My girlfriend's pregnant, I have a full time job. Thinking to go active army, is this the right choice?

Brian

First, let me congratulate you on having a baby. It's the greatest thing I've ever done with my life and I'm more proud of it than I've been of anything in my life.

Next, let's get to your questions.

If you're truly in love with your girlfriend you should definitely get married. Not only because it's the right thing to do, but because the military won't even look at you when you have a child on the way out of wedlock. They consider you to be a single parent and they don't want to take a child out of the hands of a single parent.

It will have a tremendous impact on your family, both positive and negative. When you leave for basic you'll be gone for between eight and thirteen weeks depending on which branch you choose. So, you'll need to make sure that you both understand how the other feels about the absence and how you'll get through it.

In addition, you'll get health insurance for yourself, your wife and your child that is unmatched in the civilian world. You'll get a retirement plan, training that is worldwide renowned and a job to put on a resume that will make you stand out above your peers.

Check out each branch of the service before enlisting so you get a good scope of what you want to do. Each service has tons of different jobs and tons of different positives to it. Make sure you know what you want to do before you sign up.

As for your spouse living with you: She will be able to if you're stationed outside of a combat zone. This will be another plus of military life. You'll have military housing for your family on a secure military base. That means the lowest crime rates, lowest accident rates and great prices at the PX/BX/MX.

The effects on your family will be mostly positive so long as she's fine with you being away for long periods and working long days. If she really loves you, she'll respect you for working hard to provide for your family's future welfare.

Trust me about this, it'll be the best thing you ever do if your girlfriend supports your decision.

If you want to join and you wait until she gives birth then you HAVE to marry her. Until you do you are classified a single parent even if your girlfriend lives with you and you are disqualified from enlistment for active duty. You can join the Reserves without getting married but you get less benefits and you would need a family care plan. I would recommend talking to a recruiter so he or she can explain the different options available for you.

As for your relationship; if you don't want to get married but still want to go active there are ways around it but I can't elaborate on them. However, going in single means you won't get as many benefits and you will be living in the barracks. Your girlfriend can move next to the base you get stationed to but without marriage she won't have any benefits. If you and her are married you can either apply for post housing or you can get an apartment or house off-post and get extra money (BAH) to pay for it.

laurenmarie

There are several potential problems with this that you should consider before you jump into anything.

1. Its mid-April. You are probably not getting into the military before her due date and if they do allow you to quick ship and go sooner you will not get leave to come back for the birth if you are in BT or tech school. Is she ok with this and will your families support her and help her with the baby while you're gone?

2. Is she done with high school and old enough to marry you without parental consent? You're only 19 so its very possible that she's 16 or 17 and would have to drop out of school to be with you and/or have permission to get married.

3. The military would rather have single men and women and not those with families. You can get in but you may need waivers so it might be easier to just agree to child support and give her full custody (kid would also get health insurance) for a few months and get married once you are done with your training. I know people are saying that you can't join if you aren't married but that's not true, you just can't have sole custody of any kids.

Joining the military is a great opportunity and military families can be even stronger than civilian ones. Your wife and kids will be able to live with you at your duty stations when you are not in a combat zone and you'll be able to give them a lot of things

Pet

well first of all make sure you get a job you want. i hear so many soldiers saying they wish they had done something different. explore your options and do your own research.
yes, you should get married before enlisting.. IF YOU WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED ANYWAY. you will get paid extra for having dependents, and they will receive the benefits you already know about, if you are married. the army does not recognize or care about girlfriends or baby mommas. don't rush into it thinking it will solve all your problems, a failed marriage is not worth it, you will be separated, how long have you been together? can your relationship take this? it will be a strain. it's not easy being a soldier, or a wife. my husband and i have been married for almost 2 years, been together 4, and he has been in for over a year and we are stronger than ever. we were separated almost the whole first year of our marriage. it was hard but we worked it out. yes, she will be able to live with you, when you get to your first duty station. she may even be able to move with you during your ait if it's long enough, my 35n hubby's training was at goodfellow afb in tx and it was 6-7 months so we got to move with him. the benefits outweigh anything else, plus the privilege your wife gets being able to say she is married to a soldier, but like i said don't get married for the wrong reasons, we got married before he left because we were going to anyway and we had been living together anyway.
like i said it will be hard but it will definitely take care of your family. just do your own research please as far as jobs and enlistment pros and cons.
good luck on the little one, i'm sure you're scared, but trust me it's not half as hard as everyone makes it out to be, and when it is hard you barely notice cause you love them so damn much.

helper

The Army offers a lot of promise, especially for young people.

My fiance is active for 3 years in the Army, and though I am not pregnant, it is a guaranteed paycheck.

When he first told me that this was what he really wanted to do, I was against it because I was scared something was going to happen to him... (example: getting deployed) but then when I realized that this is really what he wanted and that he was doing it to give us a better future, I realized that I needed to support him. No matter what.

He is still currently in Basic Training, and we didn't get married before he left... we're still engaged.

If you two are serious about marriage, I would suggest it. You get more money per month, and then once you're stationed somewhere, she will be able to live with you. You don't have to have a big ceremony, just go to the courthouse and get married and then once you're done with your active term, you can have a big ceremony for your friends and family.

It is ENTIRELY possible to maintain a strong relationship while you're actively serving. If you two are fully committed to each other, it honestly isn't as bad as the two of you are probably imagining. I won't lie to you: the first couple weeks are very, very difficult. You're lonely and you're still used to each other being around. But once you start getting letters, you realize that your soldier is doing well, your girlfriend will be so proud of you.

Having the baby without you is going to be tough for her. But I'm sure she's a strong young woman, and as long as she realizes that even though you're not there currently, you're gone in order to build a good future for the two of you and your new baby. All of your hard work will be recognized by her, too.

The most important thing I can tell you is to make sure that she supports the decision. Don't leave her if she's iffy about it. You have to raelize that there ARE risks; but there are risks in everything in life.

The Army is a great idea for young families, though. Look into housing and things like that when you're all done, too.

Good luck to you and congratulations on your new baby! :)

Ccbh02

GET MARRIED BEFORE!! If you are not married, she will not have insurance, but I believe your child will ( i think ). You should know every single option you have for having a family and being in the military, and also if you are not married but have a dependent. I think it is possible for anyone who is truly in love to have a strong relationship while being active duty ( my husband is in the Navy and I haven't seen him since Christmas leave! I am also prego with our first baby due in July also! ) It is very hard at times, but it's a sacrifice we are willing to take! I beleive if you are not deployed then your family will be able to live with you wherever you go, simply because if you are married they will be on your orders. I can't say how it will affect her or your child because everyone is different and reacts differently in situations like these. Good luck with your decision!

ArmyWife

If you are married prior to enlisting, it would be easier in my opinion. If you are not married, she will not have any benefits. Your child would after birth, however. With the baby's due date coming so soon and the time it takes to get in the Army and training, I doubt you would have TRICARE for the delivery.

Yes, it is definitely possible to have a strong relationship while on active duty. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. There are challenges just like any other job. That's life.

She would be able to live with you as soon as you finish training and go to your duty station, unless you would be sent to Korea or another non-command sponsored station.

The best place to go would be your local recruiter. It is hard to say if you can get in right now. You said you passed the ASVAB, but with the job market being down and the influx of people enlisting, the Army is being a little selective right now. If you can get in, go for it. It's a job with benefits that cannot be beat right now. It would be a great way to support your little family!

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