Would you feel jealous or insecure?

bigmammarush

my mom has 17 years clean, so i can understand where you're coming from...be proud! but i'm here to tell you right here and right now if some naked woman was calling my husband for ANY reason i'd be a crazy mad b*tch!!!!!!i know it's his "duty" to help other recovering people...but DAMN!! you have to draw the line somewhere!i'd call the sl*t and tell her to put some ******** clothes on or close her own f*cking blinds!!but that's just me...i'll watch this question and see if we're right to be upset!i'm not playing!i'd SNAP! but on her...he's probably just trying to be a nice guy and make up for some bad karma...good luck and congrats!!!

Angel Eve

First off... I have never felt Jealousy or Insecurity and I dont know why so many women/girls do. But for the sake of helping... Yes... Id feel uncomfortable with this situation. He should be at home with his wife and kids NOT out putting up blinds for some naked woman... and if he goes, Make him take you with him. That will really put this woman in her place.

Juniper C

He needs to make you and the baby TOP priority, and those women should understand that. If he and they cannot respect you enough to make sure you feel like the most important thing in his life, thats a BIG NO NO!

Emi

From what I heard, "AA-ers" shouldn't hang out with other AA-ers or get advice from them. It's not healthy to begin with! You have to talk to your husband about this. And yes, I would feel insecure too...maybe not jealous but more frustrated.

just_jerk_it

No your not, He needs to worry about your concerns. and not fellow ex drunks need

Blunt

He has the responsability to help those in need, so he has to help.

However, you should also get involved in helping them so those needy women KNOW that he is very much married and that he is not available.

Recovering alcoholics are very needy and they may cling too much on the people that are tryig to help them. The same goes for therapist, counselors, etc.

Set the rules with yoru spouse. Draw the line with the women that likes to be naked, that is just trouble and next time it would be something else to drag him to her place. She wants attention because she needs attention but your husband is NOT the one who is responsible for her and he cannot save the world all by himself.

Tell him that you will go with him and see for your self if there is a treat or not, but in any event, it doesn't hurt to do some helping yoruself and make sure that those women know that he is not available and that you are not a fool putting the blind eye to their dirty manuipulative tricks.

Good luck

Blueboofrog

One alcoholics duty to another does not involve carpentry, taxi rides, or nakedness. The basis for recovery is to take responsibility and become self sufficient. If anyone should know better, it is your husband. He is just enabling them or there is something else going on. Who is fooling whom? Your husband needs to accept the fact that his actions are hurting your family. Not much different from when he was drinking. He needs to stop this, or you must decide if you will.

lauriejustlaurie

It sounds as if these women feel very comfortable with him to call him on any issue that may arise. This is a good thing for him...feeling needed and to making a difference in someone's life that is recovering as he did. HOWEVER.

It's up to him to draw the line in the sand with these ladies. I would talk to him about it. Begin the conversation by telling him that you are SO proud of him, that you support him 100% in what he is doing, and that you realize that his desire to "help" these women comes from a good place. But...it is making you uncomfortable, some of the questions. Ask HIM what you should do about it. Remember....he likes to help. So ask him for HIS help!! Who knows...he might create his own answer to the problem. And he'll be more likely to act upon it because it was HIS decision to, not YOURS. People always react best if they think it was their idea, right? And you want to be honest with him. You love him. :o)

Good luck!!

Monie D

I dont think it jealousy or insecurity, you have a right to feel this way, women whether alcoholic or not should not be needing your husband. Period. I understand his wanting to help, but you guys need to draw the line, its fine when he is at AA but at home its about you.

chipmunk

You guys need to talk and set some clear boundaries and guidelines. I understand that he wants to help his friends out but he cannot help everybody, all of the time. Work something out with him and volunteer to go with him, when he goes to some of the ladies rescue.

words from the heart

Putting up blinds have nothing to do with the AA and the fact that she wants blinds up in order to walk around naked is too much information for her to be giving your husband.

Will she be dressed when the blinds are being put up no just kidding.

You have a right to be concern because their co dependency on alcohol is now a co dependency on your husband and his time.

I understand he is a recovering alcoholic and want to help others in his position but that's what the AA meetings are for.

You need to tell your husband immediately that anything outside of the AA requirements are taking up the personal time he can have with his family. Mention that you don't care if he help sometimes with others who are in recovery but make sure it doesn't interfere with his marital duties at home.

Lil Mama

No you are not in the wrong. Explain to him that just as uch as these 'other women' need him you need him too. Tell him that even ytho u are not a recovering acoholic that u still need help love and devotion. Ask him to try to help shift these women to other people as well for help that he does not have to be the only one to help these women out that they need to start to help themselves out. Good luck!!

gemma s

you have every right to feel this way and you need to tell him you and your baby come first tell him you understand and that he can still help out but not all the time and not round at drunk naked Lady's house's that would well bug me. ask him if you were doing it would it be OK. think you would find the answer is no it wouldn't

BoredomStrikes

He has an obligation to you, not naked women in windows.

Sit him down for a talk.

Michelle

You and your baby should be the most important thing to him. I would tell him he needs to minimize the interaction with people from AA.

msthinkpositive

Like you said, you knew what he was & now you'll have to deal with his actions from his past. The other side of this would be to get on his nerves & cause him to seek his female friends to comfort him from your actions. Which would be the lesser temptation? If he's taking care of you & not giving you any reason to suspect cheating, then leave well enough along. If he's being taken advantage of by these other females, let him know that you'd rather have your quality time without any interruptions now & then. Let him know how this situation affects you without sounding like a nagging wife.

danika1066

ooooh. Yes ... my cousin is an AA "addict" too. I say that because to me, it seemed almost as though she was trading one addiction for another one. Maybe this sounds cruel, but that's what it is like. And the people in AA with her are the neediest, whiniest people I've ever met. Another thing is, they seem to try to isolate her. They think all the AA people should stick together, or something. It's like a cult. I know it does help people recover, but I do not agree with some of the group's ideas. If your husband has been sober 14 years, does he really need to still go to AA?? With your support, it seems like he would be ready to move on and stop needing the support of the group.

stressedtothemax

It might help you to attend an al-anon meeting or two. You will learn just what he has learned about his illness and you will learn how to deal with the problem you have now! They are free, you will meet very nice people and they will be very willing to help you! Peace be yours and lots of LOVE!

weddrev

It is hard to understand the workings of an alcoholic if you've never been one. It is a day to day uphill battle. I am VERY proud of your husband & his accomplishment.

Yes, those in AA are to help one another. It is the support of family & friends that help them deal.
While this is very important in their recovery, there are also limits & boundries that need to be set. I wouldn't want some naked woman calling my husband asking for favors. Your husband, I think is misunderstanding. He is suppose to help & support his fellow AAers in their addiction. Not necessarily with the installation of blinds.

Sit him down and tell him him this. And that he is now married to you & you have a family. Ask him to be more picky who he helps & how often. He may not see this woman's intentions. Most men don't.

I'm just me

No, you're not being horrible. My husband tends to have his priorities mixed up too. Talk to your husband and tell him what you just told us--that you're all for him helping others as you're sure they helped him in his time of need, but this is starting to get ridiculous and you and your baby are starting to feel neglected. You're not being unreasonable. Not at all. I think that other poster is right--he likes to feel needed. My husband is like that. He is an extremely responsible person and feels a great need not to let anybody down. Unfortunately that need gets bent out of shape sometimes, which is what it sounds like your husband is doing.

cherries

u should be worry

qisyia

i'm not sure if the reason given to you for helping the naked woman is real. Why would he tell you he's helping a woman who likes to walk around naked? Any wife who heard that would blow up and try to stop him from going! Maybe he's just testing your patience or if you're stupid enough to buy that reason.
The only solution is for you tell him to bring you along when he's out helping those 'needy women'.

rkrell

There is a fine line between helping people in need and enjoying the attention of other women. In this case your hubby is enjoying the attention of other women. If they are alcoholics and they are having an issue regarding drinking then sure he should help though they should have their own sponsor they should be calling first. He doesn't need to be going and helping with things outside of the fight against drinking. By doing so he is going to go see them for social reasons only. I also notice you say women call him all the time, why aren't there guys calling for him to help them? The only reason is that their needs and wants have nothing to do with their problem with alcohol.

Tones

Jealousy and insecurity have to do with your own self-esteem. Even if that woman who likes to walk around naked had not left the message, you would have still had a problem related to your self-esteem. That particular incident just triggered this feeling that you have.

What you need to do is the following:

1. Accept that you have a low self-esteem.
2. Ponder when it first started (did you dad cheat a lot and as a child it made you feel guilty for mom, but because you didn't speak up, you have been carrying a burden of regret for all these years?) It could be anything. Write as many of these incidents as you can.
3. Once you've written down all these reasons, then, you must have a "pity burning party."

A couple of DO NOT's also:

1. Do not innundate your friends with this. All you'll be doing is poisoning them with your problems.
2. Do not tell your husband this. If anything, take his stories as his insecurities and try to teach him how to kill any aspects of his low-esteem that may have developed because of his prior substance abuse.
3. Dwell in your "self-pity." When you feel that way, do something to "keep oxygen flowing freely in your bloodstream."

Who needs pity parties when you can pillow party that weak emotion of low-self-esteem out of your life.

One final note: If you deny that you have a low-self-esteem, you'll not be able to get over these feelings that are bothering you.

Best of luck!

Sincerely,

The man who has a problem walking naked in front of cheerleaders or arobics classes.

justbeautiful4u

drop that zero and find you a hero. he is making a fool out you. cant you see that. thats a lame excuse and you should not except that. i bet he has a relationship with his so call friend

AsianPersuasion :)

It is part of who he is and what he does. AA does say they are supposed to help each other. You knew he was a recovering Alcoholic when you married him.

pat

Tell him to tell them to call a different handyman it don,t all sound like AA problems

Rachel

Regardless of the AA code of honor, he should NOT be helping all these "women in need." I would trust him, just not anybody else. These women could very well be scheming to get into his pants, or just as bad - occupy so much of his time that he's never home with you. Unfortunately, he seems to love all this attention and loves to be needed. He needs to refocus his priorities on you and your baby. He sounds a little immature and needs to grow up. I hope things can work out.

PINKY

The rides and that sort of help is understandable. It is a very important part of being involved with any sort of recovery group. However, the one woman who said that she needs him to hang blinds has definitely got other motives. You have to understand that alot of these women may feel very lonely and they're wanting someone to take care of them. It's not easy getting clean. Your husband is married to you and you have a right to draw a line on how much and what kind of help can be offered. You do need him too and thats ok. Make sure you're very careful with how you react so that he doesnt think that you're just jealous. If your marriage is strong and healthy he will listen and try and make changes where you need them. I've been here and I hope this helps.

Cjs

That's great that he wants to help support others, no better person then one who's been through it. A problem arises when he is spending too much time supporting others and not enough time with his family. Naked women, that's where I draw the line! That is stepping WAY over the line of helping an alcoholic.

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