Is it rude to ask a lot of questions about a guy's job when he's in the military?

I live in Virginia Beach, which is a big military town. When I first moved here, I noticed that the girls in this town know lots of things about the military. These girls were usually on the prowl for a man to take care of them, so now I have it stuck in my mind that it's trashy to know too much. I've dated a few men in the service and I try not to ask too many questions. I listen to stories and ask questions if I don't understand the terminology.

Additional reasons include that knowing his rank, I could find out how much money he makes (which I think is trashy, his money is NOT my business) and maybe there are clearance issues and I'm not supposed to ask about things.

I just never know, so I don't ask too many questions. Should I ask more though? Am I being ruder not asking?

In all fairness, no one ever asks me much about my job.
Additional Details
Oh, the guy I'm seeing has lots of clearance. He works in intellegence. I shouldn't ask too much, right?

A K

Hey, I am in VA Beach too. And my husband is Intel, instructing here. He probably knows the guy you are dating lol. In any case, I don't think it is really the same as asking a civilian how much they get paid to ask rank. Yes, there are a lot of tag-chasers that do it though, and it gives the rest of us a bad name. Of course, if you know rank you know how much they get paid. But it would be the same as asking whether or not someone is a manager where they work. As far as Intel, my husband has been in this MOS for 16 years, and I can tell you, it really is one of the jobs where you can't ask too much. Actually, you can ask all you want, they just can't give a lot of details due to security reasons. At NMITC/MCIS (where he most likely works), things are a little more relaxed, and he will probably be able to tell you more about what he actually does. It's normal to want to know about it, the military can seem a heck of a lot more interesting than a normal job. Just don't be surprised if he can't tell you things. Just one of the many things I have had to get used to.

All that aside, it IS a good idea to know what he does, or at least what his MOS/billet is if you are going to get serious. Nothing is more annoying than a girl who has been dating a Marine (or other service member) for a while, and has no idea of what he does. It would be like saying your boyfriend works in fast food, and someone asking where, and saying that you don't know.

ssg/emt

There is nothing wrong with asking someone about what they do for a living. He is probably proud of what he does and will talk about it.

It is crossing the line if you push him to discuss any classified portions of his job, he isn't allowed to discuss anything classified and it makes it awkward for him if you keep asking.

If you ask something that makes him uncomfortable, he will either tell you or just avoid answering.

Teddy

I would say no. Most soldiers like telling people about what they do. CAN YOU TELL ME SOME CLEARANCE STUFF?>?!! ohh and if you ask him somthing, and he says he cant tell you never ask again.

Simba

You can ask all you want, but if he has a high clearance job just understand he will be limited in what he can say. Don't be offended if he can't tell you something. I also think it's alright to ask rank. You could be asking about rank because you want to know how long he's been in or how experienced he is. It doesn't necessarily mean you are wondering about money. I've asked people what rank they are.

Jemcrystal

Human Rule #1: Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Unless the individual is odd, most people love to answer questions about themselves. Most people love it when the spotlight is turned on them. But more specifically, I also dated a man who was in intelligence. He made it clear we could not talk about most (not all) of it. He was in Germany and he liked talking about the people he met there and on and on about the beautiful mountains. I'm so jealous (want to travel).

MSG Brad

I think if you are dating someone in the military you can ask them anything you feel comfortable asking them, but if they tell you that it is something they cannot talk about, you probably want to leave it at that. I do not think that it is necessarily wrong asking a person's rank or what they do, but if you stop dating someone because they are a private or truck driver, then shame on you. On the other hand if you meet someone that is 44 year old PFC, you might want to find out what their story is and what they did wrong.

Centa

Right, I don't think that you should ask too much. but if you do start out with "do you mind me asking about your job?" That way you can kind of warn him to let him know that you are about to ask about his work. He won't feel like it is something that he HAS to answer.

Richard M

Sure, you should ask questions. How will you ever find out anything about someone without asking?
Higher ranks do receive more compensation, surely, but a higher rank is also a demonstration of a person's ability, intelligence, ambition, and interest. Promotions are earned so that drive to succeed comes into it.
As to him being in intelligence, you can likely ask him anything you want. Just don't expect answers to all your questions.

...and where do you work?

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