My Significant Other wants to join the Military... please help?

ARMY STRONG!

Well if is pastion is truly the military, then let God say when the day is here. Leave it in Gods hands and explore the other services. Military life is not as bad as you see it now. I am married and been in the military as long as I have been married with two kids. It is what you make of it. You are the heart and soul of the relationship to keep it strong.

SSG Schramm
US Army 15 years
Married 15 years
Son 12 yo & daughter 10 yo
US Army Recruiter 2.5 years

Tom Jr

Should he join the Marine Corps, there will be times when he is away. Understand that you will not be entirely alone. The military has support structures in place to assist spouses during deployments and the like. Family Readiness Groups can and do help. Less formally, remember that your community will be made of families in your exact situation. People really do stand together here to help.

desertviking_00

If you cannot picture this world without him then marry him. After that, support his decision to join. It's his decision to make.

nitebearer

There are so many career paths through the military that front line combat can be a far thing. Depends on what he wants to do.

A nephew of mine has gone into the military and taken aircraft electronics and now has branched that into all areas of aircraft electronic devices. All this training has been at only 3 bases of which he was home quite a bit and they only moved to the base he is at now doing all the final training (it takes a few years). Even if there was a greater conflict he would be at a base far from the actual fighting doing repairs on the craft.

So discuss the career options available. Look at everything. A friend just joined and his apptiude test allowed him to chose the career he wanted out of 18 choices available (there are more but only the 18 required personnel). The children will have a different life with the moving, different schools and the different cities and countries.

hanibal turkey

try to get him to go airforce they rarely deploy unlike the army or the marines you must be married if you two have children other wise you and your children will not be taken care of by what ever branch he joins and you cannot move with him unless you are if he is joining my sugestio is to get married first before he leavs for basic

all branches of the military are respected but there is a reason the marine motto is the few the proud a marine has the toughest life and job out of all of the other branches tell him he needs to consider you and your family as well and not just him and his family on what is best for you two

you are right you do sound selfish but hes not considering you and including you in this decision tell him to look into the other branches and then you both can decide the right path to go

the military offers great benifits to family such as helth care college scalarships and much more its a difficult life it means being dedicated to your job 24/7 but it can also make life easier in ways too it is all on how you handle the military life my motto is not to make life any harder than what it is

Yak Rider

If you don't get married to him you WILL be a single parent should he join the Marines. The government will pay you no consideration whatsoever unless you are married.

Stephen H

If you are not married, as your phrasing seems to indicate, "been going strong for almost four years now", I would STRONGLY advise rectification of that little social lapse, as without it, in the mlitary's eyes, you are nothing, and have no entitlements, derive no benefits. I advise this, as it seems he IS going to go in. As to the whether or not thereof, that can only be determined by discussion bettween you two, with all factors weighed.

his woman giggling

The way you are stating this, you are not married. For the sake of the children and yourself, if he joins, get married first. That will get you some help while he is gone, you will be more welcome in military family events and the like. (To get married, you don't have to have a ceremony, just do what the laws of your state demand. My son just had to go to courthouse and get the license to make it official.)

skeezixgirl

If this is what he truly needs, you will both make it work. Your personal responsiblities will increase without him around, but you might also become a stronger person because of the situation. Remember to look at the whole picture and not just the immediate future of his time away from you. Like it or not, you both must be on the same path, with two children. He must understand the support you will need in dealing with your children on your own. Do not be afraid to tell him of your fears of anything happening to him. Likewise, try to understand from his point of view what this might mean for him in securing his future. It sounds as if you have done well, remaining together for four years and loved well, having those two children. Continue in the same spirit.

convoiceofreason

You say you have been going strong together. You don't say you are married. If not, he will not reccive extra money foryou and the children. You need to keep that in mind.That will make things even harder.
I was in the Marines for four years. The longest time I was away for 6 months. And that was only once. Many places have housing for families on the base Where that isn't available there is usually a place in town where most military families live. So you will be with others that understand the problems. If he decides to enlist. thanks in advance for his service.

Log-on to "thefew.com" and you can get answers to your questions from people who have or are now serving.

Barry auh2o

Could it be that being tied down with a familiy isn't for him? I note you didn't say "husband."

mnbvcxz52773

The military can be a wonderful life as well. I grew up in the military, I am now in the military myself now. As a child, you learn so much more about the world then living in just one place. You get to travel, you make great friends from around the world. Not to mention that DoD schools are generally better then public schools.

The military as a whole is much like a family as well. We pull together when things get hard, like during a deployment. People in the military, soldiers children and families generally learn to take on challenges.

As for death, it happens. No easy way to put. There are numbers of course. Only about 1% of Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, or Airmen deployed get wounded or killed, including lightly wounded. Sure that is all you read about in the papers, because those that live dont make a good news story. There is no difference in dying in a war zone, or just as likely dying in a car accident. Death is a part of life. It happens in the civilain world as well. It actually happens more in the civilian world. So being afraid of death is being afraid every day you live then.

Just like in anything, it will have its good days and its bad days. The big part of the miliary is that you are part of something bigger, as a member, or as a family.

Hokie

The military lifestyle is not easy. I would tell him your concerns and talk it out. This decision is ultimately his, but you will be a factor in his decision making process. My husband has been deployed many times and they don't get easier, but you do realize that you will get through them. There is support for military families. Alot of wives are willing to help especially during the first deployment. Plus with the Marines the deployments are usually 7 months instead of the 15-18 months that the Army has. I know that doesn't make it easier, but 7 months isn't as long as you think. Now that my husband's deployment is almost over, it seems like it wasn't that long ago that he left, but sometimes it seems like it won't end. I've spent that last 8 years being a Marine wife, and I enjoy it. I've met some great wives who have become my friends, but I also still have my non Marine related friends as well.

If you need anything, feel free to email me.

Dr Z

I can't condemn the man for wanting to join the military BUT... that is a decision that cannot be based on his desires alone. He must involve you in the decision and take into account what is best for his immediate family.
When someone joins the military.... it puts quite a bit of stress on the one who is left behind. The pay is substantially less than he is or could be earning in the civilian work. Also, if he is deployed.... the one left behind must now do the work of both parents.

I suggest you sit down with your significant other and have a heart to heart. What is potentially best for him might not be best for the family.

Ask him what would he think if the shoe was on the other foot and you joined and left him at home with two young children?

Whatever you two decide...God bless you both.

Semper Fi,
Z

jennie

I wont lie it is hard at times. My husband is in Iraq right now. And I have a 17 monh old son that I raise alone. It is hard times but I manage. There are times where they go in the field for weeks or work late. But it is not as bad as it seems. Yes when they are deployed you worry all the time. But I have so many friends and family members over there or who just got back. But when they are stationed somewhere when they do go out in the field my husband called a lot or sometimes go to come home for a few hours. It really was not that bad. And everyone there is really nice. I met a lot of army wives. Also the benifits and pay are good. You have medical and dental. You just have to be willing to spend nights alone and move if you have to. My whole family is military so I am use to it. But I respect every soldier and everyone who wants to sign up. Because they are doing what most people won't. And even if god forbid something did happen to him....You can tell your children that there father was a great man because he died fighting for our country. You should be proud he wants to fight for us. I know it is scary but if this is what will make him happy don't hold him back. Good Luck.

Aia S

Okay. My husband and I were planing on living together permanently when he joined. I was against it. I didn't want to be an army wife, stuck at home alone, while my other half (and now that he's gone, I realize he really IS my other half, and I am incomplete) is away for 15 months. I knew the life would be hard, and that the company we would be around would not be the intellectuals my husband and I are used to being around. However, it had been his dream since he was young, and he had this... idea of glory and greatness, that he was blind to how I felt, and what I thought. I knew that he would always wonder, always have just a little bit to hold against me, if I didn't let him join. So I told him that I would stand by him when he joined, but not if he signed a 6-year contract. So he signed a 3-year contract.

He's in the infantry, so our life is worse than most. When he was in the states, I never knew when he'd be home. He was tired all the time, and when he came home, he was aggravated and usually had prep work to do for the next day. Some days he wouldn't come home at all, and I wouldn't know why, and couldn't find out. When someone tried to break into my house, I was all alone, and his superiors would not let him come to me. Family life is hard for us, and I can't imagine how hard it would be with kids. I would be a single parent for all intents and purposes if we did. Right now he's in Kuwait, headed for Iraq, and is being denied medical care for a knee injury. I'm trying to help him find a way to get it.

The army has been a terrible mistake for my family, which I saw coming. Recruiters did not tell my husband the whole story, and he didn't try to find the whole story, so enthralled with military life. He's promised never to join again.

My advice:

Talk to him about it a LOT. Talk to other marine families. Research online, and tell him my story. At very least, if he's really set on it, take as short a contract as possible. My other advice? See if you can get him to wait until the war is over. Believe in the war or not, troops are over-worked, not taken care of, the weapons are broken or missing, and the tours of duty are long and frequently extended.

Please, please, send me an email or IM me, whatever you like, and I'd be glad to talk with you. I'd love to help a family avoid what I'm going through.

Silly World

Desertion is ground for divorce!
He's selfish and inconsiderate of you and your families lives.
He's one of these kids who wants to play all day.
Ask him what are his plans for you and the family while he's away

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