I am getting married to a man in the US Army and am concerned about relocating and leaving all that i know-?

BJJ Chick

If you are not ready to support your soldier and move wherever you need to, you are not ready to be a military spouse. You don't have what it takes. Don't take that personally, it's a tough job and not everyone is cut out for it. It is more than just being a wife, it is sacrificing everything to be there and support the man you love, knowing that what he's doing for his country is more important than what you could ever do alone.

Also in a military marriage there are going to be enough separations just from trainings, missions and deployments. You don't need to add more on your own.

To answer your question, the military is not going to pay for you to live separately from your husband if you are able to live with him. That will have to come out of you own pocket.

SFC_Ollie

When my wife and I got married I was on orders to Germany. She packed up and moved to a whole different Country.

How much do you love him?

Olan Black

If you chose to stay home, these are some issues:

he may have to maintain 2 households. by regulation if he is married he can't live in the barracks unless he is stationed in a place that dependents can't go, some units are more lenient and may let him live in the barracks, but if there is a shortage of space, out he goes.

Just being away, near every military base there are women that would love no more that to get a military guy, and have him spend a little of his check on them. If he is young (early 20's) he would almost have to become a monk and stay at home.

Think long and hard, I am sure your comfortable at home, but don't be scared to try something new. it will be a real eye opener to you and may be the best thing you have done (you can go to school, and you get first dibs on jobs on post, daycare is easy and cheap, plus there are a lot of other women in the same position to help you out_

darwinsti

Only speaking from experience, i didn't marry my high school sweetheart before he went to boot camp. I regretted it because absence does not make the heart grow fonder, absense makes the the eyes to wander.... If you love him he will be your family now. Go with him wherever he goes, you won't regret it trust me.

rec

well no that wont work.
they wont let him live on post AND give him BAH...

if that were the case even more and more and more people would get married w/o love and having to live together.

living with your husband is one of the great joys of marriage.

john w

Dear Confused:
You certainly are! These are 'basic' questions that you should have already figured out the answers to long before you ever made the decision to marry into the service. That is what you're doing by the way, Marring into the Service. Way back in the 'Bad Old Days' the saying used to be, 'If the military had wanted you to have a [spouse] we'd have issued you one in basic!' Things have improved drastically since then, but the analogy still holds. If you expect your marriage to last, you will shut up, get up, pack up and PCS (Permanent Change of Station) when your husband does. That is all.

Fatboy

If you're not going to go live with, and support this soldier, don't marry him.

k9copsgrl

Oh I have been there sister! You only have to go to another state? But while my man was away, we got orders to go to GUAM! That's like, a billion miles from all that I knew. I had to go to base and take a class from the family services center how to go about scheduling the move. It was scary. We ended up living on base, which turned out to be nice cause everyone was real close, and to this day I keep in contact with many friends we made. And it is good to leave and see different things and meet new people! You will probly go through the phases, though. First fear about the move, then frustration once there dealing with moving in, then slowly depression may set in cause you have to find a new job, your family is far away and you don't know the area. But after a while you will get that job, you will get new friends and eventually learn to like the area, I go through it every few years and now I can't wait to go to new locations. And it is only for the years he is in, cause when he gets out you will settle in one place, but be able to say "yeah, we travelled here and here and look at all the photo's and I have so many memories....". I know this doesn't answer some of your questions but I hope to ease you nervousness a little. And travel now if you can, cause like I said, one day he will be out and many opportunities will be gone. I saw some beautiful places overseas, places other people save all their lives to go see. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Good luck with your move and if you ever need an email pal...I'm here!

westielove

If you are not ready to leave everything and be with your military man, maybe you should reconsider getting married at all. This and so much more is all part of being a military wife. Like some say, it's the toughest job in the military. So talk it all over with your future husband before you get married so you can be sure you're making the right decision.

Anyhow, if you do decide to get married and you stay behind, no the military will not provide you with housing if your husband is already getting base housing there and therefore using up his BAH. You could get the money instead if your husband lives off base then you guys could split the BAH for both your living expenses. That will be very expensive, though.

Keith M

You two really need to talk about this a lot. It is very difficult . If you are not happy he will know it and there will be nothing he can do and this could effect his performance as well in his unit. If you decide to wait to get married it would be to ease that problem of relocating and then being left alone if he is deployed, or you staying home which I don't think is healthy for a marriage either.
On the other hand if you must get married you must be supportive to him in whatever arrangement you both decide. It is tough either way. It is tough. It is tough.

Marine5

Hmmm...This is an oxymoron...???
You say you Love this Soldier...???
Yet you don't want to Live with him...???

How can that be ???

You want all the benefits with
NO COMMITMENT !!!!

Personally think you are far to immature
to get married..seems you are still
into the ME ME's...instead of "WE"...

Save yourself the cost of a DIVORCE Lawyer
as this will NOT work on any level...
The Divorce Rate is already 80%...
For Service Members...

Have a GREAT day!

Listen, if youre really serious about marriage, sometimes you have to move. Its not a good idea to live in separate states and be married! Theres WAY more temptation to deal with when you are that far apart. Plus if you or him has a busy schedule, how often do you plan on seeing each other? I know its tough to leave everything you know, but youre starting a new life to your husband! As long as you are together, youll be totally fine. It will be scary at first, but you will definately get used to it. Wont you miss your husband being so far apart? No offence but being married and living in different states is stupid. Good luck!

knight

Its part of his job to travel like that. Either you get used to it, or you two don't have a chance in which case don't bother getting married.

Hilinenursegrl

I understand how you feel. When I was 19 years old my husband joined the Army and moved me from the small town where I lived my whole life to Texas, 1500 miles away! To answer your questions, no you would not be allowed housing if you stayed where you are. The housing is provided to the soldier and his family so if they provide him housing at his base they will not provide more housing for you in your state.

Also the fact that you are not married, you are not entitled to any benefits of housing, medical and what not.

I know this can be a difficult transition but there are many army wife support groups for women just like you going through the exact same things. And also those who are more experience in the Army wife role can offer support and advice. I was miserable when I had to leave but I made some very good friends and enjoyed life once I adjusted. Another thing to consider is what this kind of seperation would do to your marriage. Please reconsider your decision.

ANTHONY QUEST

You marry the Man along with the Army, my father was a pilot in the Air Force,Even though I was a child I loved France Germany, Hawaii ,etc On the other hand I hate the fact that my father sacrifice his life in Vietnam for not a really good cause Iraq Syndrome ,Politicians that only want to make money ,worst of all ever Bush /Cheney .puppet & puppeteer and the enforcer Karl Rove the crookest of all GOP operatives I only hope the next Administration (Obama) will lock his as* up :Clinton plays ball She only wants access to his /her scandals in the White House Years ! Bush Sr , Bill Clinton,Bush Jr (idiotic) now Clinton again ,Is there a monopoly to the White house ? Change is what we all need This Lanky fellow from Illinois remainds me Honest Abe his fate is sealed by many billionaires that want him dead

rottengraymatter

if you are under 21 you should consider putting off the wedding. The military will pay for off post housing or put you in on post housing. They may pay for your housing where you are but its doubt ful. If you really want to get married your going to have to move eventually.

Slutkiller

very simple answer: join the army, become a seargent disbann him from the army so that he has to move back home, then retire......DUH

ash2014

I had a question about marriage. My fiance gets out of basic and a.i.t in july. I start school in august i was wondering could we get married and me not go with him until i finish school. Another question was, did he have to get an apartment still or could he stay in the barracks until we get our place after i finish my schooling?

tifb 1

i feel better after reading what everbody said i am in the same situation i am getting married in April and moving at the same time. I am nervouse as hell but excited at the same time i have been with my army man for 4 years now the doesnt include just the 2 years we where friends. i cant see my slef with anyboby else. I feel like this is a next chapter of my life to grow and learn and be by my man and support him for what he does. i am sad though because i will miss my friends and family but when i look at it they can always come an and visit or we can vist them.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: