Does this deployment thing ever get easier?

Bragg Wmn

Well yes and no. It really depends on the day doesn't it. My husband was deployed when we were engaged and I think it was more hard then, than when we are married. I'm not sure why, and that may just be me. You can handle it, we make ourselves handle it. I was driving home today from a friends house and my little boy fell asleep in the car and I look over and smiled, I know my husband would love to be here, and I wished he could have been sitting next to me holding my hand, but it's okay. There are a few times I dont here from him for a couple of weeks and that's when i really go nuts. Our imaginations :-) Sometimes I just want to hear him, even if it;s about nothing important.I guess what Im getting at is that I understand you. I am pregnant right now with our second baby and at times an emotional mess on top of it, so i know it gets hard. How to deal? Well that's an individual thing to figure out.

I know I read books and send them there. I try and find some he'll find interesting. When we were engaged I actually read one called, "LOve is a Choice" by Gary Smalley. (the things i learned in the book taught me so much about our own marriage) He read it too and it was neat being able to talk about it later.

Another thing I do is send him two packages a month full of all kinds of things. Every time I go out i buy something small for the box.

Take tons of pictures and write letters. Write what you want to do when he gets home. Everything :-)

I guess that's all I have. Don't try to not think about him, if you feel like you want to cry, cry. And while you cry listen to a love song :-) It gets hard but when it gets really hard i try to imagine seeing him on R&R in three months, or when he comes home in Dec.

Good luck. Don't let people shoving political crap down your throat get you down either, most of them think they are sympathizing, but I know me and some of the girls would rather they just keep it to themselves. :-)

mustangsally76

No, it doesn't get any easier. We've been through 9 deployments in less than 5 years. I get one 15 minute phone per week, if I'm lucky. The worry never goes away, the longing never goes away. However, keep busy and you can keep those feelings at bay. I exercise as much as possible (love to workout!) and keep the house tidy. I am unable to work due to his frequent deployments and we have a child. Nights are always the hardest for me so I sleep on his pillow, I just love his smell :0) Fortunately, we have a son, who is the spitting image of his father and that gives me great, great comfort!

Archangel

How do you think wives and girlfriends handled WW2 and Korea? Those guys didn't come home for YEARS and they couldn't just pick up the phone and didn't have internet. For the most part, their loved ones waited and were there for them. You can too. Be thankful and smile you don't have to go through what they did the next time you feel stressed about it. Stop worrying about what you don't have and think about what you do have.

g-yam

as hard as it is for you, it's ten times harder for him. - you are home, where everyone wants to be. - just keep it a safe place for yourself and open and waiting for your guy when he gets home. you dream of having him home, that's a big dream, he probably dreams of having a hot meal (not that he isn't thinking about you, i'm sure he is). i'm not trying to bash you, really i'm not, but you are having it easy compared to him. - no, it won't get easier, the more you love him the harder it is.

armstrong

Keep yourself busy. Try not thinking of him TOO much that he'll be on your mind 24/7.

De Oppresso Liber

just hang in there, time will slowly go by quickly. Just have faith in what he's doing for you and for his country and be proud of that. He probably just doesn't have too much time over there to call you as much as he'd like. Go join a local support group, it will help out A LOT. Being around others in the same situation as you can be very rewarding for your mental health.

Get a Hobie of some kind and keep yourself busy. Stand up for something and make a difference in something you believe in. The main tip I can give is to just be around other army wives...
the WORSE thing you can ever do is to go solve your sadness at a local bar. He's not the only one fighting for something over there, but so are you. Except your fight is a different one and perhaps the more meaningful one

GUMBIE DAHMIT

Your learning something here. Not everybody is cut out for this kind of lifestyle. at least you know what the future holds for you. Is he planning on a carreer or just a stint ? I never see it from your propective as I'm the military person, but the divorce rate at the time of a second enlistment is over 50%. and gets higher every year. Hang in there and look for a support group. I give my my ex wife's number but she's crazy. LOL

Army Scout

Some Soldiers refer to it as "deployment". Others see it as war, battle, or combat. Your man is probably busy. Some service members don't even have a means of mailing paper letters. Hope everything works out. Hes somwhere else trying to make things better for everyone back home.

softsneakers

.
Yes.
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Time heals all wounds.
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It's the separation that keeps you together.
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EddieX

As a Veteran, I can tell you that it never gets or will get easy for you. Every time a Service member goes into harms way it's a gamble. Enjoy the time together. My wife and I used to have a saying, It's not the quantity of time, it's the quality of time together. Don't worry, the days will come when you two will be together for good. Try not to worry, worrying won't change nothing, if anything it will just make it harder for you. I have a son over in Iraq with the Marine Infantry and all I do and can do is just trust in God for his life and just let go of the worrying,etc.

Good Luck to you, He will be home soon, just focus on that and send him alot of mail or emails and pictures.

God Bless!

Julie

My guy just got home from Iraq last month so I know exactly how crappy a deployment can be. Yes, it is very difficult to be so far away especially when the communication is all over the place with no consistent pattern. My guy was deployed for 15 months. The phone calls were few and far between. The worry was unbearable, especially after one of his men were killed. I am sorry to say it does not get easier. It helped me so much to write emails to him every night. It was like I was able to talk to him before I went to bed. It helped A LOT. I also spent a lot of time writing him handwritten love letters. These he told me were his favorite. I spent a lot of my free time picking up random things for care packages, making him scrapbooks---just to keep him in the loop. This is really hard on you and your relationship but he is the one removed from his surroundings and placed in a war zone. I empathize with your struggles during this deployment. But just like many women who have gone before you...there will be many women who follow you who will experience having their man so far away. Stay positive...he'll be home soon. God bless you and your soldier.

josephcatlin@yahoo.com

sorry but no. it never gets easier. Just remember that you are fighting this war as well as you re fiance. you re job is to keep him strong and focused and to be a reason for him to come home safe. never bager or nag him when he calls don't tell him your problems then blame him. and when he does come home just love him

crash and burn

The worrying doesn't stop that will continue throughout the entire deployment. The trick is just to keep yourself occupied with life while he is gone. I kept myself busy by sending lots and lots of care packages. Those are so much fun to put together and it kind of gave the sense that in a small way I was making the deployment a little easier on him. You will get through it we all have those times when we question if this is the life we want to live, but that is the military not everyone can live this life. Plus consider yourself lucky to have heard from him that often. Believe it or not that is pretty rare so just keep your head up he will be home before you know it.

EDIT: Im sorry to hear about you having to do that to a puppy. There is no way in hell I could ever do that. I cant even go to a shelter without getting upset. So I understand, little things like that dont help when you are already sad.

crystal_dm79

did he just leave? if so, yes it will definitely get easier! looking back the first few months were horribly boring and lasted forever. dont feel bad and dont beat up on yourself--at one point almost all of us question if we can do this or not. i had a moment like that this week and we only have about 9 weeks left to go. do you like tv? i found out that purchasing seasons of shows i like on dvd seems to help...i pick 2 days per week to watch an episode. do you have kids? every other friday i have a "slumber party" with my son where he gets to pick a movie on demand to watch we do popcorn hot cocoa sleep on the couches etc. mark your time by the weeks, not days as that seems to help things move along more quickly. do you have an frg? sometimes they can be annoying and there are gossips from time to time but they also are a good way to pass off each month. seems like before you know it it's time for another meeting which means another month has passed. on your time off from work explore what your town (or towns nearby) have to offer...museums, parks, sporting events, etc. pick one day a month for you where you go out for lunch and a movie. spoil yourself and read a book you wouldnt otherwise read. maybe even subscribe to a magazine such as military spouse. you will make it, just stay strong and remember you're doing it for him! take care!

Krissy

It does get easier. I've been through 4 deployments with my husband. He returned after 15 months in January & I can tell you that I worried the entire time.
The first 2 months are the roughest and I know it is so hard right now & I am sorry you are going through it. It does get easier but always there in the back of your mind.

Try www.militaryonesource.com for some tips on dealing with deployment issues. also http://www.militaryhomefront.dod.mil/ and
http://www.soldiersangels.org/

You can also contact your local Deployment and Mobilization office on post, this is run through Army Community Service (ACS) and the (Family Readiness Center (FRC)

Don't feel bad for asking, it is not an easy life at all. Just be faithful to your man, keep him always in your thoughts and be kind & understanding to him; it is hard on him too.

Find a hobby to keep your mind occupied & if you can find some other wives/girlfriends that are going through it too. My tips really are simple. Don't go out partying, do surround yourself with positive people and if you have a journal, write in it often. Send your fiance pictures, letters, things that remind him of home and you.

I don't know your posts policy on FRG's (Family Readiness Groups) on fiance's but they may offer support even though you're not a spouse.
I can send you some infomation if you would like, please feel free to email me. I know how hard this is. Hang in there and seriously if you need anything, I will try my best to help you

oldmrsinms

It does get easier, consider before internet and cellphones when you would have had to wait for a letter. Basically, keep busy, other than your precious hour talking and always have something good to tell him/her when you do get to talk.

I'm sorry about the poor puppy that's always so sad but try to focus on the good you're doing and the dogs/cats/puppies/kittens that make it because of your efforts.

The best news, overall, is no news if anything bad happens (God Forbid) then you'll hear about it so as long as you have your hourly conversations then try not to worry and keep busy doing things that make you happy. Try to develop a support system that you can talk to even when you think it's nothing at all but just try to keep thinking positive. Once he's back in your arms safe and sound this time will have seemed to fly by...

im sorry you are sad. i wish we werent in these wars so your man could be home with you.

Shilshohm

Bush has ruined many lives, may yours be easier.

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