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Keith D
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Hey stilllovehim,
Let me first say this about your situation.I can see that you really love your husband very much. Judging from what everyone has said regarding your situatio, i would have to say "take all of these comments with a grain of salt" mines included.
You have stated that you and your husband have had an on againg off again marriage. It is very evident that there is something that continues to bring you two back together over and over again. I think that something is LOVE.
I wish you would have given more variables for me: do you two have children, how is the communication between you,did you have any other men during the breakups? I will try my best to help you with what has been given.
The fact that the relationship has been on and off means that there is no stability, however the love is there because you keep returning to one another. The fact that you have these breaks always allows for others to come between you, hence the new girl thats having the baby. Now you stated that HE wants to work things out and so do you. Marriage is full of ups and downs and one of the best things to do and the hardest to master is turning something negative into something positive and live with it.
This girl is having this baby, and that baby is going to be in your life if you decided to make your relationship work. Now, if you feel your marriage is truly worth saving, then seek counseling. It will help tremendously. Also keep in mind that there is nothing new under the sun. This is not the first time that something like this has happened in this world we live in. I have seen things like this work out. In addition, it won't be easy...but if the LOVE is truly there and it is as strong as you make it seem, then there IS a chance for this marriage.
To be truthful, I think you both can learn from this and help form a stronger bond and foundation for your relationship to stand upon. The on and offness is definitely what allowed this to happen.
To help you with this problem of yours, let me first say that I understand what you are going through and especially know what your husband is feeling. I live it daily for I have done the same thing and I have wronged my wife and I have repented. the bible says that David was a man after God's own heart and that even though he was, he still committed adultry, yet God still loved him.
the first thing you are going to have to do is forgive him and him you. You must also recognize the fact that the two of you amde a committment to one another. It is on that vow and with committment that you should base your marriage on. Forget all that has happened because your mind will sure find ways to get "back" at him. He needs you right now to say "I THINK I CAN DO THIS"
You need to tell him that if he is going to stick to his adulterous ways, then this will never work. BUT, if you can know that he can promise some stability in your life, with concern to your heart, then GO FOR IT. Divorce is such a terrible process and todays society is so quick to give up on something that could really be genuine. People everyday make mistakes that they will regret andsome do things that will change someones life forever. Making the decision to stick with your husband will speak VOLUMES over what society is dictating to us.
I wish you the best in your decision and pray that God give you the strength to endure whatever the outcome of your decision may be.
Be Blessed
Keith D
PS...I know that a lot of women are bitter about situations like this...but YOU have togo with your OWN heart not the people of Yahoo! Answers.
I am writing this because I can attest to the fact that a man can change and can grow from from bad decisions that they make. I will probably be adding to my answer as more people respond to it.
I am more concerned for your marriage. |
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Violet Pearl
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I couldn't stay with him because he'd be dead LOL |
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crazymental
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depends on whether you can trust him and accept his child by another woman into your life. i'm not sure i could and i think you probably deserve better than some git who goes around knocking girls up and running back to the wife. he has failed you. i think you should consider leaving him and going it on your own. look into your heart. write a list down off all the pros and cons for getting back together. that might make things clearer. |
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cleocat
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I'm sorry I can't tell you what to do but consider deeply if you will be able to trust him, if not then the relationship is already dead in the water.
Good luck xxx |
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des r
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No-one can answer this one for you. Adultery is grounds for divorce, but it's also grounds for forgiveness!
Ask yourself this -
- can you trust him ever again?
This is the big problem YOU have to overcome. If you can't trust him, forget it before you get hurt worse. |
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Loving Life!
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Go with your heart not the back of your mind. Do you think he may leave you in the future?? You may want to try marriage counseling also. |
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bluemist
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You took the vows with him "for better or worse" and this is some of the worse so stay with him and be a good stepmom to that baby. |
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Melanie J
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He made a huge mistake. Unfortunately, his bond with his unborn child trumps his bond to you as your husband. During the pregnancy and after the baby is born, he will have to be emotionally, physically and financially responsible for his baby. Since the marriage wasn't great to begin with, I would say file for divorce and tell him to try to make things work with his child's mother.
Something tells me he is interested in working things out because you and the marriage are a good excuse for not being a responsible parent and doing the right thing by his lover and their child. |
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chiccigyal
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Hi. I'm am sincerely sorry about whats happened. These situations are never clear cut and only you know what your husband is really like. If he has been unfaithful or untrue to you in the past this often has weight on whether or not he is being sincere to you with his feelings, thoughts and needs. Yes he has let you down as he's gone away from you as his wife and had relations with another woman, who has become pregnant and wants to keep it. It does take 2 to tango and both he and her determination to keep it will most definitely have a huge impact on your relationship with him for the rest of YOUR life, if you decide to stay with him. It will mean that if you decide to stand by your man, you stand by him, her and their child. And if you decide if you dont have already, children with him, they will also have to compete with his other family and YOU are his wife. I'd sit down alone for a while and think about whether you can accept having a future with him in this situation or cut your losses and ride a storm of pain that you will get over, but will be alot less pain than the constant existence of the extended family. It may sound pretty harsh, but it is reality unfortunately. I am not anti-men or anything... but it is important for you to be true to yourself and what you really want. Dont allow him to sway you into believing that he will not allow it to come between you, as possibilities will be if she's that determined to keep the child she may decide at some point during this child's 18yrs want more than just settling for a little. Be careful, hun.... Good Luck!!! |
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ainealainn
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stop believing this man. He is a liar. Plain and simple. He wants to have his cake and eat it. I've met his type before.
Leave him and save your dignity while you still have some of it intact. |
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Lindsey
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It would be impossible for me to stay in the marriage. Here are some things you are up against:
A. The child will alway's be a reminder that he betrayed the marriage.
B. The child's mother will alway's be in the picture.
C. Child support coming out of your houshold for the for the next 18 years or more if college.
D. Medical expenses that he will be half responsible for.
E. Your whole world will be changed by what should have been.
F. Future attendance in weddings, granchildren that your husband and his former lover share.
G.Never truly trusting because the trust was broken.
F. All the problems that you and husband already have and now you have his child by someone else to deal with.
G.You always wondering if he stayed with you out of guilt and pity and always wondering if he would have rather had the other woman and their child on a day to day basis.
F. When ever your future has a problem between the two of you.....will this woman allow him to run to her?
G. Is the woman in love with your husband?
H. The emotions you will feel on the day she gives birth to your husbands child..and dealing with his also.
I. How will his parents react to their granchild and may want to include this child into their lives.
J.The fact that your marriage is struggling now and how will that affect your intimacey with him?
I could go on and on here but I think you get the picture......Also you both would have to put a lot of energy into marriage counseling because you will both need it and prepare for everything that could come up unexpectedly. I believe at this point I would would be the one to walk away and set him free. Because nothing will be the same no matter how you try. He is responsible for this child that he created and being a parent will take up a lot of his time now. You already feel that he may want to be with this woman and letting him go time will tell if he ends up going to her. Good luck sweetie. |
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Katie
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no.... i wont stay |
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linloue
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If your husband can walk away or want to abort a child he has made, it proves he is not a man and one that is not worth having. This was obviously not a one night stand. If the woman does have this baby she will be part of your life for at least 16 years, could you cope with this. Can you ever trust him again. Sounds to me like you want to be a doormat. I would say to him you made your bed now lay on it and find yourself a man that really cares. Who knows if you stay will he be there for any children you have. |
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:
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No I wouldn't |
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★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥
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you should stay with him-- but only if:
1. you truly love him, and can't imagine life without him.
2. You don't mind hundreds of dollars coming out of your joint bank account monthly for child support.
3. you don't mind him being in this girls life - because once she has his baby- there is a connection there for the rest of their lives.
4. If you want to live a life with somebody- not trusting him.
I would never stay in an on and off relationship- whats the point? If one minute you are together- and the next you are not-- true love will go through anything together- and not be apart. |
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howyagonnaknow
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exit stage right |
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sooziebaby
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No he would be out of my life forever. That is too big to just forget and get on with things you would never be able to trust him. Find another man who treats you with the respect and love you deserve. good luck x |
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tallblondegirl_mt
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No. I know from experience that I could never get past that kind of betrayal from someone who was supposed to love me. |
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Christina
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well lets see. he cheating on you. he is having a baby by someone else and he says he still loves you and wants to make it work? yeah right!!! he did it once and he will do it again, know that you will take him back and you did. he knows you are attached to him and love him that yo uwont care what he does. you are stupid if you stay with him. he will have this baby and they will ruin your life. She will ruin your life and it will never go away. she is going to get him for child support. it wont end. it will not end, pretty soon you will be babysitting that new baby. i say you get out whil yo ucan. |
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Channa
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I would stay with him long enough to make sure he didn't take any of my belongings when I kicked him out. Also, get a very good divorce attorney. |
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Nena S
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Actions speak louder than words.
His words are that he cares about you, but his actions show he doesn't. Talk is cheap.
It's up to you to keep up believing his lying mouth.
Sorry to say this, but it looks like he's going to get away with it. You sound like you don't want to lose this idiot. Well...It's your life.( In a couple of years if you finally decide to walk away, you will regret wasting this time.)
For the record: YES, he has failed as a husband. He is the one who cheated on you. |
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Sara
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It really sounds like he is looking at getting back with you as a way out of dealing with his responsibilities as a parent.
If he really truly wanted to be with you, firstly he would not have jumped into bed with another woman while you guys were 'off' and he would def had made sure he used protection!
You can do much much better than a creep that would do something like this not just to you, but also to the woman thats carrying his child, dont you think?
Buy him a packet of condoms and say Bye Bye
Good luck
xx |
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DIANNE S
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Its hard when you love someone, but it sounds as if your marriage is not what it's cracked up to be, off? on?, a marriage should be ON, one of you is very unsure about your relationship, and my guess is it's him. Why if you were still married did he sleep with this woman, did you sleep with someone else too. If you both had relationships, then you don't belong together. Let him go, you both deserve to be with someone you can trust and want to be ON with all the time. |
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J Doe
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Heck N0 |
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Justina P
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No way would I stay with him! He's a creep!
He broke his vows to you and now is going to father another woman's child.
Leave him, it will be heartache for you over and over again. You do not need that hun.
Be strong, he doesn't deserve you. |
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Fanshawe
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No |
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Brett M
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No, leave him immediately... go... don't look back... |
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The Original Highbury Gal
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When you guys got married you BOTH took marriage vows and sadly he's broken his!
He's lay down with another woman, got her pregnant and is now playing the "I'm so sorry i messed up " trump card.
To answer your question, No i would not stay with my partner if i found out he had cheated, the trust is gone and you need trust in a relationship, he's betrayed you and deserves to hang his head in shame.
You got to do what you feel is right, just dont let him take you for a ride! |
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blueendred
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SIMPLY NOOO!!!!! |
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