Your wife sends the following email, amongst others, to her ex. What is going on and should you leave her?

Hi

Really nice to hear from you. Don't know why you got the impression I did not want to keep in touch.

I understand why you want to take a break from work, but you know the money won't last long. I assume you have holidays lined up. Have you been to Jamaica with your mum yet?

For me it is the same old story regarding work, although it has become more pressurising what with fixed fees being introduced by the LSC from the 1st of October this year. The public have no idea that the legal aid system is being totally decimated. I am doing a lot of care work (which as you may recall I used to dread) since the fees have not been slashed in the same way as matrimonial etc. I keep myself sane by going to the gym everyday and doing Open University courses. You will be surprised to note that I am taking a real interest in opera and western classical music (I wonder where that interest emanates from!). Although I did not appreciate it at the time, I missed listening to it and therefore am building up a collection!

Do keep in touch and please give me your new email address.
Additional Details
Okay, here is the real deal. Several emails were exchanged and a few txt messages. In a lot of the communication she was pushing for responses from him. When I found out (inadvertently because she left her email account open with the an email to him open on the Pc) she accepted that it was hurting me very much and swore never to respond or contact him again- guess what she went on to do it.

I feel that there was an emotinal need and longing for him on her part.

The thing is that we were drifting a bit at that time and now she is trying to be close to me ( sort off because she is also caught up with work).

In my hearts of hearts I feel I can't still be with her because:
1) Had I not found out that she was still in touch with him and it meant so much to her that she was prepared to lie and do it behind my back- what could it have built up to.
2) Is she close to me now because of this problem and what would have happened if it did not occur- we would have drifted more apart

Allecto

How dare she have friends! Clearly, you should dump her. But not until after you violate her privacy by reading her emails and posting them publicly.

Tacgnol

I wouldn't, sounds like a normal conversation to me.

emdotcom

noting wrong here. what is your prob?

Violated

It sounds harmless

BabeHeart

What's the issue with it?
Why are you going through her email?

I see no problem, unless I over looked something (scanned it because it wasn't terribly interesting).

abc

they have a past...she was doing nothing more than being friendly.....nothing is going on, are you looking for a reason to leave her? ...why were you snooping???

MayMay

I don't know where your confusion lies. If its just the fact that she is "keeping in touch" with her ex, then you kinda need to get over it.

I didnt sense any flirtation in that email, so why worry?

Evelyne L

i think she just sounds like one of those people that tries really hard to remain friends with the ex. does she give you any signs that shes not happy or wants him back?

Love song!!

I think that you should have a discussion with your wife before asking people you dont know if you should leave her. Its probably nothing but i would let her know that contact with her ex bothers you. You need to have an open flow of communication with your wife.

Replace

I assume wife did not send acopy of email to you, so why are you "spying" on her?
Without trust, there can be no marriage.

Monsieur Friendship

She is just being friendly, keeping in touch with an ex does not mean they are sleeping together.

Gueri Eve

Best person to ask is your wife. But it sounds like there are more pressing issues between the two of you for you to jump into conclusions and come up with "do i leave her?" as the only option. Whoa. Paranoia kills most anything it touches, man.

Mr.Boombastic Mungbean

Seems like she wants to stay in touch with him. Hard to say as they have history together. I'd say nothing and keep tabs on the whole situation. Have to ask though, why are you reading her mail?

Stacy's Mom

Is this the worst of them? If so, I donâ€™t see any wrong-doing. Sheâ€™s talking to a friend who she happened to have dated in the past. Whereâ€™s the problem?

Part of a healthy marriage involves each spouses maintaining their own friends and identities. I donâ€™t see why people who have dated in the past canâ€™t continue to be friends even after one or both of them have moved on. They stopped dating for a reason and she chose to be with you. Keep that in mind before you get mad at her for having friends.

thisone

Sounds like a normal chat but I would be more worried that YOU are looking at her personal mail!

melanie_lanc

I feel sorry to say this - but your wife may not be getting enough attention or emotional support from you, that's why she was drawn to him. I exchanged emails with my ex and I need to admit, his emails are like flowers in the morning to me. He will say things that my husband (of 12 years) would never say. I feel more attached to him because of that.

Whether you like it or not, women are attached to somebody emotionally and that person may not be you, if you have not been affectionate nor close to her. This is woman, she is your wife, unless you don't love her anymore, you need to make it up as well. It is not fair just to blame her for being drawn to others, you played a part in pushing her away. Nobody will go outside if she is spoilt at home. I sometimes feel my ex's emails are my emotional support, and when it comes to encouragement, I'll turn to him rather than my hubby. What do you think I'm doing now at 1am on Saturday? shouldn't it be an intimate time?? But I'm surfing the internet, chatting to people on Yahoo to find support.

So my point is, you have a part to play. Don't just blame her. My best wishes to you both.

DatGyalRach

Sounds like a normal convo...i wouldnt even bother confronting her its not like shes asking for him back. Dont go through her e-mails if she finds out she will start to dis trust you. forget it.

I wouldnt leave her over it I would discuss the fact that she wasnt open to you about emailing her ex but it sounds like a normal conversation nothing to break up about

MoMo

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this email - what is your problem? Show us something with something meaty inside and we'll talk about it.

luva_gal_18

these sound like just friendly stuff no flirting, no suggestions just keeping in touch. i don't do it because I always end up flirting and then i tell on myself to my husband....lol but i would not worry about it unless you really think something is going on!! they really sound very innocent always trust your spouse until they prove you wrong....they are your mates for life...i am learning that slowly..i trust my husband but at first it was very hard and i still check his phone everyday he does not like it and i know he notices sometimes but he does not say anything anymore i also check his email his history on his computer all of that and there is never anything that i would not approve of maybe one day i will stop checking he loves me and me alone so i try not to worry about it!although i must say that it is hard to do

~Autumn R~

DUDE! Get a clue, she's doing NOTHING WRONG! This is what I hate...men who are overly sensitive and think women can't control themselves enough to be FRIENDS with a man. Shame on you for reading her emails!!!

Jeanette22

My first question is: why are you snooping? The only reasons why people snoop is because there is no trust or you're just insecure.

Second: If you feel that your wife is cheating that you have to invade her privacy then be man enough to COMMUNICATE with her and maybe ask her if everything is ok instead of posting her emails online. NOT cool. AND maybe that is why she's talking to her X, because you don't give her the time or day to talk and she's looking just to talk to someone.

Third: I don't see where in this letter she is admitting to cheating or even the mere interest of doing so.

Instead of wasting your time snooping why not make plans for your wife and take her out and take care of her as you should so she doesn't look elsewhere.

diquarry

did she mention you in any of the other emails? it sounds fairly innocuous, but she seems to know a lot that's going on in his life. is he in the same line of work? a lot of questions that you can't answer ( unless you email me), but i'm at a loss to offer any real help without knowing more. she certainly sounds ambitious & i can't help but wonder how much that ambition includes you. if i remember right, you've discussed this with her before & didn't really get anywhere.
only you can decide where you go with this: talking hasn't helped & she obviously hasn't stopped. if you do decide enough is enough, then make sure you've got copies of the emails & any other evidence you may have. they don't prove an affair, but, as far as i'm concerned, they do prove a total disregard for your feelings. i'm sure a solicitor would think they were reasonable grounds for a divorce citing her unreasonable behaviour. i wish you the best of luck. diane.

NY Yanks Girrl

Why would you leave her? What in that email was out of line or wrong for her to say? NIOTHING, stop being soooo paranoid and trust her!!!! Keep it up and im sure she really will give you something to worry about!!!!

friendsseason9

first off all, how did u get what she sent on email?

and if u have access to her mails, keep your mouth shut and just keep cheking her mails incoming, outgoing, deleted, saved mails in folders, etc etc.. wait for few months and u will know what she is upto...

u have to be patient for few months until u find out whats really going on or is it just ur suspicion...

traincloud

what about dealing with it this way, ask her to sit down with you and tell her that you know it must be hard to move on from the past,, the memories of everything are still strong for her even though she will have a flsh by times of the moments that things went wrong, she had some good memories too. tell her you would love to make memories with her be it days away together, something fun. add some fun to your togetherness and she will eventually come around to knowing that you are the one she wants to be with, you are the one she really loves now, this thing with her ex is only friendly banter, it means nothing, shes human, she cant just drop all the memories, she needs new ones, ones which you can help create, tell her you love her, give her the room and she will love you forever. sometimes a little gentleness goes a long way, spoil her a bit, girls love it and that is the beginning of your memories together, sooner or late these memories will overwhelm her mind and her ex will fade into the past.

heathrow14

i think you are being way too paranoid, she doesn't say anything to him that suggests she isn't happy now, she is just wanting to keep in touch, there is nothing wrong with that - it may well be that she is just feeling a little nosey about what he is doing now! It looks to me like she has tried really hard to ensure that the conversation stays platonic and just interested, nothing more. if you are really worried about it then say something, but if not just leave it. you really shouldn't be reading her emails anyway, that is not going to end well! she married you not him at the end of the day and she is obviously happy so enjoy your time with her and stop worrying!!

wahoo

I don't see anything in the e-mail that you would have to worry about, she is talking about work and other family questions, how are you, yah da yahda...keep in touch etc etc. Personally I find it admirable that two X spouses can be social and pleasant to one another, it is better than threats and slander.
If it bothers you all the much just ask her...is there anything that you have to worry about? she will probably say no with a quizzed look on her face...and then drop it, or say that is great, that you two can remain friends. I myself have remained friends with a lot of X's, it sure lessens the stress..lighten up my friend.

princess_amypie

ask her about it first, don't jump to conclusions, it may be completely paternal

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