Would you be okay with your significant other continuing to smoke marijuana after you've had children?

I kind of have to side with him on this one. You knew who he was and what his habits were before you were together. You changed because you chose to. He didn't want to. If it made him lazy or dangerous that would be one thing but that also likely wouldn't be something new.
you can't expect people to change based on your needs. They have to change for themselves.

missmadamn

I'm going to have to say maybe. When we quit things we should not pressure anyone else. People will quit or slow down when they are ready. When we put the pressure on it usually pushing other's away. I just recently quit smoking cigs. Not weed I'll probably never stop that, but my guy still smokes both. I don't sweat him about smoking. It's all good, I did it because it was best for me, and best for my health. I have suggested to him that maybe he should quit but I don't pressure him in anyway. Men will use any excuse to leave you when they want to be gone anyway.
I'm sorry about your situation.
But not that Time heals all wounds.
You're probably better without him anyway, he's brain cells are probably fried.

Canadian Yummy Mummy

Sounds like a case of one grew up and the other didn't.Well only you know what works for you and if was too much to live with for yourself then you made the right decision but I'm not surprises by his argument either and he has a valid point, you changed, he didn't but he shouldn't of went behind the back to do so or with a girl--that's just cheap.

I don't know what to tell you.

Summer

No not at all. For your his familys benefit and to bring good morals into the home he should stop!!

You made the right choice and he made the selfish choice.
That's the big problem with pot. Nobody seems to realize what it true effects are. They keep placing these ads that say all this other stuff but still say it's not addictive. Sure it is just in another way. People continue to buy it because it seems lke such a obviously fun drug but harmless. You can't overdose on it. Unless you have lung problems. But because it's such a fearless drug more and more people are buying it on a regular basis. So now your spending your future away. You become comfortable in your medicore life. Soon you're nothing but a pot smoking couch potatoe. Even if you stay active you're still spending money on selfish acts instead of supporting the family. Not to mention what would happen if you ever got caught. People with kids lose their kids eventually (even by association).

wubzy_wubzy_wow_wow

as a parent and responsible adult i don't think your asking to much at all. neither my husband or i smoke... anything, but occasionally my husband will have a cigar when he's playing pool with the guys (or even if he goes some place that there is cigarette smoke)- when he comes in he knows that he cannot kiss or hug me until he takes a shower and brushes his teeth. yeah i'm that bad about it! if your bf, so, husband or what ever he is can't respect you and your son (or himself) enough to grow up and act better then your probably better off without him.

rivasj27

He wouldn't be my husband if he was smoking anything children or no children!

Kate G

Nope. He should not be smoking pot. It is not healthy for him. Sit down with him, and figure out the future. Are you just going to be separated? Will he continue to provide for you and your son? And then let him go. Until he can be a mature adult (hanging out with a 20 yr old in secret is not mature), I would at least trial separate.

DominiqueElizabethThompson

He's smelly!

Queen of Beer

He needs to grow up and no, you are not asking too much. The poster above is correct. If he gets busted with pot or if the cops happen to show up at your house and there is pot in the house - you BOTH are going to jail and your kids will end up in foster care. Get rid of him!

Edit: There are a lot of pot heads on these boards!

MNMG

no you werent... you did absolutely the correct and responsible thing.

Katie

No you were not asking to much. I wouldn't stay with someone who was smoking pot after we have children. I wouldn't even let him around my child period. You should call the courts and let them know whats going on. They will piss test him regularly in order for him to see his son (he will still have to pay child support) So that might keep off the pot long enough to realize what he lost and maybe make some better decisions.

Please dont listen to that trash above my post. You did the right thing. Pot heads are losers and have no place around children

jaded

he is high while he is watching your son.

you are the one who married and smoked with an addicted pot smoker. and had a kid with him.

pot wins.

and people say it is harmless.

I've Got My Answer

In a sense I understand where you're coming from but you should also understand his point. YOU made a decision to stop smoking once you had children. Although he didn't stop, he at least respected your family enough to cut back and not do it around the children. That should've been enough!!! When the time is right and he's ready to quit, he'll quit, but that's HIS decision to make just like YOU made YOUR decision....

Pipe L

I would not be ok with her doing that before we had children.

Values and goals in life show themselves in many ways.

No, it's not okay to keep pot in the house after you have children. CPS could come and take your children away for knowingly having them in a house with drugs.

Special K

Wow, I am going to be going through this any year now. I am 23 and my boyfriend and I both smoke pot. We are now starting to talk about marriage and a family, and along with that I know I am going to be quitting smoking. The only thing is that my boyfriend for some reason, doesn't think that he needs to quit. I know he doesn't intend to raise our kids in a bad atmosphere, but I just don't think he understands that in a relationship, each partner has to put in the same amount of effort. It seems like your man just chose to smoke weed over making the effort to stop. Its unfortunate, but it is what it is. I will have to deal with that when the time comes as well unless I can convince my man to quit with me as well. Just know that you made the right choice to be clear headed and a good role model for your kids, and that your man continuing to smoke doesn't support that. Be better than him! As long as your child is raised in a happy, loving environment is all that matters.

mayo

no..hes just being selfish

Cobalt Daisy

I applaud you because it took courage to stand up for what you feel in your heart to be right. Other people would have just stood by and let their spouses have complete control in the situation.

I think by standing your ground with the future of your family in mind speaks a great deal about your integrity. Who doesn't want life to be one big party? But that's just not the way it is. We all have to grow up at some point, be adults and handle the responsibilities in our lives the best we can.

Sure his intentions are good about watching your son when you need him to or he gives you money, but money doesn't buy love or isn't a real measure of stability (or the value of someone's word). Does he get high around your child? I'm not saying people can't smoke pot, I just think they need to be extremely careful when children are in the picture.

I am sure your significant other is a nice guy although based on the information you provided it sounds like he used your position as an excuse to give up on your relationship. What is a 34 year old man doing hanging around with a 20 year old woman? Why didn't he choose to hang around with a 20 year old guy?

Too many red flags. My dear you weren't ASKING him anything. You were saying "Hey, that was one heckuva party! Now let's continue to enjoy life by growing up and taking good care of each other and our son."

The old cliche "actions speak louder than words" can be applied to your situation. Like I said, your actions state your position loud and clear: You know you have responsibilities and you are doing your best to take care of them. As for your significant other's actions... Oh, they are speaking alright...

Keep your head up, you've got my vote! :)

Haylee

I really think you guys should've set those limits before you had your son. But since you didn't, you just have to think this situation through.

My heart goes out to you. . personally, I would not want my boyfriend/husband to be smoking at 34. I think that you're totally fine in wanting that for your son. Yeah, he doesn't do it in front of your little boy (which should be expected), but it still looks trashy and immature.

I'd explain these things to him - use calm words and expressions, let him really know how you feel. Anger and frustration will lead only to anger and frustration. If he doesn't seem to care, I think its time to break the tie, honestly. You've obviously grown up after this baby - quitting smoking cigs and marijuana is admirable - but he hasn't.

Hope this helps you, hon. God bless :)

the real casual poster

Sorry but this guy sounds like a selfish, dead beat LOSER! Be glad that he is gone and you won't have to waste anymore of your time with him.

Take him to court for child support. Once it is ordered, he either gets a real job and pays or goes to jail. Either way, there won't be nearly as much time for 4-wheeling!

Mz2Pretty

No.Especially if he's bringing in money why does he feel the need to have to use it when someone needs him(the child). It is definitely not ok. If he rather use that excuse then he is not the right person for you because thats all they are excuses. He just wants to support his habit without you having to tell him anythin or have a responsibility to your child.

I think if he doesn't smoke around the kids it shouldn't be a big deal, as long as he is working and taking care of his responsibilites. It could be worse he could drink, in front of the kids.

ned s

Pot smokers in general are losers and you expect him not to be a loser anymore? yes you are asking too much but not wrong for asking.

rooster

wow-seems like he had been being responsible and knew there was a time and a place for it - exactly like a guy who comes home from work- cuts the grass - helps out with the dishes and dinner and then has 2 - or 3 beers when the kids are in bed -I dont see the difference and am kind of surprised by the answers here - should men who drink like this quit and should they be villified if they dont?
now the 20 y/o girl that just ISNT right even if you were acting like the gestapo

Lily

I don't and have never smoked pot (or cigarettes). I would never date someone that smoked pot (or cigarettes).

Obviously he loves his pot more than you and the kids. How can you leave your son with a pot smoking man even for a minute?

The man is a looser.

i think so nothing is wrong with it if it is not around the kids and not all the time,but if it is that big of an issue for you u are probably better of seperated cause by the sounds of it u didnt want him doing it at all do he resented u for it and u resented him for not quitting it so just try to move on

Optimum Physique

Yes you were asking to much. Because you made the decision to quit smoking weed, that DOES NOT mean he had to.

Was it affecting him providing for the home? If yes, then I would see your concern and point. But if not, he is an adult and has the right (not legally) to do so.

You tried to change him and make him feel bad about what it is he likes to do, and I'm sure you and him had blazed up quite a few blunts in the past. That makes you a hypocrite (no disrespect meant whatsoever). You needed to respect his adult decision to not want to quit now, or ever.

Never try to change someone because you chose not to smoke any more. He is who he is and that should be respected, as long as it does not bring harm to the home, you, or the son the two of you have together.

Food for thought.

Heather

i'd rather have my husband smoke a doobie then be at the bar. i'd also rather my kids smoke a little pot here and there then go binge drinking with their friends. i dont know how marijuana became so stigmatized but alcohol is perfectly ok.

Ashley R

well it seems like he is not ready to grow up. and ur ready to have better things in life. He sounds like a good parent and that is all that really matters now that you are not together..... U can try to help someone but when they dont want to help themselves you cant do anything about it. Good luck sweety!

ashley S

I told my boyfriend that if he wanted to be with me and be around his child he will need to quit smoking pot. I hate the smell and how people act. I quit smoking cigarettes so i shouldnt be the only one who sacrafices. He is a father and we need to prove that we can work together. I dont know if we will be together after the 13th of June if he still treats me bad. I think if you are grown enough to be a parent or spread your legs then you are grown enough to quit doing drugs.

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