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Jasmine
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I would think it would be a lot for a man to ask of the woman he loves. If he truly loved her, he wouldnt expect this huge sacrifice which would probably affect the relationship in the long term anyway. I think this question is a very hard one to answer really. How can you settle for less after you have loved someone else so much?
Is this just a question or is it what you are going through?
No matter what, something would be missing wouldnt it? To have children, you would have to sacrifice your love and to be with the one you loved, you have to sacrifice having children?
No, i think you would need to shake this man up, if you truly love each other then he should reconsider! |
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JillPinky
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I definitely wouldn't settle for less. I would just find a man who I could love and who would want children. You may feel that you could sacrifice having children and stay with the man you are in love with now, but a few more years down the line and I'm guessing you will regret that decision. |
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Phils fan ~ 2008 WS CHAMPS!
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i would never give up a future family for a man. i may be in love, but i want kids and i'm not letting a man take that away from me |
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bonstermonster20
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Two words: Hell no. You have to decide what you are willing to live with. Your heart will tell you the answer. You don't have to settle for one or the other. You can be with someone who loves you for you who wants to have kids too. Good luck! |
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deborah_012003
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Why would you have to sacrifice unless he is unable to have children. Kind of selfish, don't you think?? On his part that is.. |
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I_Love_McRedneck
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Love is about compromise, not necessarily about sacrifice. You should respect what's important to each other. If you can't do that, you can't be together and be truly HAPPY. |
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Brandie H
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I would have kids. I luckily have a husband who loves children but I could not have been with him if he didnt. |
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mark
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If you want kids, then find a man that wants them too. Yes, he might change his mind - but you'll always feel like there's something missing and eventually you leave him, but it could be too late by then... |
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Blondie
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I wonder why you got to the point of being in love when this issue wasn't resolved
If you don't give each other all that you BOTH desire then it isn't really love ....it is selfishness and there is NO love in that |
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BabeHeart
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I've always been very pleased to be with guys who didn't want children (I never have). When my first husband and I divorced, the reason he gave for not wanting to be with me anymore was because I didn't want kids (and after being together 7 yrs and knowing my mind on that issue since we were dating, he decided it was no longer acceptable).
I could've had a kid to try to save my marriage, but I didn't want children and wasn't going to do that for anyone...love or no love. If our desires in that area didn't match, then we weren't a good match for each other.
I've never regretted choosing to be childfree and I'm 42 yrs old. |
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fire_side_2003
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There are a few things that I consider important when deciding on who to choose for a life mate. Not someone too spend the next couple years with but someone I would want to committ my life too.
1. Religion
2. Family
3. Politics
When I married my husband he wanted children but due to fertility problems he was unable to have them. Although he was open to the thought of adoption. A year into our marriage after a lot of prayer we conceived our son who is now almost 4 years old. We share the same faith, the same belief in the importance of family and the political affiliation, which no matter how some people might think it's odd a Republican and a Democrat do make odd bed fellows. Anyway, what I am trying to say is this, you need to sit down and think about the three things in your life that are most important too you. Have him do the same, if your points don't match or if neither of you are willing to compromise on anything than I would move on. Not trying to be crass but think about it when you are sitting alone at Christmas when you are in your 60's with no children and no grandchildren just an old man that you love sitting in the rocking chair beside you. Picture that, and think about how it makes you feel. Is he going to be enough for you, if he completes you than go for it. If he doesn't, reflect and think hard about it, and consider moving on. No I would not sacrafice my happiness for someone who would not do the same for me. Who knows if you would be settling for less. |
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Mystery
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it depends entirely on the individual. i'm a woman who does not want children and have had to let men go who did although it hurt. love and partnership are not just about the heart, they are a combination of head and heart. the head part is the practical stuff...ie you want the same things from life. children is a big part of the practical side. you don't have to settle for less with someone else, you will eventually fall in love again tho it may take time. don't give up the desire to have children for a man or you may resent him for it and your relationship may well break down anyway.then you would have wasted your chance. |
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AUNTY EM
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I would hope that all things were up for discussion and compromise. So no, I wouldn't stay with a man who refused point blank on anything I wanted. |
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hogsnotbubbles
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How can you "settle for less"? Wouldn't it be fair to say that the man who wants children as much as you do would be "MORE" of a man, not "less"?
Being a mom of 4 grown children, and rasing them pretty much alone, I feel I did just fine, and to now turn around and say a man was more important, I'd be a low life from hell!
Children to me are always more welcome than a selfish man!! |
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iwondersoiask
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i'd say the compulsion to have children is more i compelling. for me, a man has been replaced several times, but my children are with me for life, no matter what, unconditionally. no comparison. children. |
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Lovely
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You have to satisfy your own desires before you can satisfy anyone else's. And apparently you already settling becuase you two do not desire the same things in life. |
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Qyllix
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This is a tough question, about 3 years ago my wife and I learned that she cant have kids. It was pretty rough on both of us. We leaned on each other and are doing well. The real question is what do you feel that you need? |
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homert1
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Maybe you need to keep shopping for a more compatible mate(someone who is interested in having children as well). Otherwise, you're not being true to yourself and will wind up unhappy and a single mother. |
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anica2831
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i wouldnt settle for less..thats forsure...before i had kids i would have said id rather have the man..but now that i have kids and the love that i feel for my babies is a love that you never thought possible..i would take the kids over the man any day |
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♂♥♀Lesley♂♥♀
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well..... u need to set up ur priorities.
if ur willing to sacrifice( which i doubt the motherly instinct is way too powerful!) then go for it!
but before u get into a deeper realtionship u have to let him know how strongly u feel about this. |
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ophirhodji
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No, any time you have to give up something as important as having children for a relationship, that relationship is doomed to fail. Eventually this will cause resentment and ruin things. You need to find someone who wants the same things you do. |
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MEGative
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i would much rather have both....possibly the children becuase they have your loved one's blood running through them so you have a bit of your loved one if you know what i mean.... |
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brownskin
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thats a hard question. i would be with the person who you would you would be entirely happy with. I think that you would be more happy with the one who does want kids. |
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Jorge Washington
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It's all in the person. Ask yourself what is important to you. You would be selfish to your self if you didn't give yourself the opportunity to be happy |
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vengence
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I did for a woman |
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Sexy Wife
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If he is truely the man for me and I wanted kids then he would have to bend for me. |
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good_but_naughty
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to be with the one I love.. I would not worry about kids I do not have yet..
I choose the one I love over having kids because eventually he might come around and have kids..BTW: not every wants kids. |
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LuvMy2Kids
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I would have kids. There's nothing like it! I'm lucky to have married someone who loves kids as much as I do.
How could you marry someone who has such a divided interest with you on such a huge matter? To me, even if you married him, you'd eventually part. Why? B/c you would be starting off a marriage with a divide already in place. You'd end up blaming him for not 'fulfilling' needs- kids and all! |
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serephinadragon
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My mom settled for my dad cause she wanted kids. I swore I would never do that. So I followed my heart and was with one of my high school sweethearts for 7 years and I thought I loved him, well birth control didn't work and he took a hike. So much for love or so I thought. Then my first love from high school came into the picture. He told me he was searching for me for over 10 years and his 1st 2 ex wives even told me how they were always being compared to me. So I assumed he was being truthful when he said we were in love and were to be married when once again birth control didn't work. He was still saying we were going to be married and I was still in love with him while he went off to fight in Iraq. But while he was there he was cheating on me. So much for my second relationship.
So I was going to swear off men and just be a single mom. But then I thought I needed a social life. Hey I'm fixed now so at least there won't be anymore surprised babies in my future. I went to friendfinder.com found a guy and thought he was good for at least a date. He saw my profile and thought I was cute and good for at least a date. We got married on June 11th, 2005 and we couldn't be happier. He didn't want any biological children of his own cause his grandmother died of cancer and both he and his mother are cancer survivors so there is something in his genes that lets them get cancer and he never wanted to torture a child with that pain. He only wanted to have 2 kids and I already had 2 kids and he plans to adopt both my children.
So you never know... |
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burninup
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Having children is not the most important thing in life. If we are fortunate we may find someone to spend our lives with, but if we are truly lucky we will find someone to spend our love with. Children are not always the answer, and if you think they are, then you should think again? |
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Hoping he will bless me with #1
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If you REALLY want kids then find somebody that wants kids too. It's not settling for less. It's having a common interest with somebody. If a person has flat out told you they don't want kids, then I would think you should move on. But that's just my opinion. |
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