First Deployment!!! HELP!?

Nicole

Deployment is never easy but you will survive it. Keep busy at work and not watching the news is a great idea. Maybe try volunteering somewhere while he is gone. I found that really kept me focused on someone else and occupied a lot of time. Set up time to meet with friends/family regularly. Also, send lots or care packages, letters/cards and e-mails to let him know how much you are thinking about him and waiting for him to come home to you. E-mail me if you need anything.

joby10095

Get a job, or get a hobby. Don't just hang out around the house, or shop and blow all the extra cash you are going to have. One good thing is go to your local communtiy college and see what kind of classes they offer. You have a lot of free time, so use it to do something interesting. I have my Bachelors, but I am taking a couple of classes towards my JD, and a couple of throw away classes at the local community college, fun stuff that I now have the time to take. I'm also taking flying lessons, and I got a job at the local library to pay for it. I keep busy, and the time is going by faster than I thought it would.

Jim

Stay positive! Your husband's unit should have an ombudsman that can put you in touch with the right people if you need help with family services or if any family emergency arises, the ombudsman is a wealth of information.

Don't freak out if you don't hear from him for several days. Although communications are a lot easier nowadays, there are still military operations that may not allow him to access phone or Internet services.

Attend functions that the unit's spouses put together. Camaraderie is important in any military unit for morale and efficiency, it can help in the unit of spouse's as well. The hardest job in the military is that of a military spouse, because you are forced to deal with so many unknowns.

From me, tell your husband that an old veteran wants to thank him for his service and thank you for the sacrifices that you make as well.

NAZGUL

Take some college courses while he is gone.

Vet-USAF 44MMS

g_brown1975

realtimeoff.com,
Let me say first off welcome to military life. With that being said I have to agree with joby10095, please go and sign up for classes at your local community college if you don't already have a college degree.

Second, please see if you can join or find a wives club or Omsbudsman group if it's stilled called that. The women in these groups have been through many deployments and can help you get through this one. Hopefully it will be his last and this thing will be over, well at least we will have a troop drawdown.

Third, get yourself a job if you already don't have to help the time pass by and help to save money and perhaps pay off debts if you all have any. You'd be surprised by how many marriages are strained not by the deployment, but poor money management.

Last of all be very supportive of your husband because there are going to be some times when he calls and he's going to need to just vent. Please allow him to do so and try not to dump what issues that you have on him. Remember he may have seen some really bad and scary things that day. Trust me I'm not discounting what you're going to be dealing with on a day to day basis, I'm just trying to put it in perspective.

I really hope this helps out.

â™¥Marineâ™¥Wifeâ™¥

Spend time with family, friends. Keep very very busy! My husband is currently deployed and its my first deployment as well. Everytime there are extra hours to be handed out at work I take them. If someone doesn't show, I'm there! It actually has been going by way fast! My friends are really good about keeping me busy. With your extra time put care packages together. Write him. Take up a hobby. I'm actually taking some cooking classes to be good and ready for when he returns :). Good Luck to you girl! I promise you will get through this! Good Luck to your Husband. Tell him Thanks for me!

bulletbob36

There are support groups for wives on every base. I sugest you become an active member and help other wives. that will in turn help you deal with it. Second thing is SUPPORT him and he will be safer and will make it easier for the both of you. And also rely on family and Close friends when you need a shoulder.
Hope this helps

45 auto

Be proud support him he's a brave Honorable person, He volunteer this make him 1 of the best I'm to old or i would be there.We support him and all the military for there courage, strength in keeping this country an country's that we are supporting.Some feel that our kindness is a weakness and don't support our troops. There misguided . please give your husband our support and our thoughts are with him always God Bless Him An his family.

Spider2099

Have him call you every chance he gets. Continue to be perfectly honest with him about everything and ask that he does the same for you. FRG really is a good program. Be socially active. Praying never hurt, either.

rleo

Set up regular way of communication, via e-mail snail mail etc.
It will give both a routine.
Try some outside support groups or if you are near other spouses support one another. Yes the frg can be a little political depending on your base or non existent if you are a guard family.
Try to find someone who's gone through it already that you can trust as it will be nice to hear that someone else knows exactly what you are feeling, and sometimes why.
Remember communication and routine can be your friend.
start a countdown calendar and start plans now.
Good luck to both of you. and remember the hardest job in the military is the spouse

ASHLEIGH P

if you choose not to get involved with the frg then try maybe working more or part time or finding a hobby or something you like to do that takes time. best thing to do during deployments is to keep yourself busy not watching the news helps and being around family or friends also helps but if another state with little people who you are close with i would suggest you find something to occupy yourself or go for a walk or whatever you enjoy. good luck i know it seems like forever but at the end you'll see that it wasn't that bad.

Jennifer S

Why wouldn't you utilize your FRG??? That's their JOB--to help spouses/families COPE with deployments...duh. Their job is to equip you--mentally, emotionally, financially....my guess would be that either you've just decided that they're not worth your time (big mistake as you'll miss out on info being passed on at each meeting), you don't like someone there, or you just won't give them a chance.

And I would never suggest drinking as a way of coping with any stressful situation.

Go to www.myarmylifetoo.com--there's some suggestions there, and resources.

wilderwriter

Is there a wives' club on your Base / Post? There should also be support activities through your husband's unit. How about a church i your town?

Rawbert

Take some fun college classes. Meet some new friends (maybe from the college classes you are going to be taking) and try to keep you mind off of it. Find a hobby that will help pass the time.
It's going to be rough and lonely at times, but don't give up hope and faith.

sweetie

My friends and I just go on with life the way we did when they was in Basic and AIT. Just think of it as, what are we goin to do when he comes home. It helps so you have something to look forward to. Get some friends, not alot of people you hang out with once in a while, but someone who is goin thought the same things and can be there for you all the time. It doesn't sound like great advice but it really does work.

Critter

Well, the easy answer is the Family Readiness Group but it's really hard to stay active with them when you're far away. I'd still try to keep in touch with the FRG or your ombudsman especially if you are planning to attend any homecoming activities. If you stay in touch at least you'll know what's happening.

Support is really important. You need to build a support system for yourself. If you're close to family they're a good start. Friends you make through school or work or church or professional groups are great, too. But you want to find people who you can do things will AND people who aren't afraid to step in and lend a hand when you need it.

Civilian friends and family are great but they don't always understand some aspects of military life. You might want to look online for military spouse support groups. I started a Yahoo Group for our FRG and I know several other Navy subs that maintain them. If your DH's unit has one that would be one way to get military support and stay in touch with the command support group. But Yahoo and MySpace both have multiple groups that aren't FRG related. You may even be able to find some that have spouses in your area for real life support too.

You can also check for support groups anywhere you already network. (iVillage used to have a pretty active military families community.)

Some other online groups maintain forums for all military members and families. A few of the bigger ones are http://www.sgtmoms.com/home.asp, http://www.cinchouse.com/, and http://www.military.com/Community/Home/1,14700,GENERAL,00.html.

The other half of staying sane through deployment, at least for me, is staying busy. I usually start larger cross stitch or sewing projects then. Or redecorate and rearrange the house. Or take classes, volunteer, sit for friends... Whatever it takes to stay busy because then the time passes more quickly.

â™¥ missing a soldier in Iraq â™¥

i was in your same position. i went through a deployment with my fiance and i stayed with my parents while he was away. i was not near an army base and i wasnt able to take advantage of FRG cause we are not maried. it is hard and im not going to lie to you. there are many sleepless nights and many nights you cry. however it will be ok and he will come home to you. the days will pass. the most important thing to do is to keep busy. i used to send him letters and packages all the time. it made me feel good to be able to do things for him. it is important that u write at least one letter a week so that everytime it is mail call he gets something. there is nothing worse than to see all the guys get stuff from home and u get nothing. send tons of pics!! also i sent my fiance a bear from build a bear and i put a little voice recorder in it so he could push it and hear my voice whenever he wanted. also communications have been set up and are pretty good for the most part. they have access to computers and phones mostly whenever they want. i talked to my fiance everyday on the phone and he had a laptop and we talked all the time and we even had webcams so i got to see him.there are blackouts where no communication is allowed so he might not talk or write to u for a few days. most important dont panic if he doesnt call, missions are rough and they never know what will happen. there were many times my fiance would tell me he would be back from a mission at a certain time and he would be back alot later.i have tons of experience in this so feel free to email me if u need to talk.

me_08

1. Build a good support network both military and non military.
2. Stay in contact with your military unit, point of contact.
3. Join a wives group? Sometimes it's great to vent to women who understand where you are coming from, also helps that you can speak confidentially.
4. DECIDE to enjoy your time apart. Do something you wouldn't normally do-start a new hobby, do a new education programme, learn a new sport or better still, upskill!
5. Take advantage of the time you have apart - even though you will be sad, accept the fact that life won't be the same for you for 15 odd months and make the most of it!
6. Understand that he will have issues of his own while he's away from you and also understand that sometimes telling him everything that goes wrong is not going to be helpful. Whilst honesty is a good policy; venting to him - who cannot change things from where he is - may put more pressure on him than you realise. Be fair; you'll miss him but at least you are in the safety and familiarity of your own home and country with people who love you.
7. Prayer never hurt anyone.

hanibal turkey

druing deployments stay infromed but not too infromed dont watch cnn like you said.

the best thing to do is keep busy keep your job find a good hobie that you like and stay too it (i put together model cars). it is good to find a few good freinds and women preferably one out of the same unit so you can still stay in the know of what is going on and go to lunches and diners together and what not. go do some out doors stuff if you want i live in germany so i like to play tourist on the weekends go to the gym and things like that. dont get your self too busy you want to be home when your sweetie calls but dont sit by the phone waiting all the time either.

the military offers great spouses scolar ships and stuff for school and you can take them online at home i go throught maryland university i take two clases at a time just a lil someting to better myself while he is gone and i never have to leave home and they count like any college credit would.

im sure you know to stay out of bars and clubs buy now dont get involved with anyone that you may feel will get you introuble and the works you will do just fine

i would suggest getting your sweetie a labtop and a lil cam it is cheaper than the phones and you can see him every day on the cam that is if you know he will have net connections where he is going most FOB's(post) in iraq do.

husband is deployed right now

check out http://www.estripes.com/ its the military news paper it is free to view online it keeps me well infromed on things but not to the point of stressing me out you will do just fine just keep on doing what you are doing

Okay I"m going to help defend you on the FRG....If some of you did NOT know..not all FRGs are that great....the (mostly) women are there to gossip and start stuff with each other..OR they think they are too good to help you...As I was told BY MY FRG LEADER..I was needing to go to the ER and had no family or friends near me and needed someone to help me with my 3 year old daughter " We have our own lives to deal with..you are on your own"!!!!!

Anthony Penn

Hey,

I was deployed to Iraq a couple of years ago. My wife made goals for herself and my son who was only a couple of months old. Try making goals and achieving them.

For example,

Working out, join a gym and see if you can lose weight or even if you dont need to see if you can get in better shape, run faster or whatever. She would also do things around the house she would set goals for when she wanted to have certaing projects around the house done .
But what is most important is you have to have some people around you that are going through the same thing. You wont be able to explain to most of your friends what your going through because most of them wont understand . I would suggest you do get involved in different groups that maybe just meet once a week or maybe theyre in a more social envrionment but you have to stay positive and busy. I hope this helps a little.

pedro

pray....pray and pray...you will never go wrong

CGAA72

Support him and try to be there whenever he calls/emails. Chances are, he'll have a limited amount of time to communicate with you.

Stock up on his favorite things-snacks, magazines, etc to send him care packages every couple of weeks.
<I'll send you a seperate email on some tips.>

For you, the last thing you want to do is sit around and think about worst case scenarios. If you don't already have a job, you can get one P/T or F/T. He'll probably call you at night our time, so you won't miss his calls.

PS-Joining the support groups is also a great idea.

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