husband he's lucky. Maybe make him responsible for means Tuesdays and Thursdays and he'll start feeling some appreciation?

engineer46526

Do things for each other. It shouldn't be one sided.

gypsy g

I was treated the exact same way except that I worked a FT+ overtime, and sometimes a second job out side of the home as well. It could be worse.

back2future

well, Im housewife but, I only cook dinner for my family . and Im working too.. I think Im doing two jobs..
I dont think Im servant at all.. My hubby treat me very well.. I have the power to buy anything that I wanted.. and spend as much as I want. he never complain about ...lol
I guess we are a super mom. that's why my kids always tell me that..

Yousif (Joe) R

Well, I'm not a house wife, but you brought back a memory...

I remember my mom used to work two jobs and did all the fixing, cleaning, and taking care of... She decided to take a vacation for three months, and my dad went nuts... the apartment stunk, the bathrooms were nasty, and we were living on frozen dinners... he appreciated her more then.

Take a vacation...

ndnqt1966

I am a stay at home mom and do about 95% of the household chores.....But I don't fix his breakfast, make his coffee, AND FOR HEAVEN SAKES...I never fix his plate of food...I would however do these things if he asked me to....but not because I am expected to do these things.

shannon8985

i am also a housewife, the question that you have to ask yourself is what you do and the feedback you get from your family, enjoyable for you and appreciated? I have felt that I was in the same situation as you and i considered a divorce over it. I let myself sit on it for a while and just started thinking about how sometimes when people get used to something or someone and what they do for you, you forget what it would be like if you didn't have it anymore. Sit down and speak to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. Hopefully he'll respect that and try to make an effort to take notice.

BubblegumFighter

Nope, not at all. In marriage, its all give and take to make it work out fine. Just remember that your husband is working to support both of you. Doing these things shows you that you love your husband, and youre serving him as a wife SHOULD do, and dont confused it as a servant's job. Your husband works all day, and he must be tired when he gets home.Let him give about 10-15 minutes to settle before you talk to him, that way, he has already relaxed.
The best advice is you two should have a good communication, means a good sender and a receiver, to have your message be fully understood.I didnt feel like a servant at all when i was doing this to my husband, because, he didnt let me feel that way at all. In fact, i was happy doing it for him, no regrets at all, because i love him so much, and if i have to do it all over again, i will. Thats a good wife's job.
Do not listen if some people may tell you youre husband is treating you like a servant.Only you and your husband should talk about it,and your loyalty should remain, no matter what, ONLY to your husband.

bodmodangel

No it doesn't. It makes you more of a person b/c you work 24/7; 365 days a year. I couldn't do it.

Mrs. Nolan

most house wives do that stuff because you love him and want to do that for him,

but on the other hand when he gets to wear you get get thanks for it or anything other then when you mess up and burn the chicken, then id understand how you feel.

Idk how to do it but i say one day let him walk in you shoes and do all that you do complain at everything even if its good enough. hell see how you feel, hell it worked on Dr Phil.

Courtney T

I work part-time but I do all of the same things at home. I feel unappreciated most of the time as well but I figure, what can I do about it~~maybe you'd feel better if you worked at least part-time?

usafbrat64

I'm really sorry you're spouse is taking you for granted. I've been blessed with one who is very supportive of me and loves me being a homemaker.
He chips in with the vacuuming (he's pickier about it than me!)
He does the dishes after I've cooked dinner for us.
He would like me to get up and make his breakfast, but I tell him to keep dreaming! 6:30 is early enough, I'm not getting up at 5!!
He can be rather nit picky about cleaning... he is more likely to notice what hasn't been done, rather than what I have gotten done. But, we're both working on that one!

Perhaps have a sit down chat with him... let him know how you're feeling. Make a list for the day and show him all you have accomplished when he starts to complain. Remind him of the money you are saving by not having to have a work wardrobe, lunches out, dinners out (cause you're too tired to cook!), daycare money you're not spending, etc. And let him know that you're not the hired help, 'cause he couldn't afford you!

Good luck!! Hugs!!

disturbed001500

Wow, and you totally are not treating him like a servant either or like your slave to go out and work and make all the money. You do ALL the housework and he work for ALL the money to keep the house and the car and anything else. But you can not see that, can you? You do not see that he works and does not complain that you are home. The housework is YOUR work, since that was your choice to stay at home, and he works outside of the house to ensure that there is food on the table and the house is paid for, etc, that is HIS work. You both benefit from his work and the money brought in, but from the sounds of it you want him to work and you to do nothing. What is wrong with some women these days? Especially North American women, who think that the world owes them something. Get off your high horse and realize that he works and that you should. Or maybe you need to go and get a job and then hire a maid to do all the housework, and then you can see what working for a living is like.

Blonde Next Door

Yes and no. I like doing things for my husband, but a thank you here and there would be nice. They only way I have found to effectively make him appreciate the work I do is to STOP doing it! Once he comes home tired and hungry and finds out that there is no food made, and no food in the house to eat, and then he has no clothes to change into so he could go somewhere and get something to eat.... he'll open his eyes and see how much effort you put towards the housework everyday.

ReRe

I think your man needs a wake up call. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife, in fact I think for the right man and if we have children I might want to consider it. However, your man does not appreciate the work and effort that you are putting into the household. I would challenge him to a week of doing what you do, or even for you to take a couple days off and let him fend for himself. If that doesn't wake him up, try counseling, and if things get worse, consider a separation. Being in a relationship where you feel undervalued will only damage you in the end. Let your husband know how it feels when he complains instead of complimenting, but don't let him continue to make you feel like crap. Good luck.

kchase

my husband told me 1 time that i did not have to get up in the mornings, i could sleep in and lay around all day, that he had a job he had to do.

the next day, i did get up at 5:30 when he does only due to my children getting up at that time. i have a 10 mo, 2yr, and 3yr old. all i did all day was lay on the couch and watch tv and of coarse feed the kids. that was it, didn't cook dinner that is normally ready the min he walks in from work, me and the kids ate left overs. there was not enough for him to eat. when he walked in he was like "what the hell happened here today?" so i told him "Today i got to lay around b/c i don't have a job, this house seems to clean itself but was too damn lazy to do it today, i don't know what her prob is." plz remember i have 3 kids that could destroy a house in less than an hour and had 13 to destroy mine in! he has never complained ever again and always says thank you!

PiNkY

Yikes! Poor you! If you feel he's taking you for granted, then get a job and assign HIM a few of the chores you usually take care of. See what happens!

I work a full time job AND cook, clean, and spoil my man rotten! He does his share, though. We compromise - he takes care of the outside of the house & yard, and keeps up maintenance on our vehicles while I do the inside house chores. We both try to have all of our 'housework' done by Friday, so that we can enjoy the weekend together.

Works for us!

Teresa

I do not feel like a servant.I do all the house work,part of the yard work,98% of the cooking.I do not make his plate.My husband tells me everyday what a good meal it was and how nice the house looks.He also tells me how much he appriciates what I do. I have a friend that has a husband like you say yours is.When she gets feed up with it she goes on strike.No housework,no cooking,no nothing.

standard69

Exactly!
It is a pity.
some man is really doing something for his wife.
You must have got bad one.

oracleofohio

I wait on my husband when I feel like it and when I want to, not because he expects it. He returns the favor....always. I couldn't be in a relationship like the one you describe. My parents are like that and I honestly don't know how my mother does it. It's nice to be appreciated and treated as you treat someone else. Anything else seems almost abusive to me. We both take care of each other and our four children. He works, I stay at home with the kids. He brings in the money, I take care of the house and yard. We both parent the kids. We both have areas that we are in charge of. We both do nice things for each other. We are considerate. Do I make his plate? Sure. Does he make mine? Sure. Give and take works best for us.

jimmy.parker06

Sorry to hear that your husband makes you feel this way. Maybe you or someone needs to make him understand that being a wife and a mother is an under appreciated 24x7 job with no downtime and vacation. If he understands that then he wont treat you like crap.

My wife is a housewife too and we are partners in a marriage. She stays home with the kids and I go to work, but the salary i make is OURS not mine, because i acknowleddge the fact i stated above. In fact she deserves it more than I do.

Good luck.

tiggsy

There is a certain group of people where one partner submits to the other totally, in the way a housewife does, from love for the other partner. This is the Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship. Sounds like your man expects that sort of response from you. But it needs to be something you both agree to. If you don't, then you must let him know.

On the other hand, why did you agree to be a housewife anyway? Why don't you get a job, so you can point to that and say "We both work" as an argument?

If you don't want him to carry on treating you like a doormat, you need to get some independence by getting your own income. If not, eventually you will feel so bad about this, you will have to leave him or go nuts, and then you will need to find a job anyway.

cdabexx

He does a lot of work for you by paying the bills. I guess you're even.

kermit

Right now I work 50 hours a week and I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, and shopping. He also works about 50 hours a week and does nothing. I finally went on strike last week. I do only my laundry, the house looks like crap and I cook only for myself. He is getting the hint. He took out the trash and started cleaning. Stop doing what you are doing and he will realize how much u do for him.

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