Would you marry this person if you were in my shoes?

Invisigoth

nope, wouldn't marry him. for me his bad qualities out weigh his good qualities. He does have some fine qualities, but his bad qualities are a big big turn off.

if you decide to marry him anyway, then be aware of the following:
1. no ambitions to do better--know that you will be the breadwinner in the family if you want more than you have now. He may make a fine house husband and if that works for you and he's agreeable to it and willing to take it up, then go for it. But you will have to be the go getter. He's only along for the ride.

2. Lies about the past--why? How can you trust what he says in the present? If I can't trust or rely on my partner, then I can't stay with them.

3. Blames father for his issues--and I bet he is NEVER at fault for ANYTHING. EVERYTHING that goes wrong in his life is ALWAYS someone else's fault. Point out to him that our past shapes us, but that once we are adults we choose how we will behave. It probably won't help, but until he's ready to be an adult and accept that his consequences are the results of his choices, then he won't be a reliable partner. Everything will be your fault when things fail. If you can handle being the reason for everything in your lives going wrong, the marry him.

4. Works 25 hours and thinks that's good enough.--re-read no ambitions to do better.

5. hasn't contributed 1 cent to bills.--re-read no ambitions to do better.

6. your grandparents are rich--re-read no ambitions to do better. He feels entitled to YOUR grandparents' money and thinks that they should take care of you.

7. mamma's boy--RED FLAG, RED FLAG. Everybody Loves Raymond was an ok sitcom (I wasn't fond of it because I can't stand mamma's boys) and could be fun to watch but it is h*ll to live it. You are the other woman in your relationship with your BF/husband. mamma always comes first--even before your children together. Mamma will treat you like the other woman after marriage if she hasn't already started.

8. Doesn't take care of children from previous marriage--this is a good indication of how he will treat your children with him when he moves on to the next woman. Don't kid yourself that he won't behave this way just because he is doing a good job with your kids now--he's in the house with them. Bet he was a great dad when he was in the house with the other kids, too.

9. Doesn't shower regularly--eeewwwwww, do I even need to explain this? he won't start after you're married either, in fact it may get worse.

10. Doesn't clean up after himself--forget the househusband thing then, part of that deal is he clean the house.

11. expired driver's license so you have to play chauffer--why hasn't this been taken care of? give him a bus pass and a new pair of running shoes and a bike if he is too trifling to get his license. re-read no ambitions to do better.

12. Brags that he has held the same job longer than a year.--*jawdrop* re-read no ambitions to do better.

Good Luck. You're going to need it if you stay. You deserve better but you'll never get it hanging with this loser.

edit:
1. dump the loser. toss him to the side, let him cry all he wants. he can go back to mamma.

You will feel so much better once you don't have to deal with him anymore.

2. You know what a healthy diet is, if you don't hit the food pyramid site and see what your RDAs are for the different food groups and what portions you need to eat them in and do it. Don't feed your body crap if you're giving it bad stuff. Don't keep foods that you have no control with in the house. When you don't spend your money on crap, you have extra to spend on the good stuff.

3. be more active. play with your kids, run, skip, jump. enjoy life with the little ones. walk when you can, take the stairs when you can. enroll in an exercise class--not necessarily to lose weight, but to be active and get your blood pumping and your heart racing--in a good way.

4. Focus on your studies. Throw yourself into your work. Focus on your kids. You don't have time for a new relationship just now. Work on getting your life together first. Start feeling good about yourself. Once you have graduated and set yourself on the path to the kind of life you want, you'll have the old love out of your system and be able to focus on seeking a new love. While you are not in the dating scene. Think about the kinds of things you want in a permanent partner. What can you not live without, what can you compromise on, what is not that important to you. Keep those things in mind when you are looking for someone new.

Maybe the weight will come off easily, maybe it will be a struggle to lose. But don't let yourself become obsessed with your own weight. Worry more about being healthy and living and enjoying your life. When you do that, you will attract like minded people into your life. This is all baby steps and a process at that. Your situation didn't happen at once and you aren't going to be able to change it all at once. You can do this.

BabeHeart

Honey, your "con" list is a lot longer than your "pro" list. That should tell you what you need to know.

Marina

Marry him? I wouldn't even BE with him!

big d

get rid of the bum your better off with out him..

Katie

Negative. He may be 30, but he sounds like a 5 yr old. Stop enabling him.

acia

I'd think twice b4 marrying him, doesn't sound too responsible

Rant & Rave in Las Vegas

NO

Heck NO

NO fricken way

Kick to the curb

What the friggg?

GIRL!? What are you doing with him?

No! You have more cons than pros. It seems like you don't respect him. Do not do it.

Chuck T

Hahahahaha!!!! , you would be a fool if you did....

Lynn

Nope, probably not. The cons heavily outweigh the pros. Besides if you have to ask, the answer is NO.

michelle

He sounds like a loser to me. I am sure you can find someone better. Doesn't shower regularly?? EWWWW!

sounds like every 'good quality' that he possess has something to do with YOU.

maybe if you loved him for who and what he is, not what he does for you, he may change... oh i forgot, we don't know if you do or not.

Pam H

No - not responsible enough or mature enough.

Antonia

Your one list is a lot longer than the other....a lot.

laura1977

I would try my damndest to confront your con issue and get as many of those taken care of as possible. If you have tried or he refuses to work on any of it I would say "No".

phorwanted

Let's see...which list is longer??? You answered your own question!!!

nicolemcg

Don't marry him until you do some serious premarital counseling. The bills are a huge issue that will only get worse. The cleaning up and showering is a pretty huge issue, too.

Lots of premarital. Also, stop having kids until you figure it out.

serene e

He's 30?? And why have you stayed with him for 3 years?? I don't understand.
He's 30 but mentally he sounds like he's 16. Because he's not mature, (the reason his wife dumped him, by the way), is why you'll be divorced from him, too, after making another couple babies and finally getting tired of his BS and leaving him. He'll not take care of your kids, just like he's not taking care of the others ones. These things are just 'too hard', so he doesn't do it - driver's license, getting a better job, taking care of his other kids, etc, etc.

You need to run - run far, far away. Sue for child support, because he's the father, and let him figure out how to live by himself. Let some other poor sap of a girl take care of him!!

Boy, he must really be handsome!!! Yeah, he believes in you to take care of him!!!!

China J

Umm..yeah, i wouldn't be marrying him.

Sounds like he would just be another child you have to take care of.

The thing that really really bothers me of that very bothersome list of cons?

"DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS MARRIAGE"

Gina C

Why are you NOT throwing all his stuff out the back door and changing the locks!!!!!!!!!!!! Get to it!

sajeev86

Some of these are contradictory.

He supports your goals as a college student, but has no ambitions for him to do better. I don't get that.

It seems like he's a leech.
E.g. Hasn't contributed 1 cent to bills. Doesn't clean up after himself. And also the fact that you have to drive him everywhere.

I think you know the answer; you're just too much in 'love' to see it.

Scout

No, and you already know it but don't seem ready to face the reality of what life will be like with out him. Make THAT list, don't forget to put the good things that could happen with out him.

bittersweet422002

I would say no! And I think if you scan over your 'con' list again, and think about where you want to be 5 years from now, you will see that he won't be doing anything to help you get there, let alone helping himself get anywhere in life. I'm afraid you will be very disappointed if you do marry him, regardless of the child you have together. After having a child, parents need to do what is best for their children and put themselves 2nd. Do you think this would be good for your child?

Neescousin

oh, hell no........never.

Allison, aka Nice Lady

Although the good qualities are good, the bad are miserable.

These are things you are supposed to think about before you get pregnant.

Mrs. Nâ„¢

He's a loser, don't marry him until he changes. A marriage is a TEAM effort, one person shouldnt do it all on their own. And if he wont even contribute to the bills, has you drive him everywhere, lives off your grandparent's money and is a major mamma's boy.... then hes no man. Marrying him like he is now, would be a major mistake you would regret. Trust me. I supported my ex fiancee, he didnt have a car so I drove us everywhere, he didnt pay for anything, he lived off of my money. It took awhile, but I had to realize that he wasnt being a man and I wasnt going to wait around for him to change. If hes not willing to change for himself, he won't change for you. I'm married to a real man now. He's the head of the house, takes care of things like a man should and we pay bills 50/50 and look out for eachother over ourselves.

Paxton

No you shouldn't marry him, but you probably will, and then ten years from now you'll be crying that you shouldn't of married him.

Glenn T

lol sounds like you have a longer BAD list then good list . If you dotn mind him being a slacker - non father to his other children and not being a clean guy fine , but if you hate those things why even ask this question ?
Sounds like he needs to grow up and learn simple FATHERLY responsibiltiies. he has 2 other children he needs to be part of their lives and what is to say when things go south between you and him he will not just leave you and your child high and dry like he has the others ?

He needs to wake up and learn to take on his responsibilities or he needs to be told SUPPORT yourself and your family or GET OUT !

just me

You gotta love him more!! It will make him change!!! Life will be perfect and beautiful! Like on "Leave it to Beaver"! Oh, Ward.....

Beep Beep Beep

that's your alarm clock

papushyk

no way...leave him don't u see he is living on your back? even if u have a child with him this doesn't matter as long as he does all that....if i where u id get him out of my house and my life

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