Marriage process while at DLI?

I've googled but haven't found much. My boyfriend is at DLI and will be there four another year. Is there a special process while at DLI? I've heard about a 12 week course before or after marriage. However if he is busy with school I think a 12 week course is kinda silly.

Anywhoo just would like to know the INS and outs. I don't want it to be a stressful situation for him.
Additional Details
We have been together for four years, and I've visited Monterey twice in the past two months. We've spent 600+ on both trips.

Recently we've been growing stonger and stronger. But he has brought up this 12 week marriage course.

So is it better to just move closer and deal with the cahoots of getting married after training?

Will he have time after Monterey, at Goodfellow, for us to get married and me be placed on his orders?

He's going to be an airbourne linguist so I hate for him to not have time during Goodfellow and then he gets stationed over in Germany then we have a larger travel bill.

Thoughts? I don't want to take up time he could be training and studying. In fact, when I visit, I study with him. I just didn't want this to be tough on him.

SFC M

I met my wife at DLI, and we are still married. The key difference is, we waited until we were done with training to get married.

You need to consider very carefully what your reasons for marriage are.

Is it to get housing off post? (This is not a good reason)

Is it to get away from the Chain of command? (Also, not a good reason)

Is it because you are in a long term, committed, loving relationship? Then you might be OK.

I don't know anything about a 12 week course, but I'm Army, so it might be different for us. It sounds like a good idea. It wouldn't be 12 solid weeks of classes, it would be something like 1-2 nights per week for 12 weeks; just to make sure you really want to get married.

Good Luck

edit:

Thanks for giving us some additional insight.

I think that getting married would make a lot more sense for the two of you than it does for most trainees. You will probably not be able to follow him to Goodfellow, just because it is only a 4 month school; but you would be able to go with him to his first duty station.

Having a wife to come home to at the end of the day while at DLI may actually be a benefit to him, but the process of planning and executing a wedding while in training can be a little overwhelming.

I'm not sure about getting you added to his orders while at Goodfellow, his chain of command is best positioned to answer that question.

AF vet

I went to DLI. I know a lot about marriages at DLI, and I'm going to warn you that you probably won't like to hear what I have to say.... don't get married. However, I don't know your situation. All I'm saying is that every marriage at DLI that I saw (EVERY SINGLE ONE) has ended in divorce. It didn't matter if it was a boyfriend/girlfriend from back home, someone they met at DLI, etc. They have all ended in divorce. This might be anecdotal evidence, but the record is like 0-20 and it includes people I know that were there 15 yrs ago-2 yrs ago.
But if you want to get married, you do need to go through the chaplain's counseling (if you're Air Force at least) They implemented that rule when I was there to deter marriage. keep in mind they can't keep you from getting married, but without the counseling they don't have to give you housing allowance to live off base.
Just to reiterate, think long and hard about marriage at DLI. I thought it was a little bogus too. I met a girl there...we waited 3 yrs to get married (not like all the other "stupid" people), and my wife just asked me for a divorce. I swear that place is cursed, but good luck...don't be tainted by my negativity but also think this through.

Archangel

I don't know if the place is cursed, but AF Vet and majgross have it right. In my nearly 24 years, I only know of one actual DLI marriage that still exists. Even my current boss who was chief of language programs for DLI has been through one divorce. The only marriages that have lasted are with people who were married BEFORE their spouse came to DLI...and they were ALL Mormons.

One thing, any marriage counseling course that the military provides is NOT silly. If you have never been married to anyone in the military before, it can shed some light on some things that may have never come across your mind. There are many things you need to be aware of that a civilian marriage would not have to contend with.

We aren't saying don't get married, but be very sure of your reason why you want to do it now. There is no IF he's busy. He will have NO time for you at all for the entire year except during Christmas break. Most relationships there are destroyed by the lack of alone time. The school is for one purpose and one purpose alone. Relationships just get in the way.

BTW, the one non-Mormon marriage that I know that has lasted was because they were both military and actually waited until they finished at DLI (met there) and had gone to Goodfellow and knew they would be stationed together. She eventually got out of the military so that they could always be together. He stayed until retirement. So maybe even that marriage doesn't count as a DLI marriage.

majgross

There will be no restriction placed on a military member concerning marriage. It is very possible the Chaplain he has talked to has mentioned a religious policy imposed by your faith, but the military won't or at least shouldn't do that. And you are correct that he is very busy. Good Luck!

I just read AF Vets answer and he is correct about the chaplain's course on marriage. It is likely only a couple sessions and you don't have to take this course. Likewise no one can deny you housing allowance based on this course. Though it would not surprise me that it has been threatened. I can also echo his anecdotal data, but I will say that in my experience it has always been those who met at DLI that failed.

michelle06

My husband and I legally got married before he left for basic. My only question is, considering students have weekends off at DLI, would he be able to leave for 2 days (over the wknd) to have our actual wedding ceremony(in VT)? It's only because a lot of my family will be here and it would be nice for them to see us as we make our union more official.

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