honestly what would you do?

I have a husband, Russian, that drinks too much. He managed to mess up his life last year spending on credit cards running up a balance of 15 grand almost. He cites that he couldn't find work...mostly he didn't manage his life and over spent monthly on expenses. I kicked him out to get him to grow up last summer. In January he got a DUI as a reward for his crazy life. He has a temporary Green Card that expires this July.

Because i am not stupid, I separated from him last spring and filed for divorce. It came through in the middle of May this year.

Here is the problem: we do love each other. But he is an alcoholic honestly. I have paid many many bills for him...and honestly he doesn't even act grateful half the time. I basically have supported a nice life style for him for the 5 years we have been together.

We may not be able to save his green card. He has his court date in 2 weeks for the DUI. I made an appointment for the Immigration lawyer tomorrow. Deportation or living illegal are real possibilities.

I feel depressed. Unloved half the time and stressed because I work constantly and he doesn't value me it seems.

What would you do? Honestly....

Dads boy

I think you need to stop acting that desperate . Is he that well hung or what lol . You take care of this guy for five years he treats you like crap he is a drunk and doesn't appreciate what you do for him . Is it the excitement woman go after with guys like that or what ?

I wouldn't care if it was lady gaga i would be waving her goodbye with a big old smile on my face

B S

Move on, he has a disease that love cannot cure. Don't throw your life away on someone who has an uncontrolled addiction.

alialoggi

If he loved you, he wouldn't take advantage of you like he is. If he loves you he will get his life on track. You do a lot for him. What does he doe for you? Love is a two way street.

Crazymom

HE made his bed and he needs to lie in it.
You were right in divorcing and now it's time for him to sink or swim on his own. Stop coddling him and taking care of him. He is NOT your responsibility anymore. Watching someone you love destroy their lives is hard, but if you don't let go, he will bring you down with him.

Linda

this is one of those if you really love someone you have to let them go helping him pay the bill and fix his screw ups is only enabling him to drink more and this sounds like he wont b able to fix this on his own he needs professional help something i know you would like to give and you think you can heal it wit alittle more time or alittle more love but it just dont work like that, one more day of trying to help him is one to many, im sorry if you keep doing it he will only get worse.

One

If he is to be with you he needs to get his act together. "What is he willing to do in order to be together and make you happy and feel loved?" When he answers that question, ask yourself if he has shown in actions it to be true or not true. If he has not then let him go and know time heals wounds and life will go on for you.

Listen to your mind not just your heart. I hope it works out well for you. Dealing with alcoholism is a hard life if he is unwilling to do his part.

Randy

He knew the rules when he came here. He is messing up his life and if you are not careful, and get too close again, he could mess up yours. I hope you continue your "hands off" policy.

Marilyn

say bye bye to him
let him go back to russia

cherie

i can tell you what i would do but i honestly believe you need to follow your heart as to what you want to do.

Barb Outhere

He is an alcoholic. You are his enabler - "I have paid many many bills for him...I basically have supported a nice life style for him for the 5 years" so he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his drinking.
I suggest A.A. for him and Al-anon for you. If he won't go, you should anyway. See why your actions are allowing him to be this poor excuse for a husband.
By the way, attending A.A. meetings (and adhering to the rules) may help his case - both with the DUI and Immigration.

TrustingT

I think you feel badly because you married and carried a man who you knew deep inside drank too much. Women constantly make the mistake of thinking their love and hard work can fix everything. We're not God. You've done too much for him in order to gain his love. You don't earn love...it's free. It's time for this man to step up to the plate and do something for himself. If he gets deported, then so be it. There are things he needs to do, lessons he needs to learn and you need to allow that to happen. He's not helpless. If he can run up a credit card and get a DUI, then he can pay the consequences. No more enabling men. They won't be better men if you continue to do that and you'll continue to be by yourself because of your bad choices.

Kiely M

If he doesnt seem to value you then he doesnt love you. You should let him handle his mess himself, you dont need to be involved. He got into it, he can get out of it.

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