How much do you change when you get out of the military?

crazyhorse19682003

There can be many reasons; one could be that the military is very structured; you have patterns and routines for just about everything you do. When I first got out and there wasnâ€™t that structure there, I felt a little lost and directionless. Your husband could also be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, I can speak from experience I had some things happen that took years for me to come to terms with. Also when deployed you are surrounded by other soldiers 24/7 you begin to think, talk, and even act differently, it is something you canâ€™t understand without experiencing the close bonds that develop between soldiers in the field. I had friends in the military that I only knew less than 8 months but I knew them better than anyone I had known in my life as a civilian. I miss that, the camaraderie that you had in the military and you just donâ€™t find it in civilian life.
You and your husband are in my prayers, I hope you can find a way to communicate with each other and I hope he is able to transition into civilian life.

Centurion529

Depends on your state of mind and what happened to you in the military. I'm an infantryman, I volunteered for Force Recon
I spent 18 months at war and sleep like a baby, but I can honestly say I haven't done anything I'm ashamed of. And I'm happily married for 7 years and counting.

Give him time he's been threw allot just listen and try to be understanding. Hang in there it'll be worth it in the end (unless he hits you, that's a horse of another color). If he had the decency and courage to join up and fight he can't be all bad.

WOW!! since my discharge I've become quite the counselor!

Stormchaser

No, it is common, especially if only one spouse was in the military. The civilian spuse does not really understand their demeaner. They only know the soldier.

Big B

Not coincidence, not caused by the army either. It was probably the prolonged distance for the couples.

BK thang

I hope it was a coincidence, because a lot of my feelow soldiers already have kids. Now both of your friends got i and out of military probably still young. Then again you need to understand once you in you get payed more for being married and have kids so you never know they both have been married for money purposes. Its called contract marriage.

Mutt

I was in the Navy, and there does seem to be a higher divorce rate in the military than in the general public. I think it has to do with the separation that married couples experience. We would go on WestPac (western Pacific deployment) for 6 months at a time. The spouses would learn to be more independent than they were before, since they now had to do everything themselves. This would cause problems after the ship returned.

I'm not blaming the spouse for learning to function with her husband away. I'm also not blaming the Navy (or any other branch of the service) for sending him away for so long. It's just that their marriage was not "compatible" with military life. There are also a lot of marriages that succeed in this type of environment.

Problem is they have to enter the real world and earn a living , pay rent mortgage etc etc.The military douse everything for them when they are married in there.

uswhiskeycharlie

If you look at statistics divorce is very common in the military. Especially in the Marine Corps who boasts the highest percentage. I personally know of 3 people, 2 are divorced after they got out. But the last one is still married because he waited until after his four year contract was over before he got married. So the odds are against marriage here, not coincidence.

As for how much do you change? Quite a lot actually. It is very hard to adjust to a new way of life and everything is so much more different. It is very hard to explain. I find it to be like going to a different country people act, talk, and think so differently. It can be a very big culture shock and you may miss the military life. That's where differences come up and cause friction in a marriage. Also trying to find money because all of a sudden there are more bills to pay. Rent for the apartment, electricity, water. And as we all know finance is a big starter of arguments in a marriage.
I hope this helps and if you are getting out go to a Transition class it WILL HELP YOU! No lying. And if you are already out, take a deep breath and relax. Military people are known to adapt in all situations. Civilian life is no different, take your time, re-learn how to live, and adapt.

Loren H

The thing about the military is you are away from your spouse for long stretches of time so after your out that's when you realize that you can't stand being around them....I saw that a lot

Lionel M

I dont know Im still in Iraq right now this is my 3rd tour of duty and hopefully my last,and cant even think about living with my family as a normal person,I will probably seek help once i get back there if im still alive

ShoBzOne

All depends on the individual. I became more pro military after I got out in '81.

George O

It's a sad thing. I spent 20 years in the U.S. Marine Corps and after I retired it was hard to get used to civilian life. After 3 years my wife and I divorced. But it was for only 6 months. We remarried and have been married since. I think that because when I was in the service, every so often, around 2 years, I was given a set of orders. We would be separated for 13 months and than reunited.

After I retired, I think I was waiting for the orders (that would never come) and it frustrated me, causing me to become mean and agitated. But, we survived and now have been married for over 50 years.

I'd say coincidence. My previous boss was a fighter pilot with the Canadian military (and maybe that's why it's different - who knows) but he and his wife were married at a young age, had 2 children and are still married to this day (he has since retired from the military but served for a number of years).
Truth is, depending on what you've been through during your service and if you've gone thru the process of rehabilitating to your natural surroudings, there is a chance you would have changed. But in any relationship you can never expect the other person to be the same as they have always been, we are human after all, we are an ever evolving species. It's up to both people to work on making their relationship what they want it to be (to have a common vision, a foundation) and if it doesn't end up being what each person had hoped for it's probably best that it end. Being apart from your significant other (while they are in military service) can be a challenge....
-Just to add to my response: isn't there a program within the military that helps soldiers and such when they return to their normal society?-

porterhouse

most marriages end in divorce especially after a deployment...deployment does change a person. you may not notice it or you might but there is change.my best advise is to be patient and be there.nothing like coming home and everybody trying to be like all is good and the way it was before.im not saying to baby the person or anything like that.just remember where they were and try to understand

PG1626

There is definitely a change in people when they come back from war. They may become withdrawn form life and not be the person you knew. Your best bet it to try to get him out and doing fun things as quickly as you can and try to wait it out. Do not point out all the changes in him as soon as he gets back. It make take a while for him to get normal as he might have seen or been a part of some disturbing stuff.

poseidenneptune

Yes, alot of times guys in the military get married out of fear of not having something stable in their lives. We live very crazy lives and everything is constantly changing, I think they get married because it gives them a constant in their life. When they get out, everything slows down and they have time to think about what they're doing, and alot of times they realize they didn't make the right decision. Its sad, but happens all the time.

biggestperlnerd

It's probably that the people who chose to go into the service later regret wasting their life and once they get out, they feel they need to change their paths to make up for lost and wasted time.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: