How can I deter my son from joing the army?

Alex :)

I reckon you have time on your side. You're very much in the right to convince him to stay in for A levels and after those he may well want to go to uni upon seeing his friends/ peers applying, plus youv'e got a good three years to gently work on him.

I completed A levels and went to university for six months before dropping out and joining the infantry and then subsequently transferring to the RMP. My mother was absolutely gutted and totally terrified of what i intended to do but she hid it as best she could and supported me in my choices. I've now been in for four years and am a corporal working on an RMP Close Protection team in Baghdad.

Whilst my family are still worried for me, they are immensely proud of what i do and in those four years i've learnt so much. Im now looking into leaving the Army and going back to uni to become a teacher, so it goes to show there's always time for uni etc, especially with your son wanting to join young. He wont necessarily want to be in the army for ever.

There is always that element of risk, and as a mother that will always play on your mind. No amount of statistics or facts i could give you will ever get rid of that. However, support him, like you said before, and you'll take great pride in your son's achievements. This, in some small measure, will help to make the worry that bit more manageable. Hope this helps.

Digger

He's still got three more years before he can join without a guardian's signature. Give him time. By then he will either change his mind or strengthen his resolve. When he's eighteen he can do what he wants and you won't be able to stop him from serving his country. Be proud that you raised a strong-minded, patriotic son.

Edit: After re-reading your question, you're not in the US? He can join at fifteen years old in the UK? Nonetheless, sounds like you raised a fine boy.

Byte

Well I think joining the army will give him a good start.
They are taught a whole new aspect on life.
Yes there is always a risk but I think he will turn out more of a rounded individual for it.
Whichever way you look at it there are risks with everything in life. Give him all the facts good and bad and respect his decision .Perhaps visit the army cadets office with him to see they give him a balanced veiw of life in the army.

Good luck
he will make the best choice for him

Michael K

i was the same way...after 18 years old...it is not "your choice"...sorry you asked and i was honest...my mom tried to prevent me and it just motivated me more...i have been to combat 3 times...i think maybe it's just something that certain people are destined to do...my other two brothers are getting ready to retire from the army...i led the way....they are both younger...it's not everyone...but if all mom's done that...we would have no freedom my mom is now passed away...but she loved her "boys for serving"..i know it hard as a mom..good luck in your dilemma

neoconammo

You are so lucky to have a son at 15 that is showing signals of becoming a good man, His life will be his life and the military builds good men and women, ones with integrity and determination. training will increase his chances of survival. think what his life would be like if he was wanting to be a crack dealer or a gangsta rapper?

suziejoy

my daughter too was adamant that she wanted to join and when she was 17 she did it wasnt all about fighting and war she had excalent training (nursing the Q.As) and it set her up for life met loads of good friends and learned her to be a responsable adult she only did the three years but she looks back now at the experiance as a vey possitive one dont worry 2 years is a long time to wait and he may just change his mind meanwhile theres no sense in projecting your worries and concerns

Mahal

Why not let him do what he wants?

Being in the cadets at school is actually worth a promotion if he ever joins. Since he's only 15, no military service will even look at him for another 2 years.

Lollipop

You can't because once he reaches a certain age, his life is his own with which to make his own choices and decisions.

It may come as little consolation but you only have to read the news these days to see there are far worse things for a 15 year old to be into than the Army Cadets. I went to a school that was closely linked with the Air Force Cadets. You may be pleased to know that most of the cadets with high hopes at 15 of joining the forces, had a change of heart before they reached the age of joining.

Perhaps you could encourage him to study and go to Uni so he could join at a higher rank than squaddy level. This would give him more time to think about things.

The more you try to discourage this desire, the more strongly he will fight for it. Your best bet is to remain neutral and support him where needs be.

Even if you do manage to talk him out of it, how will you cope with him resenting you for stopping him from carrying out his childhood dream?

Rouge Rocker

The worst thing you can do is to try to stop him. He'll resent it and do it any way. The military is a good thing for a young man. He'll learn valuable life lessons and get an education. Be supportive but let him know how you feel. Remember he's growing into a man......

rabidliberal

He is only 15. One good idea, is to try to guide him to go to college and then the military. A college degree will give him better opportunities, no matter where he goes.

blisskissbabe

i guess if he's so desperate you should let him join or he may never be happy just tell him all the risks and leave it for him to decide.

gary b

Their is nothing more self-fulfilling than serving your country!! You should be the proudest woman alive to have a son that at a young age has an adult mind!! he has a lot more courage than all the soft lefties that only live off what serviceman have done to make their butts able to live in a free society

CLIVE H

Nothing you do will change your son's belief that he is going to join the Army and be a soldier.

Most soldiers become so from a childhood ambition. Since your son is a member of the Army Cadets, there is little doubt that this has had a major influence on him while he has been growing from a boy into a man.

My grandfather served with the British Army in the Boer War when he was 16, only a year older than your son is today. In WW-One, hundreds of 16 year olds fought in the trenches.

I joined the British Army aged 15 in 1957 and was finally demobed in 1965.

quasar

we all worry about our sons, support them as much as you can,
i had 4 sons in the army just two in now all done Iraq or Afghan
at least once, always glad when they get home & try to make a big thing of them coming home,also listen to the worrys they have while on tour,

Aries

I admire you son for wanting to serve his country, so many youngster don't want to work, yet alone do this type of difficult and dangerous job. All you can do is voice your concerns, at the end of the day it's his decision on his future. I am just so sorry that our Government are not treating our soldiers in the way that most people feel they should. Your son is a very brave young man.

dlancelot

We'll cover a few of the basics of psycology here..but before I give you the right answer...a few things to cover:

1. Do you really want to deter your son from doing something he may love? that he may never find something like this again?

If you can answer yes to that and sleep at night and be able to look yourself in the mirror...then proceed...if not, give your head a shake, and go hug your son, and tell him you love him no matter what.

Psycology time...

Will putting horifying pictures of lungs and such on packages of cigarettes deter smokers or wanna be smokers? psycology says a big fat NO...so will showing your son amputated legs, etc. deter him from something he's interested in...NO...

What you need to do is slyly divert your sons interest...find out what he likes about the army...the cadets, etc....could it be the comradery? the feeling that he's part of something bigger?

show him an alternative without him knowing what you're doing...what about the freemasons? another local club or organization where he will feel part of something bigger? is his i.q. quite high? what about Mensa? there are so many other avenues a young man will enjoy besides video games, gas powered R.C. car racing...

JayEleven

If he intends to go onto do his A levels,. Then he will have the opportunity to join th T.A. .

This will give him the chance to get a better idea of what military life can be like, without the commitment of signing up for 3 years.

And once he has had a taste of what it can be like in the armed forces he may change his mind.

Saying that the fact that he wants to be an MP, would mean a good chance of not being in the frontline....

Amy S

At 15, he's got some time before he formalizes a commitment like this. But also, he's at an age where he's finding his own way in life. As a military mom, I can sympathize with your concerns, and I can also assure you that there are many benefits to military life, for those young men who feel driven to enlist.

As a military mom it is my job to do my crying and worrying outside of his knowledge... to not burden my son with my own emotional stuff. It's also my job to be my son's cheerleader through life... to support him in ALL his decisions, those I agree with and those I don't. In the end, that support will mean more to him than any well-meaning advice I would ever give.

If you support his decision now, then when the time comes to enlist, you will have more ability to help him choose a career path, because he will know you don't necessarily agree, but you support his decision and want the best for him. If you don't support him now, he could very likely enlist and choose a career path without your involvement. Choosing a career path is critical to smart enlistment. In the US, if a recruit joins with an "open" contract or an "infantry" career path, he will definitely see those things you fear the most. If he chooses a non-combat career path, he would most likely be placed in less threatening assignments.

He's testing his wings and he needs your support, mom. It's time to make a decision you'll need to stick to for the rest of your lives.. whether you're going to continue to control his decisions or whether you're going to honor his desire to serve his country... and the other decisions he'll make along the way.

I wish you the very best... and tell your son "Thank You" from me... for his desire to serve his country.

srracvuee

of course you worry Madleeds he's your son but dont blunt his ambitions if that what he wants to do then support him and i'm sure you will//Iwas in the army 6 years and at the sharp end most of the time and i came back to my wife as i went and that was WW2 so dont worry lovey he'll be OK and its a great life if you have your heart and soul in it

wondermom

Let him do what he wants. However many of the recruiters are making the military sound better then what it actually is, I have heard so many people complaining about it. So Let him join but let him also go to a couple of miltary funerals. Also take him to a VA hospital near you. If someone is going to make a choice they should see all sides of the coin. Not just the sign on bonus and the career opportunties. This way he knows that not everyone comes back alive, not everyone comes back with all body parts.
My son has decided to join the military however I made sure he knows all sides of it. Not just the positive side. He has decided he still wants to join and of course I don't want him to die or get hurt. Gee I worry if he get home late. Afraid something has happen. . But there is also a side of me that's proud that he wants to service his country. He knows what the risks are and still feels it's his duty to put in his service.
I think you have done a great job teaching your son love of country. If you show him the negative that can happen, and he still decided to join, be proud in the fact that he loves his country and wants to serve.

finbar3131

sounds like he's going the officer route if he is cadet and planning on college. if that is the case, don't worry because officers make all the money, get all the awards, and never face any danger.
if he plans on enlisting, that is a whole different story, but not hopeless. make sure he doesn't become a grunt, a scout, or a sapper. that way he'll be a poge and he'll never go on missions. sure, trading your dignity for safety sounds harsh, but 91% of the army never goes on actual military missions. the other 9% of us do all the dangerous stuff and watch the rest get hero treatment. sounds bad, but it's a small price to pay for self respect.

pasquale garonfolo

You might try to show your son some more plausible alternatives for him in civil life to live and to serve himself and the community than just working in the Army. But if it is his fiercy vocation to go and join the Army, there is nothing you may do other than just hoping and praying for the best, for his safe survival.

The Army seems to be a necessary apparatus at the service of the Country, of every country in the World. Many thousands, even millions, of people have to join the Army in order to try to defend their Country and their Community. Everyone in the World may be exposed to this possibility, directly with his own life, or indirectly.

Sometimes the love to one's children is what of most valuable that is left for parents in this life and as their projection into the future. One's children's concrete and safe life may definitely appear to come before one's own life. It is as if one would rather lose her/his own life than the beloved child's life.

But, about life, and the always imminent risk of losing it, people try to sublimize, to transcend in several ways. Some may say that it is good to die as a Hero for one's own Nation, to give one's own son's life for the good of the Nation,

others, like for instance Jesus Christ, declare that one must not love one's own life, that one must not bluntly be attached to one's own life, otherwise he may lose it.

Good luck!

Sammer

Your boy is willing to put his body between you and war's desolation, to paraphrase the song. He's a good kid, and you should be proud of him.

He's also 15, so he has time to think about it.

Thank you for making the sacrifice of giving your son for the protection of the rest of us, our children, and their way of life.

bashsd2004

you can ask him why he want to join, if he think he want to make this world better. let him try, if it is only after western films ideas you can advice him there is a difference between dreams & facts.

tammipup

I would be far more worried, if you were NOT concerned, for your son's safety, - that's a parent's "JOB"! But, - don't worry, - as others, before me, have said, - he cannot join up, for at LEAST THREE YEARS, yet! And, even, if he DOES join up, - there are many months of TRAINING, to undergo, before he achieves his aim! For him to achieve officer status, though, will NOT be easy, at ALL! It means, that he will require far LONGER training, than non-commissioned soldiers. And, there IS, of course, the possibility, that, - although, HE "WANTS" Sandhurst, - "SANDHURST" may NOT "WANT" HIM! How would he cope with the disappointment IF that happened? From YOUR viewpoint, THAT is the "BEST CASE SCENARIO"! Would he be CONTENT, to join the "RANK AND FILE"? I don't KNOW him, - so, I cannot TELL!

In the END, though, - if he still wants to go, when he REACHES eighteen, - the fact is, that you can do NOTHING, to STOP HIM! I am SORRY, if that was NOT what you wanted to HEAR, - but, THEY are the FACTS!

May I wish you, - ALL, - good luck, for the future!

Swarm

Apart from the obvious your 15 year old son might not be what the army wants lady. And if he is accepted he will certainly be put where the army wants him. There is honour serving in all corps, all are equals, regardless of any bar room bullying. But thats just men having fun. Studying on may pay off for the type of jobs open to him when he enlists...

hollilynn

I think that if he wants to go then you should support his decision.
I lost my fiance who was deployed in the military and it was very painful for me but I also know how much he loved his career and his cause. He would have never changed a thing.
By the time your son is actually old enough to join the current situation overseas will be history.
The military teaches morals, strength, endurance, commitment, love and so many other positive things.

Stone K

Honestly you should be proud of a son who is willing to serve his country and it's people. you should not dissuade him.

but being 15 he hasn't experienced life yet, he may change his mind in due course, but if he does not you should support him and be proud that he has a character few people today seem to possess.

Personally if he can make it in to Sandhurst then he deserves a great deal of respect.

francis f

i decided at the same age to join the britsh military and can honestly say that i dont regret it, at the age of 19 i was posted to northern ireland for 3 years and although my mother was the same as you, worried she accepted the fact that it was my life and had to allow me to live it.
if your son is wanting to join the rmp(silly boy) he would have to wait a further two years before being allowed as that is their minimum age limit however if he joined as an engineer or similair trade once he was eighteen he could ask for a transfer to the rmp.
i hasten to add by working against him you are merely fuelling his desire to join, if you show support and enthusiasium he may start to think a little more seriously about it and then you may be able to bring him round to joining another branch of the armed forces a little less active than the rmp.
hope this helps.

dew

What's wrong with letting him join the Army? It's a heroic thing to do, and it teaches tons of discipline. I was in the Navy, and it did a lot of good for my life. It taught me a lot of things, and kept me in line.

ukdan

He can't apply until he is 15 and 9 months and he needs you to sign for him.

You should go to the Armed Forces Careers Office with him and chat to one of the recruiters.

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