Should I Share my War time experience with my wife?

vanhammer

I understand where you're coming from. I am a disabled veteran at 32 years old. It's still hard for me to talk about some of it. My wife is my best friend though so I feel like I can talk to her about anything. I say take it slow and only talk about what you can handle. Don't push yourself. When you're ready you'll know it in your heart. I have alot of nightmares still (PTSD) so my wife is really understanding and I'm sure yours will be too. I wish you the best. I've decided that some things are better left unsaid but like I said before...talk about what you feel the need to talk about and don't push yourself.

concerned citizen

I'd say she only has a right to know what you want to tell her. Its your past and your decision on how you adress it. Its really a question of weather you feel comfortable talking about thoes experiances at all. For if you do, if you tell only one persone, it should be your wife.

Thats just my opinion, and i use "you" in the general sence

Abhay

I believe you should tell her and not hold anything back.
Always helps

Nicole

Hi. My husband just got home from Iraq and i'm not sure of what war you're talking about but regardless, if she asks, you should tell her, but maybe not the same way you would tell another man. My husband wrote in a journal while he was over there and he let me read that and he talks about things with me sometimes, but even though I want to know more, I'm kinda afraid, too. Just use your best judgement, she may even let you know when she can't handle anymore. It's hard for me to take in everything at once, anyways.

BITE ME

Only tell her what you think she can handle.... But better yet, tell her what YOU feel comfortable with telling. Tell her that it is difficult talking about it and to please not take it personally. Let her know that you will tell her bits at a time, but please not to press the Issue.
My DH has been Deployed more than once.....I ask what he saw while gone. I want to know as well as know that I can handle it.

justpatagn

You do not have to talk about it if you don't want to.
If it is effecting you it might help to talk.
Sometimes bad times are just that, bad times and talking doesn't make it any better or make you feel any better about it.

Just another view point.

mindrizzle

I think if she's able to handle some of the more hard core aspects, tell her. Tell her straight up if you don't want to go into the gorey details, but she might be the greatest counselor you could get. It could help her, too, to handle what has happened to you and how you've changed since. Might make you two closer and the relationship stronger, you never know until you do.

rcpatterson

Hi, my name is Rita. I decided to answer your question because when my husband and I got together, he use to have really bad nightmares. You see, he is a Vietnam vet. One day i ask him who was he fighting so hard in his dream.and he, at first , did not want to talk about it but then when he started talking about it he started sleeping better and the nightmares went away. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you want to tell her, You will in your own time and place. And if you don't want to talk about it, you shouldn't. My husband did not want to talk about it ,at first ,because of some of the things they were made to do. But i did not pressure him about it and one day he started talking and then things Begin to get better. My curiosity went away and so did the nightmares. I hope I answered your question or at least helped you with your dilemma. Good luck and God bless you and yours.
Sincerely, Rita

helo pilot cfi

i would have an open talk and see how she reacts to some of the gruesome things that we saw and many did under orders this can works 2 ways have more understanding for you or be grounds for divorce later

MaHaa

First of all, thank you for your service to our country and for keeping us Americans safe and free. Sometimes I think that we as a nation take our very basic rights for granted and I don't feel that it is in our best interest to do so! It is because of you sir that my children sleep in peace and freedom at night, it is because of you that we can pray to the God of our choice, listen to the music we like, read the books that interest us most, .... and we truly appreciate that you are willing to fight for those rights. Thank you.

Everyone deals with a traumatic event differently and while you are the one who was actually engaged in a war, if you were married while you did your tour well then your wife actually went through the traumatic event also. She was scared and uneasy and imagined the worst. This may be her way of attempting to heal or maybe exorcise the images she put into her head.

And I would also be willing to bet good green money that she is also very concerned about you! By trying to engage you in conversation regarding your tour of duty, she is probably wanting to help you to deal with the experience of war. This may not be something that you really want to hear but it is in your best interest to talk with someone about what happened during your experience; and if you find it difficult to talk about it than you can always write or paint or sculpt ... I say this as I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I never really saw any true improvement in my life until I started to share my experience.

No, my experience is not war time related. I always felt that to talk about what happened to me would be only to relive it ... what I didn't know was that not talking about it kept the event locked inside of my head and I actually relived it on a daily basis. Once I found someone that I could trust with all of my heart and soul and started to verbalize my feelings and talk about the situation, it no longer controlled my life and I started to think about it less and less and less. I am NOT saying that you have a similar situation or that you are in need of therapy....I am just trying to give you another possible point of view from where your wife is coming!

Best of Luck to you, God bless you and Thank You again for your service. You are a true American Hero!

cub6265

I think you both would benefit from sharing your experiences. Have you also asked what it has been like for her to be in love with someone who has been at war? Communication is necessary to maintain intimacy and these are serious details of your life. Just do it. And if you feel you need help, then by all means go for counseling as well. Give it a go at home first though.

in vino veritas

I think you should tell her some of the tamer things that happened and go from there. I haven't told anyone about the real hardcore stuff either. No one but soldiers will understand what its like no matter how much they want to or how much they try. Trying to explain it may just muddle what you are trying to convey. You could try to explain it and then go from there. As for her having a right to know, I believe that the right to know what goes on in combat is reserved for those that have taken part in it. Tell her all that you feel comfortable telling her. It may take a while for you to be able to tell her everything, if you ever do, so be patient and work at a pace your comfortable with.

MB Edition

I think you should tell her, because it would give her more insight to who you are and what you have gone through; whether it's good or bad!

Also, it could help her to understand the troubled times that you may have experienced, but do not use it as an excuse to be a butt head; you know what I mean? Sometimes, we get ahead of ourselves and want to use every excuse in the book for just having a bad day or use it as a tool to just do wrong!

Look, if it strengthen your relationship for her to know, what would it hurt? It's obvious that she has true interest in what you went through, so indulge her with what you have seen and what you have encountered. You never know, it just might help!

Have you asked her why she wants to know so badly? Maybe there is something that you have done in the past that makes her wonder what's going on inside of you (is it from the war or is this who u really are?) and you never know, she might want to help or just want you to know that she understands, and will always be there for you no matter what!!!!

Mr.Been there

How do you intend to get her in the foxhole with you? Most women hate to get all dirty and wet; they try not to roll in the mud.

If you try to share the funny parts of your military life, that should be enough to keep her satisfied. We all had some funny things happen to us or around us, no matter how much crap was going on.

clifton_woodruff

Let her go to counseling with you..

dipydoda

I think you should, but maybe in a may formal setting. Counseling is almost a must for our soldiers today, they have made great advancements in understanding stress and PTS in combat situations. Talk to a professional on your own then try to start including your wife in some sessions. Your wife should be your #1 supporter, but it's kind of hard to do if you don't understand what has happened. Talk to her, you may be surprised how much it helps in the end.

ron m

i did with my ex-wife. that was a mistake.

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