i dont believe my husband thinks im beautiful. how do i get past this?

i met my husband when i was very young, even though we never "dated" we were friends until he left for the military. we lost touch for 17 years, reconnected and married right away. my prob is that he never told me i am or was beautiful. in telling me about a woman he was madly in love with in his military days he told me she was beautiful. i felt terrible. i had waited to hear this man tell me im beautiful since i was 15! this has continued to be a sore spot, even though he has since said i am beautiful, he loves me, he has no contact with this woman and i shouldn't feel threatened. still i just cant seem to get past this because the only time he says it is when im trying to pull it out of him, its not something that comes naturally to him. he recently confessed that she was the most beautiful girl hes ever been with. i have told him so many times how i feel and that i just need to hear it from him, when he does say it it is forced and almost seems painful. im allowing this to poison our marriage, even though my rational mind tells me its foolish and shallow,.it still bothers me and i dont know how to get past it. he does many acts of service that show love, but the thing i tell him i need from him he seems to have the most difficulty with.

Teri

I don't think you are shallow. It's nice to hear your husband tell you that you are beautiful!
You answered your own question when you said, "it doesn't come naturally to him."
That is sooooo true. It's probably easier for him to speak of it as past tense. My guy is the same way...lol
I just don't say anything about it anymore, because I know he thinks it. Like you said, there are other acts that they do to show their love.

I guarentee, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to him. You are the one that he CHOSE to marry. Not, Miss Used To Be...............he chose you. Beautiful you.

So, in regards to that....pleaseee don't let it poison your marriage. Think about how silly that is!!
I mean, don't rely on him to boost your self esteem on that level. Remember, he's your husband. Not God. Look to God to fill in that need to feel beautiful from the inside out...and you'll not feel the need to hear it from your husband......he really does think you are...but God will for real make you know it.....ya know what I mean??

Julia W

Stop feeling so insecure.. Your husband loves you and will always think your the most beautiful women ever

Laura M

You don't have to apologize for anything - you know what you want, and he should do his best to do it for you. That's what partners do (for a reasonable request such as yours). I would try to talk to him about it, and reiterate that it would make you happy to hear that every now and then, and while you're at it, you could mention that it hurt your feelings to hear about this lady from the past, and ask if he could please not talk to you about her anymore.

Meanwhile, you might want to ask yourself why it's so important to you - was there someone before who made you think you weren't beautiful that hurt your feelings? Maybe it would help in the long run to work that out (possibly with therapy), if it happened, and then you could rely on yourself to know you're beautiful. (It's hard when others make us think we're not - then it becomes nearly impossible to be "rational" about it. But working through that and knowing that you have good qualities regardless of what he thinks can help.)

Good luck, I hope things are looking up for you soon!

Trasformation

Get a divorce.

LadyGreenEyes

So what if she looked better? He married YOU. That is what counts. I am sure you have seen guys that physically look better than your husband, but that doesn't mean you want them instead. Trust his love, and the years of marriage. This is more about your confidence in your looks than anything else. Yes, that matters, to a point. Try a new hair color, or a new style. Wear make up more. Get some new clothes that flatter. Know that beauty isn't just on the surface. Let this issue go, and just trust that he loves you.

Anya

Men can be complete idiots. Your husband should have never said that she is the most beautiful girl he's ever been with. He should have also told you that you were beautiful way back when you reconnected. It is not foolish or shallow for you to feel this way. Any husband should tell his wife something complimentary on a regular basis, and the wife shouldn'th have to ask for it.

Just from what he has said, it's almost as if he's still "stuck" on this girl and her outer beauty....I'm not saying he has a relationship with her now, but I do think for some reason he's still focused on her, and perhaps he feels to this day, that he shouldn't have let her get away. If he told you how "madly in love" he was with her, then that was also a very foolish thing to say. Men really don't know when to just hold things to themselves and not say anything, and this is exactly what he should have done.

But....that said, I don't think he ever really loved her. I think he was just struck by her appearance, and that's about it.

Now, it is up to you to feel good about yourself....and not for your husband, either. Do it for YOU. Heck with trying to get your husband to believe that you're beautiful....all you need to do is look in the mirror and believe it yourself! Get out there and get a new hairstyle and have someone do your makeup. Buy a fancy outfit, and then when you're all dressed up waiting at the front door, tell your husband you're going out with friends, and slam the door shut. Then let us know his reaction, please!!!

gnrrules

A mask

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