Advice for wife of enlisted?

cynthia2002

You can make a baby diary for both him and the baby, take a picture each day and write about what they baby did. That could be smiled, laughed, what they found that day (like their toes). Also you could make a pillow case for him with pics on it so he could still sleep with it. Most importantly take care of yourself, you can't help either of them if you aren't well. Just hang in there, alot of soldiers and their families with newborns have to deal with seperation, you are not alone:)

krosi

It is so awesome that you are so supportive of your husband's career. I have met a lot of navy wives, (the branch that my husband serves in) that do nothing but complain and nag about their husbands when they are getting ready to go out to sea. (Some have even gone as far as "forbidding" their husbands leave, a demand that never goes over well from senior officers!)

Also congratulations on your baby! I am sure that he is going to miss him/her a lot. To keep him updated and feeling like he's in the loop, start a little sort of journal. Write down things every day that she/he does, your thoughts, how he/she is... include a lot of pictures. Then every week, you can send this journal off for him to read and enjoy. You could also make him little videos to watch, though I don't know if they allow them at boot camp, he might have to wait until A school. Every little thing like that means a lot to a husband and father that is away, especially for the first time.

If you have a really close friend or family member that is able to stay with you for the first few weeks while he is gone, that will help you greatly. Start a journal of your own and allow yourself to get plenty of rest... New baby does not usually equal rest, but that's where the friend/family member can help. Your transition of him being away will be easier if you can get a little rest. Your "overwhelmed" feelings are not selfish by any means. Babies are a lot of work, don't be afraid to ask for help, you need to take care of yourself too! After a few weeks are passed, you'll feel better and be able to focus on your new baby. Being a military wife is not easy, but it's the life we and our husbands have chosen. Support is always here if you need it.

Diane

Lots of pictures. Talk about happy things when he calls. That will be very easy with a newborn :). Even thou your baby is a newborn, let him talk to him/her. Also, go to build a bear and have him make a stuffed animal and record him saying I Love You to put in the bear. Show your emotions. He will know that you are going to miss him.

I am a Family Readiness Group Leader for our deployed troop. What I tell my families is not to tell them things that go wrong until after they are fixed. After all, what can they do about it when they are gone? The car needs repairs - get it done before you tell him. Then tell him something like The car did - whatever - and I actually took it in and had it fixed!

If he is deployed, he will feel better knowing you can handle anything that comes along. Just remember to make him know that he is still needed, because you don't plan on taking care of this stuff when he comes home!

smittybo20

Hey! He isn't going to be gone that long! Get the pencil sharpened and a new pad of paper. Get pics made. Send him letters and pics, and just show you are supporting him, he will write back.

Been there and done that. But I was the soldier. And the letters and pics made life much better.

EddieX

Hi Jen

Being a Military Veteran with a few years under my belt I can tell you that it will be tough. I remember my wife being alone and having to take care of everything pretty much while I was training and overseas. What you can do is try to find local military wives that live in your area and also be involved with your local church if you do attend. Mostly your husband will need your total support. If you can, try to video tape the baby as much as possible for all of those firsts. It is going to be very tough on him so you will really have to keep our letters positive because it won't take much to get him down due to all of the hard training he will have to endure but you will make it, just support him and hopefully you have a support base of family and friends that can help you out while he is in training.
It was tough for my wife and I especially since we didn't live near a military base and all but we made it and you will too, hang Tough and Good Luck to you.

Tialynn

Dear I know exactly what you are going through. Oh have I been there.

For him:
* Write as often as you can - every day is not too much, basic training is physically and emotionally draining and a letter from his wife will make his day.
* Let him know you miss him but stay positive - it will break his heart to hear that you are falling apart.
* Tell him about you and your baby! - he will really feel like he is missing out if he does not know what your up to!
* Take a weekly photo(s) of your little one and write a quick note of the new things they were up to, make a book for him.
* The very best thing you can do for him is take good care of yourself and your new baby!

For You: The emotional roller coaster you are experiencing is normal. It is just the extreme shift in hormones. It is not terrible for him to see you cry, you love him and support him, and he knows this is difficult for you! You will get through this think forward when you will be together again.
You do not need to put any face on, do not bottle up your feelings, you will find the strength, trust me.
Put your energy of taking care of your newborn, sleep when the baby sleeps. Make time to take care of You. A shower, manicure, ten minutes to yourself will do wonders!

Hank Jr

Wow, rarely is a question this important asked here. I hardly feel worthy or qualified to attempt an answer. I am humbled by your devotion and service. Someone else may offer better advise, but as for me I would tell you to remember that life has purpose. Work, learn, enjoy, even if it is just for those brief moments that you are in the presence of friends and loved ones.

melody r

As an 11 year Army wife I have been in your position so many times. It's okay to cry when they leave, I still do but when they are actually gone don't spend time on the phone with them telling them about all the negative things that are going on at home while he is gone. There is nothing he can do about it while he is there so don't make it worse on him. My husband was sent away for 6 months three weeks after we lost our first child at birth and it was so hard on me. I needed support and comforting but he was going through the same thing as me just in a different place. As you said put on your game face. The time goes a lot faster than you think it will. Trust me I know. Smitty is right letters and pictures help a lot....

Gerald

Support---Stay off the cell phone --- you do not need a $1000 bill every month. Never tell him of things that are broken--he cannot fix it. Your in charge take over... You need a job...The baby is not going to keep you busy enough... The parents are close buy let them help--they want to --OK

blondeone9606

My mom wrote to my brother in basic training almost everyday. He really appreciated it. Also once he is done maybe besides pictures you could send him video tapes of what is going on with you and the baby. My mom also sent care packages with cookies and bars. Not only did my brother love eating them but he made alot of friends. :)

sassy 1

send lots of pics and reassure him that you are there for him and praying for him.good luck

reespirit

Hi hon, I am the mother of two brave American military men. One of my sons is currently deployed for the second time to Iraq. My suggestion to you would be to let him know that you support him and though you cry because you will miss him that you also cry because your hormones are going crazy... we have a group called Soldier_ Moms on yahoo you should join us...We have all the support you need while your hubby is away. You will be fine. The little one will keep you busy. My daughter in law has 3 under the age of 5, my son has been gone over a year this time... be brave and let him know you are proud of his decision... love to you Ree
The link is Soldier_Moms@yahoogroups.com

bytchy_princess

get a digital camera if you dont already have one.. take lots of pictures.... write in a diary.. and let him read it after he gets back...

email me if you need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on.. you'll make it through.. best of luck .. and congrats on the new baby

john f

Pictures help alot. Sending letters also means alot. Phone time is limited so stock up on paper stamps and envelopes. It is going to be hard regardless, but he will stay so busy the time is going to fly by, I do know this from experience. I spent 8 yrs active duty and my wife still is and deployed right now. The military life is hard.

Alexis R

Send him lots of pictures while he's in basic. Make sure you include all kinds of little details about the baby and what the baby is doing like smiling or pooping lots of times. It sounds weird, but if he knows everything thats going on with the baby he won't feel as left out. I know how you feel. I've been with my husband now for 5 years and 4 or those years he's been a Marine. Its definately very hard. I always cry when he leaves. By now, you would think I'm getting used to it, but I'm not. I cry even if he has to leave just for 10 days. I just hate to see him go. Don't be afraid to cry around your husband, that way he'll know that you really care about him. I can't control myself anyway, so I always cry. Its a sad time. These 9 weeks an then his school will seem like forever. After a few deployments you'll learn how to deal with the time better. My husband just got back from Iraq and that deployment actually seemed the shortest b/c I kept myself very busy and made time go by faster. Now you have a new baby, so you'll be very busy with your little one. Good luck!!!!

grace

Hi I have been a navy spouse for almost 12 years now. I want to let you know that as a military family member there are a lot of resources available to you. Try going to www.militaryonesource.com there is a lot of info there for you. It is OK to cry we all do but remember you will make it through these times and you will be stronger every time. remember you are never alone the military does care about you and your family.

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